I forgot What the real world was like ~

by Patricia
(Las Vegas)

JC Penney Co-Workers

JC Penney Co-Workers

Well last time I was here I was talking about life after Death. I learned a lesson the hard way I guess. Every man I met is not Billy. Not his way of life, honesty and only he understood me. I spoke of discovering a new life after death but It was like walking in mud. Pushing and pulling to see if I fit in the outside world. Guess what? Not!!! I don't understand this new outside world, I just want my old world back. I would be so easy to climb back into my cave, close the world out and live with my memories, dreams and just wait out the storm. But, I know Billy wouldn't want that and let me tell you this, you know the Anger Stage? Well I've rediscovered it when the real world didn't fit into my old world. In fact I believe I made a comment that I was Pissed and Mad as Hell at Billy because if he was still here I wouldn't be going through this S####T ~ It wasn't the pain and devastation I felt from long ago just "The world Sucks" and I'm here alone. I know I will get pass this but it's just so frustrating at times I just want to scream at the top of my voice "ENOUGH". Then I listen and nothing happens.
I think when our love one pass we should get a couple of free tickets for emergencies. Just to help out at the really hard times. But then maybe we do get those freebie's but don't always know it because the other day when things were getting frustrating we had thunder and lighting I thought of Billy because of Arkansas and the thought crossed my mind that something just wasn't right.
Maybe that was one of my free tickets, or just a Godwink telling me to pay a attention to what's really going on around me. Just a thought...
So where do I go from here? Good question, but I do know if I have concerns, questions or doubt I can come here to this site and my friends and for that I grateful. So in the mean time....
Always,
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~ 1 year

Comments for I forgot What the real world was like ~

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Oct 05, 2011
I forgot what the real world was like
by: Mari

My heart goes out to you because I truly understand what you are going through. I feel it is a part of the grieving stage. You need more time to work through this. Many things happen during this time that we do not understand. And you know we care for you on this board. You have given encouragement to many others. Just take it a day at a time.
I have been going through something quite wierd.
I will have a few days of being depressed thinking of all my husband went through. I see him in my mind and and miss him but am glad he is not in pain anymore. Then I will have a few days of feeling much better. I don't understand this. My grandaughter who is 14 was close to her grandpa and she still misses him. The other grandaughter whom my husband I helped raise (because my daughter was too young and always in trouble) is now grown with her own baby. I am glad to know that he lived long enough to see my daughter surpass our wildest dreams by becoming the person God meant her to be. I give my husband credit for standing by her. Anyway we will see what Nov brings with the 2 yr anniversary and my birthday. My birthday will always remind me of how important that day was to my husband. He would make a big fuss over me. But I will never forget the birthday when he was sad and too sick to celebrate. And that cake my daughter ordered for me with the bumble bees all over it. I could not stay at her house long as I had to get home to my husband and I took a piece of that cake to him. He was enchanted with the bumble bees. He was in bed and very sick. Remember that God is with you always and these strange things are a part of grief. Our world has changed and will never be the same but one day the sun will shine again for us. My last birthday my daughter kept it simple with a cake and a little book with scripture, the kind of gifts I value. I guess I am okay. We will see. You are loved. Keep going and this rainy season of your life will pass. I have faith that it will be better for us. We are going to heal and carve out a new life.

Oct 04, 2011
I forgot what the real world was llike
by: jules

Patricia - boy this is a rollercoaster isn't it? One day you feel like you are doing real well, then - BANG! - some small thing brings you down, felt really good last week - then that day had a minor accident in my car - not hurt, but made me feel really vulnerable - thank my stars for loving daughter and good friends.
Went away for the weekend with a really good friend, went to a show, had a meal with friends, took a scenic drive - just what I needed to boost me up again.
I know I can cope, I know John knew I can cope, or he wouldn't have left me - so I will go on living this life the best way I can -it is all we can do isn't it?
every day - one step, one breath
take care
jules

Oct 04, 2011
Yeah....The "Got Us"
by: TrishJ

I know exactly how you feel. I went through what I call my dark period around my wedding anniversary. I am still so angry with everyone and everything around me. And pissed off at Joe. Why wouldn't he stop smoking?? How could he leave me here by myself? I am having a real hard time fitting into this life. Now...our daughter is getting married on October 15th without her dad to walk her down the aisle. If I make it through the day without the ugly cry it will be a miracle. I think I should get a free pass that day.
I feel like I was treading water for about 6 months - now I feel like I'm swimming uphill for miles and my arms are getting tired. I have a few good days followed by several really bad ones. Just when I think I'm making progress I realize I'm back sliding.
I love to read your posts. You might not realize it but I think you are making progress. I think the deeper we loved and the more that person "got us" the harder and longer we grieve. We don't feel like we will ever meet another person who gets us like they did so what's the point? Why bother? We both might be surprised and happiness will hit us when we least expect it. I hope so.
God bless ~ take it one breath, one step at a time.

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