I knew when I saw him

by Linda

In Dusseldorf, Germany at a business meeting that he was the one! I had been single for many many years and would wake up each day and my first thought was "I know your are out there I just dont know where". So when I was introduced by my boss I thought so that's what you look like. It was mid -summer night and there was a big festival in the town and even although I was working in Madrid, Spain the next day we chatted until 3am!

Well all I could say was thank god for the internet and during the next 8 weeks that's mainly how we kept in touch that and expensive calls to and from my cell phone.

Within 9 months I had left my "old" life back in Germany and moved to Canada to begin a new one with my "soul" mate. Shortly after my arrival he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer which had metastasized onto his liver.

Before we became as we called it "the cancer couple" we did so many amazing things together and had fun doing them . I say ~Life is about creating memories" and that is what we did for as long as we could.

In the last week of his life he looked at me and quietly said "John Lennon is right...........LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED!"
I have learned so much about myself and about life. I have loved deeply and always will, the cowboy from Alberta who took my breath away.

All I wanted
Was to spend more time
With you
But what I got
Was only a precious few

At least I tried
To make the most
Of what was left
Plans diverted
Too many hurdles
Never made it
To desired stage

Sorry, not much choice
Although it hurts
Life must go on now

Even without you
I must continue
The life that never was
And forged ahead
A new path
Guided by your
Eternal light
And undoubting love
Forever you are always in my heart.

Comments for I knew when I saw him

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Jan 14, 2011
by: Linda

It somehow really struck me that as I was experiencing the loss of my husband here in Quebec, somewhere in the world you were going through the same awful life changing heartbreaking thing too.

I dont know about you but I have been counting the minutes and keep thinking, four weeks have passed already this coming Saturday since he went. Since then I find the stillness of my house strange as for about a year there was a constant buzz of people, nurses, doctors, friends and now......stillness and a deafening quietness has taken its place.

I'm sure it will still hurt as much no matter how many years go by, but differently. I just wish I could have organised important legal issues which are now cropping up and taking time. I wish I could spend grieving the loss of my love, my partner, my friend.

My thoughts are with you Mary and all who read this. I somehow find it comforting knowing I am not alone in my loss.

Jan 14, 2011
shared pain
by: Mary

Linda - I too lost my childhood sweetheart the same day you lost your love - December 18, 2010. We were also together 24-7 during his illness - the journey beginning in February. He left me after 49 years together and the sadness and the loneliness is so painful. Someone told me everyone says it gets better - but the truth is, it doesn't - you just adjust. My future looks bleak, to say the least.

Jan 13, 2011
I'm there too
by: Lyn Ann

Hi Linda - when the phone stops ringing and the visitors go back to their lives, we are still here everyday to care and share.

I lost my husband, my lovely lad, on November 20 2010 after 23 years together. Cancer, and like you I devoted my 24/7 to him in the last few months.
I find it so strange, how i could be so strong through the physical caring part - coping with so many terrible things... dealing with them everyday.

And yet now the memories of those things bring me to my knees and give me such pain.

I don't understand why the memory should be worse than the actual experience.

But it is.

So much I don't understand. But I do believe that prayer helped then, and it is still helping now. It doesn't take away the pain, but it helps me survive it a little better.

You, along with all of our fellow grievers, are in my prayers, Lyn Ann

Jan 13, 2011
by: Linda

Do you really think so Judith?
Right now I'm just trying to make sense of it all,I'm so proud of myself for being there for him 24/7 for many long months and I'm sure one day I'll know why.

I've read the comments of others in my position and it seems how I feel and thoughts I'm having are "normal". He passed away on December 18th ....32 long days ago and even longer nights. I have gone from being on alert with the phone constantly ringing and people arriving every half hour to SILENCE!

I am thinking of writing a book to empower men and women because I wish I had been a little bit more prepared for what happened when he passed and also what has happened since both emotionally and financially.

Thanks for your comment, it gives me hope.

Jan 13, 2011
by: Judith

Linda, God had a plan when he placed you before him HE knew you would be the one to see him through til the end. It wasn't an accident.

God bless you with your recovery process.

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