I Lost my Brother in a car Accident/ Full of Regrets

by V LS
(Alabama)

I loved my big brother. We didn't always agree but I miss the arguments. He was taken away from us in Sept. 2006 while on his way to work, when a teenager fell asleep at the wheel veered over across the highway in his lane and hit him head on ejecting him from his car and throwing him on a highway in AZ.
We'd lost our father in '01 and hadn't spoken since.

I miss him and have regrets that I didn't reach out to him and mend our relationship. There was a lot of pain and anger in me about our father dying and him not being there but, I thought he would come around and apologize.
I expected that after all, he was the eldest. I now feel sadness because of all the 5 yrs I wasted waiting when I could have called him. It was all so sudden and I became enraged about the accident. Why he too, had to leave. So much left unsaid, undone. No more fun times between us or jokes played on me. My daughter lost her uncle whom she loved dearly.
Time is so precious and our family is so important. I have no one now and it hurts. I miss you John and wish that I had one more time to say I love you and forgive you. We'll be all right. Loving you always Chibbie's Mom.

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Mar 22, 2013
I Lost my Brother in a car Accident/Full of Regrets
by: Doreen U.K.

V LS I am sorry for your loss of your brother in a sudden accident. Your sadness and regrets are all too familiar with many of us. We all have them. There is a difficulty in families that when someone dies the family can fracture in ways that is hard to come back from. Communication dries up and families drift apart and find it hard to re-establish relationships.
You may benefit from seeing a grief counsellor so as to get beyond these last 5 yrs. This gap will be huge and needs to be dealt with. Most of grief work is actually grieving our losses of all kinds. It does work and many of us go on to live happier and more productive lives. Your experience should be a lesson to all of us to try and mend our relationships so that we don't have to live with the regrets. Counselling is especially good for dealing with our regrets and having the space to try and resolve these even if our loved ones are not here with us we can still resolve these with the help of a counsellor.
We are a family who find it hard to also resolve our difficulties. PRIDE plays a strong part in this, but melts when someone dies. It doesn't become an issue. It was only after my husband of 44yrs. died 10 months ago from cancer that we all came together as a family and whatever caused the rift didn't really matter. We don't have ALL THE TIME WE WANT TO LIVE. Any of us can lose a loved one at any time and it would be good if we could try and resolve our difficulties whilst we have the time to do this.

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