I just need someone to talk to...

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I just need someone to talk to...

by Patricia
(Las Vegas)

A Happy Time, Disneyland 2009

I'm feeling sad and lonely. It will be 7 months tomorrow. It feels like yesterday and yet a forever. How does it happen? Where to we go? What do we do? I know we've all asked ourselves the same questions. But the most prominent question is Why me? I've been good, helped those who needed it and gone to church. Again, why me?
A minute an hour it doesn't matter, I think of him each day. I wonder and wish If I just don't move and stay perfectly still will things be the same. I'd like to think it but in my heart and when I go to bed at night I'm alone. I miss his touch, that warm body during the winter when I was cold I knew he would keep me warm. I miss so much.

I want to know why are we allow to have this pain? Why must we go through this? I've been a somewhat good person all my life. Why so much pain.

No one can answer that question and I know (thank goodness for this site) I can ramble on and let my heart say its thoughts even though it doesn't make sense.

I just miss Billy so much. Life was not suppose to be this way. We've always been told the "Ever After" story. Well I had it but then it was taken away. Not Fair....

Where to I go? What do I do? I hate my life and I hate where I am...
Always, 1 step, 1 breath at a time...

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I just need someone to talk to...

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alone so very, alone
by:

Patricia,

This winter was brutally cold. Temperature wise it is quite mild compared to last year. I am talking the cold and lonely that is my heart. So I do understand. I have had to dress in arctic clothing to stay warm without my Love beside me keeping me warm and safe. I shiver at the very thought of continuing on without him. Although I am getting stronger and some things are progressing to a matter of fact. It nevertheless is The worst battle that I have had to overcome. Together we could make it through anything yet alone I am so very lost. The only battle worth fighting was for him. Now starting over there seems to be no point but it will come.
no matter how lost we all are...we need to find direction at some point. I hope that you and we all find it..
HH

Faith holds me
by: Steven

A little over two years. Somedays I can manage the loss of my wife who was diagnosed with lung cancer, non-smoker. The cancer acts different among smokers and a non-smoker. Its odd but the cancer is more aggressive in a non-smoker. I'm thankful and blessed for the time we were married. However, this new life at age 54 reminds me of a fish out of water. We had less than three months after the diagnosis.

someone to talk too
by: sue

I feel so deeply for you> I have been there myself and currently mourning the loss of my beautiful Robyn.

I can give you some advise that helps me. Create memorial web pages, use all that emotion u are feeling and turn it into a world wide memorial.
I have created 4 so far and yes i cry and i have to step back away from it, but i am telling the world, this is my loved one, i miss her and am immorializing her here on the web. Share your pain, memories and happy thoughts with the world, to keep it locked up inside you will do no good, let it OUT! Share the one you love and your memories with everyone and trust you will make friends who share the same in common.
http://www.virtual-memorials.com is free and u can add pics, music videos.
http://last-memories.com is free also which is also a light a candle site.

I lost my 30 year old daughter just 3 weeks and 2 days ago, i know your pain too as a widow, as i lost my husband in 2002 to cancer. I am an email away if you need to talk, vent, scream, cry. I am also on facebook and they have a great place for people with loss in their lives...

http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Compassionate-FriendsUSA/9075757424

Dear Patricia
by: Debbiek

This coming Monday will mark 6 months that I have been with out John. There are times when the reality of my situation really hits home and I feel so lost and alone. I can't believe how much it hurts but every thing happens for a reason. At some point all of this will make sense, but not right now.

The best thing you can do is take care of your self and think positive thoughts (happy memories of you & Billy). Share some of them here, I know I wouldn't mind reading about your good times and maybe that will help you, and maybe us who are still struggling. Just knowing I am not alone in this helps. I am grateful for this site......

I know your pain.
by: Jessica Herrmann

I so know your pain. My husband passed onto the next world May 13th 2009. I know that I should be moving on, and in some ways I am. I have found that at times it does not hurt so bad. Then there are times that it hurts so bad I can barely breathe and think of ways to end it. I am not that kind of person, I believe that I will be with him in time. But, to look out across the vast span of life and not see him smiling at me, telling me it will be ok, that together we can make it, that life means nothing unless I am with him. To hear his laugh, smell his scent. I miss it so darn much!!!

When he passed on, I was forced to move in with my parents....now I know why I moved out and never even thought of moving back in. I hate it!! Oh, they try, but it is never going to be the same, I get angry at myself for not having my own place, for not showing him what he taught me, but at this time I can not afford it financially. I HATE IT!! I want my own home, where I can sit and cry for him if I want without someone hearing me and hurting because I hurt.

I want the cleanliness that I had in my home before, the order. It drives me insane. I feel so trapped. All of the time. The anger comes out at him for leaving me like this, with no choice but to be here. Then the guilt, he didn't die on purpose, it wasn't his choice.

Everyone tells me it is normal, How can this be normal? having to take meds so that I wake up everyday....and can at least swing my feet over the edge of the bed. I know what you feel, and I ask....is there ever an end to it???????

talking
by: zoe

We are raised with the great lie, once upon a time
and they lived happily ever after. Of course to have the fairy tale they have to have lived.
There is no why, not that I can accept. John was a good person, with the best heart. There are bad people who live for a long time, why him.
We all ask those questions.

The art of widowhood, we ask the questions no one can answer.

The fact is would an answer help? If we knew why would it make a difference? It wouldn't for me, because I would still not have John. Nothing is good enough for that.

And you are right, no one wants to hear it, but then again I am not sure I want to share it anymore, I used to, that was before I noticed the rush to the door as I started to talk about him.
So come here, say what you want, ask the questions no one can answer.
we are here listening, and asking the same questions.
one breath, one step, one day at a time.
Z

I just need someone to talk to
by: M Mack

Patricia,

You both look so much in love in that picture. I don't know why we are ripped away from a wonderful relationship. We had the best times of our life when it was taken from us. Yet, there are couples out there that can't stand one another. I ask God the same question why??? I get no answer!

There has to be a reason for choosing us to stay and taking them away. I am grateful for what we had and will never be able to replace the love of my life. He was my rock, changed me forever and brought out a part of me I never knew I had.

I pray alot to keep going, continue with what's left of my life knowing it will be incomplete until I see him again. I know the sadness is overwhelming. Keep writing and come to this site to vent anytime. We hear you and take comfort knowing we care. Hang in there and do the one day at a time dance.

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