I don't have a title
I lost my brother to suicide on Sept 20 2010 and it almost seven months since he left us. To be honest I can't let it be real. I have to believe he working all the time just like the way he always has been working or coaching his team. Yes I do have my good days and bad days but when I have bad days I don't let it out or show it. I have to pretend all the time. I don't like talking about it. I do have lot of mix feelings and yes I do get so overwhelmed millions of time a day. How do I get by each second, minutes, hours, days or what ever else? It not easy not for me it isn't. I do put on a face to keep things as calm as I can for my family. Tonight is Wednesday night dinner for the boys. It my brother's three boys. We are kind of celebrating the two older ones birthday tonight since it the weekend they will turn 17 and 13 years old and we don't see them on the weekend hardly. It really hard because my brother is not here to celebrate their birthday for the first time in their life. It so bitter feeling and I wish I could bring them some wishes to have their dad here to celebrate and watch them grow up. But I can't do that for them but be there for them. I don't always know what to say or how to be there for them the way they need me to be. Yes it is extremely hard to watch them because they have so much of my brother in each one of them. I love the boys so much and it hard. I miss my brother and not one day that goes by I don't ever think about him or searching for him somewhere when I go out places. I just wish I could see him one more time or spend more time with him. Not just once for ever.