I couldnt hold it anymore.

IT has been six months since my dad passed away on july 2012 suddenly because of heart attack,after his death i thought i was doing fine until recently, it was as if my emotions has overflowed and suddenly everything seem to have gushed out .For Past few weeks my mind has been thinking about him almost all the time, my tears has been falling almost every night. missing him so dearly , having so much to say to him and i am feeling so guilty all at the same time. Every time i thought about heart would ache so badly.

It was then i realize i wasn't ok, as what i have told everyone around me ,i am tired putting on that smiling face really tired.

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Feb 20, 2013
Sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

I also lost my father suddenly in July 2012. It was so shocking at
first and I went on with life as usual, it felt like a bad dream. Like
yourself, 7 months have gone and it sinks in deeper with each
passing day that one of the most important people is gone from
my life and they are not coming back. It is very hard to accept and
move on. I miss him every holiday, birthday, family get togethers, the cabin, songs that remind me of him. It's like a piece of myself died with him. It's hard to have fun, I always feel guilty like I'm
alive and he can't enjoy his life any longer. The only comfort is
he was a great man, father, did a lot for many in his life. I only wish
we would have had him longer. He will miss out on so much and we
will miss him.

Feb 07, 2013
neither can I
by: Anonymous

my dad passed away may 5th, 2012, just 15 days after my grandma (his mom) had passed away from cancer. He had a stroke and need surgery to stop the bleeding and to remove a piece of skull to help the swelling from the brain. His surgery went well but due to all the damage in his body from alcohol he ended up on life support. On the 5th day of him being in the hospital I was ask to make a decision of wither keeping him on machines for remainder of life or just letting him go. I was his only child and even though I wasnt ready to not have him, I let him go. My parents seperated when I was 4 and I lived with my mom up until I was 14, then she just let me go with my dad. My grandma and him were the 2 most important people in my life, I didnt even get the chance to deal with my grandma being gone before I had to make the hardest decision of my life. My son and I are all my dad cared about even when his drinking was out of control he worried about us. As stressful as it was to have to deal with his drinking he never let a day go by without telling me he loved me. All the things I went through with him made me strong and he would always tell me to not worry about little things, february 11th would have been his 54th bday and this week every possible thing that goes wrong makes me tear up... its almost like im weaker now without him and I dont know how to make it stop. Ive never cried so much about dumb stuff as I have now and I know if he would b here he would have yelled at me for doing it but I just cant ignore it anymore either. My son is the only thing keeping me going but today he cried and said he missed his tata. Everyone said it would get easier with time but all my emotions are worse no then in the beginning.

Jan 27, 2013
by: Dkay

I totally understand how you feel. I lost my Dad in October and although I can go through day to day fine, I feel like I have gone in a circle of moving forward then going back to how I felt a few days after he died. I find myself just walking into a store and all of a sudden, my mind thinks..."Dad is gone forever..."..just out of the blue. I do and see things I want to share with him and forget for just a moment he isn't here to do that....someone at my Dad's viewing told me to remember to grieve because she didn't really do that and months later things seemed to rush over her...I wonder if that happens to many people.....

Jan 24, 2013
I couldn't hold it anymore
by: silver

What happened to you is common after the shock begins to wear off.My father died Dec 09,my mother couldn't resolve it(they were both in their 80's)and died June 10. My husband followed May 11.I was still reeling from my mom and dad passing when my husband died.Family and friends kept me going for the first yr then they began to quit calling for the most part. I guess they thought that I was past the hard part. On my birthday,2012 I suddenly realized they weren't coming back.I cried every day so hard most of each day.I,literally,made my self sick.I have asthma and ended up in the hospital E.R. with bronchitis.Please try not to copy me.This doesn't say don't cry,just try to take care of yourself.There are wonderful people on this site and the poetry selection is so helpful because it shows we are not alone and others feel as we do.
GOD love you and send you strength for the days to follow.I send you love and hugs.I will keep you in my prayers.

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