I can't get my life back together

by Tina

I have just lost my best friend of 23yrs to secondary breast cancer and the next day my dad died of a clot that went into his lung. I don't do anything that I use to before all of this, I have no motivation to want to do anything except sit on the couch and watch tv and movies all day. I was active before all this, I use to ride my horses, do exercise and be so happy with my life but now I am always unhappy, crying, feeling depressed and I keep having flashbacks about everything I saw and went through. My life is not the same and I don't know how to start living life again, I feel like I just don't care about anything anymore nothing seems important. My family has also had trouble with my youngest sister over my dads things and he had just been buried so now none of us are talking to her either as she has been causing so much trouble and she even abused my mum. I feel alone at times and I feel like everyone has left me, I want to be happy again but I don't know how to.

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May 06, 2014
I can't get my life back together
by: Doreen UK

Tina I am sorry for your loss of your best friend and also your father. You have described accurately what I went through. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 2yrs. ago YESTERDAY. I nursed him for 3yrs. 39days with cancer.
None of us knows what to expect from grief. One thing most of us feel is a LACK OF MOTIVATION. As if someone has run us down and we can't get up. Don't FORCE YOURSELF TO DO ANYTHING YOU CAN'T DO AT THE MOMENT. You are doing the best thing right now by Honouring how you feel.
After losing my husband I did all the funeral arrangements and THEN. NOTHING. I couldn't do anything but take to the couch and watch TV for 6 months. I only put food in the oven. I lost my MOTIVATION TO DO ANYTHING. I let TV bathe my sorrow. After 6 months I started to be able to do one job a day which became two, and I started feeling more motivation to do something. This can change from day to day. Some days I could nothing and some days do a lot. I PACED MYSELF. I honoured the way I felt. I still have bad days and good days. I do what I want when I need to and if this is nothing I honour this. Just don't push yourself because it may be expected of you.
You may also find that when you are going through grief you may lose some family members or even friends ignore you or just fail to get in touch. You may also feel that more problems creep up making your grief worse. This is territory many of us are familiar with so can tell you that this is NORMAL when grief strikes. Grief makes one feel they will be like this forever. But you won't. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. Don't look too far forward. Healing is such a slow process, but as you heal each day you will get your motivation and strength back and be able to engage in life again. Your sister may be acting out her grief in a different way and may benefit from counselling. Counselling is also a great tool of support. Be patient with yourself and you will soon be able to find your way back into life and engage in all those hobbies and sports you once enjoyed.

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