I have a hole in my soul and emptiness in my heart

by Susan Zipf
(Surprise AZ)

My beautiful caring 39 year old only child Elissa died on 12/03/09; it is hard for me to use the word died she was my life, my best friend and the one person in this world I always knew I could count on. She was the mother of my 9 year old grandson and the best mother anyone could ask for except for the last 2 years of her life.

Elissa had a Mini gastric bypass operation in which she lost the weight she wanted to but in doing so she lost herself. Her addiction to food was gone but she went from one addiction to another. causing pain and guilt for her. She was a different person; she went from a very involved mother and daughter to a stranger to all who loved her. She became addicted to alcohol and then pills; she was a 500 mile an hour train wreck, and within 2 years her life was over at 39 years old.

The world has lost a very special person; I see alot of her in my grandson which is both wonderful yet bittersweet because she is no longer here. My days are filled with sadness, words cannot describe how grief stricken I am, she still had a lot to do in her lifetime and it was taken from her in a very senseless way.

She was trying so hard to to fight the evil demons but she lost the battle. Her son is my only future, all else has been taken away for no reason, life does not make any sense to me.
That is all I can write, my tears are rolling down and I cannot see.

all I can say is my life as I knew it is gone and replaced with emptiness.

Elissa's griefstricken mother Susan

Comments for I have a hole in my soul and emptiness in my heart

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Jun 12, 2013
My daughter passed away
by: Rita

I lost my precious daughter on april sixth 2013
Imiss her so much I am always crying for her.
I just don't know what to do.i am always so very sad.

Jan 22, 2013
by: Kate

39 is not long enough! This is the age my son was also when he left. Gone from our sight,never from our heart. I understand the huge loss you feel. I lost my son in November 2012. So unexpected. So shocking.so painful! May God help us each to endure and heal.

May 16, 2010
loss of daughter
by: Anonymous

I understand the emptiness, the loss for yourself, your grandchild, and what your daughter had yet to do in her life. I feel all of that too. My daughter, Stacie passed away on April 19th, 2010. And like you, I too, am lost. All of the years of love built together, and then, that person is no longer there to share with. God Bless You, and keep you safe.

May 08, 2010
by: Anonymous

We also lost our 34 year old daughter in October 2009 on a cold and rainy afternoon as she had lay for three days never seeing us around her. How excited we were when her eyes opened and we thought she was back with us again, it was not to be, she never saw us there. So on Monday at 3.15 our precious girl closed her eyes forever. Our broken hearts will never mend. Every Saturday since then we have taken fresh flowers to her and still stand and cry for such a gentle and compassionate young girl. To see the most innocent thing, a sunny day, any little thing, we end in tears knowing she cannot share any of this with us. Our memorial is here

Mum Dad

Mar 24, 2010
by: Beth

I love you, Aunt Susie, and know that although you feel lonely, you are not alone. Your family is here for you.

I'm so glad that you are able to put your emotions into words.

Keep writing.
We'll talk soon...



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