I lost my beautiful sister to suicide 12 weeks ago today
(QLD, Australia )
My sister was my best friend. We were always on the phone, visiting each other and planning things to do together. Apart from her horrible marriage everything else in her life was fine. She had 5 wonderful children, she had a good relationship with her parents and our other sister, she had lots of friends.
She had been married for 10 yrs but 3 years ago she found out that he had been texting another "women" (if you could call her that - he was 31 and she was 19). She found his phone bill and seen he had been calling and texting the same number up to 100 times a day. She confronted both her husband and the other "women" they denied anything had happened apart from the texting and my sister being such the beautiful soul she is, believed them.
BUT what we found out later was her husband continued the affair and when it all finally came out 3 years later it was confirmed that there relationship was sexual and they seen each other on a regular basis for another 2 and a half years after the texting came out. The whole truth came out in May 2012. She was extremely upset and hurt with what she found out.
She learned that he was having the affair while she was pregnant with their last child. After it all came out the "other" women taunted her. Telling her pacific dates and events that had happened between herself and my sisters husband. Telling her that he was with her the day before Father's Day, she had seem him the day before xmas, she had seen him the day before they left for a family holiday - on that trip my sister and her family had got all these beautiful pictures taken together (they never meant the same after she found out he had been with her days before they were taken), sending her private pictures that her husband had sent her. This went on for well over 10 mths and as you could imagine it had caused my sister enormous stress in her life. She had started taking anti-depression tablets and sleeping tablets to help her sleep.
I knew about the texts but when she found out the whole truth in the May she didn't tell me for 6 mths after. She said she didn't want me to hate her husband for what he did because she wasn't leaving him. For some bizarre reason she wanted to work things out. When I found out I was utterly disgusted. How dare he do this to my sister. I couldn't understand why she wanted to stay with him after everything she knew he had done. It saddens me cause I know that in her last 13mths of life she was so sad, mad, angry, felt betrayed, exhausted, tired and she told me she felt hopeless. What he did to her wasn't fair. She was 100% committed to their marriage and their children. He was a control freak too. The last time we went out together for "girls night" was in January this year and he ruined the night but constantly ringing her, ringing her, ringing her, ringing her. He was non stop all night. She turned off her phone and he started calling our friends phone. It saddens me now cause I used to find myself not inviting my sister to events cause I didn't want to see her husband.
The one year anniversary was coming up in the May and I knew that this was causing her much grief and sadness. My sister had told me she was sick of being sad and if she was going to stay with her husband she needed to try move past all this anger and pain. She decided to meet with the "other women" and talk things through. The talk went good and my sister said that she was really trying to be more positive about life and move past the affair. She didn't want anymore contact with the "other women" and from what I could see she was doing much better. The one year anniversary came and went. In the month of May I had many happy moments with my sister. We celebrated my birthday together, mothers day and I had gone around to her house a few times. The mth of June we had dinner plans with some of our closest friends - that was on Saturday night. She seemed fine, we had a great night, everyone was laughing and we all enjoyed a few drinks together. I'm lucky enough to have a beautiful picture of ourselves from that night. What I didn't know was that was to be our last picture together. Ever. We spoke the next day on the phone, we texted each other Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. The last thing she wrote to me was Love you baby sister. I remember seeing that and thinking Awww she's so lovely and I instantly wrote back "love you too big sis" my day went on like normal and then at 8:44pm I got the text that would change my life forever. My sister hung herself. No note. No nothing. She did it while her husband was out picking up one of their children.
It's been 12 weeks today since this nightmare begun. I still can't believe this is real. I blame my brother in law for causing my sister such sadness and pain that I believe ultimately caused her to make this final decision. I'm angry at him because now my sister won't be able to watch her kids grow up, she won't be able to see them get married and have children of their own, to have the privileged of being a grandmother. I'm angry that my dad has to visit a grave yard on Father's Day now, I'm angry that my sister won't be next to me when I get married. Everything to do with loosing my sister is just so unfair.
I don't know how to go on. Nothing is the same anymore. I've never lost anyone so close to me. She was my best friend. Everything feels like it's falling apart. I miss my sister so much. But nothing we do or say will bring her back.
I love you forever and ever my beautiful big sister Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox