I didnt see this coming.. Christine...
Now that my anger has subsided a little.
I look back to February 2012, and thinking, it must have been GOD's will that I visit you at the worst time of the year! Cleveland in February.. NO WAY It is way too cold! Yet, I didn't even think twice booking that ticket to celebrate your birthday. I knew you were having a tough time, newly divorced, both kids in college. I wanted to make you happy. I am eternally grateful to GOD, still mad, but grateful.
When I visited you on Feb 28, 2012 for your 48th birthday, I didn't know I would be back 3 weeks later for your funeral.
A sunny Saturday afternoon, home from the gym, getting ready to take a shower, the phone rings.. let it go to voice mail.. no wait, who is it? ok answer, it is your newphew/GODson Adam... SHOCKER he never calls I think, I hope he is not in trouble.
"KK?" Hi honey how are you? my normal response...
"KK? can you sit down? He sounds so grown up, dare I say manly? My mind starts to spin, "Adam? whats going on?" KK, its my mom.. his voice quivering.
KK, she's dead...
I could hear a pin drop.. Everything just stopped. I sat down,& said, Adam, what hospital is she at? I will find out what is going on..she is maybe sick.
No he says,The paramedics just confirmed it to me. As she is still here, in the house. The coroner is on his way.. KK what do I do, now?
Where is your brother, Sean?
He is here with me, he found her.
Jesus, I am on my way. I have to get a flight out of Atlanta, but I WILL be there today. I will call your uncle, he will be there soon. Adam, I love you. I will see you soon.
I hang up the phone and stand in my room, staring, as my daughter walks in. Mom? Whats wrong? Cocia (polish for auntie).. Its cocia.. pack a suit case.
I speed dial my brothers, begging for Brian to get there asap. The boys are 19 & 21, they need help. I call my parents both 72 years old...
Mom? Not sure how I am speaking so calm,
Hi Honey how are you?
Mom? Where is Dad?
Taking a Nap, whats up?
Mom? Please go wake him... (this is unheard of in our family.. you do not wake Dad)
What's going on? Awww jeezz is something wrong? Rich? Rich? Rich? wake up? Kendra is on the phone...
His first startled response is..huh, what? whats wrong? My mother passes him the phone. I tell him to have my mom get on the other phone as I need to speak to them together... gently..
My dad repeats, Whats wrong?
Dad? Its Christine...
She's... gone..What do you mean? I respond with she passed away..About an hour ago..
Why I chose those words is beyond me...Maybe the word "dead" sounds so harsh and how do I tell parents that their child is "dead"?. immediately my mothers is sobbing, my dad is trying to ask the million dollar question.. what happened to my chrissy? where is my chrissy.. what do we do? I am at a place I have never been.. Calm.. Listening to my elderly parents, call their oldest daughter, the childhood name they have not said in 40 years..
Dad, I calmly say, you need to fly up to Cleveland. NOT drive, fly. Mom? I will see you so very soon.. I love you both so much. I am on my way. Bob and Brian are on their way...
Stealth mode... suitcases, rush packing, daughter calling my boss. Yelling at the airlines.. Paid 1015 for one way ticket leaves in 4 hours. Be at the airport in 2.
Hurry Amanda, I say to my daughter.. She is 16 and has never had anyone die... Everything just seems to be going so fast... Then I realize, my 15 year old son is on Spring Break in Panama City.. His first trip with out me, not even gone 36 hours. Ok, I will figure that out at the airport. Message ex husband.. we are out the door. The next few days are a blur, all these people everywhere. I just want them to leave me alone, it's not a party for Pete's sake.. The one person, I was to end up living with when we are in out 60's. Now I am cleaning up her personal items, i don't want help, please don't touch her stuff. They don't know you, like I do.
I am sad, broken.... Christine.. YOU were the good one. The one who kept everyone on their toes.. I didn't see this coming. Was I not listening? Did I miss a sign? I am soo sorry, I should have asked. My guilt is consuming, I think I could have changed this.. I miss you more than I can put into words.
I love you Sister... you are truly the better one...