I lost my Big brother my closest Friend my biggest Fan

by Anonomous
(No where)

2010 i lost my brother
ever since his been gone things dont feel the same the world seems like a diffrent place
i have no fun, yes i smile but its just for show, inside im dying.
i dont know what to do anymore its been 2 years and still nothing has changed, the pain is still here and even stronger, the only thing that keeps me still going is i know his in a good place and his happy now and normal. i just want to make him happy and proud
i been abusing drugs, but stopped it for a while because i know he wont be happy about that, but i want to go back to it every time
i think about him not being here. he was the closest thing to me, i just feel lonley in this cold World but Fu-- It i guess there is nothing i can do to change what happened i just want things to be like the way it was for me. thats all i ask for

, See You Soon

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Mar 13, 2012
Me too
by: Lee

Lost my sister March 6 after I took her to urgent care. She was having trouble breathing. I thought she just needed some antibiotics after a bout with the flu. At urgent care, doctor said she was 'code c', and she was immediately taken to emergency room and had breathing tube inserted. She passed away that night. They she had heart failure from the stress of the breathing tube. They asked me at urgent care why I had waited so long to bring her in. Woke up to commit suicide a few days ago, was 'fortunate' enough to speak with suicide prevention counselor. Stumbled onto this website and responded to people just like me--people who are wondering how you can live with such overwhelming pain, guilt and depression. Seeing doctor tomorrow; I am going to make the effort to get past the feeling of just not wanting to be here.
Like you, I am doing things she would not approve of. Although I have never done hard drugs, I bought cigarettes for the first time in 20 years.
Please hang in there. I will try to do the same. My e-mail is awesomeladylee@yahoo.com.

Mar 02, 2012
do not give up
by: sendy

Dear friend
It is very hard to loose a brother, it is part of you, sometimes your best friend. We can not control what happens,as we can not change past events and maybe there was nothing you could do to prevent your brother form dying. Now you can do plenty now to honor him and realize that not taking care of yourself will not change anything. I'm sure that the last thing he would have liked for you to do is to hurt yourself, find help go to someone that can help you, a Rabbi, preacher, pastor, counselor, psychologist. Find a new hobby find a reason and a way to honor your brother. Find someone who needs love and attention like becoming a big brother to someone that needs someone to look up to. Do not give up. Our turn will come, but we must be patient and do all we can to move forward and learn to thank God for the opportunity to have have had a n awsome brother like yours. when Iost my son I too wanted to die, but I learned there were others looking after me and there were still reasons to go on. I learned to Thank GOD every day for allowing me to have him as a son. In his name I have a beautiful garden, when I am sad I plant flowers and dedicate them to him. The garden has served as a meditation place for many. He is not here but I continue to honor him by doing the best I can e/day of my life. I pray that you will try to get help and will not give up, life is beautiful even when we go through difficult times. I wish could some how communicate with you. please take care of yourself

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