I couldn't believe it...my father is dead.
I just lost my dad last week. I found out through Facebook unbelievably...I guess they couldn't find our numbers because his address book was hard to find. We lost contact with him a couple years ago even though we made multiple upon multiple attempts to contact him. My mom had brought up some major issues that had happened in the past and seemed to have the most negative effect on him. He totally had cut us out of his life. We had done nothing wrong so I didn't understand. We told him that we didn't care about the past...we just wanted a relationship with him. My greatest fear was that he would die and my sisters and I wouldn't know...that's exactly what happened.
They found his body in his apartment after 2-3days of being dead. He died of the blockage and hardening of his Arteries...he was only 58years old. His body was so badly decomposed that we weren't even able to embalm him or see him one last time. We decided to have him cremated which I wasn't for in the beginning..but the thought of not embalming him would feel like a disrespect to his body.
I've been having good and bad days..ups and downs. Another hard part about this is that he has so much stuff in his apartment and we have to go through it all. It seems as though I'm learning more about my dad after death than when he was living. I never understood my father but wanted to. What I wanted most was resolution and for him to know that we loved him. I don't feel like I will ever get the type of resolution I was looking for but I have to make peace with it. I have to accept all these facts and use it to grow and mature as a person. I've learned so much through this horrific experience. I refuse to allow it to damage me...it has brought me closer to my family and friends and I am thankful for that. I know this road without my father is going to be hard but I will try and let go of the "what ifs and the could of beens".