I don't know what happened

After 3.5 years, he woke up, went downstairs for a while, came back up and said he wasn't happy. And he left. It's as if a switch went off and he was done. What did I do or not do? After his DUI, job loss, readjusting our lives - I thought we were ok.
The AA, the loss of friends - I was always there. He said it was my kids - who he hardly ever saw. He said I gained weight but he changed physically as well. I never, ever thought this would end.
I just want to know what I did wrong.

Comments for I don't know what happened

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Aug 06, 2012
What you did wrong? He's got you trained!
by: Marilyn

Why on earth would you ask what YOU did wrong? If you asked him, I'm sure the list would be endless and he could make you a new list, for you every time he could not cope with something. This is what alcoholics do best: Blame everyone else for their problems and shortcomings. Unfortunately, you're too eager to be his doormat and blame yourself now, so he doesn't even have to take responsibility for that. You've got it covered.
Don't worry! If he sees you are keeping yourself together and he is falling on his face, he and his shallow ego will be back. Again and again, to tear you down more (until you put an end to it).
You are just what an alcoholic needs; Someone to blame it on and someone who believes their BS.
Please get yourself some help. I would recommend Al-anon. They will be a great support system for you, to help get your self-esteem back on track and help you understand why you would gravitate toward this type of person and take on the guilt of being responsible for their irresponsibilty.
You may find that you are no longer interested.
It feels good to be able to make the choice, especially when you can clearly see what you are giving up (or passing on).
It's sad what a desperate heart will settle for. I hope you get the help you deserve and become all you can be, for YOU & YOUR CHILDREN.

Aug 05, 2012
I don't know what happened!
by: Doreen U.K.

As Judith in California posted here also SPOT ON JUDITH. What an excellent reply. You said it all so well.
What a pathetic man. Just as well you found out now and not many years down the line. The issues he raised is about HIM and not YOU. I echo what Judith said.
This man is having a laugh. What does he expect. He knew what relationship he was in. He must be so very immature or he has found someone else. What a cruel way to behave towards you. You deserve better. If he comes to his senses (which I doubt) don't take him back. Change the locks on your door. Keep yourself safe. This man didn't have any values or sense of committment. You must be in a state of shock.
After the tears you will move on when you sit down and think to yourself. "I DESERVE BETTER." don't settle for less.
Move on with your life and see yourself as a WINNER.

Aug 05, 2012
Here's what happened
by: Judith in California

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! this is about him , not you. HE is a narcissist and nothing you could have done to change it even if you were slimmer or had no kids. He is the type that no matter what you did it would never be enough. IF it wasn't this it would be that. I have come to the conclusion that most men are emotional wrecks. They have way too much sex thrown at them be it on tv, the movies or the internet and mostly the no self respect girls and women who walk around half naked today in too tight clothes and those redicolous 6 inch high heels. They all look like hookers. And most men want all that but even if they had it they would grow tired of them too. His type could get fat and toothess and till fell they were "the man". They are blind to their own short comings. OH well I could go on but this is about you and your sadness over this immature boy of a man. Please allow your self to keep looking upward to God and he will see you through this. Keep your self respect and never allow anyone like that around you or your children ever again. What a lame excuse for a man.

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