i just want my twin back. R.I.P Gerri 2/22/84 - 10/10/12

by carrie Kirkham
(rimersburg pa )

Gerri Best kiss kiss i love my sis!!

Gerri Best kiss kiss i love my sis!!

My twin left my house around 1;15pm only to be killed at 1;30pm by a semi that ran a stop sign and hit the passenger door where she sat, she was killed instantly,i got a phone call around 330 from a friend that asked if i heard about an accident i said no and hung up to call my sister. no answer i called her friend that was driving no answer. i called my land lord who happens to be my sisters friends mother in law. she said yes there was an accident and the baby was life flighted(drivers son) driver thank god walked away with a few bruises. but no word bout gerri. the next hour and half were the longest mins of my life, no one the police hospital would tell us anything said to stay where i was. i knew then it was bad news. we seen the accident on the 5 o'clock news where they said she was killed. i was numb for the first couple weeks being strong for everyone else. for four months i didn't do anything i was so deep in depression it was killing me. i lost sister, my job, friends. finally i said i got to get out of this. i just am not sure how to. half of me died with her that day and i wont ever be the same. she was the only on i could count on in my life to always be there never had to worry bout not having anyone til now. so for a month i started doing things again and then 2 find out my boyfriend was cheating and left me 9 days ago. always telling me to get over it and stop living in the past. well 4;00 this morning i realized it was the 6 month mark and had no one to turn to. i feel as if my life is over i pushed everyone away, and helped everyone in the beginning and now the only person i ever had is dead! i don't know what to do. i want her home, i want things to be normal again, i want her to be sitting in my chair and to keep her just a few mins longer that day. i have guilt for that day and so many days b4 that that i could of made a bigger effort to visit i can't ever get any of them days back. i think i get better and then something happens to bring me back down to this black hole. i just want to know when and if it ever gets easier!!

Comments for i just want my twin back. R.I.P Gerri 2/22/84 - 10/10/12

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Oct 11, 2013
i want my mommy
by: charity

my momm gerri lynn I miss you anut carrie it will never get easier an we no it were waiting for her to call us text us back its been a year shes not calling I miss her so much with all my heart.

Apr 22, 2013
thanks
by: carrie

Thank you all for your condolences, I have decided to go to counseling, I can't continue living like I have. I know now i cant change the past, but the grief and guilt are overcoming my life. I do talk to her a lot and have a facebook page in memory that I post on quite often. Half my heart went with her on that day, and I need help to learn how
to live as half a person. I was always a "we" and need to learn to live as me. Even tho I know i will never be whole again. I am glad there is sites like these to be able to talk about her and get advice on moving on. Thanks again.

Apr 11, 2013
I still want My Love back too...
by: Hope

Carri,

It's not the same as talking to your sister but start to journal. I still do. I write letters to my husband I begin...My Love, and write him letters telling him whats going on how I feel, the frustrations, anger or fears that I have. I wrote often but as time passes I write less. It helps.

Find some grief meeting to attend, Feeling alone in your grief is horrible and lets face it unless you have or are experiencing grief there is little understanding from the people around us. Just pity initially but after a time we are expected to just snap out of it.

Grief is something that we survive. Often one breath and one step at a time. We adjust to grief and after a while it is trying to leave grief behind and enjoy life. I found that that was the hardest part having gotton used to grief letting it go struggling to keep it from controlling me taking over my life was the hardest part.

But you are far from that. Grief MUST be experienced there is no way around it nor can it be avoided or put off. Six months in is just the beginning of grief. The shock that protects us is wearing off at that point and the reality kicks in.

Find others in grief, here is a good place to write of your grief and help others with theirs. This site saved my sanity and I wrote and replied for 2 years.

My best to you in your journey

HH

Apr 10, 2013
I just want my twin back. R.I.P. Gerri 2/22.84 - 10/10/12
by: Doreen U.K.

Carrie I am sorry for your loss of your twin sister to a sudden death. This is such a tragic accidental death that has robbed you of your sister who shared your space in the womb and who was in essence your other half. You will feel this loss forever. But it does get better. You will in TIME feel the pain less. But you will have the scars forever. If you are struggling with grief then go and see a grief counsellor or grief group where you will be supported and helped to cope through this loss of your sister. You shouldn't have to go through this loss on your own. Your boyfriend is a JERK. You are better off without him. He is CLUELESS to tell you to get over it. Just wait till he loses someone close then he will understand. He is so insensitive. Grief is not something you get over. It is something you go THROUGH. Then and only then do we move through to healing. If grief lasted forever it would kill us. There has to be a period of recovery for us. So don't give up HOPE.

Apr 10, 2013
Gerri
by: kate

I am very sorry for you loss. I lost my son In Nov He was 39 and 3 weeks later,My sister died. She was my closest sister.
I understand you sorrow.Grief is up and down,in and out. It takes time to accept such a huge loss as death.I seems unbelievable. It hurts to the depth and things can never be the same. we have to learn to go on with Gods help,I do it . This first year is really hard on us s be gentle with yurself. Get your feelings out.This is a good place to cry out. Sad to say,we understand on here. One day at a time. Hugs.

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