I can't do this continued

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LIVING WITH GRIEF

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I can't do this continued

by Larissa
(Henderson NC)

It only gets worse and worse. I want my Greg to come home so bad and he can't. They let him lay on the ground and die now on top of this my husband had to have a major emergency surgery last week at Duke. 2 discs in his neck had slipped in the previous 2 to 4 weeks he has spinal cord damage not sure if he will ever be able to walk again. Finally came home on Saturday. He is a hard patient to take care of. Inside all I do is grieve for my son while on the outside try to take care of him. But all my mind screams is why why why why can't I have my baby back he didn't want to die. I feel so much like I am going crazy at times. I dont' understand why all this is happening to us. I've always tried to help people and be a good person they used to say that I'd give you the shirt off my back. I was the strong one who took care of everything and everyone at home work where ever. Now I can't make myself eat.. All I want is my son back. When I can I go to his grave and talk to him. I could spend hours there. Telling him how sorry I am that I didn't tell him how much I loved him while he was here. He was gone so fast. Laid in a friend of ours yard for 3 hours without them calling anyone for help. I worked that day the next time I saw my son he was dead and I still can't admit to myself in my heart or mind that he really can't come home I feel if I do I'll lose my mind forever. This just hurts to bad. The paxil the dr put me on doesn't seem to help anymore I just want my son back.. Oh Greg I love you

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I can't do this continued

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Friends or Family Near You?
by: Dakota Blues

Love - you must be very, very, very gentle with yourself right now. Do you have friends or family that have offered to help you? If so...ACCEPT ALL HELP!! Accept all help for as long as it is offered.

Do you have a church? Know anyone who goes to church? I suggest calling a church. CALL A DOZEN CHURCHES in your neighborhood for help!!! If you will make a call someone will help you.

I never reached out to a church or friends. I sat isolated for 3 years and that didn't work out so well for me. I recently started attending a church and there is good news in the land of the living and then there is bad news in the land of the living because of my fears. With time we start to shake out our fears and learn to cope.

My prayer for you is to reach out for help. There is someone (maybe many!) who would be BLESSED to walk by your side.

Remember to ask yourself....can I just make through today? Yes. I can make through today. I can make it through today. I only have to worry about today. Can I get through today. Yes. I can get through today.

Keep posting. Big Hugs -

endless grief
by: jules

Oh how I feel your pain I to find it hard to do this anymore and at times have felt that it would be so easy to join my beautiful daughter, who passed away in november, but I need to be here I want to see things for her, I want people always to remember her, this is the burden we bare please be gentle with your self, grief is so time consuming and eats at everything we do you have a right to be angry!!! with the world, but children like everything else are borrowed, please talk to your husband if you can if you cant dont feel guilty its just to much to soon your in my prayers as is everyone else who has lost the most precious thing we owned jules

You never walk alone
by: Anonymous

Larissa,

I am so sorry for your loss. It's rough and you have a heavy load to bear, there is no denying that. In one form or another, all who write on this site have suffered the unspeakable. We are your friends. We come along side you and carry one of your heavy suitcases while while we walk and talk. It helps. It took some time before I realized that God was holding me up. He promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us because of His great love. This earth is a battle ground between good and evil and we are caught in the crossfire. Hold on to Jesus, my friend. He will carry you one step at a time. It's not easy. In fact, it is the hardest thing I have ever faced. I lost my Greg to suicide 5 years ago. I know the pain, but I also know the Creator and He gets us through. If you would like to speak further, you can reach me at: impossiblejoy@yahoo.com. Blessings, Gracie

so sorry
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for you loss. My son died in Jan 2011 at a friends house after a night out. He wasn't found until 8 hours later. I will never know for sure what happened and it was eating me up inside. I am trying not to focus on that fact. The fact is - he is gone and it doesnt matter the who why or when in the end. The mental anguish is something we cannot even describe. I have some very bad days as well - especially mothers day weekend. The burning deep inside never goes away. But you have to take care of yourself - I dont know if you are a religious person or not - but if you are then you have to believe that no matter what the circumstances God chooses when not us. God Bless you for what you are going through on top of losing your son. Please know that I will pray for you. The pain of losing a child is something we wouldn't want anyone to endure - please come back to this site for encouragement and prayers.

One thing one day at a time
by:

Larissa,

The Paxil will Not take away grief, It just helps you keep from crying while trying to pick out ketchup. You need to have a talk with your husband. Tell him that you understand he is in pain but you are too. Let him know that you are oh so fragile with grief. If insurance will cover a nurse or family members can help ask for it. There is no shame. Some say if there is anything else I can do but do not mean it so be careful who you ask. But ask for help it is too much for you to take on now. Take care and come here to vent often, it really does help a great deal just knowing that you are not alone...
HH

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