I can't move on from my past

I was seeing my ex off and on for three years, although for the last two years it was more off than on. But we still spent every day together. With him, I had some of the best days of my life--and the worst. He was emotionally manipulative and our fights were horrible. I wasn't seeing anyone else during this time because I didn't want to lose him. Then, I decided I wanted to take my life off hold and date someone else. At this point, I lost him. That was five years ago.

Even though I was dating someone else, I took the loss very hard. I continued to think about him every day. I still think about him every day and the feelings of loss are like it just happened yesterday. I can't get him out of my head, I can't stop thinking about him, I can't let him go. It's destroying everything around me and I don't know how to move on.

Comments for I can't move on from my past

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Oct 30, 2013
I can't move on from my past
by: Doreen UK

It is possible to move on from our past with skilled support. Best thing you can do for yourself is to see a counsellor who is trained and should be able to help you move beyond this point of pain that is so horrible for you just now.
For your Ex to just see you every day with no firm foundation to the relationship is not healthy for you. So I can understand your need to start taking your life off hold and start dating. Other emotions and feelings are stopping you from moving forward and there is no shame in needing help in this area. The key is FOCUS. Start to see the points in your relationship that caused it to break down, and not be able to continue in relationship the way things were. Accept them. Grieve them. And only then can you move on. We sustain losses all the time of different life experiences and often not easy to break away from and can be very painful. Holding on to the past won't help you move forward. You will never know how happy your future can be till you let go of the past and all the problems this caused you. You also need to explore what went wrong so you don't take these styles of relating into another relationship and cause this to break down. Which is why counselling is good. Wish I had done this sooner rather than in my 40's as I missed out on so much happiness, and then when I felt happier in my life than I had ever been, I lost my husband to cancer 18 months ago. But I am still happy I did the counselling and made the changes. I have healed as a result in many areas and impossible to relate the way I did with damaged emotions. I grieved my losses and this was such a liberating and cathartic experience which breathed new life into all my relationships. I hope that you can get your life back on track and be happy again. Best wishes.

Oct 29, 2013
Me Neither
by: Denise

I'm not sure if this will help, but know that others are 'stuck' just like you, in pain and memories of the past everyday that sweep over us like great waves..

I keep practising forgiveness, for him and especially, for me.. and I keep praying and 'doing the work' of forgiveness.. it's hard.. here's a link to a video from Don Henley that I find helpful, I hope you do too..



Oct 29, 2013
Just do it
by: Anonymous

When you say you can't you are making a choice. You control you and your thinking. You can choose to hang on or let go. If you have a difficult time in taking control of your life and changing things so it won't be in chaos then seek professional guidance.

Don't make it difficult. You hold the key to your feelings . You want change then you must change the voice in your head that keeps telling you you can't. You can do anything you want to . It's not that you can't it's because you don't want to.

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