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I can't do this continued

by Larissa
(Henderson NC)

Today has been 4 weeks since Greg died. Each day has gotten harder. I still cry all the time. Can't eat, the medicine the doctor gave me doesnt' seem to help a lot the only peace I can find is when I am asleep and have to take meds to sleep. I still can't accept that he can't come home and long so much to see him and hear him again. So many many regrets. So much anger. How could a grown man leave my son laying in the yard passed out for 3 hours when we have heard that when asked by someone else had he ever seen Greg pass out before he said no. If he had only called someone anyone Greg's daddy... 911 my child could have been saved I believe with all my heart and soul. It was not my childs time to die that I can never believe. I miss him so much. Our family and friends have been wonderful. But have all returned to their own lives. The first 10 days our house was full of people. They still call us from time to time, but when I cry and cry and cry I know no one wants to keep hearing it over and over. I returned to work last week and its awful. Everyone is good but all I can think of is Greg and I cry there. I cry at Wal Mart trying to buy groceries when I see foods he used to love to eat. I never dreamed that such pain could exist. Someone please tell me how to get through this. I miss my son...

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I can't do this continued

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Cant do this
by: Karen

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter nearly 4 weeks ago to Leukemia. I like you, feel I dont know how to go without her. I cry everyday every time I look at her picture..and ask..why, why? I feel I have no purpose in life anymore..I have a son left, whom I adore and I know is hurting too...but just dont know how to continue..my children are everything to me..and now I am without my beautiful girl..

It hurts so much, I cant even read what Im writing here, as my tears just wont stop.

There are no answers..just tears!

We just have to try and be strong I guess as our children, would want that I know!!

Karen
Victoria BC

FELT THE SAME
by: JOY

I understand your feeling . I felt and I am still feeling the same. It is the price we pay as mother's and the bond we always have with our children. Take it easy on yourself. One step , one day at a time. We shall pull through. I wish you well by HIS GRACE. AMEN

My wonderful son
by: Karen

I am so sorry to all of us mothers who have lost our precious sons and daughters.

I lost my most wonderful son Sam on February 19 of this year at the young age of 19. The night he died, part of me died along with him. This has been the worst pain I have ever been through. While the uncontrollable grief has largely dissipated, I feel lost and empty inside, like life no longer has purpose and meaning. I try to go into nature as much as possible, as that does bring me solace and comfort.

My sons' loss has resulted in additional loss and pain as well, as a month later, I had to euthanize my dog, and I have had friendships I cared tremendously about slip away as well which has brought additional sadness and is exacerbating my grief.

Mother's day has no meaning for me this year, as all I would like is to hit the rewind button and have my son walk back in the door, but I know that is not going to happen. So where do I go from here? How do I make sense of my life?

Our sons
by: Shirley

I lost my son Dimitri in August to leukemia. I will never be the same person again. With Mother's Day approaching I find myself crying more and more. No one really wants to hear about it. This is why I come here and why I go to Compassionate Friends meetings every month. Without these types of support I think I'd just throw in the towel. There will be peaks and there will be valleys in your grief cycle. All you can do is hold on for the ride and acknowledge it. Mothers are the ones most hurt by the loss of a child. Our grief is the deepest. Hang in there and take one step and one breath at a time.

You are not alone
by: Anonymous

My son Cody Lee Cole passed away from a Diabetic coma on May 21, 2010. It has been a very hard year for me and at times I thought that I would never make it. I still feel that way sometimes. I had to leave church early this last Sunday because I started crying about my son. Some days are worse than others but I think of him everyday and miss his so very much. He was only 27 when he died. He lived with his cousin and they had an argument the day he died. She saw him passed out in a sitting posture bent over at the waist. This was around 8 o'clock She returned home at about midnight and he was still in the same position so she looked closer and saw liquid running from his mouth. She tried to wake him and when she could not she called 911. I was upset with her for not calling at 8. She said that she thought he was doing yoga. She is not right in the head she has delusions and has many problems so I had to get over blaming her because I know she just did not have the mental ability to realize how sick he was. I went to my sons' grave on Saturday and broke down. I want to be with him so bad but I still have a daughter here on this earth so I have to be here for her. I know your pain and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and ask that you do the same for me. Brenda

Your son
by: M Mack

Larissa,

You must try to not beat yourself up over the way Greg died. It will do no good to place blame nor can it bring him back.
It just compounds the anger and frustration and you already have so much to deal with over the loss. I for one have blamed myself for not being there when my soulmate needed me. I ignored his warnings about being sick. He had mentioned this a few times in passing- that I would survive him. It turned out he had an enlarged heart and never was treated for it for years. He must have been feeling weak and had very irregular heart beats. The result was deadly. The thing is he never told me this was going on and I feel guilty for not insisting he see a doctor. Now we both know this is a grown man, like your son. He died alone when I as at work. I cry all the time but I know I can't bring him back nor change anything that happened leading up to his death.

This cross we carry is heavy on our shoulders. We must take the pain, and carry on with our lives. I know it's not an easy task, but you will find a way. Trust me it will get better and he knows how much you love him. There really is no easy way our of our grief. Take your time, let it do it's thing and you will survive it. Keep writing and remember the motto, on breath, one step, one day at a time. Sending you prayers for light and hope.

a mothers love
by: Kay

Larissa
I am hearing your words. I lost my son last May almost 1 year ago. I too felt like you, I could not eat nor go to any supermarkets it would overwhelm me completely. I still cry almost every night. I loved my son Dean so much ,as you did your son Greg. We will go on loving them ....even death cannot break the bond between a mother and her son. You are not alone in your unbearable pain, there are many of us here to support you. It is a hard road we travel,,,,please remember Greg lives on in your heart. It is early early days for you along the road, take your time taking small steps. I send you my love. I hope that you eventually begin to heal..kayxx

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