I have a hole in my soul and emptiness in my heart

by Susan Zipf
(Surprise AZ)

My beautiful caring 39 year old only child Elissa died on 12/03/09; it is hard for me to use the word died she was my life, my best friend and the one person in this world I always knew I could count on. She was the mother of my 9 year old grandson and the best mother anyone could ask for except for the last 2 years of her life.

Elissa had a Mini gastric bypass operation in which she lost the weight she wanted to but in doing so she lost herself. Her addiction to food was gone but she went from one addiction to another. causing pain and guilt for her. She was a different person; she went from a very involved mother and daughter to a stranger to all who loved her. She became addicted to alcohol and then pills; she was a 500 mile an hour train wreck, and within 2 years her life was over at 39 years old.

The world has lost a very special person; I see alot of her in my grandson which is both wonderful yet bittersweet because she is no longer here. My days are filled with sadness, words cannot describe how grief stricken I am, she still had a lot to do in her lifetime and it was taken from her in a very senseless way.

She was trying so hard to to fight the evil demons but she lost the battle. Her son is my only future, all else has been taken away for no reason, life does not make any sense to me.
That is all I can write, my tears are rolling down and I cannot see.

all I can say is my life as I knew it is gone and replaced with emptiness.

Elissa's griefstricken mother Susan