I just miss you

by angii meredith
(virginia)

My brother died a year and a half ago. Today is his 23rd birthday. Everyone says the "firsts" are the worst. But the "seconds" are turning out to be worse. Much worse. I lost my brother to a car accident. We are two years apart and were extremely close. The more that time goes on, I feel like its just getting harder. I sometimes feel that I cant breathe. Everything reminds me of him. I see him everywhere. I cant let go of him. And recently Im grasping at everything to bring him back. The pain has gotten worse, along with the crying and screaming, and the nightmares. I feel completely lost. I sit here and read and look for something to tell me how I feel is okay.And that there are others like me that feel something the way I do. I just want the pain to stop. And I want to stop being so angry. I know longer want to grieve, but I think Im understanding now, that I havent even started. And Im not sure I can.

Comments for I just miss you

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Aug 22, 2012
sibling grief
by: Jane, Cindy's sister

I am so sorry for your loss of your sibling, your dear brother. I can so relate. I have now lost 3 siblings. My dear sister I had know the longest -over 54 years. She died just over a year ago. She was my friend too, my confident, part of my heart and now I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on. I know what it feels like for me. Wanting to call her, hug her, touch her, talk to her. I just wanted her back. I was angry at everyone, including God. I thought no one understood my pain and sadness as it felt like it was so deep it reached into my very soul. I did not want to reach out to others I just cried and cried. It is normal to feel pain when losing someone so close; someone you loved so much. It will get better. Some days are harder than others. Talk to your friends who know and understand. You can talk to your pastor, rabbi or priest. You could go to a grief group in person or go to Grief Share on line for daily emails of encouragement. Death stinks. It hurts so bad you think you are going insane. We will recover but we we never be the same. God will help us. Do not be afraid to reach out to others and also don't be afraid to talk to God about it too. Take it one day at a time. Praying for you.

Aug 05, 2012
So sorry for the loss of your brother
by: Ro

Angii, I am so sorry about your brothers death. My heart really goes out to you. After reading about what you are going through, I can almost guess that you have not gone to see someone who can help you walk through this, right? Angii, it is so important, that if you truly want to get through the agony of losing your brother and be able to function that you must get help. For me it has been one year, 2 months and 5 days since my son passed away and for the first eight months, I too felt as though I could not go on with life. Deep inside of me, I just wanted to die and go with my son, not really thinking about the rest of my family I would be leaving behind. My heart would hurt, my soul was in agony, I felt hate, anger, sadness, loneliness, and a very very deep depression. I started to see a grief therapist, who I asked how long it would take to be alright again. She assured me that one day I would be ok. Since then I have forgiven people who caused my sons death, I don't hate anyone anymore, and I am no longer deeply depressed. I do still feel deeply sad from time to time because I miss my son so very much but I have replaced all the negative feelings to positive feelings and have let go of the ugly horrible thoughts of how he died, now i hold onto the happy memories we shared and when I have the bad thoughts creeping up, I quickly dismiss them. I have learned to accept my sons death and know in my heart that I will see him again one day. I have great faith in God and that has helped me a great deal to go on with life. My advice is to please get help with someone who deals with death or if you know of anyone else who has lost a loved one too, speak to them because people who have had someone die will understand someone else who has also gone through the same thing. Aside from that, seek God because He can help you to heal and to let go of all the negatives feelings. I will lift you up in prayer and ask God to heal your heart & just know that you will one day see your brother again.

Aug 05, 2012
I just miss you
by: Doreen U.K.

Angii I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. You are in deep grief. Because things are getting worse for you and you are feeling the pain of grief to be so unbearable it is now time for you to see a grief counsellor. there is no two ways about this. You are not coping with your grief. You need the support of a counsellor who is trained to help you in and through the pain of grief. Anger is a very important part of the grief experience. So I was reading in my books I am using to help me through my grief. I just can't seem to move forward at all. I am finding it difficult to make even the simplest of decisions. I was married for 44yrs. my husband died 12 weeks ago of cancer. There is no quick fix or easy route through grief. We have to go through this. We don't have a CHOICE. It is automatically happening to us. WE postpone our grief when we can't face it and avoid this. It will catch up with us. I feel like a PRISONER to grief. it holds me captive at home and I can't get out. I can't sleep well. I wake up at 4a.m. and can't sleep after this. The pressure is too much to bear. I hope that you are well supported as this makes such a difference when going through this grief.

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