I feel like it's all my fault.

When I first met Chris, I had thought of him as just a friend. After knowing him for a few months, we started liking one another. I was with another person at the time, and I know this is awful, but I left that person for Chris. That caused a series of dramatic events that I'd prefer to not share. But anyway, after a couple weeks of us going out, I had yet again met someone else. But this time, I did not leave Chris. I don't know why I didn't save him the pain. I was just a foolish child. After a week of that, I had found out from his brother that Chris had shot himself. I didn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. Eventually, I found that it was true. I have matured since then, but it still eats me up inside every day. I should have told him. I should have let him find someone who treated him better than I did. Maybe he would still be alive right now. Maybe he wouldn't have wanted to kill himself to be with Jessie. Maybe I wouldn't want to kill myself just to say I'm sorry.

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Oct 17, 2011
I too am overcome with guilt
by: Debbie

I wish I had woke my husband. He went to sleep after a hard working day & his medication & sleep apnea sent him to his death. I kept checking on him but had no clue he was in distress. Why didnt I notice the distress & wake him up? I will never understand why I didnt wake him up. He had also fallen that day & with a bad back, I just wanted him to sleep. But not die. How I wish I would have woken him up. He had been having bad headaches too & told him days before to go to dr. Why didnt I make him or seek help. Why didnt I know what to do to prevent his death. he was 41 & we have a 6 year old & a 10 year old. Please pray for us! Thank you.

Oct 16, 2011
its not your fault
by: marky pars

listen sweetheart you will never understand or find a reason why he did take his own life i cant understand why people do this just leaves saddness and heartache for those who are left behind . my late father who battled with cancer always considered it the easy opt out in life he said when things get tough you have to get tougher never let things grind you down its easier to give up ,its harder to stay and fight.

so do your self a favour , move on and get on with your life ,dad allways said people sometimes dwell to much on the past and forget to focus on the present and future its time for you to live sweetheart theres happyness out there for you

take care
marky pars

Oct 16, 2011
It's not your fault
by: M Mack

Taking in all the blame and guilt alone will not help in recovering over grief. Obviously Chris was struggling emotionally and mentally with life itself. Only those who commit suicide know why they did it. I've read that when your times up, it's God's choice. Those who commit suicide never let us know their plan and maybe they themselves don't know the reasons. They have a dark secret and are very clever to keep it all inside. You cannot know these things in advance and even if you recognize something is wrong, get them help, there is no guarantee it won't happen. There are many on this site and others who've gone through this experience. Read their words, and know you are not alone. Please be strong and take care of yourself. Have hope and know you are loved and needed in this world. Come here as often as you need to for we are always here to listen. Sending light and healing prayers your way.

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