I don't know what to do now
My Grannie died three weeks ago, the funeral was last week.My Grannie and me were very close, I saw her every week and spoke to her most days and she has always been there for me and helped me through some difficult times. I realise now that she's gone that I relied on her a lot. She had terminal cancer but she kept it a secret from the family, we didn't find out until the day she died. I was there when she died and it was quite traumatic for everyone, it wasn't pretty and the doctor hadn't warned us. At first I felt angry that Grannie kept her illness to herself and that we didn't have more time with her. I think I was in shock and went straight back to work. My boss was very good and let me have the day gran died and the funeral off work paid. I thought that being strong and getting on with things was the best thing to do but now I think I went to work to avoid my family who have been behaving badly due to my Grannie not leaving a will. Also I didn't want to go to grannies house, I don't know why. I've been spending time with grandad, I am worried about him he is in shock and my gran used to manage their household, he seems overwhelmed. My mum has manic depression and is drinking a lot, she was abusive after drinking to me and my sister at grans funeral. My little sister found out she's pregnant the day gran died and she doesn't know what she's going to do yet, I am trying to be there for her. So I am really worried about grandad, mum and sister and I need my Grannie but she is not here and I am so sad and hurt. I want to be strong for my family but I work full time with a long commute, I can't afford time off and I am really really tired. I feel overwhelmed, this morning I didn't go to work because I just needed some peace, now I'm worried that my boss will be angry as they have been good to me. I don't know what to do now, I want to help my family but I don't feel that I have enough emotional energy at the moment.