i feel so guilty

by Brittany
(Everett,WA)

My grandpa was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor in November of 2010 . He got some of it removed but the doctors still gave him 6 months to live. My grandpa and I were extremely close, I lived with him and my grandma but when he started getting worse I couldn't stand to watch this brilliant man fall apart like that so I started staying with my boyfriend to try to make it easier on myself but I came.and stayed every once in a while and it litteraly killed me that he couldn't even speak, he would just say "whatever" . Then one night my Grandma asked if I would stay the night so I could help watch him at night so she could sleep..I slept in the room next to him, and in the morning my Grandma told me I could go downstairs and get in bed, I woke up 3 hours later and he was dead. I feel so guilty for not being there for him, especially since I know he would walk through hell barefoot to be with me in a time of need. He died may 11th 2011 at age 74

I'm so sorry for not being the girl I was raised to be. Just know I do love you.