I feel like I didn't get to say Goodbye...

by Courtney
(Daytona Beach FL)

My grandmother passed away, in Febuary, from heart failure I guess... She had pneumonia and her heart was weak and it just stopped working..
I was close to my grandma but when I got in my teen years I didn't spend a lot of time with her just on holidays and occasional cook outs. She was sedated and intabated, for two and a half weeks I think before she passed. The morning of the day she passed I sat in her room, sitting by her side and reminiscing, I sat up there for about 4 hours without any sleep for 36 hours. I couldn't sit up there any longer and I had to go home and sleep and get something to eat. I was home for about two hours and I just got this feeling to get back up to the hospital. When I got back up to the hospital, everyone was in the waiting room and not my grandmas room. That was when my mom told me that my Grandma was gone. I immediately started sobbing. When we got the all clear to go and see my grandma, it just looked like she was sleeping but I knew she was dead. When it was time to leave I out both hands on her shoulders ( as close to a hug I could get) and leaned over and said bye meme I love you.... Later that day I felt like I didn't get a proper goodbye... I cry all the time. ItS been 5 months and three days and it's my birthday and I kept thinking about her calling and wishing me A Happy Birthday! But I knew my phone wasn't going to ring with her on the other side...

I need to find a way to keep from constantly breaking down into tears or making it easier to live with the idea of her being gone...

Comments for I feel like I didn't get to say Goodbye...

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 28, 2014
I know what it is like
by: Anonymous

Courtney I know how tough it is for you. My mum died from heart failure too and we didn't get to say goodbye either.She was admitted in to hospital and died rather suddenly the next morning when we sleeping after spending the night with her in ER. Like you It was hard to see her dead and I regretted going home for sleep.I believe that sometimes people who love us pass when we aren't there, they know how hard it would be for us and them.Your grandmother knew you were there the 36 hours previous to that and she is always with you in spirit. grief is tough and yes you will miss her but eventually it will get a little easier and you will always keep her memory in a special place in your heart.Thinking of you.Therese

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Grandparent.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!