I don't know what to feel

by Eva Dunson
(Brooklyn, NY)

On september 18th 2009, i found out my mom had died. Apparently we don't know the exact day of her death because she was found in the house. Her body was badly decomposed. We assume that she had passed the friday before (9/11) because she never made it to work. And when she was found she was naked and may have been getting in the shower to get ready for work. Her funeral was 25th. A week after i found out she died. I was 18. My mother and i had a crazy relationship and we were not on the best of terms when she died. Its been five years and it still hurts. I have never been happy since. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I push people away. I don't trust anyone. I have lost friends. I was not even really happy when i graduated from college last year. I wished she was there. Im always depressed. Im 23 and becoming a woman is making me miss her more than ever now. I have aunts that love me but its not the same. I don't know. I just want to be happy again

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Sep 28, 2014
I need your help!
by: Jennie

Please click on "The Grief Club" button on the left for access to the new Forum. We want to keep this online grief resource going and need your help! Please re-post this or put a new submission there.
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Hi Doreen from UK, Judith from California, Pat from Green Bay, Lawrence from UK and Anonymous MI:

Could you please contact me via "Contact Us" button to the left? I need your help for the transition. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Sep 25, 2014
I don't know what to feel
by: Doreen UK

Eva I am so sorry for your loss of your mother. All the feelings you expressed is part of the grief experience and take a long time to recover from.
You could seek grief counselling in order to enable you to move forward better. You may be stuck in grief and unable to move forward, confused about what you are feeling and not able to make sense of it all.
A mother is an integral part in any child's life. You are now an Adult and you need to start living your life by putting things in place that will enhance your life and not leave you in limbo not knowing which way to turn. This is where the skills of a counselor can be so important in helping one to see what is going on and how they can restructure their lives. Especially in one so young as yourself.
So many of us waste years stuck in a rut and miss out on valuable quality of life. Each day is a gift from God and we need to avail ourselves with what is reasonable to put into our lives and be happy. This is your heritage and birth right. Most of us have a difficult relationship with our mother's. It is not a secret about the difficulties in a family and the struggles can make it worse. My husband died 2yrs. ago of cancer and I am in a place which is as difficult a grief as one can go through. But I still have to rise and do it all over again. People do help us in adding to the quality of our lives. Try and build up a network of friends. But I do know and understand how you feel. You have probably lost your motivation to do anything. This is normal. Just take on one project at a time and build yourself up. You will soon start to feel like you are getting back to normal. It does take a lot of time.

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