I have to go to Probate court for my husband who died June 16 2011 on the 16th anniversary of my husband before him died of a heart attack

by Terry Chuculate

Alone- we were alone when Smitty had a heart attack and died right in front of me -August 28 1996-

Alone again- we were alone when David died in the living room in a hospital bed on June 16 2011

and here I am now, alone- I don't have any children - but I have more peace now that I know others haven"t "just gotten over it"...

the liver cancer was the worst, I promised David I wouldn't let any of his family see him so sick- so i took care of him around the clock for 3 weeks- with the support of Hospice- but it was the most horrible thing- and we had to fight for everything- I had to call Washington DC and VISN in Mississippi to get the VA to do a liver biopsy- it took 5 months! He was a 100% disabled Vietnam Vet- my dear David- said he was ready to go- I said I wasn't ready for him to go- but that last AM, he looked soooo bad- I just screamed "Jesus, please help my man!" and the death rattle stopped right then and he went on- but I'm still here and I want to scream all the time- does any one else feel like that?

I put an "airsoft" gun from Walmart that looks like an M16, barrel cemented in the ground with a Vietnam era helmet on it and a dog tag that says "Big Honey" on it on the left front of his grave like they do when a soldier dies in battle- he wasn't a "flower sort of a guy"- I miss him so much, my heart hurts.

Comments for I have to go to Probate court for my husband who died June 16 2011 on the 16th anniversary of my husband before him died of a heart attack

Click here to add your own comments

Aug 21, 2012
I have to go to Probate Court for my husband who died June 16 2011
by: Doreen U.K.

Terry I am sorry for your loss of your husband. You say you feel like screaming and does anyone else feel like this? YES! YES! YES! Life is very painfull when you lose someone from your life. Especially a husband who was your companion in life. Children go on to live their own lives and are only a comfort for as long as they need to be cared for. When you are on your own this is when you wonder what you will do with your life and how you go on. You can fill your day with doing different things. It is in the evening, nights and weekends when it gets the lonliest time. My heart hurts all the time. My Adult children have all gone their own ways and they think I should go out and do things for myself. I suddenly feel like a burden to them. I lost my husband 14 weeks ago to cancer. It is a very lonely place to be. I just don't know when I will be able to move forward. It feels like it will never happen. I wouldn't know where to begin or make a start to move forward in life.

Aug 21, 2012
Not Alone
by: Anonymous

Dear Terry,
I am so sorry for all our loss and pain. It has been almost 9 months since I lost my Darling husband Lloyd. It does feel like a roller coaster of emotions at times. I can only imagine your pain. I try to explain to people about the sense of aloneness that comes with the loss of a spouse. I tell people even if I were in a room full of people I would feel empty and alone because he is forever gone. You now have twice the pain and sorrow. When you are at your worse come share with those of us who understand. My heart is with you, be as strong as you can be today.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!