I just miss her
My mum died in 2003 when I was 17. She had suffered most of her adult life with bipolar disorder which meant her life was a series of highs and lows much more extreme than most people experience.
She spent long periods in psychiatric wards which distressed us all.
I suppose one day she had just had enough of it all and took an overdose ending her life. She was 41.
Now I'm 26 and have my own place and a good job. Inspired by my mums problems I try to help others where I was unable to help her. Yet still every year we have her birthday, mothers day and her anniversary in quick succession and it hurts like it was yesterday. She should have been 50 this year. Now that I am older and have the knowledge I do, I find it easier to understand the choices my mum made but it doesn't make it easier to accept. It's so very hard to know that she chose to leave too soon.
No matter though I love her dearly and always will. I'm discovering no matter how old you are you will always miss your mum. Xx