I don't know what to do with myself

by shadowrequiem
(Manchester, UK)

At 6:05am today my grandad passed away after a long, cruel battle with lung cancer. Despite the fact that I had known his death was imminent, I am still in shock.. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't understand how such a happy, caring, selfless, sweet, gentle man could be made to suffer so cruelly. He hadn't been in great health throughout his life, surviving two heart attacks in his twenties. So I guess he did well to survive to 74 years old, though I feel like he should've lasted longer. And he could've, had our local doctors not been so stupid. Three weeks ago, the poor man was driving to north Wales in his car and back. Now he's gone, after having been bedridden for I think two weeks. It's no way to go, and I intend to repay him by attempting to crack cancer. No one should have to suffer as he did. This can't go on. We need to kill cancer before it kills us. I believe it can be done. Rest in peace, grandad. I'll miss you so much, you were the most important person in my life and I love you, one day I hope I can make you proud.

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Mar 04, 2014
by: Stacie Witt

I lost my 20 year old son in a tragic accident 2 months ago yesterday. If you would have asked me a year ago what I would do? The answer would be not living. However, what choice do we have? I wasn't there when he left ( I hate the "d" word) I miss him more than anyone can imagine! But, I have chosen to look at it like this: I will see him again! I look for and see signs all the time. The connection my heart felt the first day I saw him is still there, giving me faith and strength. I will never understand, why me, why him? He was the most giving, caring and loving person I knew. But, if I sit in judgement , guilt and putty what left if my life will be empty. I want to be with him. And I know if I keep the faith, I will get that honor again. To have spent 20 years with an amazing,humble loving and unique human being is truly a Devine gift for which I am so ever grateful! Keep the and keep believing!

Mar 02, 2014
I don't know what to do with myself
by: Lilly

Dear friend, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mum to Dementia two weeks ago, and like you I knew what is the outcome going to be, I was still not prepared to be told by the Nurses that my mother has now gone to heaven..

Loosing a parent is extremely painful.. My heart goes to you..

For now do nothing but grieve my fried, and if this helps I am here to cry with you..

Be gentle on yourself, allow time to grieve, and may god love and protect you in this your hour of need.. I am sending you an angel to make your pain more endurable.,.
Hugs from,
Lilly.. xxx

Mar 02, 2014
I don't know what to do with myself
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of your granddad to this dreadful disease of cancer. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to lung cancer nearly 22 months ago. He had the deadly cancer caused by working with Asbestos. WE live in the asbestos belt of the UK. My husband had his malignant tumour growing in the lining of his lung for 40yrs. I nursed him for 3yrs.39days before he died. The care in this country of the UK is scandalous. My husband was neglected. One of the out of hours doctors from Harmony was disgusted at the lack of proper care due to the Primary Care Trust not having the money to fund sending in the nurses and also to administer proper pain medication. I was screaming down the phone for a doctor to come and give my husband a pain killing injection and they waited 3hrs. till their clinic finished. The didn't see cancer pain as a priority. I feel so angry still. I don't have the energy to complain. The NHS doesn't have the money. I do believe that there is a cure for many cancers but it is down to MONEY. They are now talking about Stem Cell therapy which has worked for many people but again they can't afford to do this therapy. So much for progress and the demand that we support cancer research. Only last week the news carried the news of someone who is dying of the cancer my husband had. MESOTHELIOMA. They hope to carry a cure forward for this cancer in the future. A little too late. I guess it is more about getting a breakthrough and the glory it brings. But I guess we still have to honour progress. You will only progress one day at a time. And life will get better in time. Don't give up Hope!

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