I hate cancer and miss my mumma!

by han

Cancer you hear that dreadful word and assume the worst, in this case this word would destroy a family. My family. My mother was like the glue that kept us all together she adopted my brother and I and I believe her purpose was to give us a chance in life that we wouldn’t otherwise have her strength and stubbornness kept us from falling, we had many happy years until that day, mum was doing well with chemo and treatment for although they could only offer palliative care to prolong her life she got 2 years two wonderful memory filled special years. She began her journey with ovarian after a full hysterectomy and chemo she gained 4 weeks in remission amazing we all had hope, but the cancer came back with vengeance. Peritoneal cancer it took her stole her, I cared for my mum and watched her progressively suffer, she stopped eating and drinking as she had a blockage and her body projected bile more than iv seen and so she became dehydrated and weak. The last few days were a blur my mum forgot who I was at times, she became childlike and then would come back to herself and be angry that she’d forgotten me. I stayed with her 24/7 her skin was dry her eyes glazed over like her soul was leaving her. My mum always wanted to live and fight and now she had a need to go she hated it and begged us to show her how to die. She perked up the day before she died kissed me told me she loved me and other family. The following day mum was unable to speak, unable to rid the vomit from her mouth it poured from her nose and then it stopped she tried to speak but it was like her mouth was sewn together. I held her and she started vomiting her own faeces the smell was vile I scooped it out, I felt like she was being tortured. I pleaded for someone to save her. In the last few seconds mum stopped she half smiled said I love you love my children cried which she hadn’t been able to do due to dehydration and then took 3 gasping breathes and was gone, those gasps were horrific waiting for the next one waiting for her to come back but she didn’t I still can’t lose this image and would do anything for just a few seconds to see her happy and peaceful and safe I LOVE HER for fighting and being strong right up until the end and even then her strength was empowering. A true gift my mother was to us I laid with mum just holding her for a while and now I pray just for another second with her my life now is well empty my heart broken the glue gone.

Comments for I hate cancer and miss my mumma!

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Apr 01, 2013
by: han

thank you for leaving your personal experiences my mum died this year on the 19th march she was 57 and i am 22 dont think ill ever truly get over what i went through with her and wish she was still here to help me get through this part we've all been robbed my mum was very inspirational and it sounds like your husband and your mum were both the same to you its still very raw for me i get how u feel about Easter i sat alone when usually we would have a family meal or something nothing feels the same. again thank you for sharing i felt alone although i knew others had been and are still going through the same trauma life is cruel so so cruel.

Mar 31, 2013
I hate cancer and miss my mumma!
by: Doreen U.K.

Han I hate cancer also. It claimed the life of my beloved husband of 44yrs. almost coming up to 11 months ago. My husband in his 20's worked with asbestos which was not known then as a dangerous substance in the working industry. It takes 40-60yrs. to develop and my husband was spot on 40yrs. he carried this disease. Slowly killing him. He said He felt so bad he couldn't describe how he felt. His cancer was incurable, inoperable and aggressive. He had no chance of survival. I HATE CANCER ALSO. I had to watch my husband slowly die. He wanted to live and enjoy some retirement. But cancer claimed his life.
I was my husband's caregiver for 3yrs.39days. Often the days were hard and very difficult. You had a very rough time with your mom. I couldn't imagine how bad it was, but from your description you mom really suffered such difficult time. She is at rest now as my husband is and to know my husband is not in pain is a blessing. It is such a cruel way to die.
I am sorry for your loss of your mom. We will only get through this nightmare one day at a time. It still feels so unreal. Easter Day has been very lonely and unbearable for me. I felt the lonliness more today. I hope that you will have supportive family and friends to walk with you through this grief.

Mar 31, 2013
I also hate cancer
by: Anonymous

The tears are running down my face as I read this. My mother has been gone one year and 51 one weeks today. She died a horrible death from ovarian cancer I held her hand and literally never left room for13 days. I am an only child 47 and never married. My parents lived for me and I for them. I am so heartbroken lost sad lonely.....my father died so peacefully my mothers was pure hell. I would hav traded places with her In a second. She fought so hard not to leave me. I can't stand the pain when will it ever go away. She was only 73....

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