I loss everything including myself when I loss My Sweet Mother on July 12, 2009.

by Wanda
(Dillon, S.C.)

I lost my mom July 12, 2009, and it is March 17, 2013 and it feels like it was yesterday. I am trying so hard to deal with this but it is so hard for me and at times I dont no what to do to stop the pain and the tears. As I am writing this I can not stop crying, I am on zoloft 100mg a day and it does not feel as if it is working, and I always pray not just at night but all through the day. The image I can not get out of my head is when I came home from work I brought her orange juice she asked me to get for her earlier that day, and I went to give her a kiss and I found her with one leg on the floor and the other on the bed and she was gone, I wish I wasnt the one that had to see that because now it is stuck in my mind and heart, I just want my mother back but I no that is not posssible. To be honest I dont no what to do? it seems as if it is getting harder and harder for me.

Comments for I loss everything including myself when I loss My Sweet Mother on July 12, 2009.

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Jun 03, 2013
Wish I could of been there for you MOM
by: Domino

I lost my Mom on 12-17-12 . We had a real strong bond I've never seen a mother care so much for her son my mom was the realist person I ever might in my life anyone who knew her would say the same thing she was one of a kind.. I feel so lost she was my best friend the only one I Really had in this world I'm 28 and I feel like my life is over what makes it so bad is that I couldn't be there when she passed away It feels like nobody understands My pain not even Me i lost my better half and I don't think I'll ever get over that I miss you Mom

May 09, 2013
Keep your Faith- Honoring Etta Barnes-Hatcher
by: The E-Report

You will get to the place that you can live with the loss;Please believe;it won't go away; and you don't want it to because that's all of those wonderful memories and things that you reflect on; that make you who you are which is her.

Stay Strong; Don't give up and don't let go; she was worth more than that.

The E-report

Apr 04, 2013
by: wanda

Trish, I be hopeing that it will get easier than harder, and i no everyone go through grief a total different way, but for me to find my mom like that was devasting and I just can not come to grips with it, praying in time it will get better for me and believing that it will not get worse. Trisha I will be praying for all of us that is still grieving.

Apr 02, 2013
I can relate to losing yourself
by: Trish

I too found my mother in the same position you did may 2011!!! Why is it harder than easier, it's an image I can't forget!!! I was shocked to see someone went through the same thing as me! She was my best friend, tell me does other easier???

Mar 19, 2013
Dear Wanda,
by: Pat in Missouri

I hear your pain. I've been through the same stuff. My mother died Dec. 9, 2009. Then, my brother died May 11, 2011, my father June 5, 2011, and my fiance' Sept. 8, 2011. I am still here and rolling in a sea of loss and grief. But, somehow, going through all of this is teaching me something. I have to move forward just as you do. I have lost almost everybody in my family. I am taking Zoloft too, but I don't think medication is the answer, although it helps in some small way. I have been trying to figure out who I am. I think I always identified myself as a daughter, a sister, and Frank's fiancee'. Now that all those attachments are gone, I am looking at just me in the mirror. No one else, but me can fix this mess. I bet you are thinking something along these same lines.

The way you found your mother has left a deep scar on your heart. However, you might think of it as a good thing. It sounds like she went quickly, just 1 step out of bed. I doubt she had any pain and she did not have to linger for weeks or months from a stroke or heart attack or whatever the illness might have been. That scar needs to be covered with treasured memories. After my mother passed, I made a scrapbook of pictures and mementoes she had left me. Now, I can look at it, laugh at the times we had together, and feel her spirit in my heart. We used to love to shop. When I shop now, I hear Mom talking to me. This will come for you too, but you really need to find a place in your heart to put the grief, but make room for all the rest of life. You know your mother would not have wanted you to mourn on and on for her like this. All of us must face grief and loss at some time in our lives. It's probably the most difficult part of our lives. I have decided that God gave us the strength and challenge we need to get past this by passing on our love to others. My mother was a giver and I thank her for giving me the same gift. I am doing some volunteer work with pets for a local hospice agency. Everyone I have lost loved dogs and so do I. I feel as if I am passing on their love to other hospice patients and their dogs. It feels good and it feels right.

I read somewhere that the highest honor you can give anyone is to give a gift that cannot be reciprocated. My mother, father, brother, and fiance' cannot give me gifts anymore, but I can give in their name. Think about it and find some way to give that feels right for you. In time, that painful scar will begin to heal. You might also think of counseling or a support group. I attended a support group for those dealing with grief. It was a big help to be with other people who were all facing the same thing. Please know that there will always be a special place in your heart for your mother. Now it is time to find the specialness in you. I send you hugs and good wishes. Let me know how you are doing. Pat

Mar 18, 2013
I lost everything including myself when I lost My Sweet Mother on July 12, 2009
by: Doreen U.K.

Wanda it will be 4yrs. since your mom died and I think it is now time for you to go and see a grief counsellor. You may be stuck in grief and unable to move forward. You say you are on Zoloft and you think it is not working? Go back to your doctor and talk to him about how you are feeling and how you don't feel that Zoloft is working. He may need to offer you some other medication. But Counselling will help you more. You will soon be able to move forward because your pain will be less. Counsellors do a marvellous job of getting us to a level where our pain won't overwhelm us.
The last memory you had of your mother when she had just died is the memory that will haunt you for some time. With Grief counselling this memory should get less in time. I had to nurse my husband for over 3yrs. when he died 10 months ago of cancer and I have such bad memories that are taking a long time to go. That is all I have. the memories of living with cancer and a husband dying slowly. It assaults our mind. If we have a physical illness we can go to our doctor and get it treated and perhaps an operation to sort the problem out. BUT GRIEF. It hits us so hard. Physically the body is tired from grief feeling all beat up at times. WE suffer emotionally and mentally and I feel as if we are somehow just meant to recover. It is a hard struggle. At the end of the day I sigh with relief that I made it through another day. Only to rise and do it all over again. None of us can plan our grief. It will unfold each day. It is a very lonely place to be for many of us. Some people have moved on in their grief which gives me hope. But when the memories come it throws us down again and off balance and I guess it will do this for some time. One day. Just one day we may wake up and find our grief is getting less and we can survive our loss.

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