I hope and pray that you didn't suffer. Rest in peace.

by Anonymous

We were staying in Manado, Indonesia with my Grandparents. The morning was lovely, despite an argument that broke out between my mother and I. We decided to go out shopping. My father, mother, grandmother, grandfather, sister and I took the seven-seater car and off we went. Our shopping expedition was pleasant, and after lunch we prepared for the trip home. Before we left, I began to fill quite unwell, with a nasty headache, so on the way home- I decided to sleep. When I awoke, I was in a strange van- blood pouring from my mouth. I could barely open my eyes, but I could see my little sister sitting diagonal me. She looked so pale, blood covered her arm. Convinced it was just a nightmare, I actually pinched myself repeatedly trying to wake up. I prayed over and over to God to wake me up. But I didn't wake up. Eventually, I blacked-out again. When I woke again, I was in a make-do hospital bed. My cousin, looking scared, fanning me with paper. From my faint memory, this "hospital" was just a room with make-do beds and chairs everywhere. From there, we were taken to another hospital, where my mother had her operation. She suffered internal bleeding, varies fractures and facial damage. I cried and cried for her, I begged nurses to let me see her. I was eleven, I felt so scared, all I wanted was to hug her one last time. The next thing I remember was Dad telling me that she had passed away with my Grandmother. I cried, but I felt nothing. It didn't feel like reality. It felt like a never-ending nightmare. Again, we were shifted to another hospital. Leaving Mum behind. It was too late. I didn't get to see her before she died. I didn't get to say "I love you" and what really hurt was that the last thing we did together was argue. My little sister, of six years, hardly spoke. My Dad, heartbroken and distraught, had suffered a shattered femur bone and fractured his left shoulder. I never heard so much as an apology from my Grandfather, who was driving. We flew back to Australia three weeks later, with Dad going straight into hospital again. Having a head on crash with a truck isn't a nice experience and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. But I'd do it twice over if it meant getting my mother back. Before I lost my Mum, I had always expected Mum to be with me, to guide me, to watch me grow into a woman. I had always thought she'd be there. I had never ever thought I'd lose her. And it pains me to admit, but I didn't appreciate her when I should have. She taught me so much about life, I just wish I could have her back. Like most of you, I'd do anything. This year, on the 27th of November, will be our three-year anniversary. Despite the years, I am still overcome in grief. And probably always will be. Losing a mother is something no child should ever have to face.

Comments for I hope and pray that you didn't suffer. Rest in peace.

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May 02, 2013
by: Anonymous

Sorry, I'm not sure how to reply. But I'll comment anyway and hope you get it. My grandfather was driving the car and he began to fall asleep. I didn't make that clear, so sorry. But yeah, he was driving the car and he began to drift off and we headed with the truck.

May 01, 2013
by: Margo

I'm very sorry you had to go through that and lose so much. Just wondering, why would your grandfather need to say sorry? Did he do something wrong?

Apr 30, 2013
I hope and pray that you didn't suffer. Rest in peace.
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your Mother. You were 11yrs. of age you said. You were so young to lose a mother, and not mature enough to understand everything in the adult world around a death. You never saw your mother and this has left a wound in you. Many people argue with their parents. This is normal. It hurts when someone dies after an argument this is what hurts because you can't go back and make it right or to say Sorry. I am a mother and I would forgive my children having an argument. Your mother would have forgiven you for arguing with her. This is what Mums' do.
Perhaps you have an aunt, or other mature female member of your family who could mentor you and teach you all about being a woman, and what you want to know. Dad's can also have good parenting skills and nurture you. My dad was our primary nurturer so I know only too well that it can be done. Keep a journal and write letters to your mother recorded only for your benefit. You can let your mum know in your writing how you feel that she died and that you didn't get to see her or talk to her. You can say Sorry to her in your journal. You will have this forever and can write in it anytime you feel the need to.
I hope life gets better for you in time and that you are able to find some resolution to your guilt of losing your mum.

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