I had an abortion and now I want my baby back

by Jessica Smith
(Denver, Colorado)

My name is Jessica and I am 23 years old. I haven't seen a story on here relating to mine and I hope no one gets upset for me writing about an abortion. I found out I was pregnant on memorial weekend, I called my parents, they were obviously upset, I told them I don't want it because I'm not ready, i'm in school and the father of my unborn child didn't/doesn't have a job, or a car, or a place to live (he lives with a friend), he drinks all the time and smokes pot. The father of my child (brennan, 21) said he would change everything about himself if I kept the baby, I didn't believe him. He treated me like sh** in our relationship (2.5 years) and after that we were on and off (1.5 years). The night my baby was concieved, we were drunk and I looked through his phone and found out he tried hooking up with someone else that night and called her beautiful. I don't know why i'm telling all of this, maybe to try and explain to everyone why I got the abortion. He begged and begged and begged for me to keep the child and for me to come back. He threanted to kill himself, the whole 9 yards. Needless to say I didn't believe anything that came out of his mouth (for other reason's too, i though i was pregnant before and he said "you would be the type of person to hit me up for child support", so i just don't know what changed and why this time it was so different). Well I got the abortion on June 8th and me and brennan have been talking and he forgives me and now I just want the baby back, not because we have been talking because he still doesn';t have a job, a car or a place to live and he has been sleeping with someone else. I don't want brennan back, I want my baby back. I feel sooooo much guilt right now, I don't now what to do.......I just want my baby back :(

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Sep 23, 2017
Regret my abortion
by: Anonymous

I'm 17 years old and 3 weeks ago found out I was pregnant to a lad I have been on and off with for around 6 months.When I first told him I was pregnant he was supportive and told me whatever I wanted to do he would be there for me but that he didn't think either of us were ready for a baby.He tried to get me to go through with an abortion just 2 days after finding out but as I had already booked an appointment for Friday the 22nd of September(yesterday) I wanted to give myself this time to process the situation and make sure it was the right decision for me. In those couple of weeks I was really 50/50 about my decision I know a lot of people would say I'm too young but I have a full time job a car and so does he and also very supportive parents who I knew if I had told them would have supported me with whatever decision I made,however I felt under pressure that if I kept the baby I would ruin his life as he said he had 'so much more to do with his life before he had kids' for me this was hard to understand as he is older than me he's 21 in a couple of weeks he enjoyed a lot more of his life than I ever would have but that didn't bother me because I could see us having a life together. Deep down I know I've always cared for him more than he has for me and this was another reason I felt I couldn't keep the baby because would this mean I was just keeping it so I could keep him? I tried to explain to him that I didn't want him to be there at the abortion if he wasn't going to be there afterwards I wouldn't want him seeing me in such a vulnerable state but he was determined that he was going to be there and as much as I hate to say it I I couldn't help but think that he was only being so nice to make sure I went through with it. The 3 weeks passed a lot sooner than I thought and in the last week I'd experienced really bad morning sickness so I'm a way I was a little bit relieved for it all too be over soon.Yesterday he took me to my appointment and we booked a hotel room for the night whilst the abortion would take place. Although I did cry before I went into the clinic I didn't cry whilst in there,I got taken for a consultation and then my scan where I found out I was 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant and then we went out for a bit and came back to go through with the abortion.The lady sat me down and he came with me and she gave me the oral tablet and explained soon as I take that there is no going back and as much as I didn't want to take it I looked at him and knew I had no choice but to take the tablet so I did she then handed me four tablets to put inside me so we both went to the bathroom as I did so I came back into the room and the lady gave me some more information and then said I was free to go.We went to the hotel room and I didn't think much else of the whole situation until the pain started and even then I didn't think about how I actually felt about the situation.The pain was possible the worst pain I've been in and after around 5 hours the major pain has passed and so had the fetus. We set of this morning on the way home and that's when I started to think about what had actually happened and when we got home and he went to say goodbye I did Thankyou for him taking me and burst into tears he didn't really say much I don't really think he understood why I was crying he just said he'd come and see me later kissed me on the head and left. I've spent the rest of the day feeling heartbroken that I've made the wrong decision but there's no going back now he came to see me this evening and I couldn't stop crying and he just kept saying speak to me what's up and I couldn't specifically say myself he said if it was that I thought he wasn't going to be here I was wrong but I don't think it was that,I honestly can't pin point what it is whether it's just my hormones or what but I genuinely feel horrific like I've killed a child that could have had a perfectly good life I feel almost depressed like I'll never get over th situation I'm just hoping this feeling goes and it gets easier

Sep 20, 2017
by: Anonymous

Hello , my name is Maddie and I'm 19 years old.
About a week ago I had an abortion .
I have been with the father of my child for less than a year when he decided to break up with me knowing I was pregnant .
I begged him to stay but he won't .
He was pushing for me to have an abortion and didn't want to hear anything else . I really didnt want to terminate my pregnancy but he would threaten to disappear and keep saying things such as how easy would it be to punch my stomach and kill the baby .
I many times tried to talk to him , and I even brought him to a scan hoping that seeing that baby girl would make him change . He never did .
He was nice to me and always been there the days prior to my abortion .
I wanted him to love her but he would not and so I gave up and listened to him .
I got a termination when I was at week 20 and 2 days and I regret it .
Now he barely talks to me and when I try to mention how I feel he would get mad at tell me how annoying and weak I am .
I regret getting this abortion so much I feel like I should have fought . I can't manage to understand how I could have made such decision and all I want is my baby back . I want her back in my belly . My mom feels so disappointed in me and since I moved to a new city and new house I feel totally alone .
The only person I can talk to is my ex which is also in this city but when I try to he would call me stupid or make me feel the most worthless person ever .
In the past days all I could think about was that maybe if I die I can see her and I can do what I haven't done here , protect her .
I just want her back .
I hate myself .

Sep 10, 2017
Broken... but hopeful
by: Anonymous

All I ever think about is how much more fulfulling my life would have been if I had kept my baby, financial struggles and all :( I am 23 years old and I had an abortion last Dec 15,2016. Only my boyfriend and best friend know about it. I've had so many emotional breakdowns because of not feeling worthy, the guilt and regret. But I know that all that negativity is not gonna help me. So even though it is hard, I constantly say a prayer to wish my babys soul well. I am still trying to fully forgive myself. A daily process. But I will get there.

Sep 08, 2017
My story
by: Anonymous

I hope my story doesn't upset anyone that reads it, I just need to find comfort in something and I feel like writing this will help.

I found out I was pregnant on the 24th of February 2017, the father was not my boyfriend, we'd had an on and off thing going on before, I'd always liked him and now unfortunately he will always hold place in my heart and I cannot bear the thought with someone else.

I aborted my baby at my friends house on the 24th of March, eight nearly nine weeks after being conceived,I seem too forget things that really damaged me mentally it's like it's one big blur, but something that has stuck with me is the physical pain I went through with my medical abortion,it was unbearable, my friends mum gave me codomal tablets,to relieve the pain,at this point I hadn't started to bleed which meant my pregnancy wasn't anywhere near passing yet,the tablets soon made me fall straight asleep. when I awoke at 1 O'clock in the morning to go to the toilet,I had to prepare myself for what I might see and afterwards I was thankful for doing so... I saw my very very small baby, at this moment I was in shock. The whole of my pregnancy I had been emotional and i disbelieved any of it was truly happening but as I stared at the life I had created it was like I had been pinched and floods of guilt just drowned me.

2 months after I decided too tell the father, my friends who had been supporting me told me it was probably best not to do so as people could find out and just like that someone's view on me could change,this wouldn't matter to me so much but however I am only 16 and he is 17 so things like that can impact your self esteem and confidence massively so I could understand where the were coming from. However I had to make my own decision and go off of how I felt personally, I chose to tell him because I put myself in his position, Imagine if someone had carried your baby and you never knew? He took it well, shocked but not angry, he was mostly glad that I was okay. I have seen him since and he makes excuses of reasons he has too leave, he's blunt and uncomfortable in my presense it hurts me like mad to know that we will never go back to how we were and that the next girl will never understand the love I have for him because of this, they'll never understand what it's like to miss and grieve over someone they have have never met.

The love I have for my unborn baby is immense,I know people who haven't gone through this will not understand how I can feel this way but from someone who has believe me it is more then possible.

From reading through other people's stories I have noticed many of you have also had dreams,last night I had my third dream about it, the father of my unborn baby was cuddling me as I held a baby girl in my arms. I woke up crying, this is what encouraged me too write this and vent the way I'm feeling right now.
I will never have the 2 people that could have meant the world to me in my life and it kills me each day.

Sep 04, 2017
I understand
by: Anonymous

You are not alone. I had an extremely narcissistic boyfriend who was almost in love with my best friend. Always lying behind by back, still living with his parents at 23, he actually even made comments about wishing I had more meat on my bones, more "cushion for the pushin" this made me sick and insecure. That's what it was designed to do. He was always messaging other girls behind my back and he never really cared, he was just lonely. Growing up my mom planted the idea in my head that "If you ever get pregnant I'm getting you an abortion" and you know what they say, the most effective form of brainwash is repetition. This stuck in my mind for sure. We were extremely drunk one night and it happened. I found out a month later (I had also been drinking and doing drugs so I was terrified the baby would not be okay" I eventually got the abortion and grew extremely depressed. It is nothing like they say. It kills you inside, and somehow you want to keep your connection with the d bag it happened with because thats the closest thing you have. All you want is your baby back. I will never stop wanting my baby back.

Aug 28, 2017
by: Anonymous

I also had an abortion this year. At the time I had 1000 reasons to do so. As of late its all I think of. My heart is broken and I feel terrible!! I have two children already and I constantly have to stop myself from breaking down in front of them. I decided to seek help today because I can not function properly. Soon I'll be having my first sit down with a therapist. Doing what I did wasn't because I didn't love my baby. I felt I was doing what was best for my unborn as well as the two I have. I wasn't able to properly provide for two and three seems impossible. Looking at it now it was the biggest mistake of my life and I'm drowning inside.

Aug 02, 2017
Broken hearted
by: Anonymous

Hi I too have recently gone through with an abortion July 10th I thought I had made the best decision for my family (Im 40 i have 5 children and have recently separated from their father who was the father of this one too ...but had also got another woman pregnant at the same time ) but now all I want is to watch my little bump grow bigger and go to my scan and see my baby. I feel so sad for the life I took away I wonder whether it had a soul whether it is watching me and doesn't understand why it wasn't wanted .... I want it to know that it was and I loved it and still want it so much it hurts every day
I have spoke to other women who have gone through our same situation and they reassure me there is light at the end of this journey that we will be ok that time does heal... no woman makes this decision lightly I am going to seek therapy as I believe this might help ...it won't bring my baby back but it might rationalise everything more clearly . I hope you find strength to only accept a man who is worthy of you who treats you with respect never just settle in life

Aug 01, 2017
Unbreak my heart
by: Anonymous

Hey i've had an medical abortion done 6days ago and I also regret it. It hurts so bad I just want back my baby the pain in my heart every morning is unbearable I can't even function properly. My pregnancy wasn't plan however, I meet my ex some months ago and we end up having sex I never thought I could of get pregnant and one day I because so sick went to the doctor and was told I am pregnant I was so scared yet happy at the same time my ex told me he did not want a baby. I came home n cried. I placed my hand on my belly and sing for my baby and said to him/her if mummy have to abort you it won't be her choice I kept crying.two days after my mother found the pregnancy test and my dad put me out some days after he took me back and we all agree on having the baby things were going so well until I became really sick I could not eat or drink anything I kept vomiting I was nauseous all day and night my blood was getting thick so I make the decision to abort my baby even though my mom begged me not to I was awake during the entire procedure it was the most physically painful thing I even been through. The next morning I felt this pain taking over my heart and I cold feel my heart breaking into pieces and falling . The abortion was the biggest mistake of my life I wish I could get my baby back I love him/her sooo much and I miss him/her. The night after the abortion I had a dream of a little girl walking with me and I sent her back. The dream was confusing but I believe that was my baby and I sent her back and it hurts so much I wish I could die and be with my baby. I don't think I can ever be happy or comfortable again. I have asked my ex for another baby and he said yes but I know he is lying.Somehow i'm thinking another baby from him might heal me a bit.

Jul 05, 2017
by: Anonymous

Hello, I'm thinking and trying to find words. I've been holding onto a lot of grief...for 6 years. Today ignites my first time I've reached out or tried to speak about my experience. I wanted that life but as always I surcome to others. I hate myself

Jun 27, 2017
My story
by: Sasha

I had an abortion done in October last year2016. I was 18 then. I had missed my periods and was about nearly 2 months pregnant. my boyfriend kept telling me that I could not be pregnant and its not his child and all sort of mean things. I was pregnant and tensed and he was just tensing me more. Finally i told my mother about it and she booked a appointment for an abortion the next day. My boyfriend was present too. The next day i was in the clinic as doing an abortion is illegal in India. I did not want to do it. I wanted my baby our baby. But i just could not open my freaking mouth and tell my mother that. I was too scared of her as my mums a strict parent. When I was in the OT, I was crying my eyes out. Finally i broke free from the straps and ran out of the ot. I was crying and called my mum. She came and she told me u did something like this so u have to do this now. She thought i was afraid of the pain of the abortion. but actually she did not know that I did not want to lose my baby my little baby girl. I was put bk into the ot and i was giving injection to sleep through the procedure. When I get up I was on the bed. I sobbed so badly on the bed. I couldn't believe what just happened to me. I never wanted to kill my first baby girl. She must be hating her Mumma so much. After that I had a dream where I was holding my boyfriend and sobbing. And this little girl was running past us. This is when I perceived that probably my baby was a girl. My princess. Now is June 2017 and i still regret everything I did to my little baby. I wish I could go bk and stop all this from happening. I long to hold my little baby in my hand to kiss her to hug her. I regret everything I did then. That will be the biggest mistake of my life. But i am to blame for her death. My mum just wanted what she thought was correct for me. She wanted me to have a brighter future by finishing college and working. But she did not know that it was the baby that her daughter wanted. All I wanted was my baby. My Brianna. Mumma loves u so much.
I need some help. Im going through stress.

Jun 23, 2017
Me too
by: Anonymous

I know how you are feeling. I just googled I want my baby back and your story came up. I had an abortion for similar reasons. A bad relationship, he didn't have a job, I already have a daughter. Only thing is I'm 33 and he is 37. We are old. We should be able to have a baby. I only have a few years left anyway. Now I'm overwhelmed with guilt. I know some people need abortion but why do I have the right to kill my baby. I morally don't think it's ok. I wish I could have my baby and everything would be ok. I did it out of fear. I was scared that I would lose my job and my house. I was scared my boyfriend would not be able to help with the money. I was scared my ex would harass me. I don't know. I was just scared. The abortion hurt so bad and now I feel like a piece is missing. Like the doctor stole my baby. I hate this feeling. I wish things were different. :(

May 31, 2017
by: Anonymous

Am age 22 and graduated recently but no job yet,i live in my parents' house.There is a certain guy i have known since i was young but we never were close until of late. He started texting me frequently and we cud chat up to after midnight.He could tell me a lot about him,share how he was heartbroken bla bla bla.As a friend I could just comfort him and after a few days he told me how I had helped him and he was healing.Then with time he started showing interest but i assumed him coz i didn't want anything to do with relationships.This went on until i decided to give in,i didn't want to have sex with him but seeing all the effort and how good he was i said to myself i won't lose anything.It was a one time thing and I didn't use protection(i had never dared do so).We continued talking as normal,i didn't think of anything else until i missed my periods.stress(big stress) hit me,couldn't eat or sleep,i told him and he said we should confirm by a test,and there it went positive.He didn't receive the results gladly but said he can support the child,i felt bad personally coz i will have to raise a kid single-handedly with no dad(he always told me if he gets a girl pregnant he will marry her).The case now is different,we argued,we don't talk anymore n am stressed especially when i wake up at night.my parents didn't harass me but you know how it hurts your mum telling you ' he took you for a ride,and i will take care of the kid but don bring others'. I have never thought of aborting coz it will haunt me forever.Please help strengthen me because as much as i made the right decision to keep it am no longer happy.I have seven more months to go.Am alone and i hope the kid will understand the dad's absence in the favour that i gave him/her a chance to live.Got too much to say but at least you get my story.

May 31, 2017
I want my baby and the father back.
by: Anonymous

Not only have I lost my baby, but I lost the father of my lost child. I have been depressed since the abortion, and I have received no emotional support. I can not turn too my friends, because I kept my pregnancy a secret and I had a secret abortion. Thus, the father, was the only person I could turn to grieve the loss of our/my child. Initially, after the abortion, the father and I were on good terms, and he was emotionally supportive, and we continued to have sex, and spend time with each other. However, after about a month, he started to be very critical of me and distant. His distance and his criticisms caused me great grief. He would disappear, and he would contact me, after time apart, and say things like: "I am not going any where". His words reassured me that I did not have to endure the loss of the baby by myself. However, then he would disappear again, and I became scared, lonely, and insecure and as a result, I started to pressure him into a relationship. A relationship that never existed during the time I became pregnant, so he became scared and became increasingly more distant. With all this said, for the last couple of months I have been grieving the loss of my baby/ our baby ALONE and the loss of our relationship. Since we stopped talking I feel used, abused, unwanted, ugly, stupid, a whore, washed up, not good enough. The father did not initially want the baby, however, he eventually accepted the pregnancy and decided he wanted the child. Moreover, when we both were at the point of keeping the baby, he decided to stop communicating with me, and his lack of communication became symbolic of his future behaviors and I just did not want to have a baby with someone who is irresponsible, SO WITH
MY LIFE FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES, I had the abortion. Currently, I have no emotional support, I am not in contact with father, I am depressed,regretful, and I am still grieving over the baby. Please I really need help recovering from my loss of the baby and the loss of contact with the father. What should I do? Should I move out the country? Have a burial service for the lost child?

May 19, 2017
20 Years of Grief
by: Anonymous

20 years ago at the tender age of 14, I got pregnant by a neighborhood boy who was 19 at the time. Like many young girls, I just wanted to be popular and cool, and I felt that being sexually attractive to older boys would make me feel good and be seen the way I hoped. Although I didn't know it at the time, I was depressed and suffering in silence to cope after years of sexual abuse by a family member who lived in the home and a rape 2 years prior which took my virginity at age 12.

When I tried to contact the guy who got me pregnant, I learned he ran off. It was especially sad because we used condoms, but he intentionally tricked me and removed it before ejaculating. I remember the instant fear when I felt the warmth running down my thighs and he just smiled.

I told it was just one time and there was no way I was pregnant, but about 6-8 weeks later I learned that I definitely was.

His mother cursed me as a whore when I told her about the pregnancy and hung up the phone on me.

My family would have been so disappointed to know that the sweet, smart girl they struggled to put into prep schools turned up pregnant.

I coul.dn't bear it and I kept my pregnancy a secret from everyone. I was a kid myself and had no internet or resources like those available today.

I made what I thought were healthy diet choices and talked to my baby and prayed with him every night-- even though I knew I wouldn't go full term and felt that an abortion was the only thing I could do right for everyone's sake.

I had nothing. No money. No support.
I wasn't even old enough to work in my city.

Feeling scared and alone, I went into a seedy clinic with money I stole from a grandparent to terminate the pregnancy at what turned out to be my 4 th month of pregnancy. Even in the waiting room I wanted to leave & run out... but I didn't.

I was so embarrassed and ashamed for getting pregnant and also for stealing that money. I'd never done anything like that before.

I had no idea what a miracle a pregnancy was back then and I was clueless on the true gravity of the decision I made without consulting anyone who loved me.

Maybe my parents would have helped. Maybe they would have forgiven me in time. Maybe I would have still been able to go to school & ultimately give my son a good or at least happy life.

For the next several years, I took all of the pain of that loss and focused it into my education. I prayed everyday for forgiveness and that my baby would see that his life was not in vain and that I would one day grow into a woman worthy of being his mother.

I am thankful to now have finished school and have a career, but I live with the guilt, shame, and the nightmares reminding me of that horrible choice.

Now, at age 34, I finally feel "ready" to be a mom and I pray to God that he forgives the young ignorant me who couldn't appreciate the amazingly rare & special blessing I received. I pray that He sees who I am today and blesses me with my son now so that I can give him the life I couldn't even dream of as a 14 year old girl.

I will never judge someone who decides to have an abortion. I would like to believe that I would make a different decision if I could turn back time and do it all over, but I don't know that.

I don't know you or the shoes you are in.

Please just know that you do have options and you are not as alone as you may feel right now. Talk to someone. Ask for help. And just keep all the best intentions in mind whatever decision you do make because an abortion cannot be reversed and the emotions can be hard to live with afterwards.

I wish you all the best and happiness in your life.

You are still a good person with plenty to offer the world and any future children you may have.

May 07, 2017
My biggest regret
by: Anonymous

On 5th may 2017 I found out I was pregnant.. On the 6th I took the pills and killed my baby without consulting anyone. My boyfriend of three years Begged me to keep the child but I was a coward and I regret my decision and it's not even been 24 hours . I wish I could go back and think it through I was afraid and rushed into the decision because I'm 22 years old with no permanent job. I just want my baby back I will never get over the fact that I took my own child's life .

May 03, 2017
by: Anonymous

I found out I was pregnant i was 8 weeks 5 days , I was so scared I've been through an awful time in my life i already have a 5 year old from a previous domestic violence relationship over a long time ago then I met the man of my dreams nearly together a year but he wasn't sure he wanted the baby my family was disappointed i felt pressured into a decision i didn't want to make.

anyway i made the decision to have the medical abortion still undecided mind overthinking like crazy , the abortion was over yesterday and im strugging to cope I seen my tiny baby I just couldn't not look and it has traumatised me I realised what i had done and i will never forgive myself I was very capable to have that baby I feel i took the easy way out and that i didn't have the right support around me ... constantly crying since I just can't talk or move I just want my baby back so bad I'm so ashamed of what I've done I wish i could turn the clock back :(

Apr 27, 2017
My daughter had an abortion
by: Mom

My daughter had an abortion and didn't tell me until it was over, She now cries everyday she only had a few days to decide if this is what she wanted before the pills wouldn't work and she'd have to have the sedated abortion and so she feels like she didn't have enough time all she knew is her bf wasn't ready and she didn't feel ready either so without any counseling she took the pills and then seen her baby in the toilet and ever since that day she has never been the same. I am trying to find her help cause she cries uncontrollably everyday she feels like a mother without a baby, My daughter is losing herself and I'm scared she will never come back to us. My other daughters and her friends are all having babies and it tears her up. My god I pray every night For her and I'm hoping this therapy can help and save her from her own thoughts. You all are brave You all made a hard choice and for that don't live in regret Live each day making yourself better because then you know you did it for all the right reasons. You were not selfish You have to know and believe You did the right thing for you. I wish I could hug each one of you and tell you how important it is to move on n leg go and free yourself from regret, pain and suffering because then you can start to heal and start to live and be happy. Love and live each day to the fullest. I pray my child believe in herself to heal too.

Apr 26, 2017
If I could go back and walk out of that hell hole I would.
by: Anonymous

Almost a week has past since I aborted my little one. He or she was only 7 weeks 3 days, and I saw the little bean less than 24 hours after I took those horrid pills. I didn't want to do it, so I never prepared myself for the hurt of losing the thing I care most about even more than my own life. I saw the little finger's, it's little body, but what haunts me the most was looking into its eyes. Knowing my little blueberry isn't alive, safe in my tummy and it's my own fault for not protecting it.

Apr 21, 2017
Will this feeling of sadness and regret go away?
by: Anonymous

Searching on google how to go back in time, living the past few months with regret, and starting all my sentences with a " what if? ". I have lost my self as a person, and questioned myself who I'am!!!!! Idk who I'am anymore, the decision I took of having and abortion was the worst of my life. Going out, waking up, and even breathing hurts too much!!! Seeing children and pregnant woman is too painful! I ask god and my baby for forgivness everyday! I wake up hoping its all a horrible dream... I can not believe till this day I went through with doing such a horrible thing, I believe something took over me that day that made me turn my back on my baby and god. Eventhough I was only a month and people might think or say its only a bunch of cells, to me it was my whole world, and that day something so precious died... Today my heart has a huge emptiness that nothing or no one can fill.

Apr 20, 2017
Three weeks later and the nightmares won't stop
by: Heartbroken

A week before my 21st Birthday I found out I was pregnant. I had broken up with my bf at the end of January and we kept going back and forth, neither of us really able to move on (he was worse than me). We agreed to meet up a few times as friends and towards the end of February we had unprotected sex. I was on the pill during our relationship but my rx had run out and the obgyn couldn't fill it in time. He tried to pull out and I should've gotten plan B when we realized what had happened but I never got pregnant the first 2 months we were together and we only used pull out... In retrospect we should'nt have listened to our hormones. We had got back together at the beginning of march before all this unfolded. I had a feeling I was pregnant because I was so, so tired and eating a lot of PMS foods but my period was a week late. We didn't know what to do and both of us were uncomfortable with an abortion but we didn't know how we would afford it. His father and grandmother both told him I needed to "get rid of it" and when I told my mother I was pregnant she cried more than I did and went on about all the hopes and plans she had for me and he ruined everything... she suggested I get an abortion as well. It felt like everyone who should be there for you and help support you through this time turned their back on me and I had no choice...ironic how the pro-choice decision made me feel like I had no choice. My bf and I decided medication abortion was the only option (I couldn't do the other way, this felt more natural at 5 weeks). I cried so hard filling out the paperwork at the office, the other girls kept glancing at me. I didn't want to go through with it and actually walked out but when I called my mom she sounded so mad and made me feel like I had to do this...his grandma said she'd kick him out if I had the baby... I went back in and went through with it. That doctor disgusted me the way he sarcastically said "oh well what a gift you have here". It was messed up. I started having nightmares 2 nights ago about having to repeat the procedure except it didn't work in my dream and they used the vaccuum and laughed as they held me down. Last nights I was holding my baby in my arms and suddenly all my family and his family were there angry and screaming at me to get rid of it and someone took the baby from my arms and I had to go search for him and i couldn't find him and my bf had vanished too. I was all alone. It was horrible. I feel hardened emotionally and I don't want to be around my mom, it makes me really angry because part of me blames her and because she's the only one that knows but she won't talk about it with me. The one day when I tried she suggested that if my bf and I hadn't just split and got back together, things could've been different. I just wish everything had been different and I could be talking to my little baby bump right now instead of being haunted by these nightmares. I just hope I'm allowed to see my baby and hold him or her if I ever make it to heaven. I'm so heartbroken.

Mar 23, 2017
I miss my baby
by: Anonymous

So I found out Thursday the 16th of march 2017 that I was pregnant at planned parenthood they said I was 10 weeks and a day ( btw already knew I was pregnant cause I was having some pretty crazy symptoms) so I had to do the clinic abortion. Which I didn't want to do.. So I go to the another planned parenthood on Tuesday the 21st of march 2017 and they take an ultrasound and tell me I'm 8 week and 6 days so I asked if I could take the abortion pill they gave me two pills to start with antibiotics and some other one to stop the tissue the next day which was yesterday I took 4 pills for the baby to come out I went through the worst pain yesterday between horrible cramps throwing up and diarrhea. After about 4-5 hours of this pain I went to the bathroom I felt couple of blood Clots but I knew one didn't feel normal so I got a pair of gloves and reached in the toilet it was my poor baby it was forming I could see the little arms and eyes which killed me to see and made me feel like a murderer and all that pain that I went through I deserved it cause I know that poor lil baby didn't. I'm always going to have the thought of not knowing how it'd look or what gender it could of been.. and I didn't want the abortion my bf right off the bat "we can't afford it let's get an abortion" I know we can't we can barely afford ourself and plus he just had gotten a car that he has to pay half his check with. I wanted the baby I truly did I only did the abortion cause of what my bf was saying which was true didn't want to bring it to a world where I can't support her/him and then to find out yesterday he told me that he said he wanted it.. which he didn't exactly say that he just asked me if I wanted it so he can give up his car and the way he was saying it didn't seem like he wanted the baby. I didn't want to do that though I truly didn't. I'm honestly just torn to pieces at this point I can still picture my baby in my hand.. I don't think I'll ever forgive my self for what I've done to an innocent child.

Mar 21, 2017
Where do I go from here ?
by: Anonymous

Many of you can understand the pain going through an abortion brings out. Something that I know deep down was the right thing to do still brings me a lot of sadness! Not only was the surgery itself incredibly painful but the aftermath of knowing this beautiful thing was inside me and now it's not is very hard for me to understand. I caugh myself looking at baby pictures of myself wondering if it would of looked anything like me. Do I think I'm a murderer? Yes. Will I feel like that for awhile ? Probably. Will I ever get over this? I don't think totally I'll remember this date and the due date and every time it comes around I'll remember this but what I can keep myself doing is living life the best I can and doing the things I need to do that one day I can have that child and have no doubts that this is the best decision not for me but for the child. With two parents that love him/her, and family that's supportive from both sides, stability , and a glowing future. I make that promise to my child that would of been.

Mar 15, 2017
Reply to found out i was pregnant and thinking about abortion
by: Anonymous

If you feel as though you want to keep the baby then you should & your partner will just have to step up. It's your body therefore it's your choice. Speaking from experience, having an abortion that you don't want to have is honestly the hardest thing ever, you don't want to have regrets afterwards. I hope you make the right decision regardless and goodluck x

Mar 12, 2017
I found out I was pregnant and thinking about abortion
by: Anonymous

I am 20 years old I live with my child father he didn't really seem to happy about it . I feel sad just thinking about doing it to a innocent baby. I don't want to do it because of him it will be for me if I was to keep it. Help need answers I haven't told anyone but him

Mar 11, 2017
Things to think about reply
by: Na_e1

Hello "things to think about" it's completely normal to feel a vast amount of emotions during this time. I had an abortion 3weeks ago and regret it deeply however not everybody feels the same. Having an abortion isn't a bad thing just ensure that you are 100% about it before you go ahead because once the baby's gone there's no getting it back. I had a surgical abortion thinking it was what my partner wanted and he went along with it thinking it was what I wanted then afterwards he told me he did want the baby which made everything a lot worse. As much as your partner has a say in what happens to the child, remember it's your body and your life. You'll be the one with the baby the majority of the time and your life will change the most. I think that once you hold your baby in your arms for the first time those thoughts might go away. I always thought I never wanted my baby until it was too late and now I cry over my scan picture every night and call myself a murderer. You may not be the same though just make sure it was what you want and make sure you can deal with the mental aspect after an abortion as it leaves you feeling really down. Having an abortion doesn't make you a bad person, just make sure it's what you want as once that baby is gone there's no going back. Hope it all goes well for, remember you are not alone xx

Mar 07, 2017
Thigns To Think About
by: Anonymous

I have been looking for articles and stories from life in all internet trying to understand and compare them to my situation.
My partner(45) and me(29) we been together for 8 years. We had some hard times like any other couple I suppose. He have 19 years old daughter from previous marriage. And 2 days ago I found out I'm pregnant- 2-3 weeks. He wants children very much and been so excited and happy about it. However my reaction wasn't the same. I m not children person and I m very confused and not sure if I really want it. I don't know if I want children at all. So I did tell him that, and he got very upset and angry & shocked about my decision going for abortion.That he said he cannot live after with me if I decide to do something like that. 2 years ago I had miscarriage and before that happened I had the same feeling like now I didn't want baby. I m not sure anymore what is wrong with me. I m just scared things are going to change in my life. I grow up without father which is why I don't trust men and I m scared being alone at some point in my life. Looking after yourself is one thing but after baby it is a huge responsibility. We also come from different countries which makes me worried even more now. The strange thing is I never thought about these details before,I found out about pregnancy. I m very sorry putting my story here as I m still waiting for abortion but I would really appreciate if someone who have had similar situation would share it with me.

Feb 27, 2017
I need my baby back
by: Anonymous

I was dealing with this man for 7 years and all though we were toxic I loved him and still do but don't get me wrong I never want to see him again in life...sometimes love isn't enough. After we broke up 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant and he said the most hurtful words like (anything that comes out of you isn't mines ) I already have a son that's 16 months and I just recently lost my job and I was suppose to start school. I thought this isn't the time and things would be a thousand times harder plus I know how my ex is and he emotionally drains me so I could only imagine how my life would be having a baby with him. I recently got the abortion February 24th and all I know is I went to sleep pregnant and woke up not pregnant. I feel like I hate myself, I feel like I could've sacrificed, I didn't donit to my son who is the most precious thing in my life so why deprive my 2nd baby of love life. Who am I to take a life when god gave me mines . I just wish things were different and I didn't feel how I felt and I would've kept my baby. My life will never be the same I feel like I'm only living for my son because right now how I feel I literally hate myself.

Feb 25, 2017
by: Anonymous

Reading some of these messages brings me to tears! My story is different from yours but we still have a bond through this experience we share...
I was in an abusive relationship for almost 8 years. When I finally got the nerve to leave it was one of the most challenging things I've ever done. I wavered, I questioned it all, but I k ew he wouldn't change. 1 month after leaving I had a sickening feeling when a work colleague was talking of her period pain...we'd always had ours at the same time. I gave it an extra week, convinced it was the stress of leaving the ex that my period hadn't arrived.
By the time I took the test, there was no denying I was pregnant.
When I was 22 I was told by my gynae that it would be unlikely I'd be able to conceive a child because of the endometriosis I suffer had scared my ovaries significantly.
As I stared in disbelief at the pregnancy test, now aged 34, I had already made up my mind what had to happen next.
I had a surgical abortion 2 weeks later at 9 weeks gestation.
I had tried to not sleep with my ex before I left, but there was one night.. the night.
I felt so angry with myself that I could let this happen! And then knowing I may never conceive again I got rid of my one chance of being a mother, something I've always wanted!
I knew I couldn't bring a child up without a father but I couldn't have the father in my life- this baby would've connected us for life and he was not a good person!
I made the right choice for me and for the baby I carried. My child would've grown up susceptible to addiction tendencies and without a father. I'm also very much alone and knew I couldn't cope.
I don't regret my decision, but I still miss my child. I know he would've been a boy. And he'd be almost 2 months old now.
But i couldn't carry him because of who his father was, and that makes me angry and scared.

To the rest of you who have posted here, I pray for you all and wish you luck, love and above all strength! DONT be hard on yourselves! You are amazing strong empowered women! You now have to go on living, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other...
Remember, you are NOT alone!

Feb 18, 2017
I regret my abortion
by: Na_e1

Hello, I completely understand and relate to how a lot of people on this thread are feeling. I had a surgical abortion on the 17th feb 2017 (so only a few days ago) at 8 weeks pregnant. I have been with my partner since we were both 15 and we're now 19 however we felt as though we were too young for a baby and would be unable to give it everything it needs. Due to my background, I was scared that my dad would kick me out and not accept my pregnancy. As well as having my place for university secured for September, I was really torn between living my life and having this baby. My partner was very supportive of everything and said he would be with me no matter what. However I felt as though having an abortion would be the right thing to do. It wasn't until today, (the day after) that I've realised I've made the biggest mistake of my life and that i shouldve kept the baby. I feel empty and as though something is missing and I even feel as though maybe I should have another one to help me get over this. I just keep crying that I want my baby back but the sad reality of it just takes over. I miss all the small things like waking up and seeing my tiny bump in the mirror, sleeping whilst holding my stomach & even feeling extra hungry knowing it was for my baby. I'm so devastated and traumatised by everything & I really hope one day soon I'll be able to forgive myself for this.

Feb 08, 2017
I feel differently about myself now
by: Anonymous

So on June 1st 2016 I met my gorgeous boyfriend, but June 17th we was officially a couple! Being with him felt so different right from the start I knew this would be a life long relationship! We've been together for almost 8 months and already saving for a house, talking about a family one day and planning lovely little trips for us to go on. From the start we used protection, up until 6 months in, very stupid I know and we definitely should of expected it. I have never missed a period even without using protection but January was different. My last period was December 17th and the whole baby making must of happened just after. On January 20th I decided to take a test because I had missed my period and my boobs had grow double (with a sore tender feeling) I knew I wasn't pregnant so I did it like it was nothing. As soon as the two lines showed up I instantly fell in love and also felt heart brake. I was 5 weeks gone only a bunch of cells but my baby is inside me. I knew what I had to do, my boyfriend and I spoke about it but decided abortion was the best option for me being 18 and still in college. 1 week and 2 days later I had my abortion. It was the worst day and pain of my life. 1 and a half weeks later the bleeding is still happening. All I can think of is holding my baby on my chest knowing the bond and love we have. I miss my baby. I know it wasn't a baby but they're so special to me. I've even given it a name (boy name only because I've always thought I'd have a boy first) I can talk to my boyfriend about it but I feel even with his support I'm going through this on my own. I just want my baby back

Feb 04, 2017
by: Anonymous


I am really struggling at the moment, I thought writing it on here might help but not to sure. I was 23years old and found out I was pregnant it was un planned and it was a big shock when I seen the positive pregnancy test I went into such shock and couldn't speak really to anyone. I told my boyfriend who I have been with for a very long time and he was the same, he recently had some treatment which made him really poorly and you are not allowed to get pregnant recieving this treatment or 6 months later it was about 4 months and they say if it happens your child can be seriously defected. I felt like the whole decision was taken out of my hands at the time and because I knew this I had a termination. Its been 10 months now and I have never felt so low in my life, I cry all the time and it's always on my mind. My partner doesn't seem to understand how I am feeling and say it's something we had to do, I have always wanted to children and really want a child but my partner is going through some hard medical problems and this is getting in the way. I really don't know what to do.

Jan 29, 2017
The right choice but emotionally in pain
by: Anonymous

My story is a little different. I went to do a pcos test cause my family have it, its the day of the scan part of test and my new boyfriend is in waiting room. I didn't expect to hear this when I'm there cause I was in fear that I couldn't have kids but the lady looked at me and back at the screen a few times so I made a joke "so doc does it say I'm a alien" her face fell a little I could see she had news and didn't know how to say it I thought the test was positive and silence filled the room she then said "the reason you have not fallen pregnant is cause your early 5weeks pregnant" I was shocked cause I'm not with that person. So I spoke to my boyfriend and we decided best for the child was to get abortion done cause the father is really a mother. yes I feel bad but the baby would of grown with so many problems cause she was taking hormones and stoped long enough to pregnate me and i didnt know she stoped taking them. doc said this is the right thing to do. My boyfriend and best friend came with me to get procedure done cause I decided it was best for my little dot and I was suffering with bad morning sickness. They were lovely people who did the procedure and they understand why I cried as soon as I woke up from procedure I was 6weeks pregnant. Till this day I still miss my baby. I keep reminding myself it was best for the baby even tho I feel incomplete I been seeing new borns everywhere and I had to go buy something for my dot even tho I don't have a baby I still feel the baby little spirit around me I know it sounds crazy cause it was just a bunch of cells but to me its more than cells. Thank you for reading my story I hope my story helps.

Jan 24, 2017
8 weeks and I aborted
by: Anonymous

I'm 22, I found out I was pregnant a few weeks before Christmas last year so it was quite recent. I had been sleeping with a guy, got quite close with him and his family but he wasn't ready for a relationship. I noticed I had missed my period so I decided to take a pregnancy test and found out I was 3+ weeks. When I found out I was so excited knowing that I could have children after thinking for so long I couldn't. He on the other hand, wasn't so excited. He went on about how we weren't together, money and how we were both living. I started to think how he thought and decided to go through with the abortion. I have never felt so much pain, not only physically but mentally. He wasn't there for me after the abortion and still isn't now, we no longer talk and I did stupid things like going out drinking? I soon realised that drinking wasn't the answer when all I could scream was that I wanted my baby back. I think about it every day and how much I regret it as I felt the love for my child as soon as I saw the bean on the scan screen but a lot of people disagreed with my pregnancy. I would love to be pregnant again, it's all I ever think about. I became depressed after the abortion and didn't feel my life was worth living. I think about what my child would have been, boy or girl, names and how happy I would have been and how happy my baby would have been. Some times abortion isn't for everyone.

Jan 19, 2017
Aborted at 10weeks 12days for self interest & now filled with greif
by: Anonymous

I got pregnant with my fiance even after taking emergency pills. We both didn't knew much and ever thought of possibility of pregnancy.
We were supposed to get married 3 months later.
2 months before i got to know and by the fear of society and thinking how will I handle the baby though I am 26 and my fiance 32. He stays abroad and thinking we both are new and may be family wont allow me to go with him or rules or if i my visa got delayed. How will i do job in a new country and how will i enjoy there with this new pregnancy...all personal interests. I was not at all ready mentally, physically and so my fiance. Though he was ready to keep it but afraid of his parents and society.
He came back, we did court marriage and then I aborted my 10 weeks child at that time i was so sure that i don't want it.
It was a painful procedure, my fiance started regretting the abortion after seeing my condition.
After the abortion, i feel so empty, filled with regret and grief and keep on thinking what if i have kept it. Why it came in this time. that pregnancy could have come after the wedding.
Now i crave for baby. I am getting married after 15 days. Nobody knew i aborted. i am going through such a regret and self hate that I didnt love my baby and aborted.

Jan 13, 2017
Feel so empty inside
by: Anonymous

I missed my periods on the 15th of August 2016... Did a home pregnancy test n it ca me out positive. But when I went to the doctor he couldn't see anything. Went back again after 2 weeks, I already the baby growing inside, I was excited when the doctor told me that I was 6weeks pregnant. Told the guy I was dating. He totally freaked, told me how he didn't want to have a child. How I'm trying to make him stay with me because of the situation. I hated myself, I terminated n now I'm so empty inside, everything is just a mess. I want my baby😭😭😭😭😭

Jan 05, 2017
I know how you feel
by: Jackie

I'm a freshman in college and I'm 18. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year and a half and I found I was pregnant. I was very sad and happy. I was happy because my boyfriend and I always planned to have a family but sad because my dad and mom are old and sick and hearing that I was pregnant would've dissapointed them very much. I made the decision to abort, I was 5 weeks. Now I regret it so much because ai could've been happy with my baby and I wish I would've never done it.

Dec 27, 2016
by: sydney

I was only 14 years old when i got pregnant, i felt sick one night and i went to the hospital and they told me i was pregnant, they were all really nice and actually seemed like they supported whatever choice i made. I was in shock, because my boyfriend & mother were sitting out in the waiting room wondering what the doctor has to say. We stopped at a store on the way home & i then told them both i was pregnant after crying because i thought of my dad telling me as a child he knows i would be a teen mother . I was in shock with the news but really knew i was mature enough for my age to take care of the baby even if i had to do it alone. My mom was worried about what it might look like on her , and my boyfriend who was 16 at the time kept telling me he wanted one but we just werent ready my mom helped me through the process of the appointment
And was really supportive , but i feel everyday that i made a decision that i HIGHLY regret, it was so painful after the operation knowing it was gone. I had just heard the heartbeat and saw what my baby looked like for the first time. I have always loved children & have always been good with them. Everyone just acts as if it didnt happen but i made a decision because of how everyone else felt that changed my life. i had done everything right i was on the pill and even got switched to nexplanon and still got pregnant. they said im very fertal GODS GIFT :( The depression does not end, it has been a year and the thought that me & my boyfriend jake could have a beautiful child and family of own to celebrate holidays and all of it. My boyfriend is extremely good with children also and both of our faces light up when we see them. I feel i have sinned and i hope god will forgive for worrying about what others felt & thought about MY PREGNANCY. My boyfriends sister is 19 and just got pregnant and doesnt even take care of herself while pregnant nor is she responsible or have any money except for there motjer who she robs blind and her boyfriend doesnt have a job , im extremely jealous because everyone supports her pregnancy but i had to kill my baby and i was more responsible then her at 14 and still am today at 15!! :( i want my baby back i miss you heartbeat

Dec 25, 2016
I feel everyones pain
by: Shannon

I had an abortion 2 days ago. And i feel broken. I tuned 20 a week ago. And at 20, I have my own car, place, job and school. I had everything planned for me. The guy who impregnated me was a guy I only dated for 2 weeks. He was 26 and successful, also had a baby girl of his own. A great father. He wanted a baby, and for the first time, I wanted the feel of motherhood and my own family. So we planned it but never really checked to see if I got pregnant. We broke up about a week later, and the night after, I took 2 home tests.
I was pregnant. I was shocked but set on trying to see if we could work. A baby doesn't tie a man down, but I was willing to do it on my own. For two weeks we went back and forth. My family subliminally leaned towards abortion, because I had such a bright future and a baby will only hold me back. Non the less, a baby whose father isn't with the mother. They told me they would support me regardless, but it was unnecessary to bring a child into this world when I clearly wasn't ready. The guy didn't hesitate for abortion. It never crossed his mind that I should keep it. I set my mind on keeping it, and kept going back and forth for two whole weeks. Finally the day came, and after the procedure I was in so much pain.Both physically and emotionally. I will never be the same...and I will never forgive myself. I will live with the "what-if" for the rest of my life.
I pray to God that I can see my angel one day. And that I could fill in this huge hole I have in my heart.
I am broken ....

Nov 08, 2016
My experience
by: Anonymous

Hi, just like you, i too had an unplanned pregnancy and abortion just a few months before yours. I don't have a solution to your problem but I hope my story will give you a little feeling of support. I want you to know that you are not alone and you're struggles are heard and it will get better. When I told my then bf that I was pregnant, he said he was not prepared. I told him I am having baby regardless, he can run away and will raise it on my own. He said he "loved" me and wanted to be with me but not the baby. That was already a red flag. Anyways, I was still on college, i was afraid of hurting my family's feelings although im sure they will welcome my baby with open arm, i was scared of the whole pregnancy process, i was afraid i will be a bad mom and will not be able to give everything to my baby, plus my then bf prefer we get married first, have a house, etc before having a baby. With all these on my plate, I opt in for abortion. I put it all behind and started a new life. Then my bf (now ex) who wanted to have a "perfect" life first before having a baby is not even making enough effort. Then all of a sudden our relationship just feel so empty for me. I realized I really wanted to keep my child but because of pride and fear I lost my child. I was afraid of being labelled as an irresponsible mother yet I was because on my case, I actually wanted to keep it. It was and still is painful untill today. But the deed is already done. I left by then bf and worked on myself. I ask forgiveness from my child, from my family (indiry), to myself and God. Now am I on the road. It hurts from time to time and i tell my baby how much I love and miss him/her even though i never get to see/touch him/her.

Just like what happened to me, you are suffering from a loss. Acknowledge it and give it a closure (like when a family member dies, there is funeral. Looking up the stages of grief helped me understand what I was going through.)
Please also make peace with yourself. Admit you made a mistake, make amends, and forgive youself. We all make mistakes, and sometimes these mistakes cannot be fix or bring back, so the only way is to accept and move forward. Know that you still deserve to be happy, and that you will find love again, the kind that is right, and most of all, you will have a chance to carry a beautiful little human again and embrace that gift and cherish it.

You are not alone. Don't be afraid to tell your child ur sorry, u miss him/her, and that u love him/her dearly. Life is new every morning, do dont also be afraid to start again. xx

Nov 06, 2016
Father has a plan for every one
by: Maria

Im not saying in perfect. I also had an abortion and i was pressured and always stressful to end up doing itii. But that does not give me the right to stop Fathers plan. I should have known better .i should have thought of after life and what i needed instead of what wanted. Every1 wants to be succesful in life. We want to be alwayz like some1 but we forget that all of those things we want will come to an end the day we leave this sorrowful world . The very same day will be the day we will need those babies we are now saying they disrupts in our lives. I know that when we are preg we dont think wisely, our main focus is getting rid of the baby. We need backround which is what makes me hate those abortion encouragers more bcos. They think better than pregnant ladies do. But know this God forgives. No matter how black our sins are and He ask as not to dwell in the past. He says we should focus on the fufure and as well as resenting to him so that we can be forgiven and meet our babies the day we leave this world.i miss my baby too much. But i should focus on building myr road to my baby and God. What's done is done. I now know better and im praying and regret myself for what i did. Abortion is murder regardless of why i did it. Feeling guilty accepting your mistakes and resembling to God is what will give you inner peace. Im now 17 and if it wasnt for that i would now be trying for another.but in order to sustain in this world i have to study and pray for fathers forgivness.i love and miss my child. But with hard work and commiting to Gods work, we will meet again in a better place

By Maria Tintswalo

Nov 06, 2016
i am empty can
by: Anonymous

I was 14when i got raped and by the fear of being treated differently, i did not tell any1.months later i found out that i was preg. Yet stil i kept it to my self, i knew i impregnated by the rapist cos he is the1 who took my viginity. at the month8 my mother managed to see that i was preg at 1st she was angry.but later on she accepted the situation. i told her that i didnt know my baby daddy cos i dated 2 guys(which was a total lie) i lied tosave her becouse she is an old person and old people are likely to suffer from various illnesses. At the age of 17 i meet a young guy at school and he impregnateid me .i was so stressed to find out that i was preg again before the age of 18.and i was underpressure.i told my bf and he was not happy with it.and besifes that he had 2 ather kids .i wanted to keep it but my father was not happy with it as well as my peers at school and community. My twin brother would also tease of how stupid i am and pointing at my belly like trash. I got angry and managed to abort my baby. I thought i was proving every1 wrong but 1 was only gigging my own grave. A now cannot sleep,eat nor live with the thought of im doing this yet i denied some1 that opportunity.i every day look at my 1st born playing and doing all those crazy things kids do and think to my self what my 2nd would be doing now. I sometimes think of taking my life so i can be with her. But i know she is in a place where no sinners like me are'nt allowed. I hope God forgives me for denying her life and also for ruining His plan for her my advice to any1 thinking of aborting is to think of life after death which is your real future. Education is important but here on earth and you can repeat the following year . Nothing is valuable than a life of a man. And remember there is no turning back. I now live mylife in fear for i know i might never have another child for good. I was scared of death but not anymore for i know im going to be with my child im the kingdom of Father.

Oct 13, 2016
never gets better
by: Anonymous

I'm a 59 year old man who's wife had an abortion nearly 30 years ago now. I have felt unbearable guilt since that day in not defending the rights of my unborn baby who would be an adult by now. It just has never got better for me and it will continue to haunt me all the way to the grave. I continually wonder what my daughter or son would have made of themselves. I got stuck in a marriage that I couldn't escape from (my own fault). I have not had any children, mostly because I felt I didn't deserve any after the atrocity that I allowed to happen. Even after 30 years, I still tear up when trying to write about it. The only thing I can hope for is that my child is waiting for me up above, and if I'm allowed up there, that we will meet and walk hand in hand to the end of the universe. Then continue into the next galaxy together for eternity.

Oct 09, 2016
I share your story
by: Anonymous

I'm 23 years old. I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years. We've never used condoms and I've never been pregnant never taken a plan b. I never thought I would get pregnant and have to decide whether to have the baby. This pass February I had an abortion and I've never been the same since. I'm falling apart mentally and emotionally because of the regret I feel. My boyfriend of course young and afraid didn't want to have a baby although he never directly told me to have one. I new in my heart that's what he wanted. I was afraid and overwhelmed. I went through the procedure alone without telling him. Once I told him after the fact he was hurt but I new he also felt a sense of relief. That night I dreamt I was at my wedding reception with my boyfriend with we had our first dance with a young child that was a spitting image of my bf. I woke from my dream in tears because I new in my heart I killed my little boy. I don't know why I made this decision. I wish I could turn back time. I hope one day I could move on from this feeling. My boyfriend seems to be the same I don't see any signs that's he's hurting as well. Today I secretly wish I was pregnant. I know it won't undo what I did but I hope it would start healing me.

Sep 29, 2016
I am pregnant
by: Anonymous

I had an abortion before. I have never agreed with them. But when I found out I was pregnant with my second child I was sick. I almost died with my first and was as sick with this pregnancy so I terminated and it killed me. I begged God to give me my child back one day. I got pregnant again and miscarried. Its been five years and I am expecting. It is not a good time. I am broke my bf is on drugs and was horrible to me this last year. But yet I still want my baby, but I will lose my home have no place for my child and everyone in my family and his says to abort. Yet I still can't get myself to be okay with this. I love my child. I don't think I can handle this again. Help please.silica

Sep 28, 2016
Divorced and he doesn't know
by: Anonymous

I was happily married on 10/17/15 and within less than 2 months into my marriage, I found out that he has been cheating on me and going to those indecent sex parlors. I left him, packed my things and filed for divorce the following day. Within the same week I realized that I had missed my period and had tender breasts but I assumed it was due to stress and the shock of what he did to me.. I took a home pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant, only about 4 weeks along. I had my abortion about 4 days later. He never knew. The last time I saw him was earlier this year when I dropped off the divorce papers.. I am in pain. i know I did the right thing. I am thankful that I was quick to get out of a marriage that began as a disaster, but I often wonder.. why.. why me? I did the right thing, got my master's degree, got married at 28, got pregnant after marriage. I have a career, but it still all came crashing down. The abortion was not painful and I was sedated, but the guilt and sadness swarms over me ever so often. It's been 9 months since my procedure. I should be giving birth around this time. I've always wondered what he or she would have looked like, must be a cute one. Sometimes I want to reach out to him and tell him but I know I'm not ready yet, it will be out of spite and I'll be even more hurt about it. But one day.. one day when I can talk about it without breaking down. I know deep down that I have been given a second chance. I grew up in a broken family and I didn't want to do that to my child. Im 29 and it scares me because I am ready to be a mother, but just with the right man. I hope one day I'll find peace with my decision and move on..

Sep 17, 2016
I feel so guilty
by: Anonymous

I am now 22, and I had an abortion 4 years ago, I was in an abusive relationship and he hated children and he pretty much pressured me into having an abortion and I was also very sick and undergoing long-term treatment for tb, I was severely underweight and the doctors told me it would be a high risk pregnancy, so I went ahead with the abortion. I am in a much better place in a much happier relationship and are currently trying for a baby again however I am terrified I ruined the chances of having a baby as I had to have the baby surgically removed due to complications, and since I started trying for a baby the grief of what I did is hitting me harder than ever before and I just feel disgusted with myself and I hate myself for letting someone bully me into making a decision I was not happy with. I thought the grief would get easier but I feel like it is just getting worse.

Sep 15, 2016
The grass isn't always greener...
by: Anonymous

I can't say things will get better, just know in your heart you did what was right for the person you were then and the circumstances of that moment.
Ironically my son was born on the 8th of June, and believe me the decision to have him was never an easy one.
I had been with my partner for 2 years when I found out I was pregnant. Stupidly, I believed I couldn't conceive due to a medical condition so we never used protection.
I would always say "I wouldn't go through with it if I found out I was pregnant" but it's certainly not as easy as all that. I wouldn't eat or sleep, I wasted every minute searching online the 'right answer' of what I should do.
My BFs family (& I mean ALL of them) surrounded me one night telling me how it would ruin my BFs life if I had a baby.
Long story short, I argued with everyone, I hated him (I've never forgiven his family) but told him that I had to keep my baby with or without him I didn't care.
Needless to say my son is now 3 months old and I'm glad I defied everyone around me and all the obstacles I knew I'd have to face.
However, if this is any reassurance, yes I love my son, but there are plenty of days where I think "where would I be, WHO would I be if I hadn't done this?" And I mourn for my old, carefree life, and wish there was a 'sliding doors' effect I could hop back and forth between.
You made the right decision for you and I do worry at times that I made the wrong one for me. We are only human and sometimes the lessons we learn carry us to the end.
Please don't think I'm ungrateful or regret my son, I love him beyond expression, I just want to show you it's not all plain sailing on the other side.
But, if your baby is meant to come back to you then s/he will, somehow.
I'm not sure what I believe with religion, but just know that your baby does forgive you and in your idea of heaven you'll be together again one day, just ensure that THAT day will be after you've lived a long, beautiful life filled with no regrets.

I'm sending all my love to you and to all those reading that relate to anything on this topic.
I hope for your sake you find peace with your decision. Good luck & have a wonderful life x

Sep 09, 2016
I wish i tried harder
by: Anonymous

I was 29 and was happy when I found out I was pregnant, but scared to tell my on and off again bf. I knew he didn't want kids. My morning sickness started right away and was 24/7. When I told my bf he kept asking me to get an abortion and wanted to know why I wouldn't do it. So after fighting with him for a week and becoming so sick I couldn't go to work. I finally agreed. I remember being relived I could finally eat again that night. But the next morning it hit me what I had done. And I've regretted it ever since. It's been just over a year now, and all I want is my baby. I blame myself for giving up and not trying harder.

Sep 08, 2016
In that boat
by: Anonymous

I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant. I was still in highschool, and I had like had a "fling" with this guy, he wasn't a good guy. Sort of aggressive, condescending, minipulative and had no ambitions I guess.. I don't know why I was with him but I kind of adored him. anyway, weeks went on and I met someone else lmao, but I'm still with him today. I'd received hate messages from the druggo etc and he just made my life hell. But, about a month later I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. I'd had tender swollen breasts, and been sleeping so much. I knew it was his, at the time I was with my school nurses and they had me booked for everything right on the spot, ultrasound, blood tests etc. I sort of made the decision there that I didn't want it, it took about 2 weeks to finally book the abortion. And in that few weeks I came to love the baby inside me.. I wanted to care for it, I stopped drinking and I loved it.. I named it... I grew this huge connection, which made the abortion so much harder. But I thought about the life it would have with its shitty violent dad, and my family wouldn't support me, so it would just be me and the baby I guess, I thought it would be selfish of me to keep it and that's what was best. The abortion was the most traumatic thing I have ever been through. To this day. I regret the abortion.. I miss being pregnant.. I miss the potential .. It makes me so sad to know that I will never see their face, or see the baby as a toddler. Although it was best for me at the time.. I want another baby,. I'm still too young

Jul 30, 2016
Living with the guilt
by: Anonymous

My story is a lot more different which is probably why I'm also guilty. I fell pregnant when I was 19 and my boyfriend 21. We'd been together for a year and a few weeks. When I found out I was pregnant the first thing that came to mind was to get rid of it cause I was only 3 weeks along. My boyfriend was out of the country on work at the time and I was alone but mostly scared. He wasn't keen on the idea but I managed to talk him into allowing me to have one for various reasons mainly because of my family and school. The past 6 months were hell. We fought a lot. He doesn't blame me, well at least he says he doesn't. I hate myself so much. I know a baby could change so many things but I can't carry on with this guilt weighing over my shoulders. My heart literally breaks when I see I pregnant teenager.I was very selfish and I wish I could undo everything but hey, what's done is done

Jul 29, 2016
I know your pain
by: Anonymous

Hi I find this site really helpful! I can relate to a lot of your story's. I'm 24 year's old & I had a abortion at the age of 19. At that time I didn't have a job,car,house, bank account NOTHING. My boyfriend was 19 also with a job & car but we both still lived with our parent's! Long story short we found out we were expecting. I didn't know how to feel.I knew that I loved my unborn child & the father very much but I wasn't ready. He would hold my hair back when I was sick . Feed me , give me massages & tried to convince me that we would be okay. I didn't see it that way.He begged & begged me to keep it but I was unsure. He would try to kiss or rub my belly but I would always stop him because in my mind my decision to terminate my pregnancy was already made & the date was approaching. I never told him the day because I knew he would go & try to stop me .The night before I stayed with my big cousin. At this point she had already had 3 abortions so she knew what to expect...That morning I woke up took a xanax & counted the money I had to pay the clinic..I bursed into tears...how can I be paying someone to kill & take my baby from me it blew my mind but at that point I felt it was to late to turn back. My boyfriend called me over & over but I didn't answer cuz I knew he was trying to convince me not to do it. He was at work & said he atleast wanted to be there but I knew that would make it harder so I went alone.They took my money , took my blood , & gave me more meds to relax myself then they gave me a ultrasound they ask you would you like the screen facing you or not I told them to not face it my way...she then told me I was lucky I was 1 day before 13 weeks & where I live after 13weeks they won't do it she left the room for a quick second.I than set up just a little & I could see the baby ....it looked as if it was developed alot I bursed into tears once again but this time I was really loopy they took me to another room where I waited with other woman who were waiting as well. It was dead silent & felt weird almost like I was dreaming. Finally it was my turn I will never forget the day I took my angel away. I cried for days month's years the pain is still there like it was just yesterday. My boyfriend forgave me but we broke up not long after because it destroyed us but we remain friends. When I turned 21 I found out I was pregnant once again by the same man but this time around I had a job car and house & we were so excited.I could finally give him a baby after taking his 1st away. We now have a handsome healthy happy 2 year old son he a AWESOME father & I LOVE motherhood sometimes I look at my son & wonder what the other baby would have been like & there's not a day that goes by I don't think about that baby...but it's gotten easier over the year's I still hurt over my decision it's just something that sticks with you no matter what... but I will NEVER ever do it again no unborn child should half to suffer from your mistakes but I take it 1 day at a time & ask god to forgive me & take care of my angel baby even tho I haven't forgiven myself yet! I know over time it will get better but I still love my baby & somedays I want him or her back but that's not realistic

Jul 22, 2016
I know how you feel
by: Anonymous

I made the awful decision 23 years ago. I guess I have been in shock or denial...or something...all these years. Numb, as I blocked a lot of the experience out immediately. I felt I would probably regret it later if not right then. I was able to suppress all of my feelings and grief for YEARS. Until recently. It hit like a ton of bricks. I've finally been able to discuss it with the baby's father's family members (although I haven't spoken to him since it happened). I got answers to questions I've had on how he felt, if it was as dark and horrible of a time for him as it was me (Sadly, it was). These were all things I've needed to know.
I was only 18 at the time and so scared. Just out of the shock alone, I know I waited way too long to go through with it (NO time is a good time to do it). I was farther along than it ever should have even been legal by the time I went.
I have 3 beautiful, perfect kids now. But I regret the decision I/we made so bad and I just want to take it all back. My thoughts are consumed by my past. All I can think about is how badly I want my baby back. My heart hurts.
I am so anti abortion now it's unreal. I could never ever in a million years recommend someone go through this and put themselves through it just to take the easy way out, no matter how scared they may be. It has not been and is still NOT easy. It is torture. Viewing my own body as a graveyard is pure HELL. I pray for forgiveness, I know I'm forgiven by God. But it's a decision so horrible that I don't know if I can ever forgive myself.
If I can save just 1 baby...

Jul 21, 2016
i hate myself he lied to make me get rid of our baby
by: Anonymous

its been 4 months since my abortion and everyday i hope i wont wake up the next morning im 27 my partner was 19 i tried so hard to not give into temptation but he kept pushing eventually it happend after 2 month we gave in couldnt fight our feelings any longer, for 8 years i was convinced i couldnt have children id never been on protection tried for 3 years with an ex partner it wasnt him he had 2 kids with a previous partner so it had to be me, so i eventually excepted id never be a mother i so desperately wanted to be. so after 8 years of trying and nothing not a scare wen i got with my new partner we never used protection as i truly believed i couldnt, 4 months down the line i found out i was pregnant i was over the moon yet horrified to tell my partner i new what he would say, i know he was younge but me being older it was the right time in my life and after thinking it would never happen i didnt want to give that up, he rote me this letter explaining his feelings and that were not ready to be parent yet it would absolutly destroy him if i went through with the pregnacy and then went on to say now we know i can have kids we can look forward to the most amazing future together he promised me everything id ever dreamed of and i truly believed him so went through with the termination i woke up after the operation and coudnt stop crying i went home and wished theyed missed it somehow it didnt work silly i know, and then 2 weeks later hes left me i used to be such a nice happy person now i dont recognise who i am any more im miserable a horible person im lost i dont no what to do i rally wish i didnt belive him i rally wanted to keep the baby but did it for him and now its like ive lost everything him the baby me i dont know who i am i feel so empty

Jun 23, 2016
I know the feeling
by: Anonymous

From the moment i swollowed the first pill i knew i had made a mistake! I already have a 6 year old i had when i was a teen and feel if i could do it then i could do it again. The baby was by the same guy he just kept saying we couldnt have this baby and i didnt want to be alone raising 2 kids! So i went through with the procedure even tho deep down inside i know i didn't want to im so saddened by my final choice. It feels like im in a dream i cant wake up from if i would have known the guilt the unconditional love for my sweet little baby i had before the fact i would still be pregnant right now! I just have the strongest feeling of wanting to be pregnant again so bad. I WANT MY BABY BACK ! I feel it was a girl i always wanted a daughter! My angel baby fly high.

Jun 21, 2016
by: Helen Wadsworth

You poor girl. When I read how you were feeling I can empathise and sympathise with you. And because I'm a mum and grandma of 52 and have been there and worn the t.shirt for myself and 2nof my daughter's I promise you WILL get thru this. Life is a hard cruel lesson so learn from this. Don't judge yourself too harshly. My love goes out to you. But you must talk about your feelings don't bottle them up darling.

Jun 14, 2016
I know how your feeling.
by: Anonymous

Every single day I think about my baby and the guilt that I denied it life eats me up every single day.
Me and my partner had just got back together in November 2015 and I was at the start of my new job after completing university so we both decided now was not the right time to bring a child into the world as we were not stable ourselves.
I was 8 weeks 5 days, and had the abortion in February this year.
I saw the scan and my precious baby Laying there so peacefully. I took the first pill and then had to go to the bathroom to insert the other pills where I broke down. I was thinking what the hell am I doing! The love I had for my unborn child was unconditional already and I knew I wanted this baby no matter what the circumstances were, I asked the nurse if I could stop the procedure in floods of tears on the bathroom floor but unfortunately it was too late. I left and just felt completley numb my partner obviously hurting too. The pain was awful and I remember my baby passing so tiny and innocent. I had a month off work and returning i just felt so guilty.
I've now been diagnosed with depression and take citalopram and have counselling which does help but I constantly have the what ifs in my mind, I named my baby harlyn (I'm convinced it was a girl) and stare at the stars every night hoping to see the brightest one there. All I want is my baby back, and I live full of regret. Id love a baby now, it's always in my mind. I feel so guilty for wanting that! Am I a bad person I don't know? It does get easier but your baby will always be a part of you. I just hope mine has forgiven me and I know she's being looked after by many precious angels in heaven x

May 27, 2016
I still can't believe I had an abortion
by: Anonymous

I had an abortion 34 years ago. Still cry almost everyday regretting it. I become numb when I think about it because I still cannot believe I aborted my baby. My child's father was denying it. This was my very first relationship at 23 years old. We were only intimate 3 times before i became pregnant. The pregnancy was not planned but when I found out I was excited to be a mother. I carried the child for 10 weeks and felt instant and pure love for my child. I still cannot understand how I ended up aborting my child. I most have just broke. My mother would say why do you want a baby by someone thats treating you like that denying your child and all. I feel she should have help support me having the baby seeing how much I wanted it. Maybe she did not realize how much love I was feeling. I miss my baby still. I will always love you angel. I still cannot understand how I let you go. I'm in so much pain still. I regret I thought your dad's happiness was more important than mine. But you never should have been sacrificed for either of us. When I was put to slept for the procedure I woke up not knowing they had already started and told them I didn't want to go through it. But was told it was too late cause the procedure was already started. I hurt so much feeling like you were just taken from me. I love you sngel, please forgive me.

Dec 02, 2015
I miss my little hero sooo much
by: Anonymous

I had an abortion just under 2weeks ago and I feel like I died with my little angel. I'm 25 and have always loved having kids and all my life loved seeing babies and pregnant women and would always think of how I cant wait for my turn. I'm the kind of person who goes to the kids section in stores and looks at baby clothes for their cuteness.
I found out I was pregnant when I was still 2weeks cause I was suspecting it already. When I told my boyfriend of 6years now he was calm and just said we had two options,to keep the baby or abort.I was very confused when I found out cause I really didn't expect in reality to have a baby now at least. After a while I just asked my bf to let me know exactly what he wanted but I think what I really wanted from him was validation and excitement cause I already knew I wanted to keep my baby deep down.He kept saying he was sure he wanted to have an abortion but if I decided to keep the baby he would behind me 100%.I think this agitated me more and more because I kept asking him(hoping he would have gotten around and become excited) and he would say the same thing.I eventually made a hasty booking at the clinic on a Thursday for Saturday. Thursday evening I texted him exactly how I felt and that I would never be able to live with it...yet he kept saying whatever I decided he'd support.
I went to his place on Friday evening and because I was so mad at him I just went to bed and set the alarm for Sat morning.When I woke up I asked him if this is what he really wanted and he nodded his head.I went to shower,crying hysterically and talking to my child about the new world I was taking him to as I showered. I think I had just submitted to doing what he wanted by then. He drove to the clinic but I got even more confused cause he started crying in the car and saying we should keep the baby but I was just so mad I egnored him.It was the most horrifying thing I have ever lived to do and I just cannot live.I started cutting myself and overdosing when we got back cause I just can't believe I could do something like that to someone I have been anticipating my whole life. I miss my boy sooo much and what hurts is I didn't even go for a scan before and believe this would have changed alot of things. I miss my boy sooo much it hurts.
My bf looked for a psychologist that I've started seeing but I don't know if this will help.I'm a believer of Christ and have been feeling his touch in my life because I feel I can handle things abit the past 2days. Last week I went to light a candle for my son and named him. I really don't see how I went through with this honestly and keep thinking that its a horrible dream and someone will still wake me up.I don't know if its stages of depression but I just want to get pregnant again now.I 'spoke' to my son letting him know that I would never forget or replace him but I just want a lil sis or brother for him to be with mommy while he is in heaven. My bf is totally in disagreement saying its too soon. I totally resent him for letting me go through with this when he knew what I truly wanted but now I can see that he was in denial and unsure at the time himself but I still do resent him. We've been talking and after a while will go through counseling together.
I've taken three pregnancy test in the last 8days and the test line keeps getting weaker and weaker. I hate this so much I often pray that God would do a miracle and bring my baby back or sometimes wish that they totally missed my baby during the procedure but am losing hope each day.
I honestly don't know what got over me cause in my right mind I would have never ever done what I did. I wish I had spoken to more people about this before I made the hasty decision.
If there is anyone reading this and is unsure what to do, know that abortion is not a solution. It is a horrifying sickly thing to even exist. No matter your age or situation, eventually ur worst fear will come to pass but your love for your child will never go away,dead or alive. Keep your child and talk to as many people about your pregnancy, cause silence and deciding with another confused person will lead to a lifetime regret.

Dec 12, 2014
i just miss my baby
by: Anonymous

I had my abortion on sunday. And I just turned 17 a week ago on that Sunday. My boyfriend and I didn't know what to do. He was more excited than I was, because I am still in school.I was 10weeks and 3days pregnant. When I woke up after the procedure, I realize I had my baby half an hour ago and it was gone. Of course I was in pain but knowing he or she was gone, broke my heart. Wednesday,I went to school and I just starting crying nonstop. I kept saying "I'm sorry" I went home early and cried for hours. To feel I've lost it hurts me inside.I still have the ultrasound pictures when it was 8weeks and 3days. My love for my baby will never disappear. It gets harder everyday and all I want is my baby back.


ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!

Nov 10, 2014
by: Anonymous

Hey there, I have that exact same feeling, it's not something to push yourself over about though. I had my abortion about a month ago now, I'm 17, my baby's father is only 18, I was 10 weeks when I found out I was pregnant, and 12 weeks when I had the abortion. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, we have an amazing relationship, we love each other unconditionally, but when I found out about the baby, everything sort of went to sh*t. I didn't want it, I had just gotten fired from my job and he was just starting his, his parents had offered me and him support, his family is really close, everyone wanted to help out, they were so excited, but my homelike made me make my choice. My sister had a baby last year and I saw how my mom treated her, I no longer see my sister anymore and she's only a year older than me. I watched terrorizing things happen, I never told my mom or any of my family about the baby, I kept it a secret from them. I came home one night and my mom yelled at me and told me I was turning into my sister, it scared me because that's my biggest fear, I called and made an appointment that night. It hurt though, to make that phone call, my boyfriend was actually looking forward to being a father and I was kind of looking forward to having a family, but the decision I made was selfish in a way, but it was the best one, I did it on my own terms and its my biggest regret. I have a job now though and we're saving up money, I know it was for the better though, we have a chance to make a good lives for ourselves first, but I will always have that feeling of just wanting my baby back. But I know soon enough I'll have another chance, I just wasn't ready this time.

Oct 02, 2014
i want my baby back
by: Anonymous

I had an abortion six months ago. Why I did it I would rather not say. But only if I had the chance to to turn back the heads of time I would. I feel like the decision I had was selfish. I will never let the father of my child know why I really went through with it. But it's something we regret everyday of our lives. In less than two weeks I would have been giving birth to my baby and I feel so awful these days the guilt is totally taking a toll on me. Well I know what you've been through Jessica and I pray for peace for you as well as us others.

Jul 05, 2014
by: Chika

So 2 months ago I had an abortion. I was raped by a old man. They took me in their car to a house and takes me. I was 16 and just got out of foster care. During my pregnancy i didn't really acknowledge that i had a baby inside of me. It was difficult to go to school and to my sports knowing i was different. I kind of swept out under the rug because it was so traumatic to think about how my baby came to be. I didn't really know about how much the abortion procedure would hurt me. I know that it was the right thing to do, but how can the right choice be so painful and mean. More i think about how much it would of maybe hurt the baby and i hate myself every night. I have PTSD from the whole ordeal and am depressed and anxious. I was 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant and i miss knowing what i could of had. When i think about my baby i always say I'm sorry and I'll see you in heaven.

May 29, 2014
We want our baby back
by: Anonymous

So I know you may think I'm a *lut when I tell you this, but we were dating for two years and he have me a promise ring and was really sweet so we decided to have sex on our anniversary. Then I found out two weeks later that I was pregnant. My mom found out a month later because we thought it was best if we didn't tell our parents until we decided what we wanted to do. She forced me to get an abortion even though the father and I both decided we would get jobs and have our child. She said that 14 was too young to have a child even though she had me at 15, hypocrite much? So three months ago I got an abortion and my boyfriend(the father) and I have been so depressed and sad and regretful ever since. We were ready and willing to start a family together even if it wasn't on purpose. We want our baby back and it hurts so much to think that we had to end it's life. The worst part about it is that I can no longer see him, even though we both need each other for support. No, the worst part was that my mother forced me to watch the ultrasound monitor as my baby was removed from my body. I wish she would have let us, the parents, make the decision and didn't force me to watch that. I feel so horrible every day because of what I did, I want my baby back so my boyfriend and I could start our family like we had planned. :'(

May 05, 2014
by: Anonymous

Hi Jessica
I read your story and I understand why you did what you did...I had an abortion 15yrs ago. I didn't want to do it. My boyfriend (then) and my parents and practically the whole family and his were all for me not having the baby. I was young and straight out of school trying to please everyone. I felt all alone. No one seemed to take my feelings into consideration. I cried a lot and eventually tried to kill myself and the baby. My ex was a playa and also treated me as just one of his disposable possessions. Eventually after going into a deep depression I just gave in. I felt that God has left me to fend for myself. I couldn't talk to anyone. I had no money, no work. Throughout the procedure I cried and everyone told me that I'm young and will have a wonderful life and have other babies when I'm older. Well for years after that day I was in depression and I wanted my baby back every single day. I still do. I will never forgive myself for being so weak to let others decide what is good for me and my unborn child. I have this hole in my chest where my heart is supposed to be and it physicaly hurts when I think of my child. This crushing grief just never goes away. I close my eyes and pretend I am holding my baby and can feel him/her in my arms. I have learned to live with the pain & loss. I do have 2 beautiful children now but no one can replace the life that I so carelessly killed. I want my baby back God.

Mar 05, 2014
32yrs ago and I still have regrets.
by: Anonymous

I had an abortion 32 yrs ago this month.I was 19. I was scared at the time ,my boyfriend( first love)was quite supportive as we both wanted the baby. We had been together for 5 yrs.Both our sets of parents talked us into the abortion as they didn't want the embarressment of it. The whole experience was too traumatic that I never told a soul until 3 yrs ago. By boyfriend and I separated shortly afterwards due to the guilt and our parents. We never saw each other again until 3 yrs ago even though we lived 10 miles apart. We're both happily married with our own children now. However bumping into each other again has given us the opportnity too express our feelings about it all which we have both harboured for so many years. I never realised how much pain could return after 30 yrs. I try to forget but I just can't. Anyone reading this please think twice before going ahead with the abortion. Accept help and support if offered. Hope this helps.

Feb 20, 2014
It hurts and it cuts so so deep
by: Anonymous

No words can express the deep sorrow and pain one feels after abortion. The little, innocent life you carried inside you, its been two years for me and up to it hurts it cuts so so deep. We had our reasons then and they all made sense but I also want my baby back. Reality says life has to move on dear what's done is done have to pick up the broken pieces though it hurts. I pray and hope the Lord and my unborn baby will forgive me and to those who are thinking of abortion think twice.

Dec 17, 2013
2 children 2 abortions
by: Anonymous

Hi i feel what your all feeling i had my daughter first then and abortion 2 years after then had my baby boy 6 months ago and found out i was pregnant when he was 4 months old so felt there is no way i would be able to cope having them close together so i aborted i am so guilty i so wish i. Didn't do it now im never gonna get over what iv done

Nov 29, 2013
I cant stop thinking
by: Anonymous

I feel like this too a year and a half ago I went through an abortion by myself . I told the guy who knocked me up and he completely blew me off.then a cuple weeks after I Took my self to the clinic sat and waited in the waiting room nervous shaking. I go inside they do blood work and w.e . Did a sonogram got wattery eyed. I get into the room and knock me out with a shot. Then I awaken without a baby in my tummy.. I was still a lil druged I threw myself on the floor screaming and crying ... I had nobody there for me its such a shame. And now everyday of my llife i am suffering from this pain and memory's I dont want to rember... I was only 8 weeks and I still think about it. I cry here and there.. . I wish I wasnt so badly influence by others ...

May 10, 2013
I know the feeling
by: Anonymous

I had mine early last year.I was so calm when it happend but as soon as I left the clinic I broke down n cried. I still cry all the time, wanting my baby back. I regret it everyday to worsen it, I had to go through it on my own. My ex boyfriend did,kt want anything to do with me when I told him I was pregnant, I wonder if it was a boy or a girl. Reading your experiences breaks me all over again. I pray to God for forgiveness and that one day i'll have kids but I won't ever forget the one I killed.

Apr 07, 2013
by: Anonymous

Is when I had my abortion. I was around 10 wks pregnant and was pressured by my entire family and my bf to have the procedure. It was the hardest time in my life and I still haven't gotten over it. I'm a college sr, and though I would've made graduation before the baby came my family still insisted that having the baby would ruin all that I had worked for. I felt that they were wrong and didn't want to have the abortion, but my pregnancy was the loneliest time in my life. I prayed and prayed for direction and still did not know what to do. I took three trips to the abortion clinic and on the third finally went through with it. A conversation I had with the father pushed me to edge and I just wanted the whole thing to be over. I didn't want to have it up to the very last moment before I got on the table, but I still did it. The moment I woke up and ever since I've wanted my baby back and it has been months. I am still deeply tormented by it. I will be graduating a month from now but I can not help but overshadow that with the thought that my baby would have been due exactly two months from today.

Nov 17, 2012
I feel your pain everyday for the past two months
by: C.M.

Check out my story "divorce and abortion " my girl and I had one (abortion) two months ago and there is little I can do to change her mind about doin it again nxt week. I this she suffers PTSD from some stuff that happened a few years ago. We are also both single parents and that was my justification. But honestly Jessica I want my baby back too and I want this one as well maybe subconsciously that's why we are in this position again. I empathize with you and if you are religious say a prayer that C.M. & L.M make the right decision in time.

Ps. Our relationship isn't perfect but I think it's more stress than anything

Oct 04, 2012
I miss my kids too!
by: Anonymous

I have three kids and had two abortions when I was young. No amount of telling me I "did the right thing" will EVER change the grief I feel. I look at my three kids and I know there should be five; it's like missing two fingers fro my hand. The other three are so beautiful and wonderful...what right did I have to deprive the other two of life? Why, or why, oh WHY did I have to fall for all that stuff about "it's just tissue" etc?

The best thing I can do now is to pray for my babies and to try to help others, not just to convince them not to have an abortion, but help them in whatever way I can.

Jul 20, 2012
you were strong for yourself
by: Anonymous

I understand your feelings. I was 16 when I had my first abortion (yes, I had more than 1). My boyfriend was overbearing, mean, and had crazy parents. He supported my decision for abortion at first but then once his parents found out my plan to have an abortion, he wanted to keep it. I couldn't. I knew it wouldnt' work. I knew my parents would "kill me". As supportive as he'd been, he then went against me calling me a baby killer and such. His parents forced me into a corner and told me if I didn't tell my parents, they would. So,it was the hardest thing ever, but I told them. They let me chose how I handled the situation. I still wanted to have an abortion and did. For me, in my situation, it was the best choice. I still say it was and that was 30 years ago.
Through the years, my thoughts have changed. Would I have an abortion again? I like to say no way, I wouldn't. However, I know if I got pregnant at my age (which I can't cause I've had a hysterectomy), I don't know that I wouldn't. However, I will fight for every woman to have the RIGHT to choose what's best for her. It is a woman's choice to do what is best for her at that point in her life at that moment in time.
There's nothing you can do to change what has come to pass. But I agree with the other post. Learn from it. It did change you, and it developed another piece of your character. You weren't wrong about your boyfriend (if he hadn't changed, he wasn't going to), and you weren't wrong about your position in life at that given moment. Let yourself grieve, but also understand it made you a stronger person because of the process you went through (with the decision, with trying to believe in someone else, with the actual procedure). Dont second guess what your gut instinct originally told you.

Jul 05, 2012
From Pain to Blessing
by: Anonymous

I became a victim of the abortion law in 1973, which is when abortions became legal in our country. I knew that what I had done was wrong, and as a Catholic at that time, I knew that I had sinned. I lived with that guilt for almost 25 years. I would cry at night often and could barely watch baby commercials on television. However, when I became a Christian, I was watching a play about a woman about to get an abortion. I was holding my youngest child in my arms. I had to leave the auditorium and grieve again. I realized at that moment that I had to confess my sin and ask God to forgive me, which He did. I publicly announced and recognized the child that I had aborted. You have to understand that just because the law makes things legal, it doesn't make things right. Use your pain to help others not to abort their children. Encourage them to give them up to adoption, but not to death. Today I am a professional woman with a career. I have 3 beautiful boys. I am free of guilt and self-condemnation. I have used that horrifying experience to bring others to Christ and to saving their baby's life. Convert your pain to a blessing for others.

Jul 05, 2012
No guilt
by: Anonymous

Sweetie, I know how you feel. Abortion is such a strong word and there are many that feel that it should not be used as a form of birth control.

REMEMBER YOU DID WHAT WAS RIGHT!!! Do NOT let anyone tell you different. Do NOT let anyone make you feel guilty.

I had an abortion when I was younger and faced with the same issues. It was painful and it is something that you will live with. For me I was so young and the guy was just sent to jail. My parents didn't want me to become a number. I do not regreat it. I look at other friends that had kids when they were young and ALL of them have problems with the kids. They were kids having kids. I know this is not the case with everyone and there are positive stories.

20 yrs later and I have teenager. What I am telling you, let the past motivate you. Do not let anyone judge you. Take this and be strong. Your time will come later...
God bless

Jul 05, 2012
been there
by: Anonymous

i had an abortion in the early 70's at my HUSBANDS insistance. needless to say he never was allowed to touch me again & i left him 3 years later. i lost my oldest child when she was 25 in "92 (not his daughter - 1st husband) the pain and guilt of either loss never goes away. i think of them every day - but i know they are in heaven together. my first thought when i heard of my daughters death was "find the baby". she was a high school teacher - a sweet & wonderful girl. in my heart i believe she was needed in heaven for all the babies & children - i believe in my heart your baby is safe in her arms and will be waiting to be reunited with you. i can't say let go of the guilt, i understand, but your baby loves you. honor your child by finding a good, loving man. and never stop praying. love

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