I lost my best friend and the love of my life

I was blessed a year ago with finding a man that I was truly compatible with and who quickly became my best friend and lover. I had been single for two years after my marriage ended and was ready to date again. The man I fell in love with was only two months out from his divorce.

We started out having fun lots of fun, laughing, listening to music, getting to know each other and quickly fell into a routine of talking and texting every day.

We cooked together, worked out together, watched movies, went outdoors, rode bikes, we even attended mass together as we are both catholic. He was even there for me when I crossed the finish line at my first half marathon. No one before had ever been there for me like that!

I had the best birthday of my life and spending Christmas and New Years together was amazing. We never fought or said unkind words to each other at all. He showed me a respect that no one else ever had and we both felt alive again after coming out of bad marriages.

Then in July I could sense a change in him. He seemed distant and mentioned needing space, needing time to be alone to figure things out.

Finally this past September he told me he couldn't be my boyfriend anymore and that he loved and cared for me and was so sorry but he just hadn't healed from his divorce. He loved me but wasn't able to be in love with me or in a relationship like I was with him.

The crazy thing is that I understand completely but the pain and heartbreak of losing my best friend is unbearable. I fell in love with not only him but his girls and his sister and family and friends.

We talked and had closure, but I hold no hope that he will ever come back to me. I would lay down and give my life if I thought he could do this. He told me that I had done so much to help him over the year and that he hoped after time we could be friends again. I want that too, but it will be a while down the road. He did so much for me too.

I am really mad at the injustice I feel with God bringing such an amazing man into my life then taking him away. I know that God didn't really do this and has a plan for me but right now it doesn't help.

I am paralyzed each day. I don't know how to start it as we always talked in the morning and at night.

I wish it was months down the road and I was better but it isn't. Right now I feel like the odd man out again with no companion. I have lost my best friend in the world, the person that understood me and loved me unconditionally. I just don't know how to move forward.

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Sep 06, 2014
I know
by: Anonymous

It's been 9 years and it's not better. Yes I am with someone unhappy though I keep saying God has a plan. We were together for 2 years of happiness and he use to text me until the 2 years. We split not wanting to. I wonder if he thinks of me. My girls still remember how he made me laugh and all the little things he did mattered the most. It hurts it's not better

Jun 12, 2013
Joined in grief
by: Anonymous

I don't know you, but I wish I could sit and cry with someone who can understand my pain.

We are in our 40s. After 9 years of friendship and 3 years of best friendship/dating and a year of being in business together, my partners just ended our romantic relationship because he still has work to do on himself. I understand his need completely and love him enough to digest and respect him facing his inner voice. Understanding why he needs to follow his heart isn't the problem--letting go of the love and friendship is.

He didn't give me the chance for "a break"--it was only "I'll hurt you". He's been so hurt before and he won't allow himself to get close by his own admission. I just don't know how to live every day with the knowledge that the man I have loved most in the world is gone from every loving facet of my life, but I still have to see him everyday. I asked about the friendship and the business to try to understand his point of view, but the answers very fearful and vague. I need answers. Where do we go from here?

I can't keep hope alive. I'm emotionally secure and otherwise stable. But this heartbreak is of the worst breed. My days, my night, my hopes and dreams have all evaporated and I have a daily reminder of what I've lost. I'm frozen. I want to resign, but I know that's not a loving behavior. I want to be cold and withdrawn but that's not who I am. I don't know what to do.

May 06, 2013
by: Anonymous

i am going through same thing, mine is not married, i love him, we were very close all of a sudden he change he stop talking to me,i dunno why.i feel my world falling apart.

Mar 25, 2013
You are not alone
by: Anonymous

I too went am going through this experience so no one here is alone. I met a man who had not had sufficient time to heal from a divorce and he quickly became my adoring best friend and soul mate on every level, and I had not had this connection in years. We could talk for 5 hours straight about metaphysical or intellectual matters and lose track of time, and we had perfect physical chemistry that I had not experienced in a decade. I gave him love boundlessly. I have gone from feeling like the luckiest woman ever born to deep despair, realizing there is nothing I can do. The hardest part is that he hopes to keep me waiting for his recovery because our connection was real. I know he is sincere in that sentiment, but at the same time, must move on. Waiting in vain is simply too destructive. I think the lesson is to be very careful when dealing with a divorced person, no matter how wonderful they are. I want you all to know that we must believe in the healing power of time and not lose faith in love. I wish everyone the best here as I am going through this as well. Thank you for posting your stories.

Oct 16, 2012
I share this pain
by: Anonymous

Oh...I'm reading this and starting to cry because I'm reading my life at this moment. I waited 10 years after my marriage and found the love of my life and he too has done exactly what you have said. He wasnt out of his relationship long enough and has pushed me away. I know this man is my soulmate and I have lost him and feel so alone. I can make it through the day because I have work and friends but evening and nights and weekends are unbearable.

May 29, 2012
by: Anonymous

I am going through the same thing but I also feel that eventually they will realize what they had and they will be back. It is hard to find someone that we have that good connection with. Give him some space and have faith and trust me he will be back but it will take some time. Some times it will take 6 months but only you know if what you had was good. By the sounds of it, it looks like it was not a bad break. Just have faith!

Feb 17, 2012
Your story
by: Miriam

I just read your story, and I want you to know that I am very sad for you. I know how it feels when the tears seem endless and every day is a struggle. Please know that I feel for you and now is the time to lie low with your sorrow. Take care of yourself and be extra kind to yourself during this bitter time. Don't rush yourself into anything. Just take time to care for you and you only. Cultivate new friendships and connections that are "safe" and don't involve romance. Love takes many forms, and there will be time again for you to find love again. In the meantime, keep praying and find solace in your faith. I just posted my story. I don't think it's on here yet. I cried for two years straight after losing the love of my life. I am better now, but I won't forget the pain and the feeling that no one understood me. I hope you can find comfort during this time. You sound like a lovely, caring person. Keep sending out that lovely spirit, and in time you will heal. Feel free to write back if you'd like. Blessings to you! :)

Oct 27, 2010
I feel for you
by: Anonymous

Awww...you are so lucky to have had someone in your life treat you this way. Your relationship with him sounded so good. I know how you feel about God bringing him into your life then taking him out, but then realizing this wasn't God, but your boyfriend's decision.

I wish I could help the pain. I know it's hard to start your day when you always text or called. I'm so sorry. I hope people are right when they same time will heal the wound, but I hope it is not time that heals yours...I hope you find happiness again. I feel for you.

Sep 27, 2010
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your words of kindness. I know that I will heal and love again but right now it seems like a lifetime away. May God bless you with happiness and joy yourself.

Sep 26, 2010
by: Jack

I wish I had some words of wisdom to share with you, but I don't. I hope and pray that you will find your way in life and learn to love and appreciate yourself..find happiness within yourself, so to speak. I'm not minimizing your loss at all; I hope you understand that. I know you're going through an unbelievable heartache, and I truly hope it becomes bearable soon.

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