I just want my mum!!! :(


(Australia)

I lost my Mum in September 2009 after being with her every day. I am 19 and gave up uni for 3 months to help her as much as I could. Mum loved my help and in the end was asking me to help her rather than the nurses in the hospital. I am one of 10 children and was more than happy to be mums full time caregiver. I moved house three times during the time mum was ill and when I lost her, I had no choice but to head back to uni and get on with life.

Now I'm trying to catch up on all the school work I missed and feel so alone, my friends and family have been amazing but I still feel there is no one to turn to. Mum was my best friend and the best mother anyone could imagine.

I am the only family member who saw mum in excruciating pain, and I was the one at her bedside all day or night ensuring that the doctors were doing all they could do to minimize her pain. I slept at the hospital every night and called all my siblings in on the morning of mum's death. All 11 family members were there to say goodbye.

I am still so exhausted from the times I spent looking after mum, now I have exams coming up and I just don't want to do anything! I feel I have no choice but to keep smiling and be as strong as I can.

Cancer is so cruel and awful. To watch my fit, beautiful and healthy 56 year old mother turn frail, weak and almost unrecognisable in just a few months was just horrid.

Life is way too hard without her :(

Comments for I just want my mum!!! :(

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Dec 20, 2009
strength...
by: Anonymous

you really don't have to be strong anymore! You were so strong for your mother when you needed to be, and now is the time to let down. I'm the same way....Always trying to be as strong as I can. I lost my mother in August this year, and I have never been so sensitive or irritable in my life, and it is very uncomfortable for me.

I keep getting sick because I try to be strong and carry on with my life, and it's like my body has to remind me to grieve and to just slow down and cry. So, may I recommend to you that you don't have to be strong right now, let down and grieve. You'll have the rest of your life to be strong. School will always be there, and you just can't be expected to be fully functioning right now. None of us who have lost our Mothers this year are, as much as we'd like to think we are!

Nov 22, 2009
Hope you get this.
by: Savanah

Sweetie, I got on this page because I am 26 and my father died, your story really put some things into perspective for me.

The simple fact is that you are 19 and this should not have happened to you. NO ONE deserves to see their parent suffer like that and die, and as old as I'm sure you feel, this shouldn't have been on your shoulders, it is truly unfair.

I will say this however, what a great testament to your character that you are as young as you are and you were there for her, no matter how hard it was for you. I'm sure the first thing that comes to your mind is "well, of course, I love her," but there are some people too selfish to suffer with them, and at such a young age you did, you are truly amazing.

As for your schooling, I would speak to a counselor at the school, and come up with a plan of action. They should work with you, under the circumstances, I would think that they would. It sounds to me like you might really need some time for everything to set in, to go through your grieving.

I told my husband we needed to return to everything after my father died of a massive heart attack, and I was trying to move on in my own way, but the honest truth is, I just wasn't ready for it. You need to find out what is best for you right now, if that is school then by all means keep on, but if you need time it could become worse as you can think of nothing else and your grades slip.

If it were me, I would take a year off (but definitely make sure you go back!) Surround yourself with loved ones, and when you need to be alone, then make sure you get that time.

God Bless you sweetie, no doubt she is proud of you.

Nov 20, 2009
I WANT MY MUM
by: ANN

THIS IS TO YOU THAT LOST YOUR MUM. MAY I SAY HOW TRULY SORRY I AM FOR YOUR LOSS. IT'S ONLY BEEN AROUND TWO MONTHS. YOU ARE STILL TRYING TO ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW MANY ARE IN YOUR FAMILY, THE PAIN IS STILL YOUR PAIN.

YOU WERE CLOSE TO YOUR MUM, AND YOU HAVE LOST PART OF YOURSELF. YOU PROBABLY CAN'T SEE IT RIGHT NOW, BUT GOD IS A LOVING GOD AND HE SURROUNDS US WITH A BLANKET OF LOVE AND PROTECTION AS LONG AS WE NEED IT.

I, TOO, LOST MY MOM 4 MONTHS AGO TO CANCER. SO I CAN SYMPATHIZE WITH YOU, HURT WITH YOU AND PRAY FOR YOU. YOU HAVE CARRIED A BIG BURDEN, TRYING TO BE STRONG FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY. NOW IT'S TIME TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

GRIEVE, LET THE TEARS COME, DO WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE. LIFE LOOKS DARK RIGHT NOW, BUT IN TIME, SOMEWHERE, YOU'LL FEEL THE WARMTH OF THE SUN, AND THE BEAUTY AROUND YOU. YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE YOUR MEMORIES. AT FIRST, IT HURTS TO REMEMBER, BUT WHEN WE TUCK THOSE MEMORIES IN OUR HEART FOR SAFE KEEPING, THEY ARE PRECIOUS, AND NO ONE CAN TAKE THOSE AWAY FROM YOU.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU. I'LL REMEMBER YOU IN MY PRAYERS.

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