I JUST EXIST WITHOUT MY HUGO....THERE IS NO JOY IN ANYTHING...
My dearest Hugo,
I write to you, talk to you, but you are no longer here to hug to see you enjoying a meal, the TV, your surround sound, to do projects around here but most of all I miss being with you--I miss you every single second. I could be talking to someone, writing this, driving, cooking, but that doesn't mean you are not right there with me, every second of every day since you passed.
I exist. That's it. I eat because I have to, I take care of the inside and some of the outside of the house because you and I always did, and I want to keep it nice the way you liked it. I pay the bills. But I cry, I scream, and as you know (I hope you know)--I keep asking God to send you back home.
Life will never be the same; I am very lonely, I have been disappointed in people, but I try to remember what you told me, "Don't have high expectations, you will be disappointed."
Life will go on, though I hope I don't last much longer. I am desperately trying to feel, hear, recognize any kind of message from you. I hope you remember me, love me, and know how sad and guilty I feel that maybe I could have done something to stop that cancer that took you from me.
I went with you that night--not my body, but my heart and soul. I hope you know how much I want you back home, and how proud I was of you -- I was proud of everything about you.
Please kiss Mom, Dad, Aunt Mary, Gigi, Jason, and all our relatives in Heaven with you, and your Dad and your sister, Dolores. Please watch over me, as you did when you were here.
I love you forever. Your Babe, Elisa