I just wanna move on!

by Cj

It seems that I've become some kind of an alien since the loss of my husband. I just can't get it together! It's like I'm in a foreign land trying to learn the new language and customs only at times, I feel like the people should learn my customs and speak my language. I'm so tired of being lonely but I refuse to waste my time on some of the so-called men that are out here today. It's not like I'm some old maid! I'm only 39 however it seems I have the morals of someone 59 since I don't want to have sex with some guy immediately after meeting him and decline the idea of sending someone a nude pic.
The only thing I really want is genuine friendship/companionship but thats too much to ask, I guess! In 4 yrs I've had only 3 dates with 2 of those dates ending with me being totally appalled at the blatant disrespect I was given. I'd rather be alone if I gotta settle for less! But why do I feel it's me and not them like I'm the one in the wrong? I just want to move on with my life!

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May 22, 2014
We are the aliens
by: Debby

Hi Cj,
I AM 59 and just lost my husband in January of this year. I am so far from moving on, it doesn't even enter my mind. I hate being alone. I pretty much hate everything right now. I would imagine at your age, the guys do expect sex right away. I grew up where the girls who had sex in High School were called pigs. Not a good label to carry for 4 years. Luckily, I got out of High School unscathed.
Don't ever settle! You will end up leaving him. Anything less than what you're used to will just disappoint. My husband had a tough exterior with a loving and gentle heart, something only reserved for me and our son to see. And what a beautiful sight it was! One I'll miss for the rest of my life.
You sound like a great girl who deserves (another) great guy! I wish you luck. I too see "what's out there". Where have all the MEN gone? Just a bunch of losers from what I see. Not worth the time of day.
Don't feel like an alien. The world needs more of you!
Best Regards,

May 16, 2014
Moving along
by: Lawrence

I guess we are all aliens without the love of our dear beloved partners.
I don’t know about you, but we become an embarrassment and encumbrance now we are single.
I never get asked to the places where we were so welcomed in the past as a couple, but now nothing, not even a phone call.
I had to renew my car insurance recently and was asked if there were any changes in my life.
I told him my wife had died and he said “Well, that will be an extra £50 ($75)”
I objected saying I expected sympathy not a penalty and he explained I was now a single man and single men drive more dangerously than married ones, I must admit it left me speechless.
Fortunately I don’t have your problem regarding dating. My wife was the first girl I ever kissed when she was fourteen and the last seventy years later on her death bed and I have no desire to kiss anyone else.
You are a very young woman and have the bulk of your life ahead of you, but don’t settle for second best, you want love, not just companionship, you deserve better, the right man is out there looking for you, just as you are looking for him, it will happen, fate will take a hand.
It certainly happened for me when I walked into this youth club in 1943 and saw this beautiful young girl, our eyes met and locked onto each other and the next seventy years were pure bliss.
The bombs were still dropping outside but the biggest explosion was in my heart, I fell instantly in love.
I am a musician and have composed many love songs for her, but the one that always made her laugh ended with the words.
She would laugh and say ”you haven’t known any other girls” and of course she was right.
Needless to say I miss her dreadfully.
I do hope you don’t have to kiss too many frogs before your Prince comes along, but it WILL happen.
Take care.

May 14, 2014
I just wanna move on!
by: Doreen UK

CJ I lost my husband to cancer 2yrs. ago and I know how lonely life is and how you feel wanting companionship and love in your life. It is not wrong to want this. You are still so young. You have good old fashioned values in a fast changing world and many young people fall into bed on the first date. This is not what you want so HOLD ONTO YOUR VALUES. They are good and honourable. There is nothing wrong with you. You may be attracting the wrong type of person. Try a life coach for some guidance and counsel. You may find that you do eventually find companionship that can change your life.
WE were not created by God to live in isolation. WE won't thrive at all in isolation. We will shrivel up and not grow as people were meant to. I feel so very lonely and want companionship. I am in the same place as you. Start with FRIENDSHIP. Set boundaries about what you want out of a relationship and be open about this at the outset so the other person knows what your needs are, and will hopefully try to respect you here. Everyone has different needs and you hold onto what your needs are and how you want this respected. I hope it works out for you and that you do find love and companionship in life. I am sorry for your loss of your husband.

May 14, 2014
moving on
by: Mari

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. He is with the Lord now.
As for moving on I realize it is difficult. I completely understand as I have gone through the same thing. Many men have flat out asked me to sleep with them since I lost my husband and I feel as you do.One particular man said,''Mari you don't have desires?'' I said,''I have the Lord.'' All you can do is pray and let God take care of things. He knows what you feel.
I have been seeing a pastor from our church and he respects me.
I sure do miss my husband after nearly 5 years but just keep going.Sometimes I am tempted to rent out my condo and relocate because of the memories. But with passing time I am am better. The grandchildren miss him still and now with a little great grand baby there is joy in my life.
You are young and of course want companionship but with someone who respects you.
My prayers are with you. We care for you. Just take a day at a time.Keep posting. Mari

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