I feel like a failure for not being able to fix us

by Sarah Ann
(Boston)

Me and my ex were together almost 6 years, the first 3 years were amazing, we travelled the world spent every day together we were head over heels in love. This all changed when my mom died I became depressed and took a lot of my anger out on him. I wouldn't talk about it, just bottled up all my feelings. I took him for granted I know, I didn't give him the attention he needed, I was so busy with work and college I didn't see how much I was hurting him. 2 years later I lost my job and my home on the same day. I had to move in with a family member, I was at an all time low no job no home it was during the summer break so no college either. I was too dependent on him and he broke up with me. I was blind sighted at the time, I didn't expect it. I pulled myself together but it was too late he was now depressed. He agreed to give us another shot, it lasted a few weeks but he broke up with me again.

He had really changed he had become a different person he would go crazy over the smallest things, he wasn't sleeping. I accepted it was over, started spending more time with my friends having fun and he contacted me wanting me back. Without a second thought I jumped at the opportunity but it didn't work again and again. Finally for the fifth time we agreed to give it one final shot he chased me promised me the world. I was very unsure at first but he knew all the right things to say and do and he did them until he knew he had me hooked and then he became his crazy self shouting at me not wanted to see me then I'd make plans with my friends he'd made me feel guilty. It came to an end today, his choice once again.

I feel like a failure not being able to fix it, and so ashamed that I couldn't make it work. I know I'm better off without him, it was an unhealthy relationship but I love him so much. Id have him back in an instant.