I lost my 23yr old son to a heroin overdose

by Jen McDonough
(Minneapolis, Mn)

Me and my son Brandon

Me and my son Brandon

Me and my son Brandon
my son
my son
Brandon in his marine uniform

Click on each photo to enlarge.

I buried my son a few weeks ago....he died on October 25, 2011. That fated day came to quick and certainly a shock - my son had just completed boot camp for the marines and had some medical challenges with his legs. He came home for two weeks then went to Florida for two months...on Oct 18 he came back home and a week later was dead from a heroin overdose. This child had his whole life before him....I loved him so much. I am not ashamed of how he died he struggled secretly with addiction and prided himself with the thought that he wasn't an addict. Delusion is a symptom of addiction....addiction is progressive (meaning it gets worse and worse over time and with consumption) and the end result for every addict is death, institutions, or jail. Sadly my son was not unique to these bleak outcomes I only wish he had the opportunity to participate in a program of recovery as opposed to loosing his life so soon. I did not know anything other than the fact that he drank....along with the shock of his passing was the realization of his experimental drug use which ultimately killed him. He was not afforded the opportunity to wrestle this beast called addiction it took him out instantly. This child had no idea that the hit of heroin he was about to take that night was going to bring him to his grave. I am so heart broken and numb. This boy told me "mom no man will ever love you more on this earth than I do". The day he died a part of me died too...he took me with him. My dear son I birthed you, nurtured you, raised you, loved you more than life itself and the dark world of addiction took you away from me.....but God himself holds you in the palm of His hand - I dedicated you back to the Lord who entrusted you to me on this earth and the short time I had with you I am so grateful for and will cherished every moment/memory in my heart....for today words cannot express my loss or pain. Somehow I have to figure out how to live the rest of my life here on this earth without you son. This pain (that comes and goes thank God) is worse than a dagger to my heart or an arm being cut off I'd rather die myself than live without you here....I pray it gets better for me for the sake of my other children.

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Mar 31, 2014
your son
by: Anonymous

When my son finally admitted he needed help we took him to a psychiatrist that gave him a precription for suboxone. It seemed to work at first, but then the doctor wanted to ween him. Then my son started cheating. If you don't take the suboxene you can do the heroin. He did the suboxene for about eight months. But also used Heroin. Be very careful, I think it can work, but doesn't for everyone. My son died at age 31 (this is my second post here). I want you to know when they are desparate for the drugs they will do anything. They will even lie to you. They will say I'm good, I haven't used in a week or so. Just know they will do and say anything. Of course what we did didn't work, so now I wish we would have done something else. ??? I'm no expert, Just be aware...

Mar 31, 2014
your sons
by: barbara

im so sorry for loss of your sons.. like ive said before i live in terror that that will happen to me.. my son has a appt. tomorrow for suboxon..we are not aloud to see my grandsons right now because of all this..he is 27 ...

Mar 31, 2014
Your son
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry to hear about your son. You are right your son and mine (31, died last April) were playing with the devil. It took over his life, and I talked with him, but I didn't know how hard it was for him. I wished like you I could have done anything to save him. We will miss them always! It's so sad....

Mar 30, 2014
i miss my only son
by: Anonymous

my only son died of a heroin od.i tried so hard to save him rehab 7 times therapy love. he just wasn't strong enough and he let the devil win.half my heart went with Matthew.its a very hard pain i hope he is at peace now and in heaven.i pray he is.i miss him so darn much it hurts so bad.we were very close.he had a good heart.he was 26.my matty.i hate the devil.

Mar 18, 2014
anymous
by: barb

i read your last comment,,and i understand word for word of what you are going through,,,except getting hit by my son..ive been reading these since last year and yours is only one i seen that is trying to reach out for help like me,,,i try to find answers in peoples blogs that have gone through the ultimate horror that we are trying and fighting so hard to avoid...i was more at piece when my son was in jail.. still worried of course ..dont want to have to have him go there but ya get to point were ya know hes safer and rather have him there than on a street or anywhere shooting up or any of those bad drugs the drs..feel such a need to get people hooked on ...any way if you or anyone ever want to talk please write me.. rhapsidy50@aol.com barbara

Mar 18, 2014
help for your daughter
by: Anonymous

That's a hard one. How do you save your daughter. Maybe I can't help you because I lost my son less than a year ago. I wish I had one more chance to save him. But thinking back I don't know what I would have done. I think sometime I would have taken him somewhere, where the dealers couldn't be found. Somewhere remote. Take some types of medications to help them withdraw. But they have to want to go. If they don't there is no way to help them. I agree about jail. But when they get out, they run back to get more heroin. After not having it for awhile, they are more likely to overdose. Make sure she doesn't use alone, and get that shot that will help her recover if she takes too much. Naxolene, I think. Be prepared for the worst. But some addicts go on for years, and maybe finally get it. I hope your daughter is one. Its no fun when you lose them. Good Luck.

Mar 17, 2014
how do I save her?
by: Anonymous

I asked the group a while ago on how to save my daughter. It's been 6 months and she still is not on the road to recovery. She has been in and out of the hospital for abscesses in her arms, pneumonia and recently overdosed on perscribed klodipin. She was arrested Friday for possession of herion with intent to distribute and judge dismissed all charges because she didn't have enough on her. I begged them to put her in jail. Sad when you think the only way to save her is to lock her up. Nobody will help her until she helps herself. Now she has been abusing me when I won't give her money. getting kicked and punched in the face by you own daughter is beyond sad. She came to the door and I made her go away because she won't get help. She steals everything and pawns it. I'm afraid of what she will do.I am just heartbroken. Sitting here crying because I can't help her and it's just a matter of time before she overdoses. I feel like she's already gone. Sorry venting, I don't know where else to turn.

Mar 15, 2014
To 23yr Old Son
by: suedoetsch@ymail.com

I am so, so, sorry. My Ryan died last June after 40 days in rehab. The horror of what I had to see and do still haunt me. He died right next to me. I was trying to watch hom - fell asleep. It gets better, but never goes away. We all, everyone loved, by son. He was so funn, handsome and smart - why??? I have so many questions I'll never get answered about that night. My mental health is not good. Trying very hard through prayer. Please contact me if you want. Sue

Mar 05, 2014
It's so hard!
by: Anonymous

I was able to give my sons phone to a DEA agent. His dealers and 4 others were arrested. My son was a fun loving guy, I miss him so very much. It's been 17 months but feels like only yesterday. He had just graduated from college and was starting a new job - died alone in a motel room the night of his drug test for the job.

Mar 03, 2014
to live in the hearts of those is not to die
by: Anonymous

l lost my very loving son frank to heroin 1 11 11 it was his and mine lucky number so we thought but whats in a number i did not know his habit all i know is i pray every day i will see him in heaven i so miss him love his dad vjm

Mar 03, 2014
Your daughter
by: Anonymous

My son died at a young age of heroin od. Its not been a year yet. My husband talked to the police about the drug dealer, but I never found out more. The year anniversary is this April, and before that date, I plan to go to the police and ask what happened to the guy that sold my son the drugs. My son was in my husband's truck outside the apartment where he got the drugs. You are so right. It is so hard to help them, even though they want help. I wished I could have taken him somewhere. I have so much regret that I could not help him through this. And it is so wrong that the dealers are taking lives and not being held accountable. Some people in my neighborhood are avoiding us. I guess they think we failed our son, and that we were bad parents. That bothers me as well. I would have done anything to help him. This country needs to wake up to this problem. Our hearts are broken, and our precious children are gone.

Mar 02, 2014
my dear daughter
by: Lori

I lost my daughter over a year ago to a heroin overdose. Yesterday she would have been 26. She was a wonderful person inside. Someone at her college who was pregnant showed her how to shoot up in my home. I had no idea until she told me a week later. It then made sense why she was so sick, later that weekend. She didn't start back up again til July, from then on until the end of February when she died we lost our fight. We tried alot of different avenues but the hold to take the drug was too strong. She wanted to quit but just couldn't. I miss her everyday and her dad/my husband passed away in 06, so I have no one to share my grief, I am alone now. There are two major things wrong with our system. You can't make your own child who is hooked on heroin stay in rehab, sign them in so they can't get out. (Without going thru extension court proceedings which would take over a year, when their on heroin you don't have time on your side.) The second is the drug dealers who sell heroin have killed at least one individual and that destroys so many lives- their whole families lives. The justice system need to keep these dealers that sell heroin (the killer drug) in jail for at least 20 years. They helped my daughter to her death, I consider that murder. I did do alot of praying - my prayers were not answered.





Feb 16, 2014
My son
by: Anonymous

My oldest died in June 2013 from a heroin OD. My husband found him. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone in this nightmare. I miss him so much.

Feb 05, 2014
addiction
by: Anonymous

With the recent death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman, actor, there has been a lot of attention given to heroin addiction. Things I agree with are..." "addiction to harder drugs should be considered a medical problem". "It is a chronic disease, like diabetes that may not be curable, but can be managed" I hate the idea that these poor souls that are addicted to this horrible drug have to go out to the street to buy this stuff, from people who basically don't care. If it was regulated, then the government would get the money, instead of the street dealers, and we could then start researching cures and treatments. I hate that we are allowing young precious lives to be snuffed out. P.S. too late for me, as I lost my son last year to this awful drug, but we as a society need to push to save others.

Feb 05, 2014
bill and desperate mom
by: cindy

Pay attention to all your options. There are drugs out there recently that are better than before to help block the physical opiate addiction. However, I believe beyond the physical is the behavioral addiction-IE.. emotional responses. My son would be 23 by now but after surviving the physical addiction for a year fell short to the thought of one more time! Your son is still alive and you can not be there every moment.BUT-you can have hope and you can help educate others and thereby give your son a chance to strengthen others through his living testimony. This is giving your son another chance at life in a different way than ever before. This is not like smoking cigarettes, maybe a little here and then a little there but you are fine. No! It is a life long damaging drug and killer. It has been several years that we need to get the word out!





Jan 29, 2014
IBOGAINE TREATMENT
by: Anonymous

On Jan, 24 2012 i lost my 22 tear old daughter to this drug,She was in and out of rehab 7 times .After her death i have been doing research on a drug treatment called Ibogaine, it is not legal in the USA,But is legal in Mexico and other countries. If i would have know about this treatment when my daughter was alive i would have taken to get the Ibogaine treatment in a second.
Look it up on the web, it is amazing stuff.I just talked to a guy that had been doing Heroin for 10 years went through one treatment of Ibogaine and has not touched the stuff for 4 years,
For all you parents dealing with the addic look it up. Please

Jan 12, 2014
bill and desperate mom
by: barb

bill you cant help what your son did... we all sit back and think why didn't i know... and my son tells me.. if he goes from heroin he would be happy because its better than by fire or accident etc.. my son is 28 and been fighting this drug scene for over 10 years and heroin last 5 yrs.. he just got out of jail a week ago and im scared... i couldn't get a hold of him other day and fought from crying on way home not knowing what i would find... he was OK.. but im sure your son would tell you like mine says..." theirs nothing you can do if i want to get it i will" and desperate mom i know what your going through as others that have gone the ultimate road of loss... we do die a little all time its so dark and helpless and when we feel hopeless its too dismal without some kind of light to hold on to.. but yes as long as they are alive we have a fighting chance... if i was rich id hire a huge body guard to be my sons shadow to keep him safe like your shell..and to all parents .. i was vacation in in fl a few years ago and my son was like 23 then.,,, any way i was waling behind him on the beach glad he didn't like going in water... and remembering when he was like 4 yo.. and i could hold his hand to keep him safe but then they get older and we cant always do that and it kills our hearts as parents... just keep saying "god please babysit my son"amen....barb

Jan 12, 2014
I lost my son Jeffrey
by: Bill

On 12/14/09 my wife found our first born son dead in his bed. Every day I look at his picture and wonder what did I go wrong. He knew I loved him so very much. Why would he do this ? I know he drank eith his friends. I even knew he smoked some pot but I never knew heroin was even out there. How could I be so stupid. Now I have so much guilt. As his father it was my job to protect him from things like this. But I failed. I'm so sorry Jeffrey.

Jan 04, 2014
Helpless Mom
by: Anonymous

I agree with the previous comment, get him HELP!!! My son started doing drugs at 17 and finally escalated to heroin, although I didn't know that. I would become so discouraged and just knew one day I would get the call. When he turned 22 I really saw changes in him, he really wanted to change. Then 4 months after his 22nd birthday, after 4 months of seeing no drug use, I got the visit I finally thought wouldn't ever happen, 3 policemen at my door saying my son had passed away. When the autopsy came back, it was a mixture of heroin, xanax, alcohol, and meth. 16 months later, I am still in a fog. Hold onto your son, don't ever give up on him and find a treatment that works. I live everyday with so much guilt, wondering what I could have done different. They get sucked into this demon of a drug and don't know how to get out. I pray for every single mom and dad on this web site, that somehow we can find peace after such a horrific event.

Jan 03, 2014
Helpless mom
by: Anonymous

Dear Helpless Mom. Don't ever give up. You do not want to belong to our group. My 22yr old daughter died Jan 24 2012. Look up. IBOGAINE on the web. If I would have know about IBOGAINE treatment I would have had my daughter do that instead of 7 rehabs in the USA. Hang in there. God bless

Jan 03, 2014
Fear I will join your club
by: Desperately Helpless Mom

My 23 year old son has been in and out of rehab for the last two years and he has relapsed. He showed up to addiction group with swollen hand, track marks on the top and those dilated needle point pupils.
You see he thought he would have been something by now and his OCD has him wallowing in self pity that only makes him want that stress free euphoric feeling the heroin can give him. He found out that oxy took away his OCD and made him feel good after having back surgery. Then after his first rehab he learned H was cheaper and same high.
But we all have the same story with just a few different twists and turns.
I have never posted anything online but I am so desperate I feel like it is so obvious he is killing himself and no one can help him. He stopped seeing his psychiatrist after lying to him for a year to get more Xanax then he went into psych ward for suicide watch to only be prescribed prosax. Then we moved him to recovery house and he goes to a addictions group three nights a week.
I read your posts looking for answers on how to not end up in your group with a dead son but I feel as though I am already there and I am dying a little each day that I can't have him put in a shell and keep him safe from himself.
Thanks for sharing your inner thoughts with the World Wide Web you are all very strong and I pray for your peace.
Thanks so much,
Another mom suffering from loving an addict

Dec 30, 2013
This awful journey
by: Anonymous

It was 15 months yesterday that I lost my youngest son. My heart breaks and I believe I have also found "crazy", however I'm very good about hiding it from others. I worry about my oldest son, how he is handling his brothers death. Hang in there - it's a journey I would never wish on anyone!

Dec 27, 2013
Sharon, I understand
by: Anonymous

I could've written your post Sharon. I too feel as though I'm going crazy. We are temporarily insane from grief I belive (I hope it's temporary). It's a horrible awful thing to go through. The terror of the addiction and then the loss of my child - I also think god forbid I live to see 70 years old.

I do not have any other children. There will be no grandchildren. My whole future changed when my son died. I wish every day that I could be done. But I'm still here so there must be some reason. I hope to make my son proud, but first I have more greiving to do. I'm immobilized by it sometimes. It's been 15 months. This is so difficult. You are all on my heart, in my prayers. Just hang on.

Dec 27, 2013
Hurt
by: Sharon

I know how all of us hurt. I think the word hurt does not even explain it. It's been 16 months since I lost Andrew (21) & I thank god everyday that I had him for 21 years. I have three other children left, 31, 29 & 21. My 31 year old & 21 year old found Andrew in his room. My 31 year old is an alcoholic & I'm in such fear that he will die. He gets drunk every night at the bar & drives hom My 29 year olde. I just don't understand. I once thought I was a good mother, now I'm the worst. daughter is expecting in May & I should be over joyed. Whats wrong with me that I can't find a single thing to even make me smile. I hate myself. I'm 51 & god forbid if I live to be 70. I can't handle the pain I feel everyday. I open my eye's in the morning & say "why am I still here". I know all of the pain we are going through. Only the parents that watched our children live on Heroin & did all we can to help them can only understand this pain. I want all of you to know that I think of you everyday & pray that we all find just a minute of peace each day. I thank all of you for writing your thoughts it make me feel that I'm not alone. Thank You, Thank You!!!! XOXO

Dec 26, 2013
Holiday's
by: Sharon

This is our second Christmas without Andrew, & it's NOT even a bit easier. I have to put on that happy face to make other think I'm fine. I'm NOT even close to fine & NOT sure I ever will be. To all of you I hope you can find just a moment of peace this Holiday Season!

Dec 25, 2013
hugs
by: barbara

my heart hurts for all of you...im mentally taking all of your hearts and holding them snug and warm i hope it helps in a small way ..if we can all imagine that maybe we wouldnt feel so alone for even a moment,,, hope that made sense to all,, and merry christmas..barbara

Dec 25, 2013
Second Christmas without Justin
by: Cheryl

Justin died last year on the 19th of December. We are all still thinking he is going to be strolling in the door any day now. Just trying to keep things somehow going for my younger son. He is having such a hard time of his own with his brother's death, the last thing the rest of us need to do is not try and make the holiday somewhat normal (our new normal, which is now visiting the cemetery on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day).

Wish we knew what was going on with Justin back then - not sure if we would have been able to get him on the right track, but still wish we would have had the chance.

Merry Christmas Justin - we all miss you more than you will ever know.

Dec 24, 2013
1st Christmas without him
by: Anonymous

My first Christmas without my eldest son. Its so unbelievable. I had him for thirty one Christmas's, from the 1st where he was an infant, watching the twinkling lights to the last where he slept half the day. But we had him, and he always added to the day in various ways. There was laughter and we all enjoyed being together. There will be such a hole this year. I basically just want to stay in bed. No tree or decorations. I did buy some presents, for the other two children (young adults), but its all kinda meaningless. The only thing I want is my son back, and since that's not possible, we'll just hang in there, and try to get through the day. My life will never be the same I know. Joy to the world, I have no joy, Merry Christmas, I don't think so... I knew Christmas would be hard, and it really is. I hope all of you that have lost a child, can somehow find some peace.

Dec 23, 2013
merry christmas
by: barb

as i said before im getting very nervous my son will be out 1-5,,maybe few days sooner im already so afraid... i am gone sun morning till thursday morning ..i just cant survive that life style again of terror ..but i do believe as long as hes alive i have a fighting chance... please keep shayne and me in your prayers as you all are in mine... merry christmas barbara

Dec 23, 2013
thank you lisa marei
by: Anonymous

Prayers for you and all of us. It's the most horrible thing in the world that could possibly happen.

Dec 23, 2013
Hello
by: Lisa Marie

Hello everyone. I am just visiting to say hello and I am still praying for all us here. I had a hard time when I read the last post. I starting feeling the guilt I felt when I wasnt there when Lorenzo passed. It was a matter of mins. He used about 1245am-100. I came home from work about 109am. I was so upset that we worked overtime that night. I felt like I failed him. I tried to always be 1 step behind my son. I picked him up many times. I now realized I was comfortable at that time. He was doing so good. Dont you always here that... he was doing great. He had a good job and he was going to get his license back that tues. So when I found his wallet and he had his 320$ still for his fees I knew he died from 20$ of heroin and I was even more angry. I felt let down. I felt like my hope died that night too. Its a fight for us everyday. I wish I was in Heaven with him but I know its not my time. Our kid's struggles are our struggles. I was 19 when I had Lorenzo and my family helped me raise him. He was about 18 the first time he used and after that he was never the same. The drugs took our children. They would have never left us if they had the choice. I know Lorenzo doesnt want me to be sad. He wants me to live but sometimes it is easier said than done. Prayers and good thoughts to you all. Merry Xmas,Happy Holidays and God bless.

Dec 14, 2013
Nancy B & All...
by: Jill

Oh Nancy, I think we all believe we could have been better parents. And, perhaps we could have been. But the simple truth is we do/did the best we could. We are all dealt with various circumstances and we all have different backgrounds. But, the truth is that we loved our children like no other....and always will. I have guilt as well and always will. My friends and family are constantly telling me I did everything I could have to save Garnett. But, as a Mom, I don't believe this quite so easily. This is a tough journey....one that others will never understand. And, I sure hope they don't have to..... But, addiction is a disease. Our children did not choose to have this disease, they were born with it. And, as I said before, we did the best we could. Addiction is something that affects the whole family and something we had to deal with for years. Dealing with the effects of addiction over years changes us...changes the family. Just know that our children are dearly missed....but they KNOW how much we loved them. Until there is more known about how to successfully deal with addiction, we and our children, did not stand a chance. That is the sad truth. Please remember the good times...the times before the drugs. That is what our children would want us to remember. They did not want to be involved with drugs any more than we did....they just could not escape the so so power of addiction...and evil heroin. I am sending you, and all of the parents dealing with a loss like we are much love.....we need it. We need to realize that we are not perfect.....no one is....and that we did the best we could. LOVE will always be in our hearts and no one can take that away!! HUGS to you all.... Love, Jill

Dec 13, 2013
One Of Many
by: NancyB

I lost my son July 28, 2010 ultimately to drugs. I wish I could say what a great and diligent mother I was but truth is...I cannot. Circumstances of that night are strange, yes, but I could have been a better mom. He was so happy that day. Earlier in the week had told me he wanted to "not party" so much but his girlfriend wasn't ready to stop. Wanted to be a better father. It touched my heart and I remember feeling happy over his comments. I was supportive of course. Aren't we always supportive and happy for our children when they seem to grow in the right way? I'm no different. Yet I slept soundly through his coming home not well and going to bed where he died in his sleep of a heart attack. He was 29. Hard working and a truly funny and smart guy with a giving heart. I do beat myself up for not waking up. Not being there when he obviously needed me the most. I know I cannot change it. Yet it still hurts like hell. These drugs are a horrible scourge on humanity especially the young adults. I don't know what it is like to lose a child to violence but to lose a child at all is devastating. You never have "closure " or any sense of things being. "Ok ." Somehow you learn to live with it not because you want to but because you have to. I still cannot afford a grave marker stone for him. The loss of my son will forever leave a hole in my heart. A part of me is dead and will never recover. I loved him so and still do.

Dec 13, 2013
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
by: randy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDSAY
DEC.12,1989-Jan.24,2012
Miss you so much
Love you baby girl,
NOT ONE MORE OVER DOSE
NOT ONE MORE LOST SPIRT
NOT ONE MORE GRIEVING HEART

Dec 02, 2013
What could I have done?
by: Alisa

I remember in my time growing up I had never heard about heroin, but as a adult I had a older sister who used, after she got clean she shared her near death experience, after hearing of the heroin experience the idea of using such a strong drug terrified me something I would never try. Why today are our children not afraid of such a dangerous drug? What could I have taught my son that even trying it once could take his life? Why was he not afraid of this powerful drug? I need to know now what can I teach my grandchildren now to protect them from the same fate of my son.

Dec 01, 2013
Checking in
by: Anonymous

To all my friends here. I have missed u ladies. I have been working very hard to move my mom an I so we can be closer to my amazing sister and her kids. I thought of all of u on Thanksgiving. Yes it is hard to b thankful when Lotenzo isn't around but I find a way. I am working a few more weeks at y job then I will be moving on myself. Lorenzo's 25th bday is Dec16. It has been just about 14 months since that terrible nite. I pray to him every nite. I wish for him to come to my dreams but since this has happened I had stopped sleeping an now have to take a sleeping pill. I hope you are all doing ok. Ok is good as long as we push forward we can make it. U have all touched my hearts. Jill, Michelle and Sharon. yoU ladies probably don't even realize how much you have touched me. I guess it's easier to talk to someone who actually knows how it feels. I no the angry is going to set in soon. It usually does this time of year. I am determined to find a way to celebrate an not mourn on his birthday this year. Last year was very hard for me. It was just to much all at once. This year has been rough also lost my father to cancer in Aug. He died so peaceful an happy. He was so excited to get to Lorenzo. Makes me happy knowing they are raising heck in Heaven together. Well ladies busy week for me but please know u r all in my thoughts an prayers.

Dec 01, 2013
my 23 year old son died from methadone overdose
by: Alisa

Your story sounds just like mine on may 25,2013 my 23 yr son died from a methodone overdose. I also was not aware of my sons serious drug use. Methodone is a drug that is perscription. My son did not have a perscription. My son left behind a 9 month old son & a pregnant girlfriend with his second child that he did not know about. My life is empty everyday is a struggle. With each passing day it does not get easier I feel the exact same way today as I did on May 25 the worst day of my life.

Nov 28, 2013
Thanksgiving
by: Michelle

Sharon I liked your post and too wish everyone a good Thanksgiving. Here we all missed Aly so much, it has been almost 2 months now but we stuck together and all had a good day. Instead of being sad we just all told funny stories about her and laughed. Hopefully she is looking down on us all and knows the love we will always have for her.

My prayers are with all of you!!

Nov 27, 2013
Thanksgiving
by: Sharon

I want all of us to enjoy Thanksgiving the best we can. Our children would want us to be happy & enjoy the family that's still here with us. I know I will have tears & miss Andrew most of the day, but I am going to try & be thankful for the family I have. I know it's not suppose to be this way, they should be here with us & it's something we will never understand. I truly wish love & happiness to all of you on this "Thanksgiving Day".

Nov 26, 2013
Barb & All
by: Sharon

Hi Barb,
I lived that same life style for 2 years. Andrew also was stealing to support his habit. He was on house arrest for 8 months, 3 months after he got off he passed away. I also felt as if I was his sitter, & if anything happened it was my fault for not watching him. He overdosed 5 times & every-time I found him in time. I keep asking myself why I went to dinner. But, we all know that it can happen anywhere & anytime. I also started to feel that god would always be there for Andrew. I can't tell you how to help or change your son, cause I didn't know how to help my own son. I always say, if I did that or if I did that, maybe he would still be here. This is a drug that is their KING & it controls them. Remember, these are not the children we raised, somehow somewhere heroin took them from us....
Just NEVER give up!

Nov 25, 2013
sue
by: barb

my heart hurts for you and all those on this site...im sorry you had a stroke i hope it gets all better for you... i come here looking for help.. my son is alive.. in jail at this time for stealing to feed his herion habit.. again.. but i am soooo terrified to be in anyones situation in here..but i do understand the knowledge that we fight herion addiction everyday even though we have not used it..to hear how they had to put a needle in your sons heart and intubate because of oding.. or to give his friend mouth to mouth till medics get there...to see him choose herion over his two beautiful boys 3 and 5 yo.. to check every five min to make sure hes breathing..to the anxiety of having to call home to make sure all is ok due to panic attack of what i might find.. to making his friends look to see if he is breathing.. to feeling helpless as we all do but knowing the hopeless feeling is being in their dark world with them and knowing we cant pull them out if were down there with them.. had to pull myself out but just saying god its your turn to babysit..but i do know you can sum so much of life into... what if..what if id not fallen asleep and you have to realize we are human and we cant control all things as much as we try.. so please stop with the blaming of what if.. if only....i am so sorry for your loss and heartache.. i worry even with my son in jail.. and when he gets out in jan.. i know i will live in terror 24/7 barb

Nov 25, 2013
Sue - again
by: Anonymous

Once again all the stories touch my heart and sound so familiar to my Ryan's. I had a stroke a week ago, thank god not debilitating. But I have not been the same since his birthday. Got to see a psychiatrist in the hospital. I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and am on medications that help - a little. I love you Ryan. Why didn't I stay up that night. Why did I fall asleep on you!!

Nov 22, 2013
Jill,Michelle,Sharon
by: Anonymous

Yes we are in a club we never wanted to be in. I am proud of us!!! As you said Jill we helped our children however we could. We suffered through the addiction just as much as they did. I told Lorenzo i have a drug problem too. I also have to agree we were robbed. I feel terrible when I think of the life he missed out on. Hold ing his first child in his arms,marriage, the list goes on and on. With that went my future. i dont see happiness in my future. I am not married and he was my only child. I only think how i will never love another the way I love him. You never have to apologize to me for how you are feeling or saying. I want you to say whatever you feel. We have to grieve in our own ways. I could crawl up in a ball on my bed and stay there forever but I choose not too. I have my moments and then I hear my son... seriously mom!!! He is still my pride and joy. I know he isnt suffering anymore. Its been almost 14 months. This will be my 2nd Xmas with out him. He would have been 25 this Dec 16th. I will always cherish my memories but there are days I am very angry. I think about the dealer who awakes every day to continue to poison people. Why does he live and my Lorenzo is gone? Well my Lorenzo went up and when this dealers passes we all know he will be going DOWN!!!!! I am hoping if I am in Heaven the Lord will let me watch this!! You ladies have touched my heart in ways a meeting never has. I am blessed to have found this site and you. I too will leave my email. You every need to talk feel free. I am doing charity work for the holidays. I call it pass it on Lorenzo. God bless you all. princesslisa39@yahoo.com

Nov 21, 2013
As parents...
by: Jill

As parents, we feel responsible for our children. One of our jobs is to make sure they are safe...and happy. So, when we lose our babies to the devil drug we feel guilty. And we feel guilty for everything. This is normal. Tomorrow will be the 5 month anniversary of losing my 28 year old son...and only child. I think of him every day. I cry every day. I think how unfair life is every day. I had always thought my sons drug use was a choice. I did not fully understand the disease of addiction until after he was gone. Why? Why did this poor kid have to deal with addiction every day? He never wanted to hurt me or others. Why did he lose the battle at such a young age? Why do rehabs have such crappy follow up? Why is there not better resources for really dealing with addiction as a life long disease? Why are there so many evil people that skate through life unscathed? So many why's? So much anger ....so much sadness. I don't have the answers...none of us do. But, I do know that we did all we could to help our kids. We lived the life of drugs and the drama associated with it for years. We loved our kids, but as much as we wanted we could not fix them. I hate heroin and how it has cheated me out of having grandchildren. It has cheated my son out of having a wife...kids, and happiness. I am sorry that I am rambling...I just miss him so damn much. I want a do over....that's what I want. Hugs and Prayers to us all....

Nov 21, 2013
Michelle & Lisa Marie
by: Sharon

Thank you so much for writing. I have been waiting to hear something from you. No one really understands why I listen to your stories & they help me. I feel so alone. You have no idea how much this helps, even if it does bring tears to my eyes. I really feel all of your pain along with mine. I also love & think about your children as if they were my own. August 11th was a year I lost Andrew my 21 year old soon. Yesterday I looked in his folder AGAIN from when we sent him away for a month to rehab. I don't know why I look at these things. They had him write his obituary as if he died, then one if he lived to be 70. The obit of when he died was almost a year to date of when he passed away. I was home alone & screamed & cried for what seemed like forever. He also drew a picture of him on a bike with his hands in the air making the finish line for being drug free. He tried so hard, he was clean 9 months. He older brother 31 & younger brother 20 found him on his bed. My husband & I had only been gone 1 hour. My 31 year old is an EMT on the local fire department & gave him CPR. I was on the phone with my 20 year old soon & I heard my 31 year old screaming (he's not breathing, call 911), then he hung up on me. They would not answer the phone, that 30 minute car ride home seemed as if it took forever. When I got home Tim & Alex were sitting in the living room with one police officer & everyone else was gone. No one would speak. I knew Andrew was gone. I blame myself over & over for not being at home. I could of saved him. I feel selfish for going to dinner with my husband, Andrew needed me, he depended on me. I hate myself..... I have to stay strong for my boys & my daughter whose 29 and happily married & will be having my grandchild in May. I hope I can be come stronger, I been been hospitalize for depression & have be taking antidepressants, but I think this is just something we all have to battle ourselves. I feel like it's one step forward & 2 steps back. I have faith that someday we will be with our children again. Hugs & kisses to all of you!

Nov 20, 2013
Lisa Marie and others
by: MIchelle

I pray for all of us too. It has been 48 days since Aly died of heroin and I hurt everyday. I have 3 other children and I try and stay strong for them. One of them is Aly's twin sister who is really having a hard time and I hurt for her so much. I don't know what to do but try and be positive. Not like there is anything positive that has come from her dying. All I can say is she is not struggling anymore and we will see her in heaven one day. I wish she would go on this site and see we are not the only one's hurting but she is mad about the choices Aly made. Heroin did not just hurt my daughter it hurt all of us. It was something my family could never understand, could not understand why she could not walk away, could not understand that she would pick a drug over us. I guess we will never know, but one thing I know for sure is she was trying to do better and never wanted to hurt us. (She had been clean for 7 months) I go to bed every night and live that night over and over of myself and her oldest sister giving her cpr thinking it will all be ok when the paramedics come.

With all that said, I am so thankful for this site. Before I found this site I felt so alone, I had no idea there were so many of us out there hurting. Again I pray for all of us and if anyone wants to talk I am here, I will leave my email at the end. Not sure if that is ok or not, but all of you that have been posting have probably saved me. Thank you!!!

Michelle
mmyers41@hotmail.com

Nov 20, 2013
This Site
by: Lisa Marie

I am always coming here. I read everyones posts word for word. i pray for all of you and you are often in my thoughts. I can post whatever I feel here and no one judges me or my son. I find more comfort in this site than I do in any meeting or group. I feel like I was robbed by something called heroin. It took up my life for quite awhile. I guess the worst part is the fight meant nothing because Lorenzo is gone. I always said to him someday this will be your past!!! We will be stronger once you win the fight and he never won that fight. I am jealous of people that still have hope. What a word hope... it is actually everything when you hope you can do anything. This can be your past. So fight the heroin. Put as much effort into recovery as you do into getting your high. Take your hope and put it in your pocket and run into your future. There are mothers like me who will never have hope again. Hope my son will realize his worth in this world. Hope that somehow he would win this fight. Hope he would just take a breathe that night. I wish so much I could have gotten to him in time. i think about it everyday. I pray to find my way and believe you me I fight everyday to move on. i have some future plans I am excited for and I know my son would be proud of me because I always told him together we can do anything. i realize that I can still live my life that way. I know that together he will help me through. I cant wait to get to Heaven dont get me wrong but I will wait until God calls my name. Until then I will keep pushing forward. Somedays I may take a few steps back but I am going to continue taking steps forward. Prayers, good thoughts, and love to all of you. Keep taking steps forward. Sooner or later we will get there. God bless.

Nov 14, 2013
Michelle, Lisa Marie & All
by: Sharon

All of you have said everything I feel. I also, told my son Andrew I could never live without him & I too am still here. My son also would of never left me. He would of not wanted me to go through this thing called pain. How I wish it was just pain. It's fair beyond anything I could of ever imagined. I think that the pain from losing a child from drugs is so much more painful, because we had to battle the days, months & maybe years of watching our children fight these awful drugs.
I'm very lucky to have this site to listen & express my feelings.
Thank you to ALL.......

Nov 14, 2013
My Lorenzo
by: Lisa Marie

Cant stop thinking of us all here on this site. Joined a club that none of us wanted. I said a power prayer for all of us who suffer from this terrible thing called heroin. We have to chose to remember our loved ones the way they would want. I feel like God saw my Lorenzo suffering and fighting this demon he so hid from everyone. He said if you fall again I will catch you and thats what happened. The Lord took that demon from his shoulder and said come live with me now. I find comfort in this knowing I wll see him again. He is a strong angel and sends me the best signs. Sometimes they make me laugh and sometimes I cry. I do whatever I feel at that moment. Not any one can tell us how to grieve. We all suffer in our own way. There is no right or wrong way. Depression can take over very quickly. I dont have other children to hold but I keep my family close,God and my Lorenzo. I will never recover from this loss, this I know but I have to still find a way to live. I pray we all find a way to live. I never imagined my life without Lorenzo and I guess thats the hardest part... thinking of the future picture and knowing hes not there. I love my Lorenzo and wherever I go he will go with me. God bless everyone who comes to this site. God bless all of people trying to overcome this demon. My prayers will continue for all of you.

Nov 14, 2013
We will see them again..
by: Michelle

I read a post somewhere else that talked about the stigma of a child dying from a drug to a sick child or a child dying in a random accident. It is all the same. THEY ARE GONE!! That being said, we will see them again one day. All we can do is keep them in our hearts and our memories until that day comes. Keep living life like your lost one would of wanted you too. I once told my daughter it would kill me if anything happened to her but still here I am. She knew I loved her and I know in my heart she did not do this on purpose because she would never want to hurt me. It is a struggle everyday but I know she is out there somewhere and knows I will always love and miss her.

Nov 14, 2013
My Lorenzo
by: Lisa Marie

I see these sad posts and I wonder how we will all survive without our loved ones taken from something that seems senseless. I lost my son Lorenzo Oct4,2012 and it never gets easy. He was my only child and to say I loved him more than anything is an under statement. He to was doing so well. He was clean for over 13 months and I dont know what made him make that choice that night but I would sell my soul to go back. From that first moment he used heroin took over. He was never the addict on the inside that he was on the outside. I dont understand how it can overpower the mind the way it does but I have seen first hand the effect it has. Your pleasure censer will never be the same unless you use. I found my son dead on the basement floor. I believe the Emt's brought him back only to have to us have to shut off the machines as if this process wasnt terrible enough. I had to decide to turn off the machines that were breathing for him. My life ended that day and I will never love that way again. As we all read these terrible outcomes we need to remember our loved ones. My son would be proud to see I am moving my mother and I away from this house to a new start. He would be proud to see how I fight my tears every single day. I try to live my life so he can proud of me. I tried so hard to save my son from this stupid drug but I refuse to let the drug win. He was the most loving,caring,sweetest,most handsome man I will ever know and I cant wait to get to Heaven because the next time I see him I am never gonna let him go. God bless you all and please try to remember your angles are with you. They see you suffer and they are sending you sings and love. Make them proud because you will be reunited and when you are what a joy it will be.

Nov 13, 2013
To Jen
by: Anonymous

I do pray it get's better like you for the sake of our other children. My heart is broken as is yours but I have to continue on because I have 3 other children that I love. My oldest daughter is 8 months pregnant and is going to name her son's middle name after her sister that passed away. I know my other children are having a hard time, especially Aly's twin Jamie but we all have to stick together and celebrate her life and think of the good times. I know easier said than done. I grieve everyday but am trying to stay positive for my other children. I don't know about you but I have moments when I look at my children I see Aly and always will. I have no words for you except love the children you have here on earth and know you will see your lost loved one again someday. Thant is the only thing that keeps me going. Listen to the song "See you again" by Carrie Underwood, it brings tears to my eyes but also a little peace. I wish the best for you.

Nov 13, 2013
Your daughter
by: Anonymous

Yes my son was doing ok. I saw him the morning and said goodbye and went to work. A few hours later he was gone. Its been six months now, and believe me, there is nothing easy about it. It heartbreaking. I know he wanted to live, but each time you mess with drugs/heroin, its crazy. I'm so mad and upset, that my otherwise healthy smart caring son would leave this world. I loved him so much. I keep wondering when it will get easier, but even the six month day was extremely hard, and now we have the holidays. I go to compassionate friends, and you may benefit from that. It does help, and time. But we will never really get over it. We will always miss them, and wonder why they were taken from us. We have to stay strong for the other people in our lives.

Nov 12, 2013
Morning
by: Anonymous

I lost my beautiful daughter October 4, 2013 to a morphine, "heroin" overdose. She was 22 and I thought she was doing so good. The night she died she was cutting up having a good time with her twin sister. What made her go in the bathroom and shoot up that night blows me away. When I went to bed she was smiling, laughing and just having a good time. Two hours later her sister woke me and her other sister Amanda and said Aly was in the bathroom not moving. Amanda called 911 while I gave her cpr for what felt like 20 mins. When the paramedics showed up I felt relief and kind of mad I was going to have to go through this again. But I did think, OK they will take her to the hospital and I will have to deal with this tomorrow. I waited patiently in the living room and saw them take the stretcher out without her. I guess than I knew but when they told me there was nothing they could do.. it's all a blank. I heard I screamed but I don't remember it, than I just thought about my other kids and pushed on. It's been 5 weeks now since I lost my precious daughter and everyone say's it gets easier with time. I think those who tell me that have never lost a child. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and wonder what I could of done to stop this. I have 3 other children, one who is 8 months pregnant and I am trying to stay strong for all of us but it is hard. My heart is broken like I never thought it could be and I miss Aly so much. How do you all keep going on??

Oct 23, 2013
To: Gregg
by: Sharon

Yes, those words mean a lot:
"If we can save one more"
Thank you Gregg.

Oct 23, 2013
Never be ashamed
by: Gregg Wolfe

I lost my precious son Justin 12/19/12, and will never cease missing my boy who would be 22 years old. We were extremely close, as I am with my younger son Austin, 19. Please go to Justin's website justinforjustice.org to read my/his story. Within the website is an organization I started called Squash the Secret to benefit other parents who were caught off guard with this deadly disease as me and my family. Please take the time to peruse the site, comment, if you would like and spread the word. I had over 5000 brochures made up which I will be putting on line on the site very shortly.
My love and prayers go out to all of your lost ones and hope that we can save at least one from this tragedy.

Oct 22, 2013
19 year old son.
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry. My son died also of a heroin overdose. A child is a child forever, and I know its hard to believe they are not with us anymore. After six months it just feels more real, and has really sunk in. I just don't know why it happened. Why can't someone help.

Oct 22, 2013
how do i save her?
by: Anonymous

I dont understand the rehab facilities. They think if they get them clean after 3-5 days they can put them out and say, your cured. Now go live your life not doing drugs. My daughter again went to rehab 8th time this time for 7 days. On the 8th day right back at it. We caught her doing it and she said she cant help it her brain tells her just one more time. She doesnt think it will kill her. I cant get her to understand the danger. I realize she wont quit until she wants to but again she is back in a facility this time for 2 weeks. I dread her getting out because nothing seems to work. Im so sorry for all of your loss, i read these and feel terrible for all of you. The drug is just to powerful. :(

Oct 22, 2013
heroin the devil drug
by: Anonymous

it is the devil! my daughter has been struggling clean now 8 days....she worries me when she not around me. i pray for all out there who struggle with this it takes hold n won't let go til it destroys lives and takes our children

Oct 19, 2013
Not Another
by: Sharon

How could this drug keep taking our so young children. I myself did write Dr. Phil, but had no reply. I stood on the corner of our intersection in the small town with a sign on my front & back to tell the parents about this drug. I was in the rain for 5 hours crying & not a single person said a word to me. The town police and a county police officer passed and acted as if I was not there. I have written 3 town police stations asking if I can start a program but, no reply. Our children all go to the same high school. Our school has over 4,000 kids. I have known about 4 children who have passed from heroin. I'm sure theirs many more. Every time I get mail from this site, I think not another & I begin to cry. Not Another!

Oct 19, 2013
Happy Birthday
by: suedoetsch@ymail.comAnonymous

As my dear son Ryan's 28th birthday is approaching on Oct 24th - can't stop crying. I love you and miss you so much my sweet son.

Oct 18, 2013
19 year old son
by: Anonymous

My son passed on 9/21/13. My heart is shattered. He was to return to rehab the very next day. He was beautiful, funny, smart. I miss him with all I am.

Oct 13, 2013
Not One More/overdose
by: Randy

I lost my beautiful girl on 1/24/12 at 22 yrs.old to a heroin related accident.She took herion then went to take a shower/blacked out and hit her head on the side of the tub and drowned in a foot of water.
Over 1000 people showed up at her service,since her passing over 10 of her friends have passed do to heroin.
One month after my daughter died we started
Not One More.net
Not one more- Overdose
Not one More-Lost Spirit
Not One More-Grieving Heart
It takes a village


In our town we have started a Heroin Task Fource.
It includes-Law inforcement-the city-Schools-Parks
Churches.

We have started 5 other chapters in 5 states


On Feb 22/2013 we were featured on Dr. Phil Show
I know some people dont care for Dr.Phil
he got us National attention/and he has helped put some of our kids through treatment for free.
We will be doing a follow up show with Dr.Phil soon to see how the kids are doing that he has helped.
Please join us at
Notonemore.net
And together we can beat this

Oct 08, 2013
Thinking
by: Sharon

I am thinking of all of you everyday, as I read these messages I realize we all feel the same pain. "Oh" my how our hearts hurt. The pain is so deep you can't even explain it. I read the messages over & over and my heart hurts for all of you & your loved ones you have lost. Only we can understand the pain. I just want all of you to know that I carry your sorrow along with mine everyday. I sometimes wish we could all get together and just hold each other until we have no more tears. Then maybe have sometime of relief even if it's a short time.....

Oct 07, 2013
faith
by: Anonymous

I feel for you all ..I lost my dad he overdosed nine years ago the worst feeling in my life I died for a long time ..but I came back because I have to for my lil girls much luv oxox most things n this life don't make sense

Oct 07, 2013
FIRST YEAR
by: Gina

It is coming up on my son's first years that he overdosed I still cry everyday.People that haven't been thru this don't understand so when I read all of your stories I can relate. I don't believe it will ever get better they were a piece of us he took a big part of my heart with him.I go see him every week and talk to him. I used to be scared to die but it will be 1 day sooner I will see my son again!RIP Little Bob I love you with all my heart, Mom....


Oct 07, 2013
Lost my father
by: Nicole

I lost my father on dec 7, 2010 from a heroin/ cocaine overdose. I'm now 24 and I miss him more than ever. The hole in my heart will never be filled without him. All we can do is speak to others of our own experience and try to save as many lives as possible. We owe it to ourselves, and those that we have lost.

Sep 29, 2013
Two Sons
by: Sharon

Lost my 21 year old son to heroin on August 11th, 2012. I to tried everything. The problem is I have a 31 year old that is an alcoholic. Has 3 DUI's & I think I may lose him someday. I try so hard, I just don't understand these addictions & why my children? I did not raise them around these substances . I tried to be a good mother. I guess it doesn't matter....

Sep 24, 2013
To: Bad Night
by: Sharon

We all feel your pain. We try our best to help the children in every way we can. I often think back to all things I went through with Andrew & at times just didn't think I would make it. But, how I wish he was still here and all those things didn't matter as long as I had him.
Please have faith that you will be with your daughter someday. If I didn't believe that I would not be here today... :)
A Mothers Love IS Forever!!

Sep 24, 2013
Contact Information
by: Jill

Please feel free to e-mail me at jhepworth@embarqmail.com or find me on Facebook at Jill Ridley. "Drug Awareness, A Mother's Cry", is another FB page that I share and read alot, has EXCELLENT information. You all are not alone in this new normal of ours. Education and Awareness is the only way to stop these senseless deaths.

Sep 24, 2013
You are enabling your daughter :(
by: Jill

Anonymous... I feel so bad for you and your daughter. Heroin addiction is one of the hardest addictions, other than nicotine, to beat. Your daughter has to want to change. It is not enough for you to want her to change. I wanted my son to change, but he did not, and now he is dead. I struggle with this every day. However, you are allowing your daughter to destroy your life along with her own. Yes, you are enabling her. I understand what it means to have unconditional love.... I had a son. Unconditional love does not condone and support the use of this drug, I am sorry. I think you NEED to seek out a support group. They will be able to help you with boundaries, which are desparately needed. Love has boundaries you know. It is OK to have boundaries...they can be very positive. Please seek out some support in your area. Change is hard....but needed here. I wish you, your family, and your daughter nothing but the best.

Sep 24, 2013
Your daughter
by: Anonymous

I see how afraid you are and I am sorry for you that you have to go through this. Sorry for anyone dealing with a drug addict. Have you tried methadone with her? I know it's got a bad stigma and she may rely on it forever, but it just may be what she needs. My mother was a junky, still is if she could be. Because of heroin, she lost her body. Literally paralyzed she had so many problems before she was 45. I forgive her for being an addict, I understand it is a hard life for them however, I, as a mother myself don't understand how you can become an addict when you have children at home but it really shows how powerful it is. My younger brother is now an oxy addict has been for over 5 years and he's only 30. My family, like your family enabled both my mother and my brother and it did them no good. Forcing rehab never works. If it didn't work the first 6 times why will it the 7th? Did something traumatic happen to your daughter? What's the reason she became an addict? Perhaps she needs intensive therapy. You need to let her go and make her path. If she knows she has a house and money food a support system no matter what, what's her incentive to stop? She's comfortable. I understand if her life comes to an end you will feel responsible for not "saving" her but only she can do it. There's nothing you can do and allowing her to come back will be a bad decision. Rehab will find her an outpatient program, a job, therapy etc what she decides to get out of it will be solely up to her. Believe me I also tried everything with both my mother and my brother and its so hard to say no when they ask for money for food which until I had my own kids I'd say ok but even that is feeding their habit. I could go on forever and ever if you want you guys can email me danceqn827@aol.com ill help in any way I can.

Sep 24, 2013
how do i save her?
by: Anonymous

I wrote on here a few months ago asking how do i save my daughter? Ive brought her to rehab 5 times, revoked bail and put her in jail for stealing my flat screen. She got clean for 32 days and when she got out my husband and I decided i would quit my job so i could focus on her recovery. I didn't know what else to do. Its been a three year roller coaster. I was home with her to bring her to appointments and help her cope with being lonly and to stay clean. 3 months in Things seemed good she was getting better. She started to be nice again. She seemed to be grateful to have me around. Unfortunately that all ended.I went to the store and she didn't want to go and when i came home I found all my stuff stolen again. She was gone and stole my check book and stole a couple of hundred dollars. She was gone for 2 weeks but now is calling to come home. I realize shes an addict but i'm so damn mad at her. Shes mean, abusive and threatening when she doesn't get what she wants.I cant keep replacing my stuff just to have it stolen again. I feel so guilty because I don't want her to come back. I can't keep up with the emotional roller coaster. The whole family turned their back on her. They are so sick of her actions she isn't welcome at any family events. They say shes a disrespectful theif and they refuse to allow her around their families. She just says, I'm an addict i cant help it. Everyone says let her hit rock bottom. Change your number, leave her on the street and she will realize it and get help? But im her mother and love her unconditionlly. I know my daughter is in there some where. When i read these comments from heart broken parents i feel so bad for them and i'm so afraid it will be me some day. I feel so guilty wishing she would just move away so i can try to find happiness again. Guilty because shes ruined her life, my life and our family's life and She doesn't care. She is back in rehab for the 7th time so here we go again. The stress of having an addict for a child is overwhelming. When will she get better. When will our lives go back to happiness???? I want to save her but i don't know how? She is slowly killing me. Thanks for listening.Any advise would be helpful.

Sep 23, 2013
Bad night
by: Anonymous

Was searching the Internet to find peace as I do on bad nights... My daughter died January 21 2012 after we picked her up from rehab she took off and was shot up by a 45 year old pediphile tht had something special for her.... She trusted everyone.... She was found dead in the morning...The police case is still open which makes it hard to function somedays. I've spent so much time running after her since she was 13... I feel so lost somedays, I have nothing to fill my time anymore, I want her back so bad I could deal with the drama again! She was only 18...reading all these posts I realize I'm not alone.

Sep 23, 2013
St. John, IN
by: Sharon

I want all of you to know I am here if you need to chat.
sharon9775@comcast.net

Sep 23, 2013
To Anonymous
by: Sharon

I'm so so sorry. I remember many nights sleeping next to my son.I feel your pain. My son past away in his bedroom, both his brother's found him & they took him before I got home. It's been a year since I lost my son (August 11th, 2012). But, I found him 2 times overdosing & blue in his room & watched as they revived him. It's something a mother should never see. Please know that many of us are carrying around the same feelings as you. I struggle everyday, I think of him every minute of everyday. I have been going for counseling (which I never thought I would do) But, it does help. If you need to talk please get back to me.
Love,
Sharon

Sep 21, 2013
I lost my son too. Please help me. Read.
by: suedoetsch@ymail.comAnonymous

My son came to me in Nov of 2012 and told me he couldn't take it anymore, he was addicted to heroin. He was the type of kid no one would ever expect!!! He was so smart, considerate, kind, loving. How? Why? I immediately took him to rehab and through counseling they found out he suffered from sever clinical depression contributing to his drug abuse. He did so well in rehab, almost died though during detox. He was due to come out June 13, 2013 at 9:00am. We went to pick him up and he was gone. A known heroin dealer that had been in the same rehab picked up my son. Nervously we waited and he finally came home about 7:30pm that night very high. I made him sleep next to me on our couch so I could watch him. For at least an hour, he kept appoligizing and telling me he loved me so much! Eventually we both fell asleep. i woke up once to check on him and he was snoring so I gave a sigh of relief and went back to sleep. At 4:00AM I was awoke by the smell of a burning cigarette on my carpet. I sat up looked and him, he seemed just like he was sleeping so I laid back down. Something told me to get back up and check him. Yes, he was gone. My daughter and I did CPR and everyting they said on 911 until EMS came. He was still limp and had color, but I could tell by the look on their faces it was not good. They never could bring my sweetheart back. I had to see him lay there 2 hours before coroner came. That the flasbacks we cannot get out of our heads.
By then he was gray and bloated. It is the devils drug. I can't stop have flashbacks of his dead face. I am just sick.

Aug 28, 2013
The War on Drugs Is Lost
by: Anonymous

I know what you mean Karin. I feel like I've got one foot in heaven too. Just so I can see her again and tell her I always loved her even when she didnt think I did. I hope she felt my love when she passed. Its been 5 months and its not getting any easier for me to deal with it.

Aug 28, 2013
The War on Drugs is lost
by: Karin

As I sit here and read all of these heartbreaking stories, I cant help but wonder, WHY? like so many others have. I lost my loving, beautiful son on Nov. 23 2012. The day after Thanksgiving. Black Friday for real for me. He was only 18.He hid it so well and wasn't doing it that long. God just took him so quickly.
My assumption: You can pass all the laws you want. It wont help , If you bust 250 drug dealers there will be 350 to step up to take their place. It wont be until the children, our children say no and don't want to do it, will this epidemic stop.
I also feel like a part of me has died. I have 2 surviving daughters that are also heartbroken and I worry about them. Not only are we dealing with the loss of our babies, there is the other component of how they lost their lives and there is a certain shame that goes with that because most people don't understand the disease. They think our kids were scum bags, dirty. The face of the heroin addict today is your everyday kid, the athlete, the scholar, the clean cut kid that comes from a good family. This drug- The Devil doesn't discriminate.
I look to God everyday. Its the only way I am going to make it. Every night I lay my head on the pillow and say another day close Johnny , another day closer. I know I have a job to do here but I have one foot in this world and the other in Heaven. We miss our babies and raising my children , if something went wrong as a mom I always made it right, Fixed it. There is nothing I can do here and that kills me, I was his mommy his protector, But I didn't stand a chance against this devil of a drug.

Aug 06, 2013
so so so sorry
by: ray

dear Jen,
i am so sorry about your son losing his life so young though
his addiction my son also lost his life on the 25 oct 2011
and i can really understand the pain you are still going through
it never seems to go away, my son lost his life at the age of 45
and i never got to no how until his late thirties his addiction problems were untill it was to late for me to do anything about it
your son looks so good in his uniform you must have been so proud of him, i just hope that some were you will find the strength to continue with your life in full,

take care ray.



Jul 29, 2013
visit www.Facebook. com/HeroinKillsYou
by: Anonymous

Our Facebook community as tons of good articles, videos and news articles updated daily. Come join our fight for heroin awareness.

Www.Facebook. com/HeroinKillsYou

Jul 08, 2013
My beloved son, Justin - Changing the HIPAA laws
by: Gregg

I lost my son Justin on December 19th, 2012 to a heroin overdose. I won't expound on the situation, other than telling everyone who views this site to go onto JustinforJustice.org, which I had developed in order for you to stop another loved one with an addiction and/or mental disease from dying. Thank you, and please spread the word to your family and friends.

Jul 07, 2013
Back again
by: Anonymous

Just cant get away from this site. It helps me in ways groups cannot. I see a lot of blame here. It isnt our fault that our children choose this path. As a single parent I tried everything I could have tried. The system belittles this problem. I had my son in the ER, state funded,private funded, every thing I could think of. i guess that I am thankful because it makes it easier to know this know that he has passed. He was clean for 13 months. 13 long months. I also said the longer you go the more your brain will go back to normal. I found out on Sept 10,2007 when my son entered my room at 732am and said mom I have a heroin problem and I need this pill called Suboxone. I still remember feeling out of my body. I somehow paid out of my butt to get him to a Dr and get this pill. I still remember he saying as we filled it... mom you just saved my life!! I will always remember that moment. I wish I could have saved your life Lorenzo this time. I wish so hard. I later learned my sons school was called heroin high. I also learned that a counsler warned another mother for her son to stay away from my son because he was on drugs. Not once did any of these people call me. His mother. Maybe if they had stepped on I would not have been so blind to it. I was shocked when I learned the truth. Now looking back there was signs and I knew that something was wrong. I just would have never guessed that it was heroin. I want all the parents that suffer lose to think of your child you are mourning... they would want you to go on. I know this is easier said than done. Your child is with you in every moment. They want you to forgive them and yourself. Lets try to live the life they were not as lucky to have. I am trying to do this each and every day. I look to God and my Angel Lorenzo. Rest in peace Lorenzo and I love and miss you every single second of the day.

Jul 07, 2013
son
by: Anonymous

I lost my son 24 recently just trying to get through one day at time. I hate the drug dealers and all types of drugs I never knew he was taking anything ,I knew he had drinking problem tired of crying. I feel like a big part my heart is missing and I couldn't do anything to save him . Miss you son love Dad

Jul 04, 2013
Hope
by: Anonymous

I have been here a few times now. I pray for all of us that suffer. These stories are so sad. I lost my Lorenzo Oct4,2012. Its been 9 long months today. I am trying to find my way without him and its not easy to say the least. I have a lot of people approaching me to speak to groups in Rehab or at meetings. This is something I am having a hard time with. I know my story can maybe help someone. I am still angry. Not at my son... just angry. I am just gonna say how I feel and I know this is not right but this is where I am. I dont have any hope. When my son was here I had hope. Hope that someday he will be ok. Someday he will beat this and I will watch him finally have a good life that I so prayed for. Hope he will learn and someday not have to worry so much about him. Hope that this will be his past. Well my hope also died that night and I feel like these people have hope and they dont have any idea how special that is. How do you talk to people when you are in sense jealous of them. They have a chance to live and my son doesnt. I know its God who makes these choices an I do believe in Him. it is just hard to trust when its the most important person in your world. I want him back where he should be. He was robbed of his life for 10$ of heroin. I am sicken when I think of my future. I just cant do it. i cant think of living my whole life without him. My wish is for people to appreciate that they have HOPE!!!!! Hold it,kiss it and love it with everything you have inside of you. There are people out here who have no hope!!!! Grab your hope by the you know what and run away from heroin with it in your arms. Good luck and I pray I didnt offend anyone. I just need to get this stuff out. I am a caring,loving, person who works very hard to take care of my family. Its just hard to find any hope in my future and that makes me sad.

Jul 03, 2013
please consider this
by: Anonymous

To everyone here, I would like to recommend an organization called Spark of Life. They provide free, 3 day retreats for people who have lost a loved one. They guide you through intense grief therapy in a warm, supportive environment where you are pampered and loved. I attended a retreat in April, wasn't sure what I was getting into, but it was incredible and made all the difference. I feel like I can live again, when I wasn't sure I would be able to before. Check them out at www.sparkoflife.org

Jul 03, 2013
Christopher-Ohio Passed at age 24 from heroin.
by: Stacey (mom)

I wrote on here back on Dec. 28, 2012 for the first time (annonomous) July 1st my oldest son has been gone for 7 months. It does not get easier....there are times in my head that I think that Christopher being gone is not true. I, his dad, and his 17 year old brother miss him greatly. Every Sunday my husband and I go to visit Christopher at the cemetery...sometimes when I leave I'm ok...others I cry...and so does his dad...my son visits on his own time...he likes to spend private time alone and take food to eat with his brother. I guess again im trying to say...it doesn't get easier...not at all...his passing just gets further away. Next month we are having a birthday celebration for his 25th birthday. Our lives will never ever be the same without Christopher. I miss him with all my heart every single day. CHRISTOPHER I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH EVERYDAY! LOVE, MOM

Jul 03, 2013
still here
by: patti

I posted a few months ago about my losing my daughter on Feb 9 - she's the one that the insurance company told she needed to make a concerted effort toward wellness...
I read the comments posted almost everday - as if the shared loss could somehow bring me comfort. But it just makes me so sad.
If my daughter had had a "physical" illness, I have no doubt that the ins company wouldn't have batted an eye to provide coverage. But because she had a mental illness (that she needed to prove that she was making a concerted effort to overcome! Would she have needed to make that effort if she had, say, cancer?) she was denied the thing that may (or may not) have saved her.
She said to me not long before she died that, despite all of the cocktails and mixtures of psychotropic drugs that we had tried since she was 14,that heroin was the only thing that made her feel "normal".
We miss her with a hard ache every day. Our beautiful, amaazingly smart, artistic, creative crazy daughter.

Jul 03, 2013
Thank you Jen
by: Jill

Jen,

I just wanted to thank you for starting this Blog. I am so very sorry for your loss. Brandon is such a handsome man, I KNOW you miss him with every ounce of your being.

Please let us know how things are going for you now. As this is so raw for me....I need some hope!

Love, Jill

Jul 03, 2013
re: Evan Reilly
by: Anonymous

My son died in the spring of a heroin od. He was the same. It seemed his addiction was really bad, and tried so hard. His whole world was drugs. He was a great guy, and looked and acted like it most of the time. He did not look like an addict, and was ashamed that he was. I agree, this is a real illness, and I can't believe more is not done to help them fight it. I've heard so many stories, about they got clean, and then relasped. How is something so strong that it can do that? Its a disease that's so hard to fight. We need more research and money. I'm still getting over my loss, but we need to fight this. And I hate the stigma of a heroin addict. My son was tall and actually healthy looking. Worked out at the gym, held good jobs, and had a college degree. Sure they made a mistake in the beginning, but to not be able to get their life back is sad. I know my son wanted to live. He just couldn't figure out how without this horrible drug. What a loss of young life.

Jul 02, 2013
Evan Reilly
by: Anonymous

My son died from heroin 6/6/13 at the age of 21. He was clean & sober for 2 1/2 years. He had just finished basic training, had money saved, and plans for college. Although the cause of death is still pending, the police found heroin and syringes in his pants. It was his first (and last) relapse.
This is an insidious disease with no real cure, other than sheer willpower. It is not a character flaw. My heart is broken. I know what hell my son endured getting clean and how he wanted to live a normal life.
According to the National Institute on Drug Addiction, addiction research is finding a genetic basis for addiction. According to the NIDA, drug abuse is common. But with certain individuals, something in the brain inexorably changes forever after using drugs, and they are addicts. It is a lifelong disease.
We did EVERYTHING to help control and cure my son. But addiction is so much bigger and my son lost the fight.
Just weeks before my son's death, research was published on a heroin vaccine effective in rats. My hopes are for a future cure so that no more mothers' sons lose their lives. I, too, wonder what's left in life without my son. I just know that I want something positive to come out of this tragedy.

Jul 01, 2013
My son Joseph Scott Hurley.:(
by: Broken mother

My heart goes out to all the familys,i to know your pain.My son Joe also O.d from heroin.My family and I are so broken,life isn't the same....I just pray everyday the hate in my heart will go away and that I can be the mother I was before Joes death.why cant I be happy with the kids I still have,i want to love again...pray for me.Sending hope and love to all..:(Joe was 25 and had a 3year old son and a 7 months old son.Love you son,10-29-85-4-12-2011.

Jun 30, 2013
I Lost My Son, Justin
by: Cheryl

I've just been checking in to see how everyone is - obviously things just seem worse and worse. My son's 22nd birthday would have been on June 11 -- what a heart wrenching day. It's been just over six months that he is gone now.

I'm addicted now - of going to my son's grave two, maybe three times a week. I miss him so much. Even though the last year of his life made me crazy, I guess I am just missing his crazy ways. I have no idea how to ever stop missing him - his cell phone number was reassigned just recently. Guess I can stop calling it now...

Jun 30, 2013
So sorry
by: Anonymous

Jill, I'm so, so sorry. I posted here several months ago, devastated from losing my precious 25 year old son to heroin. I am in an airport today also, flying home from visiting the town where I raised him. My heart will never be the same but it is healing. The pain does lose its sharp edge.

Jun 29, 2013
On my way home with a broken heart
by: Jill

In the airport on my way home to Florida after flying to California to make all of the arrangements for my only son who died of a heroin overdose. I am sitting here heartbroken and trying to understand what has just happened and why. I am glad I found this site. I am heartbroken that, at the age of 28, he is just gone. The tears are flowing. This is just horrible.

Jun 23, 2013
RELAPSE
by: Anonymous

I pray for all who suffer either as a addict or a loved one watching. I don't know who is worse off. I do know 1 thing that should always happen.... if you choose to relapse then choose to have someone with you. Heroin is a killer and everyone should hate it!!!! It is life,jail or death. I always told my son i can handle jail, I would love recovery but i will never accept death and now I see I never had a choice!!! I find that this site is the only thing that helped me in almost 9 months. I cant handle the support groups, grief groups ect... I am never going to recovery from finding him there on the basement floor. That sight will never leave my mind. I wish I would've died right there too. I can only try to live 1 day at a time. Not a day goes by that I don't see his beautiful face. There isn't a day that goes by that I not miss him. i will live forever with this. I am thankful I have faith and that i trust the Lord loves him as much as I do. I hope you are resting in a garden of peace my sweet boy. Our family chain has been broken but I look forward to relinking our chain!! 14357bb

Jun 23, 2013
My son died from drug overdose
by: Eve

I lost my first child Scott on 3rd January 2013 he was 25 .
He was found with the heroin substitute subutex beside him. My heart is broken at the loss of my first born. The pain is sometimes unbearable. He had everything to live for and a lovely 3year old son. I hate the dealers that sell these drugs, the dealer was in the house when my son passed away, and is facing charges of involuntary manslaughter.

Jun 13, 2013
Your daughter 30 days clean
by: Anonymous

Watch your daughter like a hawk. Talk to her, but know when an addict wants to use, they will lie to you. Really! My son lied to us. And they are very convincing. I went to work one morning and he seemed, ok. But he'd been up all night. I assume now he had taken some type of speed. Thought he was just hanging out. By noon he was dead (took heroin). He went out to a dealer, and took his last hit. I don't know how many times he told us, "this is it, this is the last time". But this time it was. I left the house at 8:00 am and he was probably gone by 11:00 am. Make sure your daughter knows, if she has to do it again to do it with someone, in case she needs help, or needs to go to the E.R. She should never use alone. Also, if she hasn't used in a while, her tolerance level is down, and they can overdose and die. If my son had been with someone he'd probably still be here. He was 31 years old, college educated, and a great guy. So please don't be so trusting. You don't want to be where I am now. Once their gone, that's it. You can't believe the sadness, the emptyness.

Jun 12, 2013
march 9th comment, how do i save her
by: Anonymous

update, after she stole and pawned my tv i revoked her bail. It broke my heart and she was so angry. She was in jail for 25 days, when she got out she thanked me and said first time clean in 2 years. Although she said quitting heroine cold turkey almost killed her and she never wants yo do that again. Thanks for all of the advice. I just read a comment about a son clean for 13 months and still went back to drugs.?? I don't understand the addition. Looks like she has a long recovery. I hope she is strong enough to over come her demons.its been 32 days and so far so good. Again thanks for your opinions on how to save her.

Jun 12, 2013
LORENZO
by: Anonymous

I to lost my only son to heroin. He was 23years young. He was my world. I think now maybe he was my future to much now that he's gone I am lost.I cant find a reason to look forward to aging now. I did it with him. I was a young single mother. Boy did having a child change me. I always say we grew up together. He was the love and light of my life. Even when he fell I would love him. Lied I still loved him, stole my money,diamonds, still love. I always hoped someday this will be our past and we will be stronger. We had a lot of love but geez drugs come right in the middle of that.I never understood how this sweet boy who treasured his family could become so evil but...... still loved him. Through it all he knew his family would be there. He finally got it for about 13 months. The BEST 13 months ever and then on a cold monday in a boring area he decided he wanted to use. Hes gonna be careful and just snort it he doesnt want to shot it, its been a long time so he uses.... within 11 mins I am now home and he is on the floor with blood over his face no heartbeat not breathing. I think it was about 30mins later I realize i am in the er room and he is connected to breathing tubes and iv's everywhere and they are saying it was to long lisa it was to long without oxygen. My whole life died with that moment. I still dont know how I got through those days. Wanted to do gift of life and it didnt work our. It was something i thought he would want to do and it didnt work and I put him through a lot to fail. It was a nightmare upon nightmare. Your words moved me I feel like your words. I am not embarrassed of my son never will I be but people talk i just choose not to listen. My son would stop his car to help someone's who's car is on the side of the road. Everyone loved Lorenzo. He is not the addict that I see. I dont know what just happened to me but I actually said or at least typed the words. I haven't dont that yet let alone talk about it. I try to remember good times I have a lot but I always end up crying. at yet you helped me put some stuff into words that I needed to let out/ Thanks and may you be blessed

Jun 05, 2013
April
by: Anonymous

April, I am so sorry, I lost my son last August to a Heroin OD. I too tried everything. I had him in what I thought was the best in house 30 day program. He was going to a drug therapist. I tried suboxone. My son had such a low tolerance to Heroin that every other time he used he would overdose. I lived in fear for 2 or more years. I never sleep, I lived trying to save him. I never left the house. Then my husband wanted so bad to take me to dinner, I was gone 1 hour and when I can home my son was on his bed dead. I wrote to Dr. Phil and did everything I could and I still think I am the worst mom in the world. I still try daily to think of what I could of done different and I just don't know. I guess we can just love them and pray that god keeps them safe. We will be celebrating our sons 22nd birthday on June, 15. I hope I make it through the day. I will keep your son in my heart and prayers.
Sharon

Jun 04, 2013
Re:April
by: Evelyn

April have you looked into the Ibogaine treatment? If I were a heroin addict it is what I would do for myself worth looking into the people that have tried it have a larger success rate than any other treatment

Jun 04, 2013
Re:April
by: Evelyn

April, what state do you live in? I am assuming he is unemployed so why isn't he on Medicaid? The only way he will stop is if and when he wants to. At this point in his addiction he is so far removed that you can not do Anything but hold his hand it is soley up to him I don't think dr. Phil is the Answer however maybe you can try intervention. I am sorry for you and I hope you and your son both get the help you need

Jun 03, 2013
23 yr old son is using herion
by: april

My son is now 23 and just started using herion because he said its harder to get OC then it use to be. I have done everything i can think of to stop him. He started using drugs at 16 or 17 and loved OC. I did get him in detox when he was 17 or 18 but that did not help him. I do not have insurance or money to help him and i called different state funded rehabs they want him to call. My son told me he wants to go to the 90 day rehabs that cost big moeny i don't have. He hates AA. I talked to everyone at my church and i did have 2 guys come over to check on him and talk to him. He just cannot stop. I was thinking about calling the Dr phil show i am so scared. Any advice out there before its to late what i can do to help him?? I am scared i will regret things if he died. How do i live with myself while i try to save him?

May 31, 2013
Lost my 26 yr old son April 2012
by: Deborah in Ohio

There is an empty space in my life and my heart is broken. Heroin is the last thing I imagined my son ever using. I had no idea he had tried heroin until the night he lost his life. I adored my son and had so many hopes and dreams for his future. He was raised with love & care by his parents, a sister who adored him, grandparents who loved & nurtured him, cousins, aunts & uncles. He was an exceptional student, had a 4.0 through 8th grade. Played sports excelled at everything he did. Then.....something changed in 8th or 9th grade. He started drinking with friends and using prescription drugs which he obtained from friends. I had him in counseling, had him drug tested, we punished him, took away his car. He would have periods of wellness and would be very productive, finished 2 years on the Deans List in college. Then the drinking got worse, he went to outpatient rehab program several times over the next 6 years. And of course there is always the factor of friends who drink heavily & do nothing but encourage this dangerous behavior. This was a 10 year ordeal trying to save him. The last 2 years of his life I was frantic to save him. This experience causes a parent to question anything they have ever done to help their son or daughter. My son was bipolar and that definitely made this battle even more hopeless. Chronic substance abuse combined with mental illness is a deadly combination. I am still trying to understand what I should have done. I took him to the emergency room multiple times in the midst of a psychotic breakdown and each time they refused to admit him. We need better treatment and help for these kids. There is no place to turn for help for addictions or for mental illness. It is so sad and it breaks my heart.

May 20, 2013
Heroin addict mom
by: Evelyn

I am sorry for all of these terrible stories of which are the truths of our lives. My mother was / would still be if she could be a heroin addict. She is now 51 years old and has suffered from endocarditis. My mother who was smart had her own business owned property and had 3 children now suffers as a prisoner of her own body. Used to being a sexy woman she's now confined to a wheel chair or bed. She's paralyzed on one side has had a brain cyst a splinectomy artificial pig valves replacing her own natural aorta no teeth hepatitis c and the list goes on and on. She is now a grandmother ( I have 2 babies) and she can not hold her grandchildren babysit play or walk with them without supervision. It's a very sad existence for her and now following her footsteps is my you get brother who is 29 and an oxy addict. It's so hard to sit back and watch people destroy themselves day in and day out however the only person that can help an addict is the addict themselves. I wish I could do more and as a mother I could never imagine watching my child kill themselves or fight the fight of addiction.

May 15, 2013
lost my 31 year old son
by: Anonymous

My son died too. We knew he was having problems, but we were always trying to help him. In the end he needed to help himself. But I don't blame him. The drugs were stronger than him. He wanted to get better, but unfortunately, it didn't happen. He had used for about 8 years or more. The help must come early. We zigged and zagged trying to find what would work, but, once they take hold its hard. We need better treatment centers. And emergency centers where we can take them when we don't know what to do. I found out a lot of information, but now that he's gone, I'm looking back with regret, and what I should have done. Its so sad, I didn't want to lose him. He was so special to me. As I write this, it is my birthday. Although, far from happy. My family lost him just three weeks ago, April of 2013. My heart goes out to everyone.

May 05, 2013
My sister
by: Heidi

5 years ago I lost my sister to a methadone overdose. She was 34, married, had 3 of the most beautiful little girls you could ever see. She was my best friend... it's only been in the last 1.5 years that I can even hold a conversation about her without crying. I still miss her every single day of my life, it never ever stops. She was so much more to me than just my sister... she was 12 years older than me so she was always babysitting me, mothering me and making sure I always had an escape from home. She was the mediator most of the time. I moved to a different state before my 18th birthday and that's when my friends warned me about my sisters addiction. When I would ask her about it she would completely deny it and play dumb. When I came home to visit the first time after moving she picked me up from the bus station... we both cried because it had been so long but I knew then something wasn't right. I moved back home a couple years later and by that time she was in over her head. Now, keep in mind my sister was one of the most optimistic, happy, and free spirited people you could meet. She was very much a modern day hippie. Anyway, that person was still there.. but not the same. Something wasn't right...

It wasn't until a year later, after she had a poem published when my mom and I walked into her house and Tammy was bawling, holding this book open to this poem from a child to their mother, dying of an overdose. She just kept crying and saying she didn't want to end up that way.

The last day I seen my sister alive and well was January 8th, 2008. I rode to the bus stop with her to pick up the girls and she told me about her problem, and how she wished she could hide the marks (track marks, scars, etc...) later that day we rode the 4wheeler to the river and something inside of me just hugged her tight while holding on and breathed her in deep like the universe was telling me it was my last chance... On the 13th I woke up from 17 missed calls from my brother inlaw, on the 17th she was gone. There's nothing this world could have done to prepare me for that, nothing. I never thought I would lose my big sister.

Apr 27, 2013
With Sympathy and Hope
by: Starr

I was widowed in 2009 to heroin after 17 years with my soulmate. I can empathize but not truly feel the grief of a mother's loss. I know this as I've witnessed my mother in law's pain. I have become a social pariah by the gossip following his death at an in-patient treatment center. Heroin is so misunderstood as are its victims and in honor of my husband I'm trying to put together a group of victims and surviving addicts to help others at risk of such horrible and UN-necessary tragedy. My heart and prayers go out to you. And if my post is unwelcome I apologize. Should you welcome my post, truly it's sole intention being to save lives,. Regardless, I'm so sorry for your loss. Words cannot convey the pain of this.

Apr 17, 2013
Lost Son to drug overdose
by: Anonymous

I lost my son March 10,2008 three days after his 32nd
Birthday. He was our only son. He was clean for over a year.
It has been 5 years since his passing and there is not a day
that goes by that we don't think of him or miss him. Our hearts
are broken. My husband, my two daughters and myself will
Never be the same. We take each day at a time to get through these hard times. You can never get over the loss
of your child. I pray for all the parents who have lost a child.
God Bless All Of You.

Apr 11, 2013
Lost my Daughter less than 3 weeks ago to heroin
by: Sharon

My daughter Michelle Nichole Whiteley passed away on March 23rd from a heroin overdose at 32 years old. She had been in and out of different programs and was working a 12 step program when she died. She said she had 9 months sobriety and I thought she was doing so well until I got the phone call that she had died. I miss our talks on the phone. I can hear her calling me Mom in my head. I ask her to visit me in my dreams at night before I go to sleep, but she hasn't yet. I hope she does so I can see her one more time.

Apr 09, 2013
I LOST MY SON
by: Anonymous


It's hard to know where to begin, I lost my son on
Nov.5,2012,to a overdose of prescription drugs,and
Heroin.He was my second child & my baby. Its so hard
to convey my feeling right now, because I had lost touch with my Son, several years ago. DRUGS they KILL everything!! I have been looking for him, for years,in Oct of 2012 I found out from FACEBOOK that he was living in Florida, my husband & I flew to Florida to find him and bring him home. On the day
we were to fly home he disappeared again.People told me,if they are not ready for help all you can do is keep trying. WE FLEW HOME THE NEXT DAY.! I can't describe the guilt I feel. I could not stop looking for him, thinking about him, wanting to go back to Florida. All I could think of was where is he? Then in Jan.of 2013 I started reaching out to Facebook again. My ex-sister in law took pity on me. With the "consent" of my ex-husband she informed me that my Son was dead. His "father" who has said many times he would not shed a tear for our son,and has not seen our son Eric in over 15, WAS the one who received the notification from the police in Florida that our son was dead. It was so horrible and unbelievable that he waited until March,28th to contract me. I am still in shock!I hope in time the Lord will help me find some kind of Peace. Maybe its just to soon. I am sorry that I can't help any one right now. I am praying for every one who has ever last a child. Sandy

Apr 01, 2013
I lost my son
by: Anonymous

I lost my son March 15,2013 to a Heroin overdose. He went to rehab and was doing well. He was in another state, Left his Sober home and checked into a motel with some heroin. I will never know why he did this, I talked to him the day before and he told me everything was going well for him. I am heartbroken over his loss, He was only 24 years young. I just pray to God that he is no longer suffering from his terrible addiction. God I love him more that life. I will never get over this......

Mar 31, 2013
We lost our 22 yr old son to a heroin overdose
by: TC

Our son Adam died on 15th December 2011 from a heroin overdose.
We new that he had problems but we had been taking him to rehab for Ketamine abuse and never thought that he had started to take Heroin.
The most devastating thing we learnt from the inquest was that Adam had phoned the doctors to ask how to inject heroin. You would think that this would ring alarm bells but instead of trying to counsel him they told him that it was not their job to teach people how to use heroin.
Even if they had called us we could have helped him, but no they hide behind the Patient confidentiality crap.
We brought up our 3 children in a small country village in the UK and thought that we would be able to keep them away from the dangers of drugs and other forms of abuse. Even now you can see the dealers hanging around the gates of the local high school. We miss Adam so much. He was our baby.
You never expect to bury your children especially to something so worthless as drugs. Dealers and trafficers should be caught and exterminated.
It's been 15 months now. How can we ever move on.

Mar 31, 2013
Sorry for your loss
by: Crystal

I am so sorry about your loss. It is a feeling nobody will understand yet nobody should understand. I just lost my brother this past March 3, 2013 from a heroin overdose. He struggled with addiction for about 12 years and unfortunately it took his life. They were able to revive his heart but he went twenty minutes without oxygen to his brain and was declared brain dead. We donated his organs to a number of people that can now live on because of him. My mom like you has lost a huge part of her heart since he's been gone. I saw you say you need more parental stories and if so let me know. My mom is more than happy to talk about the evils of heroin and how we need to raise awareness about what this monster is doing to our loved ones. Addiction is a disease it takes a hold of people and there comes a point they lose all control. I strongly feel awareness needs to be raised about this awful drug. I will do whatever I can to fight this problem head on. God bless. Here is a poem we read at his funeral: God saw you getting tired
and a cure was not to be
so he put his arms around you
and whispered,
"Come to Me"

With tearful eyes we watched you
and saw you pass away
and although we love you dearly
we could not make you stay.

A Golden heart stopped beating
hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best

Mar 31, 2013
Lost my son too
by: Anonymous

My son died of an overdose on March 5, 2013. He had been sober for 6 months having completed rehab. The funny thing is if he'd never gotten sober he never would have died. The pain is unbelievable as I'm sure everyone here knows. I'm glad I found this site. The stigma of the death adds another dimension to the mourning. Faith and prayer are my best friends right now.

Mar 26, 2013
So sorry for you and all of us
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss of your handsome son. We lost my younger brother in Feb of this year. He was 32 and still so good looking. My mother's heart is broken. She found him and thinks she could have done something though we tell her she could not have. He was so amazing and funny and my baby brother and I miss him so bad. He said he was going clean the next day and had plans-even though others will cruelly be surprised that you are surprised. He fought since age 18 and we had some amazing clean times and some terrible terrible times. I know his struggle is over- but ours is far from it. Love them like there is no tomorrow because there may not be.

Mar 21, 2013
I lost my son Dion on Feb 13, 2013 of a Heroin Overdose
by: Ida

I cannot believe that my son Dion passed away. Dion had his whole life a head of him, but he chose to dabble in this toxic opiate drug called Heroin. I am beside myself and yes, a part of me did die when I found my son in bed dead. He must have been dead for over 12 hours. I came home from work and was wondering why he was still in bed? I opened the door and my son was cold, stiff and the sheets were wet. There was a musty odor in the room that I will never forget. To this date Dion's father and I are still waiting for the toxicology report from the Coroner's office. Why why why...I ask myself? In one year I would say he lost about 25lbs. Dion did not look healthy, so at the beginnig of 2013 Dion moved back home with me and his younger brother. I took him to a 21 day outpatient detox clinic, but I could not be with my son 24/7. I had to believe that Dion was going to do right. He was committed to getting his AA degree from the community college and he told me that he was on his way to make his life better by getting an education. Dion told me the last night of his life "Mom, I'm tired" "I'm so tired I just want to go to sleep". Well, I just thought he was drunk, and that he would wake up the next day, but he did not..Had I known going to sleep was the wrong thing to do..I could have taken him to the emergency, but I didn't know. When I found my son Dion there was a nasty white foam that poured out of his mouth. It was such a sad sight to see my son dion dead. Oh my baby I wish I could have saved you. I love you Dion my handsome son.

Mar 19, 2013
Take a stand
by: Cindy from Illinois

It has been just past a year that we lost our 21 yr old vibrant son to this terrible drug. I feel I have waited a year too long to getting the word out! I had to respect my family's wishes for time to process this unforeseen and misunderstood death! I know a few other moms in our area that might be wanting to help with their stories also. There is a support group for those that have list ther loved ones to heroin and those that are trying to guide their children that are still surviving. I can be reached at cstewartdal@yahoo.com. I will contact the gentleman working on the film!

Mar 19, 2013
heroin
by: Anonymous

rnstar22@aol.com lost a hansome talented son to this drug at 19yo did cpr want to help.

Mar 18, 2013
No anger, just sadness for my son's killer
by: Allie Williamson

They have arrested the girl that provided my son with the fatal heroin supply in Eagle County, last week.
Rather than feeling rage, resentment and vengeance towards her, I simply feel sorrow for her and her family. I lament that this evil drug has not only taken my son's young life, but this girl's as well.
I have comfort that my son no longer struggles battling this demon. I believe he rests in peace in heaven and my horrific fears are now sadly put to ease. This girl will spend the rest of her life living her hell here on earth. Her parent's dreams of her future are now nothing more than a wishful memory of what could have been.
I don't know if it helps but I pray for my son everyday. I'm praying for this girl and her family. I pray for all who suffer with the excruciating sorrow of losing someone we love to heroin, and I pray for young people and their futures.

Mar 18, 2013
Update -- Please, Please Read and Help- Part Two
by: Cheryl

This is my continuation from my previous post.

If any parents out there would like to help Mr. DeLeon with his HBO Documentary project, it would be most appreciated if you would forward any commentary to him at the following address:

michaeldeleon@steeredstraight.org

He has a few websites all involving losing our youth to various catastrophes:

www.steeredstraight.org
www.stayinyourlane.org
www.kidsaredying.org

I will email Mr. DeLeon about this site also, and give him a heads up in case he is wondering where he is getting all of his leads. Justin's father and I will be participating in his program. We have forwarded to him a video Justin's fraternity brothers created after his death attesting to his amazing personal traits.

If anyone would like to email me personally, my address is omonow@aol.com.

Thank you for all your help - hopefully all of our children did not die in vain.

Mar 18, 2013
Update -- Please, Please Read and Help
by: Cheryl

There is ALOT you can help me do. I get sick when I hear about young men and women dying like Justin. it gets me so mad, I can't even begin to tell you. Naive parents, clueless politicians and educators and naive youth coupled with greedy pharmaceuticals and scumbag drug dealers clashing together in a "take-a-pill-for-it" society with pharmaceutical commercials blanketing our commercial breaks with more and more convincing lies that a pill will solve a problem.

Hello all parents,
I posted on this site about a month ago. I lost my 21 year old son in December of 2012. I live in South Jersey. Justin's dad has been in contact w/ Mr. Michael DeLeon, who presents at several local schools in the area to talk to local youth about substance abuse. He is currently in talks w/ HBO Documentary Films - please see his exact commentary below:

"Widespread availability, suburban parental naivete and youth misconceptions about the dangers all fuel this epidemic. More youth die of accidental drug overdoses than car accidents. I need someone like you to help me get a real message out there. HBO Documentary Films is seriously considering taking on my project, but i lack enough parental stories - and not your typical ones. They are out there. I want to tell a different story, so if you are interested in talking with me, in getting other parents that lost their children to this insidious problem, please give me a call."

Obviously Mr. DeLeon is looking for some of our tragic stories of our very talented, brilliant, cherished children who lost their lives to a heroin overdose.

I will continue this message on my next post... running out of space


Mar 15, 2013
To: correction..please accept my apology lost my daughter
by: Anonymous

You got my hackles up for a moment...

I have to work... On one of my fist days back on the job, someone who knew said " I can't imagine how you're even here - I don't know how you can do this!" I wanted to hit him. Seriously. I've never hit anyone in my life, but it took everything I had not to slug that guy.

There's this stigma attached to the way my daughter died that's hard. "Oh my God, a car accIdent?", "No.", "oh."

...



Mar 13, 2013
correction..please accept my apology lost my daughter
by: Anonymous

Lost my daughter should of gone to "how do I help her". I apologize.

Mar 12, 2013
a horrible, horrible thing
by: carole

I lost my wonderful, handsome, gifted son Ryan 4 days after his 25th birthday on December 15, 2012. The autopsy report showed that he died of heroin and meth. My husband went to his house to pick him up & take him to rehab- only to find him dead in his bed. When he called & told me my 1st thought was "so it finally happened". I realized I had been holding my breath for the last several years waiting for that fatal call. Drugs are from the pit of hell. I can't believe how many people are losing their children to this horrible, horrible thing. I talked to my children when they were very young about the dangers of drugs... I guess he thought it didn't apply to him. I miss him so much, but I'm also very, very angry with him!

Mar 12, 2013
re:how do I save her?
by: Cindy from Illinois

Doing something is better than nothing when it comes to trying to save a life! Some come away from jail time determined to stay clean. For others it is an interruption in their lives and they need close supervision and support afterwards. GIve your daughter that unconditional love and remind her that her son needs her and you want to make it possible to see her be responsible again and have them be together again! Find a counselor through NA or AA that can help you deal with this and navigate you to those that can help each of you take those baby steps together to a betterl ife for her child! As far as running away after her jail time she won't be able to if she is under probation of some type. If you have the evidence when she is using then you have more leverage. If your state has a drug court or sympathy to those with drug issues you can negotiate her a court mandated rehab time via jail or instead of jail. The more she is sober the more she can understand to live for her child is more important than the drug. Let her know you love her and are working to make it work for her- not to stand in her way. You HAVE to take a stand NOW! Don't wait-tommorow is not promised to any of us! I waited and thought about it for 2 days and during that time my son used again and died. You still have your daughter-If you believe in God you are one step ahead-just need to pray-it works!

Mar 12, 2013
re:lost my daughter
by: Anonymous

If you dont do something...you will lose her. Your story will be on here because she passed. Least of your worries is your daughter not talking to you. my son passed on December 1,2012...i wished I committed him or had him arrested. He would probably be alive today. Please dont worry about her being mad at you or not talking to you...when she is clean and has fought her demon..she will come back. I miss my son everyday and wish he was here. He was 24.
Im sorry if that sounded rough..but you have to stand up and be Mom. We are tough. I will be praying for you as I do for all the families on here.

Mar 12, 2013
If you live in South Florida please contact me.
by: Janet

https://www.facebook.com/TheBrokenAngelsGriefSupportGroup

I lost my middle son Brian on February 15, 2009 to a drug overdose. What has helped me has is helping others. I lead a grief support group, we meet in my home and have 18 members right now. We are all mothers who have lost teens and young adults. If you live in or near North Broward or South Palm Beach County and have lost your beloved child please call for help. There is no charge the group is free.

Mar 12, 2013
RE: Why??
by: Anonymous

My son Christopher passed away 3 months ago from heroin overdose. I have been writing on this site since Dec and reading other moms stories. I totally agree with WHY?? Why can we not stop this. Why is it that it is that we just have to live with the fact that our child died of heroin overdose?? Its not ok! None of this is ok! Someone sold the drug to our child...if we cant take the drug off the streets..then we need to prosecute the drug dealer. What happened to us? What happened to the fact that we would do anything to protect our children? If youre like me I have 2 younger children as well. Come on Moms. Lets stand together. We have to do something. Please send me your stories of your beautiful children and lets figure out a solution. Its Time!!!
powellstacey88@yahoo.com

Mar 12, 2013
Dear "Lost my daughter"
by: Allie Williamson

Clearly, the insurance company had never lost anyone to substance abuse!
It's difficult enough for the people who love a person struggling with the addiction to make wise decisions let alone someone who can't make a decision at all... even when their life depends on it, as we all know.
I'm so sad your efforts ended the way they did. Words are inadequate to express our sorrow. God bless...

Mar 11, 2013
lost my daughter
by: Anonymous

I lost my daughter a month ago to heroin. She had been clean for a little while... We had been in the mental health system for the last 10 years. She had gotten out of the hospital on Wedneday and OD'd Thursday night. The insurance comapny would not cover a long term stay in a rehab facility because -- get this -- she need to make a concerted effort to prove she was commited to getting well. Seriously.

Mar 09, 2013
how do i save her?
by: Anonymous

My daughter is 23 yrs old and I have custody if her 4 year old son. She is an addict and over the last 2 years she has been arrested 3 times owes thousands of dollars in fines and has been in and out of rehab 5 times, she goes for 3 days and then signs her self out. She was in a methodane clinic up until 2 months ago but met new kids and quit going. I feel She gave up when she lost her son and I don't know where she is most of time. she doesn't live with us and blames me for everything and I don't know where to turn. I was told to chapter her for 30 days and put het in jail. I'm afraid if I do that when she gets out she will run and ill never see her again. Please give suggestions I'm so afraid of getting that call , I need to save her.

Mar 08, 2013
Thank You.
by: Ronda

First I want to tell you I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sure you have heard those words a million times and It dosent make anything better. I know because I just found out my brother passed from a heroin overdose. He was just here with me and my mom a couple of weeks ago visiting. He was a recovered addict. We were so proud of him for staying clean and finding God and being so spiritual and positive....... Before he left my house he kept telling me to do well and be clean for my kids.(I also have a past with heroin) and that he loved me. Not even a week after he was found by a "friend". I wanna thank you for sharing your story cause It made me feel like l wasn't the only one who felt like my world is over. My mom is just a wreck. Thank yout so much for sharing. You helped
me to cope with this tragic epidemic.

sseems to take

Mar 07, 2013
5 months
by: Samantha

It has been 5 months since my son died of a heroin overdose and my heart breaks for myself and every other person who deals with this pain. Everyday I think about him and what he dealt with. This is truly a sickness, they try it one time and then they are hooked. They battle everyday against this and even when they seem to be "winning", it is in the back of their minds. I had no idea my son had ever tried heroin. My heart is broken and when I read everyone's posts I realize I am not alone. I would love to correspond with some of you, my email address is: lookingforjeff@gmail.com If you need someone to talk with, I am the one. My heart is as broken as yours. In Christ. Sam

Mar 07, 2013
"WHY"
by: St. John, IN

"WHY" can't they stop this horrible drug from being sold on the street. I realize my son bought this drug and choose to take this drug, but if someone sells a deadly chemical shouldn't the somehow be responsible for the death? I know that people thing are kids may have be drug addicts, but this is NOT true. We all had wonderful children, who did not want to take this horrible drug. My 21 year old son did not want to take this drug. He only did it a hand full of times. He was battling depression and felt that made him happy. I recall the day he died Saturday August, 11th, 2012. The day was just all wrong. I left for 2 hours and felt something was wrong. That morning he told me he was unhappy. I called his older brother and younger brother who found him in his room on his bed. Now they have to live with seeing that the rest of their lives. I ask god everyday "WHY". Well, its almost seven months and I still cry all day everyday. I don't want to leave the house in thoughts of what friends & neighbors are thinking of me... Will I ever be able to smile again? My thoughts are with all of us who have lost these wonderful children to an evil evil drug.

Mar 06, 2013
Finding support in our grief
by: Cindy from Illinois

I just passed the year date that we lost our 21 year old vibrant and loving son to a Heroin overdose. I hate the term "overdose" as it is not accurate. One fatal dose after year of sobriety as with our son and their lives are gone forever. I have relived that moment I found him non-responsive in bed a year ago a million times . The answer to why has never been made known. It really won't help. He still is not here either way. So I choose to go foward and passing the why up with HOW - how can we respond to help others now. I did find through grief-share.org a wonderful group to meet with. It is a nation-wide program for any and all types of losses. It does help. Although, this blog has helped me also to realize I am not alone in my pain and I am amazed how many of our young men and women are falling victims to this epidemic. God Bless those that are still struggeling with this terrible drug. I wish I had joined a support group earlier so that I might could have seen the addiction relapse warning signs that were there but I didn't see.

Feb 26, 2013
Heartbreaking news today
by: Deborah in Ohio

Just learned the heartbreaking news today.....I lost my son Dustin in April 2012, his close friend Krista died yesterday, a heroin overdose. Her mother found her in her bedroom. She was a beautiful, bright 24 year old. She has been struggling with heroin and very depressed over my son's death. She tried to resuscitate him the night he lost his life to heroin. I have no words to express the devastating loss and sadness this is causing for parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, friends...everyone who has lost their son or daughter to heroin. I wish I had an answer to this senseless epidemic. Anyone involved in the sale of heroin should be prosecuted and charge with manslaughter.

Feb 25, 2013
We're not alone
by: Allie Williamson

Thank you, anonymous for your comforting words. We finally were able to have some closure to our grief last Thursday evening at our son's wake/funeral.
It was heart wrenching and the most excruciating sorrow I've ever experienced in my life!
I'm horrified to learn of this epidemic demon that is taking our children away on a daily basis. It comforts me to know that our son is done battling this evil grip that bound him and now is at peace in the company of angels.
I pray for all the young people of this world who believe they are invincible and immortal to make wise choices in their young lives. All it takes is one single, split-second, bad choice on any given day that can start the last chapter in their lives.
I love you, Matthew. I miss you so much!

Feb 25, 2013
Grief
by: Mary

So sorry to all of you for your loss. I lost my beautiful Jeanette on Jan 26th to heroin abuse, 30 years old. She tried so hard to recover. I found GRASP recovery today through this forum and will start going to a meeting. The grief eases every day, but its still hard. Forgive yourself and know our children are with us at all times. God Bless You.

Feb 25, 2013
HEROIN DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE
by: Anonymous

I am single and lost my only child my daughter. Rachael died of a Heroin overdose, August 10th 2012. Rachael was only 23. She was beautiful with a smile that could light up a room and the best laugh ever! Rachael was active in Cheerleading, School Plays, playing the violin, was a gymnast, loved reading, music, concerts, journaling, writing poems, and enjoyed French. Rachael worked full time and was getting A's in Psychology. Rachael was the all American girl next door. HEROIN DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE!

Feb 25, 2013
still alive
by: barb

sorry for all your lost.. i battle herion addiction every day... even though i have never used herion... but fighting with my 26 yo son over using is soooo terrifying to me.. i know as long as hes alive i have a fighting chance..my heart breaks for all of you who have lost the ultimate fight with your loved one.. i dont know how to keep fighting sometimes...and no to the person that would of sent to rehab if theyd known.. after they turn 18 try as you may you cannt make them go and agencies deny you info with the hepa laws...i have friends that have lost thier child to drugs and my heart breaks for them

Feb 25, 2013
My son
by: Anonymous

My son died with overdose of drugs on 15Feb 2013 and still not sinking in why ? And there is no answer,I know he is with GOD and in peace without any suffering but my heart is crying.

Feb 23, 2013
dear were not alone
by: Anonymous

Our son lived in California when he passed. It took 10 days to get him home. Let me say I understand...and I am so sorry for your loss. Its hard. Our son passed away from heroin overdose Dec 1st, 2012. We have good days and bad days. Last weekend we went to visit our sons grave and we just broke down. You never get over it...it never gets better. You just learn to live with it. We miss our christopher everyday.
Hang in there.

Feb 23, 2013
I Lost My Son, Justin
by: Cheryl

It's been just over two months since my older son, Justin, died on December 19, 2012. He was only 21. He died on both my and his dad's birthday. What a terrible date to share now. We had no idea whatsoever he was using heroin. His dad found him laying on the couch about 6:00AM - he was already cold to the touch, so we know he had been dead already a few hours. When the ambulance/police came, they found heroin bags in his pocket -- we were beyond shocked....

Justin came to me in April of 2012 saying he was addicted to Percocets - I took him to a doctor who can prescribe Suboxone, but because of HIPPA regulations, I was not told the whole story. Justin confided to the doctor that he had been using heroin for almost a year. I wish I knew that -- we would have gotten him into a rehab.

He seemed to be doing well during the fall, started college again, joined a fraternity, very excited about being accepted into a good business program... then this happened.

We are all so devastated, not sure how to go on now. His younger brother is lost - they were extremely close. I guess knowing he was doing heroin explains some of the odd behaviours we noticed about him but could not explain. We were all totally naive about heroin -- we knew nothing about the drug or it's effects. We knew no one with this problem. Now we are finding so many people who affected and realizing it's an epidemic.

I can't even describe how much I miss him - I know he is safe now. After he died and we went through his phone, we realized the extent of what he was doing. I guess we are all thankful he didn't get killed going into the "badlands of Camden, NJ" which is where he was going to get his drugs. His struggles are gone.

It's so hard to get moving every day - it's a struggle to get dressed and moving. Not sure how to stop missing him. I'm glad I found this site. I just can't believe how many people have lost children to this horrible drug.


Feb 22, 2013
Lost my nephew it was his first use
by: Anonymous

I just want to say that it is so important for parents to tell there children when they are young that heroin kills from the first dose. Parents need to instill fear in their children not to even go near the drug. I will never forget 1978 my father was driving me to school and pulled the car over to the side of the road, I was late for school that day, he told me if you ever do any drugs just promise me you will never do heroin, because it will kill you. I always remembered that and I saw people around me doing drugs so I stayed away. A parents words are so STRONG it makes kids think about choices. I lost my nephew on New Years Eve it was his first time using heroin and he is not with us anymore. God Bless.

Feb 17, 2013
We're not alone
by: Allie Williamson

We just lost our 25y/o old son to heroin. He died last Wednesday. His body still needs to be flown home from out of state so we can lay him to rest.
My husband & I are horrified of the thought of seeing him laid in a casket.
Please tell me we'll get through this and we'll love life again?

Feb 14, 2013
Maribeth and the signs
by: Bob Radcliff

We lost our son Phillip Radcliff - Wheeling, IL to a heroin overdose on March 31, 2011. Maribeth we too have experienced a lot of signs that show that our Phil is in a good place,is at peace and is no longer hurting from the drugs and all the issues that come along with drug abuse. The signs are real and I pray that everyone who has lost a son or daughter gets to experience this wonderful gift. My heart goes out to all the people that are in the awful club. It is important to spread the word about this epidemic. I blame the system and all the Doctor feel goods that are out there that are killing our kids. God bless all of you that read this page.

Feb 05, 2013
Why after all those years
by: Patricia

I lost my son Luke on the 7 September 2012 to an overdose...he had given the drug up many years before...(the drug legacy is always in the backgroud) and was working on a successful career working a 60 hour week with a new venture on the horizon...then he and his partner ...the mother of my first grandchild split up...nothing could have prepared me for the call...my boy was gone..coronial investigation took months but the outcome...he had used after many years and it took him....lost to us all and the shock was signigicant...I want to speak to him, I want to touch him and most of all I just want to hold him in my arms and tell him...whatever made you take that dose..it was your choice but Why...you talked to me everyday...we shared so much...Why...
The grief is overwhelming but I will go forward for your daughter...I went to court and I have permanent access to her...she is happy and so am I..but Why...the loss of you will stay with me forever...we all loved you so very much...and miss you every second of every day..my precious boy...

Feb 04, 2013
My Son was trying to get into a methodone clinic
by: Brian

My son was on methodone for 2 years then he switched to vivitrol for a year. He wanted to get back into the methodone clinic and they require a hot urine. He died the day after he went off the vivitrol.

Feb 01, 2013
lost my Uncle
by: inez

Hi so sorry for your loss :( I just lost my uncle who I was taking care of for medical reasons to a crystal Method overdose I tried and tried to get him to go to the hospital and he refused to go:( he recently lost his son on labor day 2012 and after that he just gave up on life.He was clean for over 5 yrs and this just sent him spiraling down I just was so close him and its devastating to not have him here everyday :(

Jan 23, 2013
shannon henderson
by: mYSisTer

Hi... I am 25 years old and back on july 13 2012 my whole world crashed down to findout that my 26 year old sister had been taken to soon from heroin! It was and is the worst thing in the world! It is very hard to get over this! my sister was awsome and she just had a problem!

Jan 23, 2013
"FAITH"
by: Sharon

Lost my 21 year old son to heroin on August 11th, 2012. I am suffering from deep depression. I hold on to "FAITH" in hope's that one day I will see him again!

Jan 23, 2013
Alive and still kicking
by: Anonymous

Reading these comments makes my heart sad. My son is 24 and I just found him in a comatose state at home with his 2 year old son beside him. He is alive and in jail, but my heart is broken. I will never live one day again, without this pain and fear. My heart goes out to all people who love and struggle with the lives of heroin addicts.

Jan 20, 2013
Unbelievable Pain!
by: AV

I just lost my son David age 25 on December 22.2012.The initial call was that he slipped on ice and was not breathing.One hour later I received the unbelievable call.My son did not make it.Two days ago I learned that it was a heroin overdose.Words cannot express the pain I feel with his loss.I had no idea.He left behind a beautiful wife,two sons 4&5 and a baby on the way.
I asked how could this have happened? One minute he was enjoying christmas with his inlaws then went to visit a family member and 30 minutes later he was gone.I feel such a loss!I feel a part of me died too. I try to be strong but find it is so very hard.
MY son was such a sweet person!Always putting others before himself. He loved and was loved by so many.He loved his horses and playing guitar around a bond fire with family and friends.I cry so much, I dont want to be around others for fear of making them feel bad because of the grief I feel.I now hate being alone since my son's passing.I don't know what to do or how to feel.Just numb I guess.

Jan 15, 2013
i am so sorry for everyone
by: Anonymous (christopher 24)

I cannot begin to say how sorry I am for everyone's loss...the pain we all fell is unbearable...my heart goes out to all the moms on here. I miss my son Christopher more with each day. The only thing that gives me comfort is he is no longer in pain...none of our children are.
Love and prayers to all.

Jan 12, 2013
Part II of Losing Lindsey
by: Maribeth

I will soo miss my baby's physical voice, touch, and the hopes that died with her. I never once lost hope that she could quit. She was in deep. I know addiction is a disease. It's worse than cancer because everyone turns their back on a drug addict but people wear ribbons for people with cancer. Drug addiction is a disease that takes everything. Your spirit, your happiness, your family, your self worth. There is nothing worse. I am happy my daughter is out of her hell. I have never felt so helpless as a mother. I've always been able to help my children. I love my grandkids and the only way they can sleep at night is knowing that their mother's body is gone, but she is still with us, we just can't see her. God help us all. I do want to say to all of the mom's and family here that feel desparately hopeless that I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOUR LOVED ONE IS WITH YOU NOW. Do NOT despair. Do the best you can on your life journey, continue loving, giving, enjoying your life and never for a minute believe that you won't see your loved one again. YOU WILL. You just have more work to do on this earth and eventually we will all join our loved ones. Please, please do not despair. Do not be ashamed. Drug addiction is truly a disease. You did nothing to cause this. Remember they used to think obesity was for lazy overeaters and now they know it is a genetic mapping to our DNA. I do have many wishes, like, I wish Lindsey had her disease at a time when there was no stigma, but a real cure. Someday there will be one. My daughter told me she needed help but refused to go into treatment believing she had time and could detox herself. I used to pray for God to help her, he did. He is a merciful God and saved her from a lifelong battle with a horrible disease. Please all of you, you must believe that God loved you so much he pulled your child, your loved one, out of the prison and took them home. He did answer your prayers. I ask you all to close your eyes, empty your thoughts, and speak to the one you love, listen closely, you will hear the answers and you will get the goosebumps that will go down your arms and legs - these are the signs that he/she is with you. The answer you hear / feel, is real.

Jan 12, 2013
My Daughter Died 1-4-2013
by: Maribeth

I lost my beautiful daughter to heroin and I have her 5 beautiful children now. She battled the addiction for many years. I tried to help any way that I knew how, she knew I loved her very much. Her kids went into state custody and we hired an attorney with her support. She wanted us to be Plan B, she was always Plan A. With her kids in our care she did get to visit them a few times, talk to them on the phone and keep hope of someday getting them back. I knew this day would come if she didn't get help, but when it did come, I still was not prepared. It hurts so bad. Her kids are in pain. They said she died in her sleep, unaware, not in any pain. That is my only peace. And the fact that she is now a peaceful soul, I can talk to her any time. I believe she has reached out through signs. I prayed "Lindsey, help me raise these kids" and I felt her say "of course Mom, where else would I be." I smile when I see the signs because I feel truly she is with me. (continued on the next post...I exceeded my character limit).

Jan 11, 2013
WHY
by: Anonymous

I lost my son Patrick November 21, 2012 to a Heroin overdose. When I received the call I could not believe it not my son. He had suffered with addiction problems for years. It started with alcohol then he found Aderall and that is what I believe was the gateway to heroin. He became addicted to Aderall and because of the abuse of that drug I believe he took the heroin to come down from the aderall. I knew he took aderall from time to time but not to the extent that I am now finding out and I never knew about the Heroin. I was blown away when the detective told me he took heroin. A day doesn't go by that I find myself thinking son why why why..... what was the demon inside you that you had to abuse your body this way. God help me my heart is so broke and I cant help but think I should of done more and why did I not know how bad his addiction had got. Why did I believe his lies...."No mom I don't take Aderall anymore.....I haven't had a drink in a long time.....I'm doing good." He left behind a 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter. He had so much to live for. I just kept asking why. If I could just talk to him one more time that would be my question why why why!

Jan 10, 2013
Help for kids in school
by: Anonymous

For those who are interested in helping school age children stay away from drugs, please go to this website: http://www.couragetospeak.org/. Ginger Katz lost her son Ian to a heroin overdose and has since done remarkable work in training facilitators teaching children to stay away from drugs. Her program is called The Courage to Speak.

You all remain in my prayers. God bless.

Jan 10, 2013
Praying for all
by: Kanes mom

This is so so tragic to read as each story is the same as ours. Whenever I have spoken to the detectives or deputies I have asked if they have children. Most say yes and then I challenge them to get this drug off these streets before their child has a chance to become another victim to the lie that is heroin.
My dad is a retired DEA Special Agent. This is not what he wanted for his first born grandson. Get involved and help stop this from hurting so many more families.
GRASP is a recovery group that you may want to check your area for meeting. Go to grieving meetings as so many are feeling the same pain and can understand what we are all feeling. Of course always pray without ceasing

Jan 07, 2013
Help us
by: Anonymous

Jen it is as if you are telling my story. God help us both. I can't take this pain. Oh God help us.

Jan 07, 2013
I lost my sister too
by: Anonymous

I lost my little sister too to a heroin overdose, she was 24. I never got to say goodbye. Now we are faced with fighting for visitation with her 5 year old daughter - who was taken from my family by her fathers family.

There are no words that can comfort me.

I hope this year will be better - but Im sure the first year is the worst.

XO

Jan 02, 2013
Their lives shall not be in vain
by: Star

I just lost my brother on Dec. 19th, 2012 to a drug overdoes. I found him dead in his room. He was 28. When I read these stories, it in a sence, brought comfort to know we are not alone. The way I see it is at this time, paryer is very important(prayer is always important) but there is strength in numbers. We need to pray for each other, the younger generation, the wold. It is also important to realize they are no longer in pain. It is a disease they suffered from. Addiction is so hard to defeat but now they are at peace with Lord to comfort them. We are left on this planet for a reason. God has a plan for each and one of us. By taking our stories of our loved ones with this horrible disease, we will be able to help others. I am sure as anything that my brother would want me to do that. I have a six year old daughter (who my brother adored), I need to make sure she knows the evils of these horrible things. And that she is a strength from the Lord for her generation. I am making it a point to learn as much as I can about these diseases and to talk to more people like all of you so I can better fight this evil in my community, state, country. I would like to stay in touch with all of you and work together to fight this disease. As Emily Dickenson wrote: "If I can help one fainting robin on to his nest again, I shall not live in vain." my email jolie_star@hotmail.com

Jan 02, 2013
My son
by: Seth's mom

I have lost my son to overdose He was 29 years old he was in navy and army 8 years 15 months in Iraq ! I have been by myself in all this I have a fifteen year old daughter , sometime I feel so alone looking for advise and to share the hard days , my son Seth misale was a loving son and after I loss a great son good man big heart if drugs weren't his way to deal with PTSD from Iraq , hope we can chat Seth's mother

Jan 02, 2013
Hang in there!
by: Cynthia

The holidays were rough and I did get my support through knowing I am not alone in my grief. To those that feel like they can't go on with their lives I would like to say that I will pray for you too! It has been 10 months for me and it will never be okay. But I do have my life to live and to celebrate the gift God gave me 22 years ago- my son. God has him now and I am still here to continue to love him as I always did! I have comfort in knowing he is just around the corner that I can't see or touch but he is always with me. I keep a chest that as I find the little things that remind me of my son I place it in the chest! It is my way of hanging on to all the memories. I hope each of you find a way to find your comfort and peace. God has you here in this world for a reason too! Sharing your love of your son with others -even through this site-helps make a difference for others even! God bless and help us all!

Jan 02, 2013
can i come too
by: Anonymous

i too just buried my baby my first son i too feel like dying too just too be near him hold his hand to tell him im sorry too i dont know if i can go on sometimes i think i should go too just to be with him i miss him more and more everyday i dont know what too do this pain is to great i see him everywhere i long for his voice his jokes his beautiful blue eyes never again how do i go on i am so broken i cant stand this pain please god help me before i go insane i miss my baby i want to go so bad i asked his 2 brothers tonight if it was ok they looked at me one said if you go im going too, i am so crushed so hurt how will i go on without him when alls i do is cry please god help me or should i die............

Dec 28, 2012
living with grief
by: Gina

i lost my son to a heroin overdose he died Nov.16th in his bed. The holidays were tough he will be 28 dec.30th.A piece of me died that day i am numb i cry everyday My son always told me he would take care of me when i got old.It is totally devastating when you have to bury your child!It's only been about 6 weeks i just dont know how i am going to get thru the rest of my life without him.Bobby was a sweet kid who loved life!I pray for everyone who has gone thru this!!!

Dec 28, 2012
i lost my 24 year old son to heroin
by: Anonymous

I lost my son Christopher to what we believe was a accidental overdose from heroin. He passed away on December 1st, 2012. I am devastated...he was my oldest. I buried my son on December 10th. I miss him so much...not one hour goes by without thinking of him. It does not get easier.

Dec 25, 2012
lost my heart losing my mind
by: Anonymous

On may 19 2012 I lost my little brother I raised him we where 6 years apart my best friend my hope n life is gone i cry as i am typing i promise all because of opiates an it started with prescripion pills. The biggest drug dealer in this nation is the food and drug administration fda aka the government sure I have the capabilities of going after the person who first sold him the oxy all the way down to the street level dealer who sold him heroin cause I know who it was and believe me not a second goes by that I don't want to grab a shotgun and put 6 3inch slugs in each of their heads so that their families can feel my pain but the only thing in life guaranteed is death we will ALL cross this bridge in the meantime I am attending law enforcement acadamy and I promise you all any and all I find wit this andany poison will get help or go to jail for a long ttime. I don't know you all but we share common interest will keep you posted thank you for reading be blessed.

Dec 10, 2012
Comfort
by: Sharon

It will be four months tommorrow that I lost my 21 year old son Andrew. I have not gone for any help, but I can tell you that I have found comfort from all of you. I too have held on to faith, without faith I don't think I would make it. I pray for all of us loving mothers who have lost our children to this evil drug. I think about all of your stories and know that as moms we all hurt so so deep. I want comfort for you and me so we can all make it through each day remembering our beautiful children. Thank you to all of you for helping me with your stories.

Dec 07, 2012
Getting Thru the Holidays
by: Cynthia

Lost my middle son Feb. 2012 and still as if it were yesterday. Looking at all the happy birthday pictures of his 21st birthday really starts to get to me. This evil drug - Heroin- has no place in our world and yet it has managed to become an epidemic. Those of us that have lost our children and loved ones share such an enormous grief due also to the shame of such a drug. I am gettting through these holidays as I am so happy that a few of my son's friends - also addicts- have become sober and refound their faith in God. with their help- their testimonies and those of us that have lost our loved ones-perhaps we can make our society wake up and realize how much Heroin IS in every neighborhood! Holding on to the Spirit of the Christmas Season in knowing my son has eternal peace with Christ our Lord. If you don't have a faith, I am not sure how you are managing. It is the only thing that really keeps me focused on all the great things my son left our family--his smiles and his love are forever in my heart. Nothing can take that away. Praying for peace in all our hurting hearts durng this CHRISTmas season.

Dec 05, 2012
my son was 25
by: hjc

On June 1st, 2012 I found my son dead in his bedroom from a heroin overdose. He went to a concert came home at 3am said goodnight to me and I went back to bed. At 6am I woke up for work went to check on him and he was dead instantly with the needle still in his arm. I love him and miss him everyday. 2 months before he died I lost my 85 yr old mother. So everyday is a sad day for me. Not sure what to do or where to go for help. There does not seem to be an Alon in my area.

Dec 05, 2012
christina
by: Joy

It took my breath away when I read your post Christina. I'm so very sorry. You are in my prayers, as everyone else here is. Praying for comfort and healing.

Dec 04, 2012
Christina
by: Anonymous

You will be in my thoughts & prayers, I lost my 26 year old son in April 2012. I am heart broken and trying to find my way through this. Losing 2 daughters is beyond devastating...may god give your strength to get through this. Those 2 beautiful children you are raising need you to be strong. Having lost both parents is so difficult but they need you.

Nov 22, 2012
Christina
by: Samantha

I cannot imagine your grief Christina. My heart is breaking and I lost my son, I cannot imagine losing two daughters. I pray that God will give you the strength to raise these two beautiful children and that He will comfort your heart. This has got to be the absolutely worst time of the year for all of us. Praying for a peace that passes understanding as we put on our "masks" of happiness for those around us.

Nov 21, 2012
Holidays
by: Sharon

The pain is so deep. I pray that all of us make it throught the holidays with happy smiles and tears of joy in the rememberance of our children. We have to stay strong and be MOM'S for the rest of our family's. I will be thinking of all of you over the holidays!

Nov 20, 2012
Lost 2 daughters within 2 years.
by: Christina

I lost my first daughter on Dec 22, 2011. Than I lost her husband 5 months later. Leaving me with 2 beautiful children to raise. Now I just lost my other daughter on Nov 8, 2012. Both of my daughter I lost within 2 years due to a heroin overdose. Nicole was my first which was 29 than Carrie my second was 26 years old. I have no clue how I am going to get threw this. Just know we are all going threw this together.

Nov 20, 2012
Holidays
by: Marti

I'm so sad for all of us. Heroin took my son and I cry every day. The holidays are going to be so hard. I pray for all of us.

Nov 19, 2012
Lost 22 year old son to heroin
by: Anonymous

When I read everyone's comments it completely breaks my heart. I totally understand how you feel about those "investigating". I feel like you, they got what was coming to them, but this isn't true. I don't think any of our sons or daughter's set out to be addicts. They got in over their heads and it is all too easy to get a hold of this stuff and they give it to them cheap at first. They have had my son's cell phone also, I tracked the phone numbers and they turned them over to the DEA, but I have heard nothing as far as if they have made any arrests. It is so good to hear that someone got some justice for their child. We call weekly to check up on our son's case. As we near the holidays all I can think about is him not being with us ever again. I know everyone feels that way too, I know I am not in this alone. Please keep posting, we can at least be there for one another.

Nov 19, 2012
Lost my 26 yr old son in April 2012
by: Anonymous

I posted several months ago and again my heart goes out to each and every one of you. I feel the same as many of you. Not enough is being done to find and prosecute the people selling the heroin which is killing off our sons and daughters. My son's birthday is during the Thanksgiving Holiday, he was born on Thanksgiving Day exactly 5 years after his sister. She will live with the fact that he is no longer here to celebrate his birthday with hers. It will be a terrible and sad reminder every year of her life. The people with my son at the time of his death had no respect for human life. In my mind that is a crime. He was left dying and they did not call for help until hours later. The police had his cell phone from the night of his death and recently I learned they did not even read any of the dozens of text message the days prior to and the day of his death even thought they had his cell phone for more than 6 months while they did a so called "investigation". I live each day and wade through the ocean of grief and sadness this has created. I adored my son and things will never be the same. We are all forced to live with a broken heart. This is such a sad waste of human potential. They all deserved to live just like anyone else on this earth and the sad truth is many people who could make a difference just do not care.

Nov 15, 2012
Marti
by: Pam

That is very good news in a horrible situation. The police that handled my son's case seemed not to care in the least. I feel like he was looked at as just another drug addict that got what was coming to him. Nothing could be further from the truth. He was a wonderful kid who got into something bad and didn't know how to get out of it. He was a brilliant student and a loving son and friend. I am so very happy that you are getting some justice. I am terribly sorry for your loss.

Nov 15, 2012
Drug Dealers
by: Marti

After the death of my son on 9/29/12 I turned his phone over to the police (DEA). Three people were arrested yesterday, along with the person who sold to my son.

Nov 12, 2012
Samantha
by: Sharon

Hi Samantha,
You said everything that I think. I have 3 other children all adults, but that does not replace Andrew. The police will not help me. I have done everything I can to do something to the dealers, but they don't seem to care. I live in Indiana. I went on our busy intersection and stood with a sign to help our kids and stop the heroin in the community. People can't understand that we have a heroin problem here. Our towm was rated the 5th best place to live in the U.S. Drugs are everywhere. I lost my son to this evil drug. He was not a dealer or bad person, but people don't understant that. I will never be happy again. I cry buckets of tears everyday. I just have faith that our children are at peace and we will meet up with them again. The only thing we have is "FAITH". Samantha it will be alright, we will see our wonderful children again.

Nov 12, 2012
Tomorrow
by: Joy

Tomorrow, 11/13/12, would've been my boy's 23rd birthday. I'm the "anonymous" commenter whose son died on 09/13/12.

I am really dreading tomorrow. I found out on Friday that the coroner's office got the toxicology report back and I will probably go pick up my son's death certificate and his autopsy report tomorrow. I am finding it hard to believe that I will be doing those things on what would've been his 23rd birthday.

The weekend was so hard for me. I found myself remembering my labor with him. I went into labor on a Friday night around 10:00 pm and he wasn't born until Monday morning at 4:11 am. The memories are so hard.

I am praying for all of us parents who have lost our precious children to this horrible disease. Please pray for me tomorrow if any of you think of it.

Nov 11, 2012
Justice
by: Anonymous

Has anyone had luck holding the drug dealers accountable for the death of their child?

Nov 11, 2012
Lost 22 year old son to heroin
by: Samantha

I lost my precious 22 year old son on September 22, 2012 to a heroin overdose. Jeffrey was artistic beyond belief, a wonderful musician and song writer, and one of the most intelligent people I have ever known. The worst part is that I had no idea he had ever done heroin. He had been addicted to Xanax at one time and we put him in rehab. We knew through the years that he had an addictive personality, but I never in my wildest dreams thought he would try or be a heroin addict. He showed no signs around us at all. He had a great job, a wonderful girlfriend and had totally reconnected with his family. He was going to move into his own apartment the next Friday, he had everything going for him. My heart feels completely shattered. I miss his smile, his personality that filled up a room when he walked in and his daily calls to me. Every morning when I wake up, I pray that I have had a bad dream. I always had this fear of death, but I don't fear death anymore, I know that he is waiting for me and I hold onto that every moment. I have two other beautiful children and a husband I adore, but sometimes that doesn't even feel like enough. My son died hours before the people he was with called 911. They put him in a bathtub and tried to revive him and when that didn't work they took him out of the bathtub, changed his clothes, brought him downstairs and laid him in the floor and then after several hours they finally called 911. They let him lay there why they continued to party and do their "thing". My son died in a filthy apartment with people he thought were his friends. Not one of them offered sorrow or was at his funeral. Heroin and all drugs are an evil that is killing our children, why can't something be done, why does law enforcement turn a blind eye to dealers and those supplying. I don't understand and my heart aches every second of every day. I offer my heartfelt sympathy to each and every one of you on this site who has lost their child. This is not a poor man or a rich man's problem, it is all of our problem and it crosses every barrier no matter how you raise your children they can become an addict.

In grief,

Samantha

Nov 11, 2012
Struggle
by: Marti

Each day is a struggle and it seems to be getting harder. I dread the holidays. I'm working with the local police to get my sons drug dealers off the streets so maybe we can save another family from this pain.

Nov 11, 2012
I lost my 28 year old son to the deman
by: Anonymous

I lost my son on 10/04/2012 my life will never be the same. If someone could tell me how and when it will be better please help me I am grieving so bad no one around me understands he was my baby.

Nov 10, 2012
Lifes not the same
by: Sharon

I lost my 21 year old son on 8/11/2012. Everyday is a battle. Life is not the same. Andrew was in college and a highly intelligent young man. I too have done research on drug addiction and will do everything I can to stop this epidemic. To all of the moms who are feeling this deep deep pain, I pray for all of us to make it through each day.

Nov 08, 2012
Thank you Marti
by: Anonymous

Today was a rough one. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Hoping the same for you and all the other parents.

Nov 08, 2012
To anonymous
by: Marti

I will pray for you too. This is such a very difficult time.

Nov 07, 2012
I'm so sorry Marti
by: Anonymous

I will be praying for you. I can say I understand how you feel. My comment is a few below yours. I lost my 22 year old boy to heroin. He was my only child.

Nov 06, 2012
Sad Mom
by: Marti

I lost my son to a heroin overdose on 9/29/2012. It feels like a very bad dream. He had just graduated from college and was to start a new job three days before he died. Start a new life. My hear is broken.

Oct 30, 2012
Kathy, you are so right
by: Pam

I have done tons of research since my son died of a heroin overdose. I can't count the number of books and articles that stated there isn't a heroin addict out there that didn't start with the likes of oxycontin first. It is my life's mission to do something about prescription opioids like oxycontin...the REAL gateway drug.

Oct 30, 2012
Charles,gone too soon, age 24
by: kathy

When I brought my little redhead home from the hospital little did I know I would only share his life for 24 years,5months and 18 days. Charles was the one who was laid-back and funny and always willing to lend a hand to anyone. He always wanted everyone to smile.The one thing he was so looking foward to was joining the Army. One day when i was at work he called and just told me he signed up, i was a nervous wreck but i knew it was really what he wanted. He ended up going to Kuwait but had to come back state side to have shoulder surgery.While he was med-out he was at Fort Bliss. The Army doesn't let you do to much when you are recouping. I have now found many bottles (empty) of oxincotton. When he finally got home I knew he was using and he did go to rehab to no avail. He finally got a job and was working 2 weeks. I took him to work that day and we were excited cause he was getting his 1st pay check that day. When i came home that nite from work I found him in his room.He died from Herion overdose.the detevices said if you take oxincotton--herion is the next step. WHEN ARE WE GONNA STOP LOSING OUR CHILDREN,PRAYERS TO ALL OF U.

Oct 30, 2012
My only child died of a heroin overdose also
by: Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your story. I also lost my boy (22 years old) to a heroin overdose on Sept 13, 2012.

I found out about his addiction in Dec 2011, but he had been using for over 4 years by that time. I had no idea.

Once I found out, I knew it would kill him if he couldn't stop. The last 10 months of his life were a horrible nightmare and then he died.

I don't know if I can do this sometimes. I wonder how long it will hurt this much. I know that it will change, but right now, that doesn't seem possible.

I feel like an amputee. Part of me is gone forever. He was so precious to me. And now he just gone. I don't feel any sense of him around at all. I miss him terribly.

Oct 25, 2012
herion
by: mom

Fear for my sons life, health, etc

Oct 08, 2012
Lost my daughter 18
by: Anonymous

My daughter had just returned from rehab on January 16 2012... Tis was her fourth time but she was so positive this time... There was a snowstorm and it had to go to work at hospital ... The minute I left she took off... January 21st the chaplain showed up at my house to let me know she had passed away... The worst day of my life... Still cannot fathom how much she meant to me and how I was so oblivious to her!!! Turned out she was at some pediphiles house who shot her up with a lethal dose of morphine???? She trusted everyone! This man killed my daughter and is still walking free!!!! This is the second young girl he has done this to but nobody is tough enough to press charges!!!!! Kids need to realize and not trust people!!! It kills me every day of my life! I would take her place at any moment!!!!

Oct 05, 2012
Miss him
by: Cherie

I lost my son May 17th,2012.He died from a battle he struggled with for years.I thought I did everything I could to save him.But I always feared he would eventually die from this horible heroin addiction he had.I knew he was using again when he added the cocaine to the deadly mixture and the fact that he was avoiding me.Counseling,prison,rehab and his very tight knit family wasn't enough.He's gone and I don't know how to deal with life with one of my children gone.His Birthday is this month and I'm terrified of what memories will help and which one's will hurt.Actually I think they are all going to just hurt.I'm so sorry for all of your losses.I truly feel we are bonded for life in the worse way but I do appreciatea place to say how I feel Thank you,Cherie
In memorance of Robbie Oct.21,1985-May 17,2012

Sep 25, 2012
To so sorry
by: Sharon

Don't ever think because you lost your only son that you life is meaningless. We are all here for a reason, It's only been 45 days since I lost my son and feel like I can't make it. But, after reading all of this stories I can tell you that the lord only takes the best children. Maybe they needed our children more than we did. Please realize that we will see our children again, I am 99% sure of that. But, first we have to complete our lives here to meet with them again. The Lord is now our children's keeper and I'm sure he is doing a great job!
Please stay strong!

Sep 25, 2012
Lost 21 year old son to heroin "WHAT CAN WE DO"?
by: Sharon

What can we do to save the kids and educate the parents about this drug? It cheap to buy and it's everywhere. I can't understand why nothing is being done to stop this. I went to my local police department and they told me if our kids stopped buying it the dealers wouldn't be selling it. I live in Indiana just a few miles from the border of Illinois where my som purchased his heroin. The drug house is two doors away from the police station. We went in to talk to them and they said we would have to find out for sure and set them up. I can't understand why this drug is everywhere and hurting, killing our chidren. My son died just six weeks ago, he was top of his class received the presidents gold award. What happened? I have sent letters to all of the area police departments asking if I can start a program for the kids and parents. Not a single response back! I am so sorry for all of us and life will never be the same without our children, I pray that we can keep all the good memories with us everyday so we can continue our lives and I truly believe we will hold our children in our arms again!!!

Sep 24, 2012
I lost my brother a week ago from Heroin
by: Chris

My brother Gary died on Sunday September 16th at the age of 33. He just turned 33 in August. He was in Wichita at the time of his passing.
Our brother Don tried to get him clean and sober once and for all. He got him a job in Alaska fishing and had gone out 2 times and did well. He was due back out to sea September 27th. All that cash in his wallet really did him in because he was on a binge, probably more than any other time. He blew through 2400 bucks in 9 days flat.
He's been an addict since age 14, but not a heroin mainliner for more than maybe 5-7 years (if that I am guessing). My brothers ashes just got here Saturday. I am absolutely devistated as are his children. He leaves behind 3 babies (14,10 and 5). Such a senseless loss, a waste of human life, a total sadness washes over me. I loved him so much. I can't believe it. He lies in my bedroom, in that little black box with his full name across it (Gary Allen Goodman). I keep looking at that stupid box thinking there is no way he's in there. He didn't mean to die, he just wanted to numb his pain. He tried to get clean many times over the years and never managed to stay clean. He never held a job. He never owned anything, he did a stint in prison for check fraud. He slept around with people for drugs (even guys I hear). His whole life a complete sham! He goes to his grave with nothing under his belt except three grieving children and family members left cold and shattered.

Sep 22, 2012
Death of my daughter.
by: Pamela Palmer Mutino

I am the author of the book: "Swish: mARIA in the Mourning," which chronicles the addiction and death of my daughter from a heroin overdose at 23. The heart-breaking similarity: She was in rehab a YEAR, came home and overdosed 2 weeks later. It will be 7 years and I will never be over it. I dream of her constantly.

Sep 22, 2012
Lost 21 year old son
by: Sharon

I just lost my 21 year old son to heroin on August 11, 2012. He was an honor student very smart. The people he hung with did noy use. It was like his secret. He was not a daily user, just when he felt depressed. He went on Suboxine, stayed in rehab for 30 days went to a drug counslor and meetings. His two brother found him in his room. I will never be the same, I cry all day long. I feel for the parents and kids suffering from the awful adiction.

Sep 21, 2012
Cody Louis McCaulley 4-28-84 + 7-1-2012
by: Anonymous

I too lost my son Cody to a heroine overdose. He was only 28 years old. I am devistated by this epeidemic and trying to bring awareness to our communities.

Sep 18, 2012
Heroin Kills
by: Anonymous

I also just lost my son, Kane Evan, he would have been 24 on Sunday, 09/16/88. He passed away on 08/21/12. I feel all the pain of each comment. I am not sure what or how we will go on without Kane in our life. No parent should have to endure the pain and loss of a child. The pain is incomprehensible. It seems to get worse before it gets better.
I picked him up from rehab on 08/19/12. Kane never had a chance to continue recovery, as the former "friends" were waiting for him. He never had a chance. If your friend or loved one is in recovery, please support their recovery. A real friend would. Do not tempt them with their addictions. The home my son died at, those people were not his friends. His true friends were at the memorial, the ones he died in front of were not.

Sep 07, 2012
Mother of 3 boys now just 2 due to heroin
by: Cynthia of Illinois

I lost my middle son Feb. 22, 2012due to a mix of zanax and heroin. He was the life of all the events! He was the child that never could sit still. Inquisitive and no fear. Diagnosed with ADHD by 7 yrs old and dyslexia by 15 yrs. old. He strugeled with school work but covered up his anxieties and self worth doubt with his charming overt personality! Always quick to notice the next trend in art and fashion as if a 6th sense! Loved a good time and never met a stranger! He always pulled everyone into the action around him. However, a psychologist prescribed Zanax for his underlying anxiety and that was the beginning of the end for him. After going off to college and a girl had him arrested for "rape" -because she said NO in the middle of the act and it took him a self professed minute to stop--he had been arrested and had to withdraw from school. He was so devastated and depressed and embarrassed. Some weeks after that some how was introduced to heroin through smoking in a bong and then began an addiction. Within a month we realized something was not right with him. We got him into rehab. He went willingly. He came out - relapsed and went back in. He left there and went straight to live with is older brother at college and was doing great for the last year and half. Released from probation from the girl incident he came home to get a physical and some dental work done. He too had all his problems behind him and open door to a new life before him! When I went to wake him for his dental appt. that morning he was unresponsive. After calling 911, I kept thinking the paramedics would make him okay! When they told me there was nothing else they could do at my house I kept thinking it might change-but it didn't of course. It has been almost 7 months and some days are numb, some soo sad and I can't get anything done, some I am in tears and don;t even bother putting on make-up for the day! Then I have my Happy Faced Days that I keep about taking care of my family and remembering the beautiful sight it must have been when my son arrived in Jesus's arms and probably said "Wow-this is even a better party than the Bible told me about!" He had accepted Christ as his personal savior and Baptized July 2011! We love you and miss you Reed!!

Aug 23, 2012
Jessica
by: Sheri

I lost my Jessica 2 weeks and 4 days ago, August 5, 2012. She struggled with heroin addiction for 2 years. She got out of jail in May and she had me totally fooled this time. I never saw one indication that she was back on the drug. But now I know I trusted her too soon. I let my guard down. She died just down the hall from me, alone in her room. My husband found her body after we didn't see her for several hours. What a traumatic experience for him.
But this person was not Jessica. She has a college degree and a loving sweet wonderful personality. She was always the life of the room. She made everyone laugh. Her younger sister is absolutely lost without her best friend. I want to know what I can do to reach others to try and make a difference. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Love you Jess. Momma

Aug 08, 2012
I too am sorry
by: Anonymous

I too am sorry for the loss of our children to drugs. I just found out for sure yesterday my wonderful smart sensitive son died as a result of a heroin overdose. I believe he was getting his life together and he denied using such drugs. I guess I so wanted to believe him that I possibly ignored subtle warning signs. We as mothers/parents beat ourselves up when we can't help or "fix" our child. Regardless I am not ashamed of him and will offer no excuse simply because I love him with everything I am and proud of all the accomplishment he did achieve with his life. My son was 27 years young.

Jul 15, 2012
my daughter did not die 4 years age she is in a vegetative state from a heroin over dose and is being kep alive through a feedind tube
by: Anonymous

MY DAUGHTER OVERDOSED 4 YEARS AGO AND IS IN A VEGETATIVE STATE IN AN AIDS NURSING HOME SHE IS BEING KEPT ALIVE BY A FEEDING TUBE. I THINK THIS WORSE THAN DEATH

Jun 30, 2012
Our 24 year old son died of a heroin overdose
by: Katherine

Our 24 year old son Nate (our only child) died of a heroin overdose in 2008. He battled the relentless addiction of heroin after becoming addicted to opiate medication from the severe pain of Lyme disease meningitis. He was in and out of rehab and attended AA support group meetings daily. He finally got cleaned up for close to a year (we thought), started working and we were so relieved we let our guard down. With his first paycheck he went out with old friends and usef heroin again. We found him unresponsive in his bed the next AM. He died at the hospital emergency room and life for us has changed forever. The day we found him was to be the day of our big celebration. We had both started new jobs. The dreams we had for our bright talented son were gone. He lives with God in Heaven now and on the days I cannot cope with the grief, I tell myself he is away at graduate school studying the theology he so badly wanted to with the best teacher there is, his higher power. Heroin has become the
modern day scourge on our children and young adults. The
pain of losing a child does not seem fair or logical to the human mind. Nate and I were very close. We shared many interests, laughed at the same things. We were like two peas in a pod. The pain is so raw and overpowering. I am sorry to hear of the loss of all your children and pray that God gives you the grace to endure and overcome the grief brought on by your tremendous loss. Your sons and daughters are resting in peace. It helps to join a local bereavement support group for parents who have lost children. If you do not find the right one on the first try, try another. It also helps anyone who is suffering tremendously to reach out to others who are suffering. A great website to visit is: http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org. God bless all of you, and although I don't know you, you are in my prayers daily.

Jun 30, 2012
So sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

I have come close more times than i will ever know to losing my daughter to heroin. I feel for you. Thank God she is in a good place getting help now. But the deaths dont stop in our community. So many young people gone forever to this evil drug. And cops powerless it seem to stop it. When will it end?

Jun 25, 2012
My son 22 years old overdosed yet lives
by: Anonymous

I was moved by the comments of those who lost sons to heroine overdose

I got the call and held my dying boy in my arms in th ER 2 weeksago...offered him to God and accepted the outcome... he miraculously survived with no brain damage ... neuro said medical impossibility ...

In treatment now and his therapist said he seems to want the help

I know the terror of the realization that he was dying and could be gone...

I am ever more grateful that he survived in light of the pain that others posted who lost the battle

Please pray for my son Roman and his continued willingness to admit his powerlessness over drugs... Perhaps he will be a message bearer to others ..

I have him another day and cherish that... Grateful for one day at a time but know I don't control the future

May God grant us all the serenity

Phil


Jun 21, 2012
Beverly
by: Pam

Sending you much love. You are so early into this painful journey. Take strength from the rest of us who understand your pain as only those who have lost a child can. We would love to hear more about your darling child, when you are ready. Meanwhile, please try to be good to yourself and put your needs first.

Jun 21, 2012
I lost my 26 yr old son to heroin overdose
by: Deborah in Ohio

Dear Jen,
My heart breaks for you as I know the devastation and heartbreak you are feeling. I lost my only son to a heroin overdose on April 4, 2012. It does not seem possible that I will never hear his voice again, give him a hug or share life with him here on this earth. He struggled with addiction as well as rapid cycling bipolar disorder for the past 8 years and you are right addiction gets progressively worse over time. He had just moved back home a year ago and I was so happy I could keep close watch on him as his mental illness was a constant source of worry. He had tried several prescription meds to stabilize his bipolar disorder with terrible side affects. His drinking got progressively worse the past several years and never in a million years could I have imagined him using heroin. An autopsy was done and it was determined he had little or no experience with heroin and his first experience killed him. This is a devastating story in the news over and over again. The use of heroin and heroin deaths has skyrocked in the past several years. It is cheap and available as never before. I do not think enough is being done to trace the heroin to the dealers who are selling it. My son meant the world to me and his only sibling, my daughter, his sister. She too is heartbroken and we will never be the same. I can only believe that he is in a better place as he suffered with addiction and his brain disorder for the past 8 years. Both of these issues derailed his life, his goals and his ability to stabilize and function fully in life. The stories I am reading here are heartbreaking. Devastating and heartbreaking enough to lose your child or adult child to a car accident or to illness or murder. But this is so unnecessary, more must be done to stop it. May god sustain you and give you the strength to carry on.

Jun 01, 2012
Grief Stricken
by: Beverly

I lost my baby 8 weeks ago. The pain is horrendous as anyone on this site knows. We are left devastated and left trying to go on without our beautiful children who lost their incredible potential to drugs. I am numb. I feel dead. I can't believe it's over. Life is dusty/colorless. I will now read your other pages to see what you say about going on.

May 15, 2012
Your devastating loss
by: Pam

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I also lost my son, my only child, to a heroin overdose last year. My beautiful, straight-A, loving son, gone to the evil demon of drugs at 22. I want to give you a glimmer of hope that with hard work, it gets a little softer. I send my heart to you. Please hang in there.

For the lady who lost her only, please hang in there too. You still have much to give the world. I believe those who have lost the most have the most empathy and the most to offer to the world. We have 2 lives to live for--our own and those of our beloved children. I care.

Jan 02, 2012
I lost my 19yo son in mn also
by: star

I lost my dear son to heroine also. you can hear his story on myfox9. go to investigators and then the story with heroine in it. It is my way of trying to speak out. It has been 2 years for me. It gets more tolerable but life is forever changed. My youngest son his brother is now 19 and also struggling with the death of his brother and I fear for his life. I had to release Ian to a God I trust. But I grieve for him. I don't usually cry in the grocery store as I did in the beginning and there are weeks of emotional controll now. If you ever need anyone to talk to contact me on face book Star Selleck friend me and just say lost son. I wish you peace and love and a hug.

Nov 28, 2011
share your loss
by: Anonymous

I buried my beautiful 21 y/o daughter Kayla 15 1/2 months ago- she was my life and the light of my life.I all to well understand your pain and grief-People at our support group keep telling us it will get better but today at times is worse than it was 15 months ago because the shock has worn off.(kayla died suddenly of an unknown heart condition in our home just before she was to start her senior year of college).There just arent any words to bring you comfort but sometimes knowing that you are not alone helps-my darkest days I remind myself people have lost children for centuries-it helps a little.Not a minute goes by that i dont miss her immensely as im sure you miss your son too-know you dont have to walk this alone-

Nov 27, 2011
Losing my best friend
by: jo

I also feel your pain. I have just lost the love of my life and my best friend for the past 22 years. He was just 44 (turned 45 yesterday) hard hard day. He had his life on track or so i thought had a new job a new house and seemed happy. I thought he had overcome his demons how wrong i was. The grief i feel is overwhelming the sadness unbearable. Too see his mother and sisters and father going through their own agony is cruel at best. My best friend who has always been there for me who has loved me always and unconditionally found dead of an overdose in a park. We shared our lives together all highs and all lows had the type of bond that is unique and i feel so privileged to have had him in my life.
So how do i continue on - the pain is to much at times and i hate to have to go on without him.??
i feel lost and so very sad - if onlys always running through my head, if only he had of called me that night, if only he had of told me what he was back doing....if only if only!!!
Will i ever recover will i feel happy again?
I miss you Paul with all my heart...xx

Nov 19, 2011
Too Soon!!
by: Christine

I am so sorry for your loss!! I know exactly what you are feeling, my son died in June 2011. He was the light of my life! He was just getting the things he'd hoped for, a house, happiness, he died of a pulmonary embolism. He was only 36yrs old. It's been 6months and it is getting harder instead of easier! I guess UR numb for awhile and then the reality sets in! I met a girl at the Dr.'s office yesterday who lost her sister a year ago near Christmas. I felt sooo bad for her. She's not doing very well at all with her grief. I pray for God to help ease her pain. I hope I helped her a little. We talked for awhile and it helped me to talk to her. I lost both my parents, a brother to cancer and a brother who was murdered, but as hard as they were, it's not anywhere near the pain I feel now!! It's so "Un-natural" and I always thought I'd have him in my life! God Bless all of you and I'm so thankful for this site!!

Nov 18, 2011
I know
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss. My 28 yr old son died of a accidental prescription drug overdose. He was on pain medication for a accident he was in. I know that just like your son, he did not realize that having one extra drink or taking one extra pill was going to result in his death. The way he died will always bother me even though I believe its the will of GOD and that its part of his plan. I just understand how they have to die so young - maybe we are not suppose to . It sounds like your son was a wonderful young man - and drug addiction is a terrible epidemic in this country - which enough is not being done about. I pray that you find peace in the memories of your son and how much he loved you. Come back here often - we all understand.

Nov 18, 2011
Lost a Hero to Heroin
by: TrishJ

Jen~
I can't even pretend to know your pain. I've never lost a child (thank God). I lost my husband almost one year ago and the pain is still a hard thing to deal with.
How handsome your son looked in his military uniform. Drugs are such an ugly thing and unless we are involved with them we have no understanding of why they are used. When my brother-in-law's sister died this past June from a Vicodin overdose several cruel people said, "Well....she did it to herself. How can anyone even feel sorry for her?"
What about all the pain and torment she was going through to cause her to abuse the drug like she did? I'm sure your son had reasons for his drug use that probably only a mother could understand.
I hope nobody around him is blaming themselves for anything. He wouldn't want that. Treasure your beautiful memories. He is at peace. The problem is those of us who are left behind are not.
Grief overtakes our lives and consumes us. It does get better eventually.....but unfortunately we have to live through every day of the pain.
God's blessings to you. I hope peace finds you soon. One day at a time.

Nov 17, 2011
So Sorry
by: Anonymous

I too lost my son, but he is my only child, 20 years old. i don't have other children to get better for the sake of. I see no reason for being now as my son was my life. There is no other love like the love of a mom and son! It is totally unconditional. Mine was taken in a vehicle crash.
I am so sorry, I do feel your pain.

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