I lost her, my beautiful butterfly.
My wife died in her sleep on Dec. 1st. She was 47 and had no known health problems. The night before she was packing for a trip to visit her sister in New York so she would be back in plenty of time for Christmas. She picked out what she needed and packed the bags. I helped put the lining in her coat and I fell asleep before she was finished. She was excited and I was going to drive her to the airport the next morning.
I woke at 2am to go to the bathroom and she was dozing in bed and the TV was still on. I told her she needed to get some sleep since she had a big day. She turned out the TV and we both went to sleep. I woke at 5am when the clock went off and went to the bathroom. When I came out I tried to wake her up but she wouldn't. She was face down and I turned her over and immediately saw she wasn't alive.
She was still warm so I laid her on the floor and began CPR while my step son called 911. I performed CPR until the EMTs got there and they worked for about an hour but could do nothing. I cannot get the images out of my head and I am having a tough time coping. I have made an appointment with a counselor and my doctor gave me something, but I am using those very sparingly, only at night so I can at least take the edge off for a couple of hours, but it doesn't really help much.
I can't stop pacing and I am having a very difficult time getting back into work. I sometimes have to work from home and I can't work when I'm here. We just renovated the house and have only been in it for a few months. She loved it so much and it has her all over it. I really don't know what else to say.