I died with them

by Lindsey Pierce
(Adrian, MI, 49221)

My Grandparents raised me from the time I was a baby until they died this year 2012 I am 28.. I always felt an abundance of love from them at times I felt like they were the only ones that did in fact love me. My grandma went first due to lung illness and my grandpa died exactly 10 months after her from a broken heart they were together 51 years. It kills me that there gone knowing I can never see them again or even make a phone call I dont know how to cope with this let alone deal with feelings that come up in my day to day life. I am so hurt that they had to leave they were the only people who could help me, talk to me they were my friends, parents, and my world. I can honestly say I have not been the same since they died I am angry and I take it out on the other people I love around me, which is'nt fair to them. I guess I always knew this day would come I could never prepare myself for it, I enjoyed all the time I had with them. I miss them so much and I hope one day I can push through this depression and be happy because thats what they would want from me.

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Feb 19, 2013
We share the same story
by: Holly

Hi Lindsey,

I have just experienced what you have. My nanna died of a lung condition 2 weeks ago and my grandad died of a broken heart yesterday. I am so devastated. My nanna had pulmonary fibrosis and although we knew she was ill, it was a complete shock and I was unable to say goodbye as we were unaware that her condition had deteriorated. When she had died my grandad came to live with us for awhile as we didnt want him to be lonely. he was involved on all the funeral arrangements and the registration of my nannas death. He was extremely upset by losing her. He went home after a night at ours and I went round to cheer him up and take him for a lunch but when I got there i thought he looked quite unwell. he said he was fine but I called the ambulance. We were taken to a and e then the trauma centre and then transferred to a specialist heart unit 40 minutes away. He received immediate treatment but unfortunately they couldn't operate as his heart condition was quite advanced. We had 5 lovely days at his bedside, talking and looking after him. We even persuaded the staff to let his og come and stay. they did tell us he was more than likely going to die but they were still hopeful he may turn a corner. He unfortunately died of the heart muscle splitting and ultimately he died of a broken heart. Our family are all so traumatised and like you I was exceedingly close to my grandparents as they brought me up when i was little. I just hope you find comfort that our stories are very similar. I just pray we can get through this and make them all proud. They are now together, i take peace in that. Love Holly

Jan 01, 2013
I feel it too
by: Anonymous

Dear Lindsey
I feel your pain as I have lost both my parents in the past 7 months. My 22 yr old son is taking it very badly as he was practically raised by them. He has now resorted to drinking and becoming aggressive and destructive due to our loss. I have just experienced another one of his outbursts tonight, this is a serious cry for help. I have to seriously consider getting him into counselling as soon as possible as its obvious he is not coping. Please do seek help as grief is a very painful experience that we sometimes cannot deal with on our own. All the best to you.

Dec 21, 2012
Let them still live through you
by: Anonymous

Don't die with them. Put all the love they give you in your heart and let it warm you, remember all the wonderful time spent with them and talk about them to anyone who will listen...like me. I have just lost both my parents who I cherished in just over twelve mths. I have to be the person they would want me to be, because it will make their life here on earth and all the effort of their relatonship and love for me worth while.You have to do the same if you don't what was all their effort and love for you about...to make you strong, bre the person they know you can be...let them shine and still live through you. God Bless and please try for their sake.

Dec 20, 2012
I died with them
by: Doreen U.K.

Lindsey I am sorry for your loss of your most precious grandparents. You have lost a very precious part of your life. You have lost your nurturers. Of course it is human to want our loved ones to live long so we have them for as long as possible. It is normal for you to feel the way you do. You have lost everything. Even I worried about the day I would lose people from my life and then I dismissed it. If I thought too hard about this area of Death I would have been robbed of the joy of living each day with my loved ones. You cannot hold yourself responsible for not having prepared for this time. None of us can. We are meant to concentrate on Life and each day. If you are angry and taking it out on others it is because you are not coping. This is misplaced anger. The best thing you could do is to go and see a grief counsellor. You will be amazed at how quickly you will, with skilled support move from the point you are at and be in a happier place. You may be stuck in grief and can't move from the point you are at. You won't always feel this way. I went into counselling years ago and I can tell you that it does work and you will soon grieve in a different way. You certainly will move from the point you are at now where you feel so hurt and alone you feel as if you can't go on in life without your grandparents. You will see how quickly you feel restored and able to move on in life. You may even attract people towards you that will be supportive to you and enhance your world and make it a happier place to be. DON'T GIVE UP.! You are not facing anything others have not faced and tried to change for the better. May you be comforted in your sorrow, grief, and loss, and find your place again in life that will be happier for you.

Dec 19, 2012
I'm sorry, Lindsey
by: Elle

Dear Lindsey,

My heart breaks for you over the devastating loss of your dear grandparents.

For me, many times during this past year I have felt like I was going insane. The smallest task or obstacle seemed monumental and insurmountable. My emotions have been frayed and barely controllable. I am anxious and exhausted and feel as if I've been run over by a truck.

I became so worried that I joined a grief group and saw a grief counselor. Both helped me to realize that my feelings are entirely normal, and so are yours.

Always, you will have your grandparents' love. Nothing can ever take that away.

Grief takes much energy and lots of time, but hold onto the hope that gradually, in your own time and way, you will begin to work through your grief and feel better, even though now you feel entirely beat up, raw, and wounded.

Much love to you, Lindsey.

Elle

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