I just dont know where to go from here

by nowhere
(doesn't matter)

It's been 3 months and I miss him so much. The loneliness is excruciating. Sorry about the spellings. As I write this my heart is breaking. I am tired of making decisions on my own. I just want him back. I have no family around me. They are all over the the US. I don't know where to turn. God please help me. I just don't know how much more loneliness I can take. We were together 36 years. We taught each other everything. Now I feel broken into millions of pieces. People are trying to tell me how to live and what to do. Didn't they get it I can only go through the motions. Thats all I have and I don't even have that right now. IS ANYONE OUT THERE!!!!

Comments for I just dont know where to go from here

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May 15, 2011
I'll pray for you
by: Jack

You are not alone. Many of us know how you feel. it's been 2 months for me today. I'm heart broken and feel like just crying all the time. We will get better. We have too for ourselves and for the memory of our lost partners. I'll pray for you.

May 10, 2011
hang on
by: Mary Kay

As hard as it is to believe you are so NOT alone. Its just a matter of taking it on moment at a time. For the longest time it took all I could do just to breathe..hang on..

May 09, 2011
yes there is someone out there
by: d

sending u hugs... u are not alone...

May 09, 2011
I just don't know where to go from here
by: jules

We are out here - we, the ones who know your pain and loneliness, your feeling of loss, of helplessness, of despair.
We have all felt it, we are still feeling it, but we are living, we are doing what we have to do.
Please come to this site as often as you need - just writing down what you are feeling, at 2am or whatever, is a help, often there is someone else on at the same time, they will answer you -
but every day - one step, one breath - take care
jules

May 09, 2011
come here we understand
by: Judy

I can feel your pain and anxiety in your post. Please know that many of us have been down this same path before you, and we can tell you it will bet better with some time. Three months is a very short time, your wound is still raw from your loss. Don't worry about getting through or doing anything but the day that is before you. All those well meaning folks telling you to move on etc just don't get it, but we do.

My advice to you as a widow of one year is to don't do anything if you don't have to do it and it feels right. Stay where you are or move if it feels better. See people or politely turn them away whichever feels best. This is the beginning to have some control over your life again. People are well meaning and really want to help but they are like bulls with your sensitive feelings. Some people heal better by being alone and some need family and friends around them. Do what ti right for you.

We are always here.

JM

May 09, 2011
Slow it down breathe...
by: someone here who cares

Just breathe for a minute, nice and slow...Don't let anyone tell you what to do or how to grieve. You won't hear them right now anyway.

Grief is something that you need to survive moment by moment. Eventually the little moments might turn into a pretty good day. Later you might have a good stretch of days. But the memories will always draw you back to a painful memory and that's o.k too. It will feel like your back to square one but its not, any movement at all is healing you day by day. It can not be rushed through or allotted in a time frame. Hence the two steps forward one step back sensation.

You will slowly find your independence but it takes time. You have always been a part of someone and it is so very hard going it alone. Beginning this new life that you do not want.
You will eventually be stronger than anyone around you because grief takes alot of strength and courage that you never knew that you had.

Just when you say I can't take it another moment you will make it through a day then another and so on. Let grief take you where it wants to. For now do what you have to to survive and always come here to let it all out. This is the life raft that we all hang on to. One day one step and one breath at at time...
HH

May 09, 2011
We are here
by: Zoe

We are all on different parts of our Journey. Grief is a very personal thing, each of us go through it differently. What I can tell you is that no one can tell you how to grieve, or what you should feel.
I will say that me personally at 30 days, I could not put my shoes on the correct feet. At a year, I still cry most days, but that razor pain that splits your soul when you first lose them morphs into a more manageable pain. I am a year and a month and two weeks from when I lost John.
It takes time. You are joined together then one is gone, if the two of you are joined into a unit and then one is gone, what half is left? I still do not have that answer.
The fact is there are no answers. In the beginning you take one breath, one step, one day at a time, no more. Don't worry if the house is dirty, or the kitchen floor is not clean, do what you can, what you have to, I know it may not feel like it, but your mind will engage for those things you need to do.
Grief is like the worst carnival ride you have ever been on, you will be going one direction one minute then another the next.
You need to find what benefits you, some people do well in groups, others with a personal councelor, some with a combination, some this site.
Just remember you can always come here. We are always here and understand. There is no judgment, just support and suggestions, and even some humor. So come here whenever you need to, sometimes it helps to give form to you pain either verbally or in written form.
we are here for you
remember
one breath, one step, one day at a time.

May 09, 2011
I am here
by: Colleen

I can relate to the loneliness it can be unbearable at times, especially over the week ends. I wish I could help you with your loneliness. Bruce has been gone nearly six months and I am also so lonely. All I can say to you is try and keep busy although I know it is so hard when you can just make it through the day. Hugs from South Africa

May 09, 2011
I feel for you
by: Cindy/TX

I am in the same boat about 7 months from loss of my husband. All I can say is try to stay busy because if you do not, I am not certain you will make it. At first all I did was sleep on the weekends when I was not working. Now I just try to stay busy. Work, volunteer, plant flowers get up and do anything to stay busy and out of the stores. Buy a puppy to love on....That is what I have been doing. Everyone says only time will help and I am hoping/praying they are correct. God Bless you as I know how you feel.
Cindy

May 09, 2011
You Don't have to be Alone
by: JUDITH

Please read the letters from everyone for Lost Spouse/Lost Love. you will see what you're feeling is normal. Those of us who have gone past that awful 3 month period can help you. If you're feeling isolated then call your local hospital and ask if they have a bereavement group you can attend. You shouldn't be alone in this.

IF you have medical insurance ask if they cover a therapist and if so go see one to help see you through your grief . It is very important you have someone to talk to.

My husband passed almost 8 months ago.

We get married and our mates become our lives then when they pass we find ourselves alone and no friends to speak of. My sisters are in another state and not one of them came to be with me when my husband passed. He was their "Brother in law" and he liked them both.

Take care and God be with you on this emotional roller coaster ride to finding peace . It will happen.

May 09, 2011
Dont know where to go
by: Karynn

Its been 3 months for me also, I am blessed enough to have family beside me,but the pain never goes away. I do what has to be done and like you I go through the motions, but sometimes wonder whats the point, my life just seems so pointless without John. I dont have any answers for you, just know you are not alone in your journey. Everyone on this site knows how you feel, and prayers for you. Just do what you can do,not what other people think you should do and take all the time you need to grieve. For me its just one moment at a time. All my prayers go out to you.

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