I Have A Plan

by Allison
(Canada)

It is just 3 days before the first anniversary of Kent's death. I have been both dreading and looking forward to this ominous day. I dread how terrible it feels that I have been alone for a full year yet really look forward to being able to pat myself on the back and realize I really did survive. There were many early days when that didn't seem possible. This past year surprised me with a strength I never knew I had. Much of the credit actually goes to Kent for we had a good life and were close enough to learn many coping skills from each other. We had 43 plus years to revel in the positive and team up against the negative. I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to mark this ominous day somehow but couldn't come up with any ideas. I just kept envisioning sitting alone with sadness and tears. Then- out of the blue this great idea came to me. I have so many wonderful friends that have coffeed and lunched with me over this horrid year as they listened to me go through my phases of gradual acceptance of my new reality. Why not invite one and all to dinner that evening to remember Kent and to celebrate my "widow for one year" status. So, on very short notice I have a dinner party to prep for, a small but lovely way to thank friends for standing by me and a loving tribute to Kent. This Thursday I will be busy, surrounded by friends all evening and this is just the kind of gathering that Kent loved. I can't think of a better way to honor him. So - it happened again. Kent and I teamed up against the negative and his death-day anniversary will be loving and gentle. I really couldn't ask for more. It feels so good to say "I have a plan".

Comments for I Have A Plan

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Nov 07, 2012
lessons from my partner
by: Anonymous

You sound very similar to myself. I've just gone past my 1 year aniversary.
I was dreading and picturing myself in tears and reliving that awful day all over again. BUT then I thought of my partner who was always positive and always looking for something to be happy about.
So I thought OK, I'll give myself sometime in the morning and if I feel like crying and being sad I would deal with it first up.
Then I planned to congratulate myself as I know my partner would be very proud of how I have dealt with his passing. All he worried about before he passed was me.
I've come a long way in the last 12 months. My greif is still with me and can strike without warning, but I'm definately in a better place than 1 year ago.
Congratulations to me! and "thank you" to my ever positive partner who taught me not to dwell on what we can't change.
He struggled with Cancer and never complained or whinned, never wanted sympathy. The day before he passed he looked so unwell and my heart was breaking for him. But he looked up at me and said "aren't we so lucky to have each other".
Then said "I don't think I have long left so I'm getting excited about being with my Mum and friends who are waiting" he also said he was just concentrating on "nice" thoughts only.
How can I be miserable after watching his courage and positive attitude while losing his life.
I miss him terribly, but I choose to be like him and stay positive and fight for happiness.
As he was looking forward to being with his Mum and friends on the otherside I also look forward to being with him again when my turn comes.
Meanwhile I strive to make him proud and have happy thoughts only. It isn't easy, but it is a plan I try and stick to. I can't cry anymore about what I can't change. I know he would want to see me smiling again. He's now safe and congratulations to me, one year on and I'm doing OK.

Nov 06, 2012
grief
by: Anonymous

I don't know you but I admire you, I wish I had thought of that, there were so many friends that helped me thru my bad time, I hope they all know that I am Thankful for them even if I didn't say it at the time,,,at a time like that you don't know what you are doing much less know who was there.

Nov 06, 2012
Love Prints
by: Nancy

It is so wonderful to hear that you have moved on to putting "Love Prints" out to those who for the past year have put those "Love Prints" into your life. I am so glad that it includes a meal. There is nothing so intimate as a meal to bring people together. Ir says here I am..see this is where I am...this is where I live..thank you for doing life with me...it sounds like you have moved so far in such a short time. Grief is such a personal journey but it does not have to be a lonesome journey and it sounds like you have a group of loving, caring and compassionate friends who love you..what a blessing...enjoy, celebrate...Nancy

Nov 06, 2012
I Have a Plan
by: Doreen U.K.

Alison I am sorry for your loss of Kent. What a lovely Plan you have put into place to HONOUR the memory of the Man you Loved and also to THANK all those people who stood by you and supported you through those terrible long hard days of GRIEF. You are a very remarkable woman to not only get through this first year INTACT but also with a lot of POSITIVE energy to pass on to others which is like a BREATH OF FRESH AIR to our souls when we are suffering our own GRIEF.
Perhaps your Plan will set off Plans for other people who feel " I CAN DO THAT" I think I could cope with doing something to honour the one I have lost and also to start a trend for years of doing something POSITIVE, BENEFICIAL, and LOVING for others to SHARE in MY EXERIENCE.
Thank you for sharing your Story and PLAN.

Nov 06, 2012
It brightens my heart..
by: SoSadDad

It brightens my heart to hear that you can take a potentially devastating day and make it one of love and celebration. You have taken a step that is so difficult for so many of us that we fear even trying. And it is just what our lost loved ones would want, if they could tell us. Congratulations to you, and please pray that I might one day be there also.

God bless you,
SoSadDad

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