I knew I should have let go but my love for him was still there

by Holding on
(Modesto CA)

Our relationship lasted 14 years. We started dating soon after my 16th birthday.Things were so good. I loved every thing about him. Most of all the way he treated me.(now I wonder if I was just too young)By the time I was 19 I was pregnant. At that time every thing began to change. He didn't bother to show his love anymore. Even at 9 months pregnant did he help or assist me with anything. I remember during that pregnancy that on my birthday he never did anything for me and left me at home to watch a boxing match."Happy Birthday to me, and many more were ahead". Then when our beautiful baby boy was born it wasn't the happy family I thought we'd be. He was disconnected and didn't have a close bond with us. After several sleepless nights I asked for help with our son. I'll never forget his comment, What do you want me to do? I don't have tits to feed him." Okay so you've only read a little and your thinking why would you stay with him then. I don't know but I honestly still loved him and I wanted him back the way he was. The way he made me fall in love with him. We'd argue and he'd say he loved me and I would believe it. I needed to hear it. But after time that wasn't enough. I started thinking, It was easy to say what I wanted to hear but the reality of how he treated me was different. I remember telling him that the momment my heart would change and I'd be able to love as he's been to me that we would be over. And sure enough when I was able to let go of some of that our relationship changed. It has become abusive. He says that because I start it I deserve it. I could never be as strong as him I know. And part of me still suckers in to him saying I deserve it. But the pain and the bruises say I didn't deserve this. I know I should have let this go long ago but I couldn't. Why did I let my feelings stop me from doing what was right? Why does this type of man have so much control of my heart? Even though I know it's over my heart still holds on. How foolish I am, my love for him will always be there.

Comments for I knew I should have let go but my love for him was still there

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May 28, 2011
But then I found genuine Love...
by: Been there done that

And I hope that you will always be around for more abuse. Meaning I hope that you live long enough to realise that this destructive relationship is not a relationship at all. Read on see what we have lost. The widows here lost a True Love. One of mutual respect and consideration. They made us feel special everyday. Even when we had small squabbles it tore us up inside to stay mad more than a day. Each day was a new beginning, not another excuse to demean and emotionally rape our minds and make us feel useless and worthless. The one that we choose to love and loves us back strokes our ego not destroy it. Get some counseling for abuse both verbal and physical. You deserve so much more than you are accepting...

May 28, 2011
Let Go and Love Yourself
by: judith in California

From this very moment Respect yourself first and always. Never allow someone to treat you in that way again. If it were your best friend telling you about someone who treated her that way what would you tell her. Hopefully what I'm telling you now. Please don't talk to him at all. Do not give him one second of your time now. Your child deserves a happy home without seeing or listening to such behavior.

You now have to co-parent but you don't have to take his abuse. IF need be set it up to where he has to meet you and your child in a public place not privately to where he feels he can still berate and abuse you.

Abusers are very cunning.

You are missing what you thought "could/should have been" not what he really was. A person who is not there when he is there, cold and aloof and abusive as all hell. Who needs that?

I know of what I speak here because I had a relationship like yours. The voice of experience is a good teacher. I pray you will take me serious. the handful of good times in 14 years does not outweigh the misery you chose to endure for the sake of love.

He has some serious maturity issues and you're better off without him. Yes, you will see that when you can step back and look at the big picture of what you thought you had. You were carrying the relationship hoping he would change. Change is not going to happen to him. He is the "boy" he will always be.

Talk with God and be good to yourself and be strong. You will find someone more deserving of you in time. But before you do you will have to work on who you are and know what you truly deserve in a mate. Take the time now to get to know yourself again and come out saying "I will never allow a man to do those things to me again" I deserve better.

Good Luck.

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