I lost my brother in 27 days. I miss him so much, it hurts!!!

by Nancy
(Alexandria, VA)

I flew home from work on April 5th, all to learn that his phone call to me earlier in the day while I was in a meeting was that he had called from the ER. When I got home and realized this, I raced to the hospital. His speech was slurred. I thought that he must have had a stroke, but he's only 43? It was midnight by the time that I got to him and he was trying to calm me down, reassuring that he was fine and that this was a reaction to some medication that he was recently put on for blood pressure. By the Monday after Easter, he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. By Tuesday, I got to hold his head during the bone marrow extraction process; learning it was in his bone marrow. My parents would go back to my place at night to sleep - or try to, as I barely left my brother's side. I would go for days without leaving to shower and such. When I left, dad would call me and say that he is asking for me. I loved our mornings where we had a drill with knowing who was coming to visit by 5am each morning, as I would go and get my coffee and wake up with him watching tv, until we both conked out again by 8am.
He just was getting worse and worse each day. He suffered through two slight cardiac arrest situations, but the last was on May 1st, 2012. My mom, dad, and I had to experience the horror of watching my brother having a code called on him, the entire ICU staff pounding away on him, his legs falling off the bed...he passed.
It's been since May and I tried to continue on with work, even moving home to work locally on a new contract, but I feel like these memories are lingering in my head so vividly, that I have complete break-downs yet. Work has suggested time off for a few months. Now I feel like a loser...but at the same time, these anti-depressant meds aren't working and I can't believe he's not a phone call away. God blessed me with at least 27 last days with him, as I realize that was a blessing...some folks find out that their loved ones pass in car accidents or in war and such. I don't know what's worse, though. I was so close to him, I feel like half of my soul has been sucked from me.

Saddness. :(

Comments for I lost my brother in 27 days. I miss him so much, it hurts!!!

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Jan 22, 2013
Lost Brother
by: Pat

Dear Nancy,

I am so sorry for all you have been through. I hear your pain. I lost my brother in May, 2011. Three weeks later, my father passed. Three more months and my fiancee passed. My brother and I were also very close, but I could not be there, when he died because he lived 100's of miles away from me. He was only sick for 4 days and passed. I had a very similar experience to yours with my fiancee. I was walking into the hospital to visit him 1 day, when I heard a code blue. Doctors and nurses were running everywhere to help the patient. It was my guy. I nearly fell apart. He had already been through so much. I had been there, when he had had another heart attack a few weeks before. They put back on the ventilator. He got better and eventually left the hospital for rehab to help rebuild his strength. He could never stand more than 45 seconds. He died 9 days later. I don't know who I miss more: my brother, father, or fiancee, but I do know that actually being with my fiancee throughout his illness of 10 weeks was very tough. I least I did not have to watch that with my brother and father. I do know all 3 of them are in a much better place, right there with your brother in Heaven. We miss their physical presence, but their spirits are still with us. They keep telling me it will get easier. When????? I wish you well, Nancy. Let me know how you are doing.

Jan 22, 2013
Time Off Helps
by: Anonymous

I lost the love of my life in a sudden, tragic accident around the time you lost your brother. My life came to a complete stand-still. I could barely function and, most days, just sat there literally whimpering. That was the stage for me that was worse than crying my eyes out. It was complete and utter defeat. Shock. I did end up taking a "time out" from life. I will tell you that, if I hadn't, I wouldn't be able to function like I am today. Of course, I'm not over it! I will never be over it! But, I can get out of bed, make a meal, do laundry, take care of my little ones. If you are able to take the time off to grieve, I hope you will. My time consisted of crying and endless amounts of praying. Then, there was the Christian programming. Hours upon hours. It was handing the situation over to God entirely and saying, "God, I can't do this. I'm giving it to You to deal with." And, He did. He gently helped me get back on my feet and start functioning. I still have tremendous sorrow, but I am able to compartmentalize it now so that I can make it through the day. Every now and then, it catches up to me and sometimes in a horrible way. But it is not every moment of every day like it was in the beginning. Hang in there! I trust that God will guide you in your decision-making.

Jan 21, 2013
I lost my brother in 27 days. I miss him so much, it hurts!!!
by: Doreen U.K.

Nancy I am sorry for your loss of brother. You will feel so very unhappy and lost for some time. Life is so very difficult when you lose someone close. I lost my husband to cancer 8 months ago and I nursed him over 3yrs. He struggled with the disease and was very ill throughout the whole of his cancer. You say you feel blessed having had your brother with you for 27days, whereas some people lose their loved one's in a car crash or quickly. I had my husband for over 3yrs. but he had no quality of life and was suffering and I find it difficult deciding if it would have been better for my husband to have passed away before the 3yrs. His cancer made him so unhappy that he wondered why he didn't die sooner. It hurts so much to go through this suffering for the one who is ill and prolonged pain for the one left and observing it all. I feel so lost now. To be with someone for 44yrs. and then for them to die feels that life is not worth living. But we have no Choice in this. I know how you feel. This pain of loss is like nothing you can compare it to. You just soldier on. I feel my grief more whilst reading your story. I hope that in the days to come you will start the healing process and not feel your loss or pain so much.

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