I lost it all, I am empty.

by Jamie
(ohio)

My mom wasn't only my mom but my best friend. I miss being able to call her and talk to her about anything and everything. I miss her voice and her telling me she loves me and misses me.


I live in ohio with my fiance and our 2 girls and my mom and dad live in Arkansas. My oldest daughter goes there every summer and my parents bring her home at the end of the summer. Well my mom was feeling really tired so she went to the Dr. when they got home 5 days after i seen her and the dr gave her a " good bill of health", said she was probly just tired from the trip still. We didnt think anything of it.

My mom never napped so she just kept on going. I got bad news bout my daughters lithium levels being high on wednesday Aug 18, 2010 and called my mom and we talked bout the fact that i sent her up there sick and that she was sick all summer and i feel bad and that we took her off lithium and my mom felt bad that she didn't know she was sick and thought i blamed her and i didnt but i cant remember if i told her that or not. I didn't know that was the last time i would talk to her.

I still remember the phone call as if it was yesterday. The horrible line "are you sitting down"; my mom died Aug 20 2010 at 530pm cst from a massive heart attack. She had no heart problems and no medical problems, so this was a shock to everyone. She was watching Tv talking to my dad and cleared her throat and laid over dead. She died 7 days after i seen her.

It's so hard to believe. Why me? Why her? She was 54 yrs old. I have so many regrets i even think maybe this is my fault. I miss my mom alot and want her back. I wish i had a remote i could RR and go back and change things and maybe she would be here still. I'm glad she was in no pain tho bc it was sudden death for her, so it was painless. But i still would rather her be here with me.

I miss her and need her i am lost and i have nobody now.I am angry the Dr didn't do anything or see this coming. I am angry she was taken from me, it wasn't her time.

Comments for I lost it all, I am empty.

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Oct 02, 2010
I understand
by: tammyjo

Hello jamie. i am new here and as i read ur page i began to cry so hard. your love for ur mom was just as my love for my mom. i lost her a few months ago to cancer she was only 64. i called her twice a week for years. when she passed away and still now almost 6 months later, i find my self pulling my hand away from the phone. its not that i forget she has passed its i dont believe it. she was and still is my best friend. i too am so very empty without her here. i am married with 7 children but its just not enough for me. this pain is so hard to deal with i wonder sometimes if i am gonna make it.. i just wanted to stop by and let you know my prayers are with you and urs..
tammyjo

Sep 14, 2010
I lost my mum too
by: Anonymous

Hello Jamie

I lost my mum two weeks ago today. Reading all the posts makes me realise that so many people are going through the same experience. I hear you sister! I miss my mum so much I can feel my heart breaking everytime I think of her. She was my mate, my mother and my biggest champion. Sometimes the loneliness is so powerful I feel like I'm going to be sucked into a big whole.

Mum was only 61 and I feel robbed. She had been sick for a while but we were expecting her to go.

I understand everything you've said. Be patient with yourself and take each day as it comes. Do you sew? Maybe you could make one of those great quilts from some of her clothes?

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