I don't know what to do with myself just yet...
by Michelle Michalak
(Ferndale, MI USA)
I lost my Grandmother two weeks ago. I was with her three months prior to her passing, helping my aunt take care of her. She was 87 years old and her little body just couldn't live on anymore. During this time her mind was strong and could remember everything.
Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I write this. I don't think that I have ever cried this hard in my entire life. She was my last grandparent left and I was holding onto her for as long I could. One of the hardest things I've found is going back to work and being social. Some days have been good, others like today have not been good. I have this feeling that people think you should be able to bounce back to normal just because it wasn't a tragic, sudden death. People ask me her age and when I say 87 it's like this "well, she was old" look on their face. Like it's supposed to somehow make it easier. Overall I have a great support system of amazing friends and family. They have truly been wonderful.
My Grandma was with me for 33 years of my life here on this planet. We were very close and I just don't know what to do with myself right now. I'm making sure I eat well, get rest, exercise, stay social when I can, but this hurt that I feel right now is so very strong. All I really want to do is just sleep. Do I immerse myself into work, or take a step back and stay idle for the moment until I feel better? I just don't have the answer yet.
I do know that I am so thankful for the moments that the two of us had together before her passing. It may have been the best time we had ever had together because we were so in the moment and enjoyed every second. For that I am eternally grateful.
Thank you to whoever is out there reading this and thank you for this website. I already feel a little better getting this out instead of just on paper.
Much Love to all who have lost special people in their lives. <3