I Have A Plan
It is just 3 days before the first anniversary of Kent's death. I have been both dreading and looking forward to this ominous day. I dread how terrible it feels that I have been alone for a full year yet really look forward to being able to pat myself on the back and realize I really did survive. There were many early days when that didn't seem possible. This past year surprised me with a strength I never knew I had. Much of the credit actually goes to Kent for we had a good life and were close enough to learn many coping skills from each other. We had 43 plus years to revel in the positive and team up against the negative. I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to mark this ominous day somehow but couldn't come up with any ideas. I just kept envisioning sitting alone with sadness and tears. Then- out of the blue this great idea came to me. I have so many wonderful friends that have coffeed and lunched with me over this horrid year as they listened to me go through my phases of gradual acceptance of my new reality. Why not invite one and all to dinner that evening to remember Kent and to celebrate my "widow for one year" status. So, on very short notice I have a dinner party to prep for, a small but lovely way to thank friends for standing by me and a loving tribute to Kent. This Thursday I will be busy, surrounded by friends all evening and this is just the kind of gathering that Kent loved. I can't think of a better way to honor him. So - it happened again. Kent and I teamed up against the negative and his death-day anniversary will be loving and gentle. I really couldn't ask for more. It feels so good to say "I have a plan".