I don't know if I can go on.

My husband of 41 years had been sick with cancer for 3 months and just kept getting worse day by day. When he finally passed in March it was a relief from watching him get worse and being in pain. Still I felt like everything changed when I couldn't be with him anymore. I didn't know what to do with myself. The kids went back to their lives and I feel like mine is over. All the dreams of retirement and plans for our future ended and now what do I do? I feel lost and afraid of a future without him and am struggling to pay the medical bills and mortgage and just can't seem to get past the grief. I start crying at the strangest times, especially when people ask "How are you?" Sometimes I feel like it was all a bad dream and we didn't have time to say goodbye as he was so sick and in pain most of the time. Today I have tried to figure out the income taxes, as this was his job, and I don't know what to do. I am so tired most of the time and don't want to do anything that I used to enjoy. Will I ever feel joy again?

Comments for I don't know if I can go on.

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Mar 20, 2011
You can do it
by: Mari

I am so sorry for your loss. I know you are hurting right now. You are going through the grieving process. It varies with everyone. Ask God to help you get through each day. Every morning just ask and keep going. God will never leave you. I hope you have family and friends for comfort. On this board everyone cares and we are here for you.

The finances are always an issue esp when our husbands took care of them. And there is often loss of income which makes the grief worse. As for the taxes I just gathered them up and took them to the same place I found last year. They were complicated last year and I forked over $5000 in taxes and this year may be better because I paid and paid stuff last year.

I have often felt I could not go on. It is harder at night when I am alone. I pray a lot. The days are somewhat easier now as I got a part time job plus my work here. I stay busy. I still cry. I miss that man.

I will tell you the same thing one of the sisters at church always tells me,''Your husband is in heaven helping God with your heavenly home to get it the way you like it.'' She knows I will laugh and say,''Well, My husband won't be bossing God around like he did everyone else.''He was use to being a boss.

But I can say in all honesty,''You can do it. Just take each day as it comes and it is alright to cry, and yes, it takes time. You are stronger then you think. God bless you, Keep posting.

Mar 19, 2011
I Hear You Loud and Clear
by: Anonymous

Just when I feel like I'm having a good day something reminds me that my husband should be here by my side to watch our three little grandsons grow up. Last week was a birthday party and grandpa wasn't there.

The loneliness is so hard. My husband suffered greatly the last 6 months of his life. It's ok to feel relieved when their pain is finally over ~ but then our pain begins. I know he is at peace but I've never been so miserable in my life. I've lost family members before but the loss of my husband has shaken me to my core.
I don't know how to live without him. I'm having to do everything by myself. It's so frightening. I pray daily for all of us.

Today I passed a funeral home on my way home from my daughter's house. There were 22 American flags (one for every year of this young man's life), a military color guard and I actually saw the governor of our state walking into the home. I realized that a young man from the town next to ours lost his life in Afghanistan last week. I cried the rest of the way home. I cried for his family and myself. Then I feel guilty and selfish for feeling so sorry for myself when this young man's family is facing total devastation. Death is so final. It's so over. I will miss and love my husband for the rest of my life but I know I have to go on. My children and my tiny little grandsons need me.

I just have to take it one day at a time ~ we all do. Think about today only. Don't think about what might happen tomorrow.
God's blessings to you.

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