I couldn't do it..........

by Pat
(Fl)

Well, my new job lasted 4 days. The people were rude & I found myself wanting to just tell them all where to get off. I just can't get back into the living world,it's 7months since my son died by his own choice. I hate music to many memories,I hate being around strangers who have no clue what's happening in world,I guess I just plain hate life right now.I'm not interested in everyday functions, I went to counseling just didn't seem to help.Wonder if life will ever return to some kind of normal or is this it ? I don't know how to be happy or smile anymore.

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Jun 06, 2011
I just learned about....
by: Dakota Blues

In the past couple of weeks I learned about 2 support groups for the bereaved that I am "excited" about. Excited being...if I want to rejoin the land of the living...I have to find hope that God is faithful and His promises are for me. He still has a plan for my life and I have a family that needs me to "live!"

Google "Grief Share" and "Stephen Ministry" in your area. Both are held in churches but you do not have to be a member of that church to access these services. They are offered to the community.

I went to Grief Share a week ago. It's a 13 week course and had already started but each session stands alone. OhMyGosh...the workbook was written FOR ME! Of course, all of us. It knows how we feel. Zig Ziglar founded Grief Share when his daughter passed away. I like to highlight books when I read them and I would have to darn near highlight all of this workbook. :-)

Stephen Ministry - I am on a waiting list. They call themselves the..."After People." After the phone quits ringing...or friends quit coming by...or when your family thinks you should be "over your grief." A Stephen Minister "walks by our side" to listen and encourage...and pray for our healing. A Stephen Minister walks with us for as long as it takes, too. Wow!

From what I have learned from moms who have walked before me is that they learn to manage their pain, they trust God for their future, they are women of Faith, and they put one foot in front of the other and reach out to others. They keep their child "alive" by helping others. Some tell me that their child "lives in them" in their ministry of helping others - I'm not there yet. I still feel my daughters death severed our relationship. Baby Steps....

I am starting to get glimpses "of heaven" that God is going to bring me through this. If I will trust Him (and have faith of a mustard seed) He will comfort me and give me the strength. I am starting to realize that there is no way.."I" can do this alone.

I need God back in my life. Satan stole my daughter. No one messes with my kids. I need to live so I can fight back. Just for today I will have a plan...I may not follow it exactly...but I will have it. My plan is to take back what Satan has stolen...to fight evil with good.

Big Hugs to you All! ~

Jun 02, 2011
I Struggle Everyday
by: Deb

I lost my beautiful daughter to suicide in September 2007. She just turned 37, and had three beautiful children. She had marital problems, and got on prescription drugs. Her ex-husband pushed her until she committed suicide. I was very close to her oldest daughter who was 14 at the time. When her mother died she stopped coming over or calling. If we called she wouldn't answer her phone. I found my daughter hanging in the cemetery. I still see that everyday. I have been seeing a doctor, and I take medication daily. Nothing has helped the pain I feel. My granddaughter decided when she was 18 she would move in with us. That was the only happiness I had in three years. I got busy making a room for her, buying her a car, getting her in college, and buying whatever she wanted. She moved out 2 days ago because we couldn't get along. The problem was she never wanted to be here. The love she once had for me wasn't there anymore. I don't feel like I can go on living. I lost them both the same night. The only reason I'm still alive is because I have a wonderful son, and I don't want anymore pain for him. I'm struggling everyday. Can anyone help me?

May 10, 2011
Suicide Sucks!
by: Dakota Blues

My daughter took her life 3 years ago. I didn't listen to music for a very long time. Well over a year. Suicide is really a tough road to journey through.

7 months is fresh grief. Be extra gentle with yourself and look for healthy outlets to mourn your son. Easier said than done, I know.

The world doesn't have a clue and yet we live in a hurting world. Most of us are a family in crisis or will be.

After my daughters suicide I learned 2 co-workers had lost brothers to suicide. They kept that to themselves for the 8 years that I worked with them. I was shocked as we were fairly close friends.

I am so sorry for your grieving heart. Hugs~

May 08, 2011
Only you know what you need...
by: Anonymous

Pat,

In the beggining of grief I had very little patience. I barked at anyone who crossed my path and had to keep a muzzle on myself when my son aggravated me. I did not think I had the strength to do anything except survive. It has been a year and a half come June 6th. I wish that we all had a time limit on grief. Just to know how long we had to survive before some type of normal came our way.

Last night I went out. A rare thing to be sure too many memories at the house yesterday. I asked the person how long it was before they could be themselves after the death of their loved one. They said after 18 years they still miss them.

Please be good to yourself. We are so fragile now. Some people ignore that fact and some take advantage of it. It is hard to be strong when our world as we know it was destroyed. We will build a life for ourselves, We will find some peace within and happiness someday. But in our own time one breath one step at a time...

May 06, 2011
I couldn't do it
by: AnonymousMari

I am so sorry Pat. But let me tell you that when people are rude at the onset you are better out of there. Rudeness is the last thing you need.It is nothing you did. There are work places like that. You just aren't ready to take that crap. I wouldn't be either.
Just take a little time and look again and have faith that you will find a nice place with nice people.You need kindness right now.
Also remember that we care for you and God cares too.
I love my job or I would have been out of there fast. You are still grieving too and it takes time to get through.
Listen Pat. Just consider it an unfortunate experience and be thankful you are out of there. There is something for you and when the time is right go for it.Every day ask God to show you where it is He wants you. Take care of yourself and keep posting. There are a lot of nice people on this board to listen and care.

May 06, 2011
my humble opinion..
by: kathleen

i can certainly understand why you quit your job. don't blame yourself. i experienced great losses, which now i understand. i moved to a different area which i thought would be great with "family" i guess i was too vulnerable and tried to please who ever. i actually, quit 3 jobs, because of unethical, unprofessional and rude behaviour. i at least kept my beliefs and ethics..no support from family or anyone. just insults and being portrayed as a bum..hey, i worked for 28yrs. in my own home and was basically respected and liked by all. i now think i didn't work out my losses or grief well enough. that, is another thing i don't want to blame myself. i am seeing a psychiatrist too. perhaps, i'm not honest enough, but feel he won't understand the area i lived.he just thinks family is great. i say take care of yourself and realize you are the most important.don't ever lose your beliefs. best to you. i can empathize.

May 06, 2011
I Couldn't Do It.....
by: Brenda Richison

July 8,2004 my son was only 26 yrs. old,seperated at the time-but planning on getting back together-with 2 beautiful little daughters who he adored. I got a phone call a little after 4 a.m. It was my Mom. She said my son, Chuck, had shot himself. About the time I threw on some clothes and ran out the door, my sister drove up and told me he was dead. I flipped out, and until a yr. ago I went through every emotion known to man.To this day, I still see a psychiatrist every 2 wks. I found this website, which saved my sanity and now I try to help people like they helped me and still do help me.All I can say is go back to therapy. It took a good 6 mths. or more to sink into my clouded head. I take medication faithfully. I went back to drugs when he died and I've been clean 3 mths. now. I was institutionalized after cutting my wrists at his grave. I want to live now, not die. No one can tell you how long it'll take to be better, but I'll tell you- you'll never heal the ache in your heart. I see his smiling face everyday and think the way he'd think. I have the memories resting in my mind. They'll always be there for me. So, all I can say is take one day at a time, pace yourself,because no one is the same. Everyone heals differently and right now you're probably saying I'm crazy. But I'm not. I'm like you- a Mother just trying to get along one day at a time. I think I'm more of a survivor...

May 06, 2011
australia
by: kay

Pat
I am thinking of you.....when we lose a loved one..our lives change forever.I havent been able to return to work yet.I lost my son last year..My heart aches for him everyday.Music is difficult to bear at times.Some people have no idea what we are going through.We are so sensitive and fragile ,I feel sometimes I will just crack up and go crazy.It is like an all consuming pain.I send you all my love and healing and hope that we can one day heal a tiny bit to be able to go on with life .A new life we never wanted,a new normal,that we are trying to cope with.I am also lost and broken.Your are in my thoughts ...love xxx

May 06, 2011
take your time
by: CH

Pat,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Seven months is not a long time when you take into account the years you had with your son.
Be kind to yourself. At this point in your life you don't need to add more stress on yourself by staying in a job you don't like and being with negative people.
You said counseling did not work for you. Have you tried reaching out to special groups like the Samaritans? They have 24 hour confidential hotlines for survivors of suicide to offer grief support.
A friend of mine found them to be her middle of the night lifeline after she lost her husband to suicide.
None of us will return to our old normal, but we will find a "new" normal with the right help and support.
Don't beat yourself up over not staying at the job,you have more important things to work on right now and that job is YOU!
Hugs and blessings to you.
CH

May 06, 2011
They Have No Clue
by: TrishJ

Pat~
Four days huh? This is the very reason I'm hesitant to even look for a job. My husband passed away on December 3, 2010. I have nightmares about some of the people I worked with at my old job. Joe was very ill for 2 years with the last 8 months being total hell on earth. Everyone but one lady, Sandy, was very cruel about me taking time off, receiving phone calls from doctors ~ doctors call on their schedule ~ not ours. I never took time off unless it was paid vacation or personal time but it often occured at the last moment due to emergencies. They were inconvenienced (not really ~ I was the only one that did my work ~ I had to work twice as hard for a week or so to catch it all up ~ but they were inconvenienced. They made my life so miserable I left there in tears last July to go home to take care of my sick husband. I don't regret doing that at all. I got to spend the last 5 months caring for him as I needed to.
They all felt the need to come to my husband's wake, send flowers and even give me monetary gifts. I think they all had felt a bit guilty. It was hard for me to graciously accept their kind condolences.

People can be so cruel and rude. My problem is I expect people to treat me in the same courteous and respectful way I treat them ~......do unto others. They teach us that when we are small children. I guess some folks just weren't paying attention. You aren't ready to go out and deal with rude people. Everything we are going through right now seems twice as intense due to our raw emotions.

Give yourself some more time to be able to deal with people who are clueless. Unless they have walked in our shoes they have no idea what we go through. Hugs and blessings to you.

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