I lost my brother, my best friend.
by Sasha Kanshaw
(Haledon NJ USA)
May 19, 2012. I received a phone call from my cousin Nancy. She was screaming over and over that my brother was dead. The earth fell from underneath me. I didn't believe her, so I started calling him over and over and over- until my phone was physically removed from me.
The next several weeks were a blur. I was mad at the world. Looking back now, I started to isolate myself away from my family and friends- my life.
Al and I were the best of friends. He's a year older than me and he nicknamed me 'Fancy'. He would always tell me how proud he is of me. Every single call anyways ended with 'I love you'. I take Magnum his GSD that I've adopted, with me so I can visit with my brother, and Magnum to see his daddy.
I haven't dreamt of him since his passing. I don't feel him around me. My cousin Nancy see him often in her dreams and they talk. I don't know why he won't come to me. I just want to hear his voice. I want him to tell me how to re- engage back into my life. I want him to come to my dreams so I know he's okay and he's happy.
I don't understand death. - it's not fair to take from me the only person who I relied on when it came to any decisions with my personal life, career, my new haircut.
I just wish I knew.