I lost my beloved husband on the 30th July 2013

by Sharon Black
(United Kingdom Scotland)

My husband was taken into hospital with a broken pelvis due to falling of a ladder 2 days later they moved him to an other hospital due to them saying they could operate and he would be on his feet quicker. Due to the trauma my husbands bowel wasn't working so they said they couldn't operate until his bowel started working again. On the afternoon of the 30th I told a nurse my husbands left leg was very hard he told me it was due to Ian's injury I replied his leg wasn't hard yesterday. I also told the nurse my husbands chest and left arm was tingling with pins and needles. The nurse was taking my husbands obs every hour and told me and my husbands parents my husband was stable when we left at 4.10pm or we would have never left him. After arriving at the train station I received a phone call from said nurse asking us to return as my husband had taken unwell when we returned I was told my husband had died. We had to wait a week for a postmortem to be carried out and the results were pulmonary embolism Nd deep vein thrombosis. Why was my husband not checked for this after I gave the nurse all the symptoms. My husband was only 52 years old and I have been left a widow at 51 after 33 years of marriage. Am I wrong in thinking my husbands death could have been prevented and caused by neglect I need some answers.

Comments for I lost my beloved husband on the 30th July 2013

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Aug 27, 2013
My heart feels your pain...
by: Lynne

OH MY dear dear friend in pain...I also know what you are feeling, my Precious One and Only passed on July 2 2013 after severeal months of Drs.(argh!!)..they just could not find anything wrong...He was finally diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic cancer after 8 months of pain...I am still trying to get over tha anger of that whoe thing. but, others have being a widow is the hardest thing they have ever done, they are right,,IT IS !!!
But, I am beginning to feel something other than pain, I just wanted to encourage you to find that thing that helps you get through the day...I don't know what that would be, because I haven't found it yet either, but, try....I will Pray for you ...

Aug 20, 2013
I lost my wife same day also to a PE
by: Dan

Dear Sharon,

my wife of 26 years (30 years living together) passed away the same day (July 30, 2013) also to what seemed to be a PE. She was only 50 years old. My wife was diagnosed three weeks earlier with malignancy but we were very optimistic. When her saturation levels dropped the doctors suspected PE and did two CTs and checked her legs with a Doppler for DVT. None, found the PE. on July 30 she passed and I am totally devastated. Our doctors suggested an immediate postmortem but I saw no benefit in that. Nothing will bring our loved ones back and nonetheless we are going to have to deal with our own crushed feelings.

Aug 19, 2013
I lost my beloved husband on 30th July 2013
by: silver

Being a widow(or widower)is the hardest job on the planet.I know because I'm one.My love of 33 yrs died in May 2011.I feel so strongly for you.I pray for you.My faith in GOD and this site have helped me so much.I know my love waits for me.GOD send you strength and peace to help you through the grieving process.It's hard but you can make it.I don't have a magical tool to help but I send you hugs to help on the bad days.

Aug 16, 2013
The unknowing
by: Kristin

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my boyfriend on July 21st and his death is still under investigation. It is difficult not knowing what happened to him, but I am trying to find comfort in not knowing. Sometimes we will never get the answers. And sometimes, not knowing the answer is better. It will not change what has been done, as many times as I have thought this over in my head, the outcome is still the same. Please try to find peace in not knowing the answer, and focus on the fact that your husband is at peace now, in no more pain. I will keep you in my prayers.

Aug 14, 2013
I am sorry
by: Anonymous


I am so sorry for your loss. Words cannot express the grief that you feel. I lost my wife in 89 and she died after 18 days hooked up to the life support system. I was left with a 5 and 11 yr old daughters. I do not know how you feel, but I do know I wanted to die. I am so sorry. I am holding and hugging you right now. I am sorry.

Aug 14, 2013
My prayers are with you.
by: charlotte, Thunder Bay, ON.

Dear Sharon. I am so sorry for your loss. I also feel your pain. My mom died January 6, 2013. To date we still have not spoken with doctors, and my mom died alone, shortly after being admitted, There is no excuse that your concerns were not heard, We did not have a post mortem because her death was not reported as mandated by law, Please do not give up.. You deserve answers. Your husband was young, my mom was 80. Contact a lawyer, trust your feelings, I wish you well, as you try to comprehend the whys and what ifs. I know my life will never be the same, I knew my mom was not hooked to a heart monitor, and my nightmare, is that I should have fought harder to ensure she had one. Doctors get it wrong, nurses do not listen, simple tests are not done that save lives. A simple test may have alerted to the embolism, so please, for the sake of others, and for your beloved husband, pick up the phone, and contact a lawyer for wrongful death. I will pray for you and ask God to give you the strength to carry on. May the angels walk beside you. Take care of you.., Charlotte.

Aug 14, 2013
I understand
by: Concerned

Dear Sharon, Please accept my condolences.

Your husband has been the victim of medical negigence. When there are warning signs and medical staff do not listen this is appalling.

I have lost my mother who when in hospital her observations were fine - and yet had contracted a deadly bug from the ward. No one listened when I said she was not her usual self - until it was too late.

My brother had a deep vein thrombosis at thirty and has been left disabled because medical staff did not monitor his condition properly.

Please never fall into the trap that I did of blaming yourself. You alerted medical staff and you were reassured. That is all we can do at these worrying times.
I would urge you when you feel stronger to get some good legal advice and to complain to the hospital. After such a tragedy there needs to be an urgent inquiry.

Care givers should have listened to your grave concerns - That is there job to ensure the safety of our loved ones when they are alerted to these worrying symptoms. Thinking of you. X.

Aug 14, 2013
I lost my beloved husband on the 30th July 2013
by: Doreen U.K.

Sharon I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved husband (on my birthday). I had such a lovely day of gifts and flowers and 9 balloons and got to thinking that this won't be a good day for many people. I lost my husband 15 months ago to cancer and this is such a horrendous journey. I was born in Scotland and so know that the Scots are such a close knit community I hope that they are supporting you through your loss. I now live in England.
Sad to say the world is changing so fast that neglect in the medical profession is becoming more and more a reality. Because the nurse didn't follow up on your statements of your husband's hard leg and other symptoms tells me that something more was going on that they didn't tell you about. I am finding out that the medical personal do not disclose everything that is going on. We were asked if we wanted to know how bad things were for my husband but we didn't want to know. Other family members asked and were given the information and I was angry about this. So then relatives started coming over in droves and I find out that my husband only had a week to live. I didn't want to know, but I still felt angry. It forces me think now would I have handled things differently? It is too late now for questions and there are many because my husband was neglected. He was left for 18 months without the Macmillan Care. The doctor jumped out of his seat when he asked us what support we had and we said NONE. But things didn't change much and I found out later it was due to lack of funding. I phoned the out of hours doctors as my husband had priority. This service took too long to respond and my husband had to endure so much pain. One good doctor responded telling me this is disgusting and wrote an urgent email to our GP to basically tell him to get his fingers out and get this patient the pain medication he needed. But still the macmillan nurse dictated this and so it was given too late. They waited 3hours till their clinic finished before coming out to give my husband the pain medication he needed. I held his limp body and cried. I feel so angry still he suffered pain he didn't need to. I have no energy or fight in me to take this further. I am disgusted with our medical services now in the U.K. My husband was 65yrs. and missed out on his retirement. He worked such long hours 6 days a week for 47yrs. and the government took back half of his pension leaving me with the bare minimum to live on. So much to get angry about which adds to one's grief. I know how you feel. There will always be injustice but after death there are so many questions we need answering otherwise we are left holding a lot of anger. But I don't feel confident we would get the answers we need all the time. I hope that you will be comforted by friends and family and that you will find a way to get your needs met and good support in your grief.

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