I just miss her

My mum died in 2003 when I was 17. She had suffered most of her adult life with bipolar disorder which meant her life was a series of highs and lows much more extreme than most people experience.
She spent long periods in psychiatric wards which distressed us all.
I suppose one day she had just had enough of it all and took an overdose ending her life. She was 41.

Now I'm 26 and have my own place and a good job. Inspired by my mums problems I try to help others where I was unable to help her. Yet still every year we have her birthday, mothers day and her anniversary in quick succession and it hurts like it was yesterday. She should have been 50 this year. Now that I am older and have the knowledge I do, I find it easier to understand the choices my mum made but it doesn't make it easier to accept. It's so very hard to know that she chose to leave too soon.

No matter though I love her dearly and always will. I'm discovering no matter how old you are you will always miss your mum. Xx

Comments for I just miss her

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Mar 22, 2012
Thank you Tracy
by: Gillianne

Hi Tracy. I am sorry for your losses in your family. I understand why you are saying it may not have been a conscious decision. The reason I consider it so is that when my mum died we were all at home and she had gone to bed 'feeling ill' which was a regular occurrence. She took prescribed medications which she kept in her room. She did have addiction issues but only with alcohol. In the past, with the nature of her illness, she had taken overdoses but always sought help. This time all she would have needed to do is shout out. I am aware it probably sounds selfish and childish saying she chose to leave. I am acutely aware that mum probably couldn't stand the pain of her life any more. Being bipolar is a terrible illness and many sufferers complete suicide whilst they are well. I hope this helps you understand why I worded it as I did.
Take care of yourself. Gillianne

Mar 22, 2012
I understand your pain
by: Tracydanyel

I hope this doesn't come out wrong since I clearly don't know your exact situation but I feel like I may need to say just one thing here. You said that "It's so very hard to know that she chose to leave too soon" but maybe she didn't consciously chose too. My mom died when I was 20 (she was 43) after fighting her demons her whole life. Now after 12 years I am finally starting to understand that she may have been just trying to drown out the pain the only way she new how (with pills) and not consciously taking her own life. I cannot see that she would purposely leave us with that kind of grief. That whole side of my mothers family is all gone now (mostly because of demons and addictions) but I stand strong and refuse to be taken out the same way. My heart goes out to you.

Mar 21, 2012
Thank you rose
by: Gillianne

Thank you Rose for your comment. I am so sorry for your losses. I have no children and can't even begin to know the pain you must feel. I'm glad you are able to find comfort in faith.
Take care of yourself. Gillianne

Mar 21, 2012
It Hurts
by: Rose

You were very young when you lost your mom. That pain is so awful. It may make a little more sense now that you are older, but it still hurts so. I know your pain. I too lost my mother, she lived a good long life and was ready to go home. I also lost my daughter. No where does life prepare you for losing a child.
Prayer and faith-are my answers to most everything!
God bless you on your healing journey,
Rose

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