I lost my best friend and the love of my life

I was blessed a year ago with finding a man that I was truly compatible with and who quickly became my best friend and lover. I had been single for two years after my marriage ended and was ready to date again. The man I fell in love with was only two months out from his divorce.
We started out having fun lots of fun, laughing, listening to music, getting to know each other and quickly fell into a routine of talking and texting every day.

We cooked together, worked out together, watched movies, went outdoors, rode bikes, we even attended mass together as we are both catholic. He was even there for me when I crossed the finish line at my first half marathon. No one before had ever been there for me like that!

I had the best birthday of my life and spending Christmas and New Years together was amazing. We never fought or said unkind words to each other at all. He showed me a respect that no one else ever had and we both felt alive again after coming out of bad marriages.

Then in July I could sense a change in him. He seemed distant and mentioned needing space, needing time to be alone to figure things out.

Finally this past September he told me he couldn't be my boyfriend anymore and that he loved and cared for me and was so sorry but he just hadn't healed from his divorce. He loved me but wasn't able to be in love with me or in a relationship like I was with him.


The crazy thing is that I understand completely but the pain and heartbreak of losing my best friend is unbearable. I fell in love with not only him but his girls and his sister and family and friends.

We talked and had closure, but I hold no hope that he will ever come back to me. I would lay down and give my life if I thought he could do this. He told me that I had done so much to help him over the year and that he hoped after time we could be friends again. I want that too, but it will be a while down the road. He did so much for me too.

I am really mad at the injustice I feel with God bringing such an amazing man into my life then taking him away. I know that God didn't really do this and has a plan for me but right now it doesn't help.

I am paralyzed each day. I don't know how to start it as we always talked in the morning and at night.

I wish it was months down the road and I was better but it isn't. Right now I feel like the odd man out again with no companion. I have lost my best friend in the world, the person that understood me and loved me unconditionally. I just don't know how to move forward.