I just lost my Beautiful Mother 2 weeks ago~

by Donna
(Basking Ridge NJ)

My Beautiful Mother

My Beautiful Mother

I loved my mother and called her everyday especially the last 4 years as she had a stroke. The past 4 years was a beautiful time for me to get to know my mother and really connect lovingly with her. She was a wonderful mother she always supported and loved me. We were very close and she was like my best friend. The past year she really was not doing very well and she was in out of the hospital several times. A week before Christmas she did not wake up and we rushed her to the hospital and she had a major stroke, she could no longer talk or respond she was in a vegetative state. My family no longer wanted to prolong her suffering, so we contacted hospice and it was a very difficult decision for my father to make. On 12/31 my mother passed away. I loved my mother so much and I am very concerned that I have not cried or felt sad since. I graciously got through her funeral helping others to remember her memory through pictures. I know this is part of the grieving process to feel numb however I feeling nothing whiles others are crying all around me. I just never thought I would react this way and hope I will feel sadness soon so I can begin to grieve~

Comments for I just lost my Beautiful Mother 2 weeks ago~

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Jan 14, 2014
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you Becky and Doreen, its nice to hear people who been through grief be so supportive. I read that there is no wrong or right way to grieve and no two people will grieve the same. It depends on the situation and the relationship and where you are on the acceptance level. I experienced anticipatory grief for at least a year before I lost my mother and spoke every night to her on the phone. I think I was at acceptance and at peace when I lost her at was 4 years of saying Goodbye and I love you. I think I had a lot more closure then most people and I was thank full for the time. Grief is also a very private ritual and a spiritual one. God Bless You All!

Jan 14, 2014
I am very sorry
by: Becky

Donna, I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mother. I loss my Mother 5 months ago, and I still hurt & cry for her. I do believe we all grieve differently. A lady that I work in the church office with on Sundays loss her daughter about 5 years ago. She did not cry or grieve for her for at least a year, and then she was able to cry. She loved her daughter very much. Her daughter was my age: I even went to school with her and I think this drew her Mother to me.
I was very close to my Mother also. We talked every day for my entire life. I am so loss without her. I have been sick for the last 4 weeks, and I always called my Mother when I was sick. She would always make sure that I was okay. I know in time the pain will ease because I have experienced the loss of someone that I loved very much 2 1/2 years ago. I grieved for two years, and I know the pain eases but it never goes away. I try to focus on my Mother being in heaven alive & well. I know that I will see her again some day. There will be brighter days for I am not here to stay! You will be in my prayers, and if you need someone to listen I am here.
Becky

Jan 14, 2014
Support
by: Doreen UK

Dear Anonymous. YES! numbness is a common feeling of grief. I believe I suffered this numbness and it is how I got through grief easier. I didn't make it happen. I think it is the mind and body going into shock almost like having shock absorbers in order to cope with our grief. Some people are also in Denial. This means that the shock has gone so deep they can't believe this loss has happened. We wake up in the morning and wonder if this death really happened or just a dream. This is common, and most people go through this type of grief. Many people become stuck in grief and don't know how to go on. What to feel, and how to express those feelings and many repress their feelings by shoving them so deeply so they don't feel them. This type of repression is dangerous because in time grief will press for resolution and that person will need the professional help of a counsellor to help bring the pain to the surface so that it can come out of one's system in order to heal from this. Crying is the largest part of grief. Don't ever be afraid to cry, even if you are MALE. None of us know what to expect from grief and it just unfolds as it does. We can't force grief to happen and we can't stop it. The emotional side is complex and since God created us He does have a hand in how we develop through the grief experience and on going. Don't fear Grief. Let it come. It will eventually go in time even if this be Years. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. You will move forward having good days and bad days. But knowing the bad days will pass with time helps. Bad days are part of life and when they pass different bad days happen. But when we look back we will see how we came through it and how much stronger we have become through our Trials and tribulations of life. Don't be impatient to get over grief fast. It can't happen this way either. You may find yourself crying in the wrong places, and at the wrong time. Let it come. Grief has no timetable. Grief doesn't come to order. It just happens when it does. There may be triggers also. e.g. seeing a certain movie, eating or cooking a certain type of food. driving past favourite places etc. These all act as triggers and can bring on an attack of grief. This is normal and may be a good thing if one find it hard to cry. You can also keep a journal and write out your feelings and even letter's to the lost loved one. This can start the grief process going, and help to get pain out of one's system so that healing can take place. I hope this helps answer your questions.

Jan 13, 2014
I just lost my Beautiful Mother 2 weeks ago~
by: Doreen UK

Donna I am sorry for your loss of your mother. 2 weeks is such a raw state of grief to be in that numbness is a common sign, along with disbelief, and denial. You may also be stuck in grief and unable to move forward. At this time a grief counsellor could be very helpful. Grief can't be forced. Crying is the largest expression of grief and each time you cry you will feel better till the next time and this can go on for some time. Take one day at a time and you will get through each day better. Don't despair of not grieving. It will come in time when you least expect this. You may benefit from keeping a journal and writing out your feelings, and even letters to your mother expressing how her loss has affected you. Often when one writes, feelings come to the surface and we find grief so hard to bear. Tears start flowing and this is healthy to express emotion and the healing process will start. I couldn't function for 6 months. I lost my motivation to go on each day. You will have good days and bad days, but the bad days don't last. They soon pass. This I found so helpful to know. I get through my grief better knowing that. THIS TOO WILL PASS. I wish you better days ahead.

Jan 12, 2014
support
by: Anonymous

Can someone tell us is this process to feel numb a very normal feeling to feel and why? We ask for your support. Thank you!

Jan 12, 2014
My Beautiful Mother
by: Anonymous

I think I need more time and I loved my mother so much I really think if I start crying I will never stop. My brain is protecting itself. I will get there soon, so I can release all I have been through and grieve for losing my Beautiful Mother and Best Friend. I will miss her so much`~

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