i carry your heart in my heart daddy

by vicky85
(manchester)

Hii.. My dad died suddenly 16/3/2014

Very traumatic.. Collapsed in front of my mum... Who had to do cpr on him...
I arrived at there house and he was being brought down the path on a stretcher. They was still working on him... He. Had things stuck in his neck ect... And his eyes were open and the worst colour ive ever seen... I knew he was gone ....
We followed to the hospital to be told he had passed away... I went to see him... His eyes were still open... He was 64 fit and healthy still worked.. Best dad. And grandad to my kids.. Married to my mum 45 years....
My heart aches so so much. is there anyone on here from the UK?


Vicky x

Comments for i carry your heart in my heart daddy

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Jun 10, 2014
Sorry for your loss
by: Miryana

Dear Vicky,

I am very sorry for your loss and i know exactly what it feels like because my beloved daddy passed away in February and I think I am devastated. I also know how you feel about your mumu, because my mum is lonely and very sad after the love of her love suddenly passed away. Sometimes I do not know how to help her because I am overwhelmed with my own grief and do not know how to comfort her. My only sibling, my younger brother lives far away and he couldn't even attend daddy's funeral, so he isn't much of a help. I have no one to talk to about my grief and there are no bereavement support groups in my town, so it's really hard.

May 11, 2014
:0(
by: vicky85

I also can't get the image of him out of my mind... Dead with his eyes open. Will never ever leave me.... :0(((

May 11, 2014
:0(
by: vicky85

Thankyou...
I'm just very angry also as he went to the doctors 3 times with chest tightnings....and was told it wasn't his heart...
But coroner said...it was something that is hard to diagnose unless you have something like a heart attack...
So angry and think why not just send him to the hospital to be on the safe side.... Its an absolute wicked feeling.. And its hard talking to people as they just don't get his I'm feeling that's why I have joined this group... Hoping to maybe find some new friends who no how this feels x

May 08, 2014
I carry your heart in my heart daddy
by: Anonymous

Hi I am from Ireland not very far away from you.Yes grief is hard and you miss them so much.Find a friend to talk to it will help or write down your feelings.I lost both my parents and it takes time to come to terms with the loss.The good news is that after a year the loss subsides abit and slowly but surely you get back to a new normal.Talk to your mum it will help you both even if it means you both cry. Be kind to yourself and try and have some time to yourself to relax. Wishing you all the best.Therese



May 07, 2014
Coping with Mum and my own grief.
by: Doreen UK

Hi Vicky, It is not wise to hold your grief in, otherwise it may go too deep and you will then need to see a therapist/counsellor to help bring it all back to the surface and it is more painful. Because one day it will start pressing for resolution, and you may not be able to understand or get to your repressed grief to deal with it. I am talking from experience. Try and go to CRUSE and see a grief counsellor so you have your space to deal with your grief. It does take the edge off of the raw grief pain.
You also may encourage your mum to go also so she has her own space to talk about losing her husband. My sisters husband did not grieve for his mother and father when they died 27yrs ago and 37yrs ago and he is now having to deal with this at the same time he is facing illness. It all comes at once when one faces any crises in life. When you feel like crying. CRY!!. Take yourself off somewhere private and cry. The crying spells will get less over time. You will also have many triggers go off at times and you will cry and feel awful feelings of grief. Best deal with it so it doesn't turn into depression. Something I also know about.
Keep an eye on your mum, but also give her the space to deal with the loss of her husband. I didn't cope for the first 6 months after losing my husband. I DID NOTHING. I nurtured myself back from raw grief by doing many good things for myself each day like pampering oneself. You may pass these tips on to your mother. PAMPERING HERSELF DAILY and TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. These are just two tips in coping with grief. May God comfort you all at this difficult time.

May 07, 2014
:0(
by: vicky85

Hi all....
Thankyou for your lovely comments...its a comfort to no that I am not alone on this journey of sorrow.... But really appreciate your words... I'm 29... Have 2 kids...

My mum is really struggling... Feel I can not let my grief out to much as I don't want her to worry about me... So I just hold it all in..as best I can....

Thankyou again for getting back to me...

Vicky x

May 07, 2014
sympathy
by: Mike from UK

Hi Vicky,
Mike here from UK. Losing someone we love and hold close to our hearts is really hard to come to terms with. I can tell you that there will be stages of grief you will experience. However, the time in between the pain appears to get longer bit by bit as time goes by.

with sympathy
Mike

May 07, 2014
I carry your heart in my heart daddy
by: Doreen UK

Hi Vicky I am from the UK. Middlesex. I am sorry for your loss of your Dad to a sudden death. I am in the same place as your mum. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 2yrs. ago on Monday 5th May to a slow cancer. In the UK we are always hearing about ASBESTOS and how dangerous this is. Well my husband cut asbestos as a young man in his 20's before it was known as a dangerous substance. It takes 40-60yrs. to develop into a full grown cancer tumour in the lining of the lungs and is always inoperable and incurable. My husband died at 65yrs. so he was not able to enjoy his retirement he worked so hard for 47yrs of his working life. I guess your mum must feel the same way. Just when she would be able to enjoy retirement with your Dad he has died so suddenly. It hurts so much when Fathers Day comes around and He is not here for my 3 Adult children to give their Dad a gift and card. The only way to move forward is ONE DAY AT A TIME. The loneliness and emptiness are the worst problems to cope with. It takes such a long time to get used to living without those loved one's we have lost. Write back if you need to and let us know how your mum is doing? Because I know how hard this grief journey is when you lose your husband.

May 06, 2014
Dear Vicky,
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to read about your father. I understand everything you are going through. In January 2014, my father collapsed and died. By the time my mother and I got to the ER, he was hooked up to machines, tubes,etc., but I knew he was already gone. I will never get those images out of my head. He was an active part of my life,and a cherished Grandpa to my children. He and my mother would have celebrated 50 years together. My father and I had a wonderful relationship and I know I was blessed to have him so long. I have gradually come to accept the loss, and I really try to live my life as fully as I can. Now I understand how quickly it all can change. I do hope that you find comfort on this website. Everybody here is so compassionate and understanding. Take one day at a time, and be kind to yourself. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that you can find some peace as you begin to heal. Barb

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