I just miss you
by angii meredith
My brother died a year and a half ago. Today is his 23rd birthday. Everyone says the "firsts" are the worst. But the "seconds" are turning out to be worse. Much worse. I lost my brother to a car accident. We are two years apart and were extremely close. The more that time goes on, I feel like its just getting harder. I sometimes feel that I cant breathe. Everything reminds me of him. I see him everywhere. I cant let go of him. And recently Im grasping at everything to bring him back. The pain has gotten worse, along with the crying and screaming, and the nightmares. I feel completely lost. I sit here and read and look for something to tell me how I feel is okay.And that there are others like me that feel something the way I do. I just want the pain to stop. And I want to stop being so angry. I know longer want to grieve, but I think Im understanding now, that I havent even started. And Im not sure I can.